Guest guest Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 - What struck me about your dad's " if we hadn't bought the house... " lament is how illogical, immature, and whiny it is. If he was on track for a Ph.D., the act of buying a house and having a child wouldn't put a stop to it - a delay, maybe, but not a full stop. A lot of people with doctorates earned them while living responsible adult lives (i.e., creating families, taking on adult burdens, paying bills). Your birth wasn't the sole deciding factor. True, many parents (mostly moms) put their own desires on hold while raising kids. But that isn't the whole story, and the childrearing years are usually only one part of an adult's lifespan. As a parent I can confirm that we do make choices. Responsible adults take paths that will provide the best environment and opportunities for our kids. It's what parents do. We put our kids' well-being in front of what would be convenient or desirable for us. Therefore, I am not writing brilliant poetry in a romantic garret overlooking the boulevards of Paris. I am not a rock star. I am not conducting field archaeology studies in Mexico. I decided that my son's well-being and education had to come first - that doesn't make any of my " roads not taken " his fault. It also doesn't mean that, absent his existence, I'd have the talent, stamina, or aptitude to live any of my fantasy lives. And once he's grown and out of the house, any excuses for me to sit home and whine will evaporate. I'd say the same is true for your dad. I know we are all trying to be compassionate, but on this one count, he just needs to cowboy up and get over it. He had a kid and had to pay bills - so what? You're all grown up, so if he wants to study - and has the aptitude to achieve a Ph.D. - there's been nothing stopping him for a few years now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 - What struck me about your dad's " if we hadn't bought the house... " lament is how illogical, immature, and whiny it is. If he was on track for a Ph.D., the act of buying a house and having a child wouldn't put a stop to it - a delay, maybe, but not a full stop. A lot of people with doctorates earned them while living responsible adult lives (i.e., creating families, taking on adult burdens, paying bills). Your birth wasn't the sole deciding factor. True, many parents (mostly moms) put their own desires on hold while raising kids. But that isn't the whole story, and the childrearing years are usually only one part of an adult's lifespan. As a parent I can confirm that we do make choices. Responsible adults take paths that will provide the best environment and opportunities for our kids. It's what parents do. We put our kids' well-being in front of what would be convenient or desirable for us. Therefore, I am not writing brilliant poetry in a romantic garret overlooking the boulevards of Paris. I am not a rock star. I am not conducting field archaeology studies in Mexico. I decided that my son's well-being and education had to come first - that doesn't make any of my " roads not taken " his fault. It also doesn't mean that, absent his existence, I'd have the talent, stamina, or aptitude to live any of my fantasy lives. And once he's grown and out of the house, any excuses for me to sit home and whine will evaporate. I'd say the same is true for your dad. I know we are all trying to be compassionate, but on this one count, he just needs to cowboy up and get over it. He had a kid and had to pay bills - so what? You're all grown up, so if he wants to study - and has the aptitude to achieve a Ph.D. - there's been nothing stopping him for a few years now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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