Re: I want to try to go NC again

[Guest guest]

Hey Casey, what type of BPD do you think she is? Waify? Hermit? I think

those two types are easier to be LC with, where if you have a queen/witch

you pretty much have to do NC. thats just my opinion. and it sounds like she

is low functioning. Is she? That also makes it harder, in my opinion. . . .

I don't know. what do other folks think?

On Fri, Sep 10, 2010 at 1:06 PM, slingshot2hell wrote:

>

>

> I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried

> to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she

> has no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

>

> Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

> the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my

> dad ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care

> about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed

> I said " just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

>

> She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it

> is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

>

> Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

> having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a

> week for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

> complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit.

> What's the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some

> fantasy of a super loving daughter who is her best friend - she complains I

> don't invite her on my DATES.

>

> Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

> went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

> getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that

> are NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

>

> I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

> selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her

> apologies mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize

> and " make up " by calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry.

> even though everything I said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the

> " sorry game " . It's so pointless.

>

> Any tips for going NC for real this time?

>

> Casey

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are describing exactly what my younger Sister was experiencing with our

nada, but my little Sister bought into the guilt-trip more than you have and

began increasing the frequency of her visits in an effort to please our nada.

Can you guess what happened?

Nada continued to complain and whine and to excoriate my Sister for not being

there often enough. My Sister was giving up most of her free time as it was,

but my mentally ill mother was not appreciative of that and continued to claim

that my Sister was selfish, thoughtless, and a bad daughter. My Sister grew

more and more depressed.

I kept telling my Sister that she was already giving above and beyond the call

of duty, and that even if she had herself surgically grafted to our mother and

was with her 24-7, mother would find some reason to be unhappy with Sister and

complain about her.

My Sister appreciated my emotional support but didn't feel that she had the

right, somehow, to do less for nada. It finally took my Sister going to a

therapist to absorb and believe and accept that it was OK for her to cut off

contact with nada when necessary, and to cut way, way back on how much time she

was spending with nada.

When Sister received this " permission " , so to speak, from an Authority Figure,

she was finally able to cut way back on the amount of her free time that she

gives our nada, without guilt. Of course nada was upset by the severe cut-back

in contact (Now once a month instead of several times a week) but, hey, that's

life. But you know what? Now that that is the new order of things and nada

knows that Sister means business and will go No Contact when nada acts up, our

nada is being SO much better behaved!! Its remarkable. Sister feels less

resentment about her once-a-month visit, too, because she now has more free time

for herself, which is right and proper.

The trick is for you to get over feeling misplaced guilt for trying to please

someone who is unpleasable. That has to come from you, you are the only one who

can absolve yourself. Or maybe like my Sister, if you are given " permission "

from someone whom you consider to be an Authority Figure you can stop beating

yourself up with misplaced, inappropriate guilt.

There's a difference in feeling pity for someone and feeling guilt. You can

feel pity (empathy and compassion) for your mother that she is so miserable and

unhappy, and you can do that *without* accepting that you in any way are

responsible for her misery or for making her happier.

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried to

go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no

one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

>

> Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

>

> She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it is

sexual! she's completely disturbed.

>

> Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

>

> Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

>

> I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

>

> Any tips for going NC for real this time?

>

> Casey

>

[Guest guest]

She is a Hermit, with waif attributes as well. She is low-functioning and

getting worse. (She used to be high-functioning when I was little.) When the

witch comes though, I find myself trembling like a scared little baby. I hate

how she can give me one look that makes me feel like a trapped little kid again.

That's how it was being stuck in the car with her last night.

I usually make sure to NEVER be " stuck " with her anywhere. But she was coming

back from her dad's funeral, my dad was with her, they needed a ride from the

airport, my brother is in Utah... Anyway, after listening to her rage the whole

way home (she can go on for hours without anyone saying anything at all), my

anxiety just shot right up and I can't get it under control all day now. I've

been useless at work. Which sucks, because it just means I'll have to make up

for it next week. I hate that she can affect me like this.

