Re: Just how delusional do BPD mom's get?

[Guest guest]

Ick, ick, ICK. This is so sick. How could that little girl have a normal

concept of what " Dad " is, with this as her example? And fathers are so

important to daughters - to develop self-esteem and learn what it's like to be

treated with love and respect by men.

>

> Hello All-

>

> Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD

mom () insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days

be called " dad " .

>

> Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of

these guys was the 's biological father.

>

> WTF?

>

> When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into

rages.

>

> Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

>

> Letty

>

[Guest guest]

Well, that is really crazy-making behavior!!

My mother never told me that my father was not my sister's biological father. I

overheard it in conversation when I was about 14. She made all kinds of crazy

claims that my sister's birth father tried to murder her. When she died, my dad

revealed that my mother had never divorced her first husband and their

'marriage' was never legal.

Just how delusional do BPD mom's get?

Hello All-

Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD mom

() insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days be

called " dad " .

Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of these

guys was the 's biological father.

WTF?

When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into rages.

Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

Letty

[Guest guest]

They can get nuttier than a fruit cake.

My mother beleived when I was 11 that I was out to get her " boyfriend " (who was

in his 40s and had bad oral and physical hygeine, not to mention that he was a

complete loser) and that I was seducing him and wanted to knock her off for the

insurance $$

She tried to kill me one night because she thought she saw me with my nightgown

over my head shaking my booty.

She beleived that our dog was posessed by the devil (I loved that dog) and had

him put down.

She thought my father was cheating on her and tried to frame him for attempted

murder by firing his service revolver through my bedroom window.

She beleived, even after my stepfather finally left her that he was trying to

kill her from 4 provinces away.

She tried to tell me that my husband was cheating on me, and he came to confide

in her one night and hit on her while he was away on course. *facepalm*

They create their own reality.

>

> Hello All-

>

> Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD

mom () insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days

be called " dad " .

>

> Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of

these guys was the 's biological father.

>

> WTF?

>

> When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into

rages.

>

> Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

>

> Letty

>

[Guest guest]

OMG Elora J, I'm so sorry. This sounds worse than BPD - or maybe BPD at its

worst. Prison sentence.

>

>

> They can get nuttier than a fruit cake.

>

> My mother beleived when I was 11 that I was out to get her " boyfriend " (who

> was in his 40s and had bad oral and physical hygeine, not to mention that he

> was a complete loser) and that I was seducing him and wanted to knock her

> off for the insurance $$

>

> She tried to kill me one night because she thought she saw me with my

> nightgown over my head shaking my booty.

>

> She beleived that our dog was posessed by the devil (I loved that dog) and

> had him put down.

>

> She thought my father was cheating on her and tried to frame him for

> attempted murder by firing his service revolver through my bedroom window.

>

> She beleived, even after my stepfather finally left her that he was trying

> to kill her from 4 provinces away.

>

> She tried to tell me that my husband was cheating on me, and he came to

> confide in her one night and hit on her while he was away on course.

> *facepalm*

>

> They create their own reality.

>

>

> >

> > Hello All-

> >

> > Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her

> BPD mom () insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a

> few days be called " dad " .

> >

> > Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one

> of these guys was the 's biological father.

> >

> > WTF?

> >

> > When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into

> rages.

> >

> > Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is

> there something else going on here?

> >

> > Letty

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada manages to believe all sorts of things that aren't true.

Her delusions are don't come close to that level though. Mostly,

the things she believes are at least sort of plausible and make

her feel better about herself. She twists things around in her

mind until she's convinced that conversations were the opposite

of what they were and things like that. She insists that my

sister chose to leave her house at 2 AM rather than believe that

she forced my sister out. That allows her to claim she doesn't

understand why my sister won't communicate with her. She can

play the poor wronged mother when it suits her rather than

appearing to be a witch who kicked her daughter out in the

middle of the night. I think she pretended that was true until

she wiped the real truth out of her mind. If really

believed that a whole series of men were each her daughter's

father, maybe there is something else wrong in addition to BPD,

or maybe she's just a really extreme example of BPD. Or maybe

she's a good actress and just claimed to believe what she said.

I don't have any problem imagining a nada deciding to play head

games with her daughter that way. Flying into a rage when

pointed out the impossibility of her claims definitely sounds

like BPD. Whatever is going on with , it is wonderful that

you can give a safe home.

