Re: The elephant in the room

[Guest guest]

Hi Reputkow...I don't know that I have any insights regarding the envy of others who seem to be having success with weight loss on diets and the fear of deluding yourself about IE.... but I can certainly say that I really relate to all that you are saying. I am going through the exact same thing. Been IE'ing for about 2 months now and was doing pretty good up until recently when I have suspected weight gain (I am not weighing myself). I too know it shouldn't be about weight but don't know how to get away from that. Maybe focusing on other things about ourselves? What makes us valuable? Certainly it isn't all about weight, but it sure can mess with your mind!I will be looking forward to the responses to this since I am struggling with this

too............It would be great to hear from others that have been doing this long term and their successes with it...... Happy Friday everyone!To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Fri, August 13, 2010 5:40:44 AMSubject: The elephant in the room

Hi All,One of the women in a large group I'm involved with has lost a considerable amount of weight through WW recently--and looks... to be 100% honest....great. She's probably lost about 100 lbs over several months. Has a bit more to go.I asked her if she feels hungry on WW, and a few other questions, and all her replies were "no--not hungry at all" and basically that "WW Rocks!"I have been on WW about 50 times and was always hungry, always miserable, and never successful.There is no return to dieting for me. Rock-bottom was definitely hit a while ago. BUT--she looks wonderful, and seems to feel wonderful, goes skinny-dipping with her husband in their beautiful in-ground pool after the kids are asleep, blah, blah, and here I am, struggling with my food intake, still using it, and definitely with no weight loss yet (and probably not for a long time--this process is slow).I

admit it--I'm jealous of her weight loss, and jealous of her seeming effortless WW experience.The elephant in the room is not me--not referring to size--it's the FOOD PROBLEM. It is so disturbing--the fear that I'm kidding myself about IE, that I can't do it. I know that we are not supposed to focus on the weight--and I truly understand the rationale for that--but the weight-monster keeps appearing and re-appearing.I think about those times in young childhood when food really was only fuel--nothing else--except for the Good Humor ice cream in the summers when all of us would go flying for the GH truck and wait our turn. But that was normal, not using food.Any insights would be greatly appreciated. This sense of jealousy--of envy--and of fear that I'm deluding myself about IE--is very distressing.reputkow

[Guest guest]

I lost 100 lbs. on WW and can actually identify with the things your friend was

telling you. For me WW was actually very simple, after the first month or so it

became habit and I really didn't feel deprived or hungry too often. BUT... (and

it's a big one) if WW had really worked and wasn't a diet (like they'd like you

to believe) I wouldn't be on this board and I would be happily on my skinny way.

I stayed at goal for approximately one month. I got pregnant with my third child

shortly after getting to goal and took that as an excuse to eat anything and

everything that I had been deprived while I was religiously counting points.

That baby is now 2 1/2 and I am probably 60 lbs. heavier than when I was at

goal. WW does work, but my belief is that in most cases the success is very

short lived. Let your friend enjoy her success (even if it's temporary) and be

resolved to the fact that you are doing something that will bring you long-term

happiness and peace.

>

> Hi All,

>

> One of the women in a large group I'm involved with has lost a

> considerable amount of weight through WW recently--and looks... to be

> 100% honest....great. She's probably lost about 100 lbs over several

> months. Has a bit more to go.

>

> I asked her if she feels hungry on WW, and a few other questions, and

> all her replies were " no--not hungry at all " and basically that " WW

> Rocks! "

>

> I have been on WW about 50 times and was always hungry, always

> miserable, and never successful.

>

> There is no return to dieting for me. Rock-bottom was definitely hit a

> while ago. BUT--she looks wonderful, and seems to feel wonderful, goes

> skinny-dipping with her husband in their beautiful in-ground pool after

> the kids are asleep, blah, blah, and here I am, struggling with my food

> intake, still using it, and definitely with no weight loss yet (and

> probably not for a long time--this process is slow).

>

> I admit it--I'm jealous of her weight loss, and jealous of her seeming

> effortless WW experience.

>

> The elephant in the room is not me--not referring to size--it's the FOOD

> PROBLEM. It is so disturbing--the fear that I'm kidding myself about IE,

> that I can't do it. I know that we are not supposed to focus on the

> weight--and I truly understand the rationale for that--but the

> weight-monster keeps appearing and re-appearing.

>

> I think about those times in young childhood when food really was only

> fuel--nothing else--except for the Good Humor ice cream in the summers

> when all of us would go flying for the GH truck and wait our turn. But

> that was normal, not using food.

>

> Any insights would be greatly appreciated. This sense of jealousy--of

> envy--and of fear that I'm deluding myself about IE--is very

> distressing.

>

> reputkow

>

[Guest guest]

Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

This sense of jealousy--of

envy--and of fear that I'm deluding myself about IE--is very

distressing.