Further increasing my anxiety is that apparantly she overdosed on morphine the

day before her dad's funeral and spent most of the actual funeral day in the

hospital. (typical if a day is not about her, to redirect everyone's attention

back to her). So now I'm worried she's going to overdose in her house all alone.

I'm just so tired of her. She's so miserable all the time and even when she's

not " witchy " she's just surrounded with drama. Her policy is " if something is

bad, make it worse, and then throw a temper tantrum over how awful everything

is. " I hate drama. I've structured my whole adult life around a " no drama "

policy. I figured I lived through 17 years of it and that was enough for 2 or 3

lifetimes. She is the only drama left. Even cutting her off wouldn't rid me of

all her drama, because I still have my dad staying with me to get away from it,

my brother calling me in tears when she is mean to him, etc. But at least I

wouldn't have to hear from her that I'm involved in a conspiracy with my dad to

get her to kill herself so we can be " together " . (yes she meant it sexually. she

used way more graphic terminology. and then called me disgusting.)

Casey

>

> >

> >

> > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried

> > to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she

> > has no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

> >

> > Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

> > the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my

> > dad ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care

> > about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed

> > I said " just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

> >

> > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it

> > is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

> >

> > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

> > having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a

> > week for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

> > complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit.

> > What's the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some

> > fantasy of a super loving daughter who is her best friend - she complains I

> > don't invite her on my DATES.

> >

> > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

> > went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

> > getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that

> > are NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

> >

> > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

> > selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her

> > apologies mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize

> > and " make up " by calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry.

> > even though everything I said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the

> > " sorry game " . It's so pointless.

> >

> > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> >

> > Casey

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have you considered giving her the actual " hour a month " she believes she's

getting? Perhaps that will allow you the peace you deserve and the clarity to

decide if going completely NC is best.

Just a thought.

>

> I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I tried to

go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no

one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

>

> Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her raging

the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad

ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care about

her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I said

" just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

>

> She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of it is

sexual! she's completely disturbed.

>

> Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have been

having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week

for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she complains I

don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's the point??

I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving

daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on my DATES.

>

> Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of you

went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

>

> I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

>

> Any tips for going NC for real this time?

>

> Casey

>

[Guest guest]

I'm with Ninera on this one - it's like the Nike ads - " Just do it. " You don't

owe her any explanations or apologies for living a sane, productive life. That

is your right and obligation as an adult. The world doesn't improve any if you

let yourself get sucked into the madness - that just adds one more crazy,

dysfunctional person to the population. Nothing you say will make it better, so

there's no point in coming up with a gentle explanation about how you need to

disengage. Just re-program the phone, buy some new deadbolts for the door, and

make plans for your evenings and weekends.

She has a husband - he can either deal with her or not, but he's with her by

choice and he's her life partner. Your brother may or may not eventually see

the light. Once you tell him where to look for enlightenment, it's his

responsibility to read up on Mom's mental illness and figure out for himself how

much contact he wants to have with her. NONE of this is your job.

If you're ever again in a situation where she endangers your life by trying to

jump from a moving car, drive straight to the emergency room of a hospital,

report what she's done, and ask that she be admitted for a 72-hour psych

evaluation.

Oh, and if she took morphine from someone else, I think that's a felony in any

state. If she ever does this again, not only should she be committed for the

overdose, but reported to the police for the crime of misappropriating a

controlled substance.

We've pretty much concluded that while BPD's can't control they way they feel,

they are able to control the way they behave. So if the consequences of her

actions are immediate and severe, she can probably stop herself from pulling

these stunts - because you won't be giving her the results she's after.

And about the suicide attempts in general - if she is just trying to get

attention, she won't really go through with it. And if she's set on suicide,

you won't be able to stop her. Again, not your job.

> > > >

> > > > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally

> > draining. Last time I tried to go NC and my dad and brother

> > guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no one else "

> > - true, but her own damn fault.