At 01:24 PM 08/26/2010 lettydale wrote:

>Hello All-

>

>Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the

>other day her BPD mom () insisted that every boyfriend she

>ever had for more than a few days be called " dad " .

>

>Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that

>every one of these guys was the 's biological father.

>

>WTF?

>

>When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom

>flew into rages.

>

>Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom,

>or is there something else going on here?

>

>Letty

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Letty,

Yep, my nada came up with the idea that one of the kids she baby sat was

concieved on an affair that the wife had before the husband was killed which

would have been impossible.  she also thought that another kid she babysat was

concieved on the wedding night when it might ahve been close again, but number

one none of her business, two why does it matter.  hell who knows if she

thought that DS was concieved before whe got married and that's impossible

because he was born a few years later.

I think sometimes I think BPD is  the disease of mean, delusional people with

no boundaries.

proflaf

Subject: Just how delusional do BPD mom's get?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 26, 2010, 1:24 PM

 

Hello All-

Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD mom

() insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days be

called " dad " .

Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of these

guys was the 's biological father.

WTF?

When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into rages.

Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

Letty

[Guest guest]

Oh my god I hope you don't have to give her back to her mom!! If I were in your

situation I don't know how I'd keep myself from kidnapping her to keep her from

that.

When I was a kid, I used to imagine being kidnapped to get away from my mother.

The weird thing is that when the cops came to my house or school counselors

asked I always lied about my family life because I didn't want to be

" responsible " for my family splitting up. (my nada always told me that other

people " wouldn't understand " and so I should never tell anyone about how things

in my house were or they would take me away and it would be all my fault.) Maybe

I felt if I were " kidnapped " away it wouldn't be my fault, so it would be

better...

Not that I'm recommending you do that. You might just end up in jail and then

who would she have? I just don't know if I would trust myself to NOT do that

when faced with such a horrible thing. I hope you can keep her with you legally!

Her mother sounds way worse than mine.

Casey

> >

> > From: lettydale <lettydale@>

> > Subject: Just how delusional do BPD mom's get?

> > To: WTOAdultChildren1

> > Date: Thursday, August 26, 2010, 1:24 PM

> >

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> > Hello All-

> >

> >

> >

> > Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the other day her BPD

mom () insisted that every boyfriend she ever had for more than a few days

be called " dad " .

> >

> >

> >

> > Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that every one of

these guys was the 's biological father.

> >

> >

> >

> > WTF?

> >

> >

> >

> > When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom flew into

rages.

> >

> >

> >

> > Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom, or is there

something else going on here?

> >

> >

> >

> > Letty

> >

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[Guest guest]

I agree: the things that my nada did to me (and my little Sister) when I was

growing up would have gotten her jailed if she'd done them to another person's

child, or to another adult. Its called " assault and battery " and its against

the law.

I've also heard of psychological abuse or mental torture being used as a viable

reason to petition for a divorce. I experienced THAT almost every day of my life

growing up, but I was completely unaware of the concept of " emancipation " :

minor children gaining autonomy from their parents, financially and

responsibility-wise. Ignorance, in my case, was not bliss.

Children are basically considered property, it would seem, without the same

basic human and civil rights as adults. In the case of your foster child, the

biomom's right to have her " property " back is apparently over-riding the child's

need for safety, peace, and nurturing by mentally healthy but

not-biologically-related persons.

If it is at all possible for you to get the child a lawyer, for a lawyer to

represent this 13 year old in a petition for emancipation, that would be my

advice. I think 13 or 14 is the minimum age in a lot of states in which a minor

can petition for emancipation.

Best of luck to you with this.

-Annie

>

>

> Wow. Okay. Thought I might hear some hard stories, but wow.

>

> Elora, don't even know how you survived all that insanity. My heart aches for

you. And the part about the dog is just the evil icing on the cake. Seriously, a

DOG possessed by the devil? I wish you had a way-back machine and could snatch

yourself out of there.

>

> And , interesting how it didn't occur to her that if you really had

" black magic " powers you'd use them to get the hell out?

>

> Some people really, really shouldn't have children. And yet it's so damn hard

to get those children away, even if they are desperate to go. had only

known us for ONE DAY before she decided that she'd much rather live with us than

her mom.

>

> Yet we might have to send back to her mom some day, if the court orders

it. Apparently the mom has gotten her psychiatrist and domestic violence

counselor to write notes saying how it's in the mom's " best interests " to be

reunited with her child.

>

> Meanwhile, she's gloating to about how she's going to " fool everybody "

and get back, then reunite with the guy who tried to kill her and .