I certainly don't have any easy answers for you, but I will say to hang

in there. You've had a lifetime of brainwashing that losing weight must

be hard and unpleasant and that you must always put on weight again.

It can be scary to let go of old beliefs and bring in new ones.

I would think the easiest thing for you now is to remain sceptical

until it works. Then there's no internal resistance.

I know some people find using curiosity instead of fear to be quite

liberating.

As for the envy and jealousy, are you aware that you're choosing whom

to compare yourself to? What if you chose someone else to compare

yourself to?

Or, what if... you were to stop comparing yourself?

Paddy

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if you are aware that WW has two different programs. Or they did

when I was a member a couple of years ago. The first program (and the one that

most people choose) is counting points. The other one is a

hunger/satisfaction-based plan, where you eat when you are hungry and stop when

you are satisfied. It is definitely more in line with intuitive eating, but

does restrict the food choices (not whole food groups, but items within the food

groups), which is where it diverges from Intuitive Eating. It is still a diet,

but it is interesting to keep in mind when talking to people about their WW

experiences, especially in terms of whether or not they are hungry on the

program. I lost weight with the hunger/satisfaction-based plan (called " Core "

at the time) but got to a point where I wanted to eat some meals that didn't

contain the core foods. A bit of deviation is allowed with the Core plan, but

if you want an entire meal or two of non-Core foods, you kind of blow it for the

week. The diet thinking is definitely still there, and the maintenance plan is

the same but allowing a little bit more deviation.

- Christy

>

> > Any insights would be greatly appreciated. This sense of jealousy--of

> > envy--and of fear that I'm deluding myself about IE--is very distressing.

>

> I certainly don't have any easy answers for you, but I will say to hang

> in there. You've had a lifetime of brainwashing that losing weight must

> be hard and unpleasant and that you must always put on weight again.

>

> It can be scary to let go of old beliefs and bring in new ones.

>

> I would think the easiest thing for you now is to remain sceptical until

> it works. Then there's no internal resistance.

>

> I know some people find using curiosity instead of fear to be quite

> liberating.

>

> As for the envy and jealousy, are you aware that you're choosing whom to

> compare yourself to? What if you chose someone else to compare yourself to?

>

> Or, what if... you were to stop comparing yourself?

>

> Paddy

>

[Guest guest]

I know exactly how you feel. I shared a story here a couple weeks ago of a

woman I work with who also recently lost a lot of weight at WW and my difficulty

dealing with that. I wish I could say that I didn't still feel the jealousy

when she's traipsing around the office in her stylish new clothes and talking

about how she loves jogging and can no longer relate to the fat person she used

to be (whatever!), but I do. I'm really just trying to focus on my own process

now and let whatever she does wash over me. It's hard, but I just keep hoping

that it will get easier with time.

With regard to your fears of deluding yourself with IE, I often have the same

fears. I just decided, though, that I was going to devote 1 year to it, no

matter what, and see what happens. Diets will always be there, they're not

going anywhere if I decide to do something else for a while. I've done the

dieting thing forever and it hasn't worked. 30 years of experience tells me

that if I stop IE now and do another diet, that I will more than likely be in

exactly the same place a year from now. So I just try to focus on the fact that

it's okay to have doubts but keep pushing ahead anyway, because I have nothing

to lose and everything to gain by giving IE a chance.

Josie

>

> Hi All,

>

> One of the women in a large group I'm involved with has lost a

> considerable amount of weight through WW recently--and looks... to be

> 100% honest....great. She's probably lost about 100 lbs over several

> months. Has a bit more to go.

>

> I asked her if she feels hungry on WW, and a few other questions, and

> all her replies were " no--not hungry at all " and basically that " WW

> Rocks! "

>

> I have been on WW about 50 times and was always hungry, always

> miserable, and never successful.

>

> There is no return to dieting for me. Rock-bottom was definitely hit a

> while ago. BUT--she looks wonderful, and seems to feel wonderful, goes

> skinny-dipping with her husband in their beautiful in-ground pool after

> the kids are asleep, blah, blah, and here I am, struggling with my food

> intake, still using it, and definitely with no weight loss yet (and

> probably not for a long time--this process is slow).

>

> I admit it--I'm jealous of her weight loss, and jealous of her seeming

> effortless WW experience.

>

> The elephant in the room is not me--not referring to size--it's the FOOD

> PROBLEM. It is so disturbing--the fear that I'm kidding myself about IE,

> that I can't do it. I know that we are not supposed to focus on the

> weight--and I truly understand the rationale for that--but the

> weight-monster keeps appearing and re-appearing.

>

> I think about those times in young childhood when food really was only

> fuel--nothing else--except for the Good Humor ice cream in the summers

> when all of us would go flying for the GH truck and wait our turn. But

> that was normal, not using food.

>

> Any insights would be greatly appreciated. This sense of jealousy--of

> envy--and of fear that I'm deluding myself about IE--is very

> distressing.

>

> reputkow

>