> > > >

> > > > Last night I picked her up from the airport and

> > had to listen to her raging the whole way back. Trying to

> > throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad ignored

> > (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't

> > care about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing

> > it. Then she claimed I said " just get rid of her " when she

> > was doing that. lol.

> > > >

> > > > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about

> > me and my dad. Some of it is sexual! she's completely

> > disturbed.

> > > >

> > > > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a

> > million pages. I have been having dinner with her once a

> > week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week for her

> > becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

> > complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I

> > don't visit. What's the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what

> > she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving daughter

> > who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on

> > my DATES.

> > > >

> > > > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago)

> > and heard how some of you went NC, I've wanted to do it.

> > I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL getting a break

> > from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that

> > are NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she

> > is not one.

> > > >

> > > > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't

> > help feeling I'm being a selfish daughter. I know eventually

> > she is going to apologize, but her apologies mean nothing to

> > me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make

> > up " by calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not

> > sorry. even though everything I said to her I mean and is

> > true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so pointless.

> > > >

> > > > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> > > >

> > > > Casey

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

> > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >

> > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe

> >

> >

> > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> > find)

[Guest guest]

Oh PS, my nada also always has a crisis when someone dies or whatever. Ohh,

I'm not in the coffin, what can I do to be the center of attention. GAG!!!

On Sat, Sep 11, 2010 at 8:07 AM, Girlscout Cowboy <

girlscout.cowboy@...> wrote:

> Wow you guys are brilliant. I agree with every word. I heart you guys.

> Feels so good to not be alone.

>

> So just in support - no need for an NC explanation, just do it!, boundaries

> with bro and dad and let Nada feel her own natural consequences - stealing

> drugs equals COPS!

>

> HUGS HUGS HUGS good luck. Let us know how it goes for you.

>

> On Sat, Sep 11, 2010 at 6:24 AM, shirleyspawn <

> talexander73@...> wrote:

>

>>

>>

>> I'm with Ninera on this one - it's like the Nike ads - " Just do it. " You

>> don't owe her any explanations or apologies for living a sane, productive

>> life. That is your right and obligation as an adult. The world doesn't

>> improve any if you let yourself get sucked into the madness - that just adds

>> one more crazy, dysfunctional person to the population. Nothing you say will

>> make it better, so there's no point in coming up with a gentle explanation

>> about how you need to disengage. Just re-program the phone, buy some new

>> deadbolts for the door, and make plans for your evenings and weekends.

>>

>> She has a husband - he can either deal with her or not, but he's with her

>> by choice and he's her life partner. Your brother may or may not eventually

>> see the light. Once you tell him where to look for enlightenment, it's his

>> responsibility to read up on Mom's mental illness and figure out for himself

>> how much contact he wants to have with her. NONE of this is your job.

>>

>> If you're ever again in a situation where she endangers your life by

>> trying to jump from a moving car, drive straight to the emergency room of a

>> hospital, report what she's done, and ask that she be admitted for a 72-hour

>> psych evaluation.

>>

>> Oh, and if she took morphine from someone else, I think that's a felony in

>> any state. If she ever does this again, not only should she be committed for

>> the overdose, but reported to the police for the crime of misappropriating a

>> controlled substance.

>>

>> We've pretty much concluded that while BPD's can't control they way they

>> feel, they are able to control the way they behave. So if the consequences

>> of her actions are immediate and severe, she can probably stop herself from

>> pulling these stunts - because you won't be giving her the results she's

>> after.

>>

>> And about the suicide attempts in general - if she is just trying to get

>> attention, she won't really go through with it. And if she's set on suicide,

>> you won't be able to stop her. Again, not your job.

>>

>>

>>

>>

>> > > > >

>> > > > > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally

>> > > draining. Last time I tried to go NC and my dad and brother

>> > > guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no one else "

>> > > - true, but her own damn fault.