(Elora, if you suddenly have fugitive neighbors in Canada, it'll be us running

north with to protect her from her mom! Note: I'm kidding about that.

Mostly.)

>

> Why is there this obsession with biological parent's rights? Why can they hurt

children over and over again without getting punished or caught? SO many of the

things 's mother has done would result in a jail time if you did them to a

stranger's child.

>

>

> Letty

[Guest guest]

Letty (and Annie) - If she tries to become emancipated, it might have an

effect on her status as a foster child - I don't know that,but it could wind up

being a problem (since the state is in the position of supporting her,

financially), and you'd want to know what all the repercussions are before

pursuing emancipation.

However, can certainly get a court appointed guardian (guardian ad litem)

or an advocate through the CASA program. This will be someone - not a relative

or one of her foster parents - who will go with her to court and represent

's interests, without regard to what any of the adults want. It will also

give her someone to talk to without worrying about hurting Mom's (or

Mom's) feelings.

It sounds like she's in the perfect place and it shouldn't even be an issue, but

if her crazy mother comes after her, she's old enough to speak up about her own

wishes in the matter.

> >

> >

> > Wow. Okay. Thought I might hear some hard stories, but wow.

> >

> > Elora, don't even know how you survived all that insanity. My heart aches

for you. And the part about the dog is just the evil icing on the cake.

Seriously, a DOG possessed by the devil? I wish you had a way-back machine and

could snatch yourself out of there.

> >

> > And , interesting how it didn't occur to her that if you really

had " black magic " powers you'd use them to get the hell out?

> >

> > Some people really, really shouldn't have children. And yet it's so damn

hard to get those children away, even if they are desperate to go. had

only known us for ONE DAY before she decided that she'd much rather live with us

than her mom.

> >

> > Yet we might have to send back to her mom some day, if the court

orders it. Apparently the mom has gotten her psychiatrist and domestic violence

counselor to write notes saying how it's in the mom's " best interests " to be

reunited with her child.

> >

> > Meanwhile, she's gloating to about how she's going to " fool everybody "

and get back, then reunite with the guy who tried to kill her and .

(Elora, if you suddenly have fugitive neighbors in Canada, it'll be us running

north with to protect her from her mom! Note: I'm kidding about that.

Mostly.)

> >

> > Why is there this obsession with biological parent's rights? Why can they

hurt children over and over again without getting punished or caught? SO many of

the things 's mother has done would result in a jail time if you did them

to a stranger's child.

> >

> >

> > Letty

>

[Guest guest]

I know if my mother had her mind made up about something, no matter how you

proved her wrong (and you could freaking have doctor written proof), she'd still

insist she was right. And most of what she believed was just STUPID crap.

Like, if you touched her tv remote wrong you'd " deprogram " it and she couldn't

get another remote anywhere, ever, as they didn't make it anymore. So no one was

allowed to touch the remote except for her.

Re: Just how delusional do BPD mom's get?

My nada manages to believe all sorts of things that aren't true.

Her delusions are don't come close to that level though. Mostly,

the things she believes are at least sort of plausible and make

her feel better about herself. She twists things around in her

mind until she's convinced that conversations were the opposite

of what they were and things like that. She insists that my

sister chose to leave her house at 2 AM rather than believe that

she forced my sister out. That allows her to claim she doesn't

understand why my sister won't communicate with her. She can

play the poor wronged mother when it suits her rather than

appearing to be a witch who kicked her daughter out in the

middle of the night. I think she pretended that was true until

she wiped the real truth out of her mind. If really

believed that a whole series of men were each her daughter's

father, maybe there is something else wrong in addition to BPD,

or maybe she's just a really extreme example of BPD. Or maybe

she's a good actress and just claimed to believe what she said.

I don't have any problem imagining a nada deciding to play head

games with her daughter that way. Flying into a rage when

pointed out the impossibility of her claims definitely sounds

like BPD. Whatever is going on with , it is wonderful that

you can give a safe home.

At 01:24 PM 08/26/2010 lettydale wrote:

>Hello All-

>

>Okay, so our wonderful foster daughter () told me the

>other day her BPD mom () insisted that every boyfriend she

>ever had for more than a few days be called " dad " .

>

>Not just as a formality, but because truly believed that

>every one of these guys was the 's biological father.

>

>WTF?

>

>When pointed out this was physically impossible, her mom

>flew into rages.