>> > > > >

>> > > > > Last night I picked her up from the airport and

>> > > had to listen to her raging the whole way back. Trying to

>> > > throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad ignored

>> > > (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't

>> > > care about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing

>> > > it. Then she claimed I said " just get rid of her " when she

>> > > was doing that. lol.

>> > > > >

>> > > > > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about

>> > > me and my dad. Some of it is sexual! she's completely

>> > > disturbed.

>> > > > >

>> > > > > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a

>> > > million pages. I have been having dinner with her once a

>> > > week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week for her

>> > > becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

>> > > complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I

>> > > don't visit. What's the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what

>> > > she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving daughter

>> > > who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on

>> > > my DATES.

>> > > > >

>> > > > > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago)

>> > > and heard how some of you went NC, I've wanted to do it.

>> > > I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL getting a break

>> > > from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that

>> > > are NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she

>> > > is not one.

>> > > > >

>> > > > > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't

>> > > help feeling I'm being a selfish daughter. I know eventually

>> > > she is going to apologize, but her apologies mean nothing to

>> > > me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make

>> > > up " by calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not

>> > > sorry. even though everything I said to her I mean and is

>> > > true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so pointless.

>> > > > >

>> > > > > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

>> > > > >

>> > > > > Casey

>> > > > >

>> > > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > >

>> > > ------------------------------------

>> > >

>> > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

>> > > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

>> > > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

>> > > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @...

>>

>> > > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

>> > >

>> > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

>>

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40ya\

hoogroups.com>

>> > >

>> > >

>> > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

>> > > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

>> > > find)

[Guest guest]

Yep, you know the old saying that somebody wants to be " the bride at every

wedding, the corpse at every funeral? " That's my mom. The center of attention

at all costs, and God help you if you don't play along.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally

> >> > > draining. Last time I tried to go NC and my dad and brother

> >> > > guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she has no one else "

> >> > > - true, but her own damn fault.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > Last night I picked her up from the airport and

> >> > > had to listen to her raging the whole way back. Trying to

> >> > > throw herself out of the car, which me and my dad ignored

> >> > > (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't

> >> > > care about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing

> >> > > it. Then she claimed I said " just get rid of her " when she

> >> > > was doing that. lol.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about

> >> > > me and my dad. Some of it is sexual! she's completely

> >> > > disturbed.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a

> >> > > million pages. I have been having dinner with her once a

> >> > > week, but it's never enough for her. Once a week for her

> >> > > becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

> >> > > complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I

> >> > > don't visit. What's the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what

> >> > > she wants, she has some fantasy of a super loving daughter

> >> > > who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her on

> >> > > my DATES.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago)

> >> > > and heard how some of you went NC, I've wanted to do it.

> >> > > I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL getting a break

> >> > > from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that

> >> > > are NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she

> >> > > is not one.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't

> >> > > help feeling I'm being a selfish daughter. I know eventually

> >> > > she is going to apologize, but her apologies mean nothing to

> >> > > me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make

> >> > > up " by calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not

> >> > > sorry. even though everything I said to her I mean and is

> >> > > true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so pointless.

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> >> > > > >

> >> > > > > Casey

> >> > > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> > > ------------------------------------

> >> > >

> >> > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new

> >> > > book The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality

> >> > > Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells,

> >> > > available at www.BPDCentral.com.** Problems? Write @

> >>

> >> > > DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST.

> >> > >

> >> > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to

> >>

WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe <WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe%40ya\

hoogroups.com>

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline

> >> > > Parent, " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to

> >> > > find)

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for all the great replies and advice!!

I'm not sure yet if I'm going total NC or just (much more) LC in the long run,

but for now I'm NC.

I really agree I need to work more on setting boundries with my dad and brother

to keep from getting back to my nada. The last time I've tried this, my brother

was a teenager and still living at home. He ended up getting a lot of my nada's

anger towards me directed at HIM so he did want me to " make up " with her so HIS

life could be more pleasant. However, he is now an adult and on his own, so I

think it might be easier. He has given me the " but she's our mother " line but I

just explain that it's not MY fault she's my mother - I didn't ask to be born

from her.

Also when I told my father this time I was tired of nada and didn't really want

to deal with her anymore, he just said, " Yeah, I understand " . No trying to

convince me to that she needs me like he usually does.

Casey

> > >

> > > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I

tried to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she

has no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

> > >

> > > Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her

raging the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and

my dad ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care

about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I

said " just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

> > >

> > > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of

it is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

> > >

> > > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have

been having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a

week for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's

the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a

super loving daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her

on my DATES.

> > >

> > > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of

you went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

> > >

> > > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

> > >

> > > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> > >

> > > Casey

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for all the great replies and advice!!

I'm not sure yet if I'm going total NC or just (much more) LC in the long run,

but for now I'm NC.

I really agree I need to work more on setting boundries with my dad and brother

to keep from getting back to my nada. The last time I've tried this, my brother

was a teenager and still living at home. He ended up getting a lot of my nada's

anger towards me directed at HIM so he did want me to " make up " with her so HIS

life could be more pleasant. However, he is now an adult and on his own, so I

think it might be easier. He has given me the " but she's our mother " line but I

just explain that it's not MY fault she's my mother - I didn't ask to be born

from her.

Also when I told my father this time I was tired of nada and didn't really want

to deal with her anymore, he just said, " Yeah, I understand " . No trying to

convince me to that she needs me like he usually does.

Casey

> > >

> > > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I

tried to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she

has no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

> > >

> > > Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her

raging the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and

my dad ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care

about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I

said " just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

> > >

> > > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of

it is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

> > >

> > > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have

been having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a

week for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's

the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a

super loving daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her

on my DATES.

> > >

> > > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of

you went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

> > >

> > > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being a

selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her apologies

mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and " make up " by

calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though everything I

said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's so

pointless.

> > >

> > > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> > >

> > > Casey

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

yeah, if he's young he might not have processed through that 'she's our mother'

stuff. But she's our mother can be followed up with 'and therefore we should

want to do what we think will help her and bring about change' and continuing to

enable her to not seek professional help is in no way helping her.

> > > >

> > > > I'm just so tired of my nada. She's emotionally draining. Last time I

tried to go NC and my dad and brother guilted me back - " oh, she's so alone, she

has no one else " - true, but her own damn fault.

> > > >

> > > > Last night I picked her up from the airport and had to listen to her

raging the whole way back. Trying to throw herself out of the car, which me and

my dad ignored (she's overly dramatic) and then complaining that we don't care

about her because we didn't try to keep her from doing it. Then she claimed I

said " just get rid of her " when she was doing that. lol.

> > > >

> > > > She also has these wild conspiracy theories about me and my dad. Some of

it is sexual! she's completely disturbed.

> > > >

> > > > Anyway I could probably complain about her for a million pages. I have

been having dinner with her once a week, but it's never enough for her. Once a

week for her becomes " an hour every other month " . Every time I call, she

complains I don't call, every time I visit, she complains I don't visit. What's

the point?? I'm NEVER going to be what she wants, she has some fantasy of a

super loving daughter who is her best friend - she complains I don't invite her

on my DATES.

> > > >

> > > > Ever since I joined this board (4 or 5 years ago) and heard how some of

you went NC, I've wanted to do it. I've tried a few times, and it's so PEACEFUL

getting a break from her. And hearing how much better off those of you that are

NC are... I'm jealous. I mean, I want a mother, but she is not one.

> > > >

> > > > I just can't help feeling sorry for her. I can't help feeling I'm being

a selfish daughter. I know eventually she is going to apologize, but her

apologies mean nothing to me anymore. I even know I can get her apologize and

" make up " by calling her and apologizing. Even though I'm not sorry. even though

everything I said to her I mean and is true. I'm tired of the " sorry game " . It's

so pointless.

> > > >

> > > > Any tips for going NC for real this time?

> > > >

> > > > Casey

> > > >

> > >

> >

>