>

>Has anyone experienced this level of delusion in their BPD mom,

>or is there something else going on here?

>

>Letty

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Letty - I have this image of you standing in the kitchen of your clean, quiet,

stable home and telling , " I cannot influence your decision about going

back to your mother. By the way, here are some clean sheets for your room and a

cookie. Do you need any help with your homework? "

Nah, no influence at all, LOL....

I understand what you're saying - you cannot badmouth Biomom, or promise trips

to Disney World if chooses to stay with you. But at her age, she's GOT to

recognize that your home is a haven where she gets one last chance to be a

normal kid. Letting her work with a therapist who'll teach her the coping

skills she needs to combat KO guilt - that's not influencing. That's rescuing.

That's good news about the guardianship arrangement. Seems like the best of all

worlds for and for you.

> >

> > Thanks to all who responded.

> >

> > A. - so interesting to me that you went through the exact same thing

as our " " did. Though I'm very sorry for your sake that you did. Yours

sounds even worse in a way - the claims spread far enough apart as to seem

almost plausible. At least in " 's " case, her mom's churning through

boyfriends made the claims fishy even to a small child.

> >

> > Annie and -

> >

> > Thanks for the advice. In our state " " can petition to have us become

her legal guardians once she turns 14 next year. If all goes well, we could get

a state-sponsored permanent guardianship and she would still be eligible for

health care and benefits.

> >

> > However, as her foster parents we are not supposed to influence her in any

way in that decision. Technically, we are supposed to be completely neutral

about the situation, and open to the possibility of her willingly returning to

her mom.

> >

> > Her therapist warns us that these situations can be " sticky " and kids can

sometimes surprise you by returning to the parents who abuse them, since that

bond is so hard to break.

> >

> > My husband feels she's already given up on her mom and is looking elsewhere

for love and to build a future.

> >

> > I worry that her over-developed sense of moral responsibility and her

extreme compassion for others might make her feel she has to take care of her

mom at the sacrifice to her own feelings.

> >

> > Then again, she's happily settling into and furnishing her bedroom, and

regularly talks of things we'll all do together in the next year, ten years,

fifty years from now.

> >

> > Letty

>

[Guest guest]

- that's funny, and pretty darn accurate. Today we decorated her room, now

I'm going to cook her favorite dinner...

Diary is also a great idea. I'll see if she has an interest. She's a pretty good

advocate for herself, already wrote one essay to a judge about why she'd rather

live with us than her mom. After meeting us for a day.

However, I can't suggest she do those things (i.e. make a case for us vs. mom).

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and suggestions.

Letty

> > >

> > > Thanks to all who responded.

> > >

> > > A. - so interesting to me that you went through the exact same thing

as our " " did. Though I'm very sorry for your sake that you did. Yours

sounds even worse in a way - the claims spread far enough apart as to seem

almost plausible. At least in " 's " case, her mom's churning through

boyfriends made the claims fishy even to a small child.

> > >

> > > Annie and -

> > >

> > > Thanks for the advice. In our state " " can petition to have us become

her legal guardians once she turns 14 next year. If all goes well, we could get

a state-sponsored permanent guardianship and she would still be eligible for

health care and benefits.

> > >

> > > However, as her foster parents we are not supposed to influence her in any

way in that decision. Technically, we are supposed to be completely neutral

about the situation, and open to the possibility of her willingly returning to

her mom.

> > >

> > > Her therapist warns us that these situations can be " sticky " and kids can

sometimes surprise you by returning to the parents who abuse them, since that

bond is so hard to break.

> > >

> > > My husband feels she's already given up on her mom and is looking

elsewhere for love and to build a future.

> > >

> > > I worry that her over-developed sense of moral responsibility and her

extreme compassion for others might make her feel she has to take care of her

mom at the sacrifice to her own feelings.

> > >

> > > Then again, she's happily settling into and furnishing her bedroom, and

regularly talks of things we'll all do together in the next year, ten years,

fifty years from now.

> > >

> > > Letty

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Did I post that or are you my sister? ha ha

>

>

> My BPD mom is very delusional. She believes that she is an exceptionally

spiritualy advanced person and she loves to share her wisdom with anyone that

will listen. Yes, she probably is narcisistic too.

>

> She also believes that I practice witchcraft and that I attack her with black

magic. One time she got bronchitis and she told me that I had used my dark

powers to make her get sick. I have been the designated evil child my whole

life.

>

> She is very intelligent and articulate. In public she is charming and doesn't

discuss her crazier delusions. I hate it that she successfully cons other

people into thinking that she is so great.

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't studied enough personally or professionally to know if the delusions

are a subset/type or what. Sometimes the diagnosis is something like BDP with

psychosis or psychotic subtype.

I guess it is a little irrelevant since they don't get or continue treatment

anyway.

The killing and death stuff is freaky. With mine, it's always demons trying to

kill her and she sees them around the house and stuff. Of course, the preacher

is also possessed of the devil as is anyone who goes against her wishes or

stands up to her at all. She also believed she caused my choir teacher to

nearly die in surgery because of her angry thoughts at my not making the swing

choir cut. (Could it have been because I danced like Shrek?) Still love

dancing, though, and everyone gets plenty of laughs.

> > >

> > > They can get nuttier than a fruit cake.

> > >

> > > My mother beleived when I was 11 that I was out to get her " boyfriend "

(who was in his 40s and had bad oral and physical hygeine, not to mention that

he was a complete loser) and that I was seducing him and wanted to knock her off

for the insurance $$

> > >

> > > She tried to kill me one night because she thought she saw me with my

nightgown over my head shaking my booty.

> > >

> > > She beleived that our dog was posessed by the devil (I loved that dog) and

had him put down.

> > >

> > > She thought my father was cheating on her and tried to frame him for

attempted murder by firing his service revolver through my bedroom window.

> > >

> > > She beleived, even after my stepfather finally left her that he was trying

to kill her from 4 provinces away.

> > >

> > > She tried to tell me that my husband was cheating on me, and he came to

confide in her one night and hit on her while he was away on course. *facepalm*

> > >

> > > They create their own reality.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. Paranoid schizophrenia. That's pretty severe. I was just now reading

about it, and aside from the auditory and visual hallucinations, some of the

symptoms (mood disturbances such as irritability, sudden anger, fearfulness, and

suspicion) sound an awful lot like bpd. Criteria #9 for diagnosing bpd is

" Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation (thoughts), delusions or severe

dissociative symptoms " so, yes, under stress a person with bpd can exhibit

paranoid thinking and delusional thinking.

I personally experienced my nada doing that, so, it really can happen and its

WEIRD. The first time was when my nada accused our sweet, dear, gentle, elderly

Great Aunt of being " mean and hateful " to nada. I was with both of them 24-7

during an overseas vacation and knew that nada was having some kind of bizarre

psychotic break with reality if she truly thought that. But we were in a

foreign country and the whole thing threw me for a loop, I didn't know what to

do except to try to keep nada calm by agreeing with her, and wish desperately

for the " vacation " to be over ASAP.

There have been members here who in earlier posts mentioned that s/he was told

*by their bpd parent* that the bpd parent's therapist said that they (the bpd

patient) was " OK now " , or " Nothing is wrong with you " , or " You don't need to

take your meds anymore " , etc. but there was often no way for the member to

confirm that with their nada's therapist. One or two members mentioned that

when they were able to talk with their nada's therapist, the therapist had said

no such thing.

I personally don't think its wise to trust a patient with bpd (or a patient with

a delusional, paranoid or psychotic disorder) to relay accurate information to

you about their treatment.

It also seems to me that those of us who have mentally ill parents that are just

functional enough to " fly under the radar " have it the worst of all. Our parent

can seem normal enough most of the time, so that to most people they appear

rational and reliable and agreeable. Its only us, their kids, who experience the

horrific abuse, mistreatment, neglect and outright life-altering trauma and

life-threatening danger in private, behind closed doors... nobody knows about

it but us.

-Annie

>

> >

> > She was diagnosed with paranoid szhitzophrenia first, when I was 13 - after

she tried to kill me, her then boyfriend/husband insisted that she see a

psychiatrist (he actually went to the sexual offenders clinic and had a penile

plysthmograph examination, she apparently agreed to see a psychiatrist if he

passed). She was on meds for a while, then we moved and her psychologist (I

have no idea why she wasn't seeing a psychiatrist after the move) told her

apparently that everything she beleived was correct. She went off the meds and

even more crazy ensued.

> >

> > When she isn't under duress, she is just the typical BPD. It always bothered

me that she didn't seem to be the typical paranoid szhich. She never got severe

enough to commit, always flew under the radar and could live within society as

long as she wasn't stressed. She fits BPD to a " T " .

> >