Re: Frustrated. Period. Why can't I do better?

[Guest guest]

when I took my human development class we learned that siblings are no more

similar than random people on the street and each has their own experience even

though they grow up in the same environment. add to that the differing

circumstances of her being handed everything and you having to make your way and

of course you guys are going to have vastly different life experiences. It

sounds like comparing yourself to her makes you feel really depressed and it

would probably be helpful to find a way to stop doing it. I was the painted

black child and all my siblings are doing better than I am. It's possible they

always will. It took moving back around them for me to even understand that

their relationships with my father were so different that they practically had a

completely different father than I did, he was so abusive of me. It made me

understand a bit better, though it will always be a source of pain. Even though

my sibs are doing way better than me in life, I don't want to be like them

because we have lead very different lives. I just want to do better in my own

life.

>

> Hi Everyone.

>

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much better

than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She also is able

to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her finances seem to

be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3 going on 4 years now

and they are both very happy with eachother. No dysfunction or codependency that

I see.

>

> She also works part time as a manager--almost full time. She also goes to

school full-time and finishes all her homework quickly and has time left over

for her social endeavors. She never had trouble voicing her opinion, standing up

for herself, or being assertive. That is often my downfall. :/

>

> I am happy for her, yet I feel bad about msyelf because I feel like I've

struggled so to get to where I am. I still do not have a good social support

system ( I feel). I'm still working on it. I just broke off another budding (yet

dysfunctional) relationship...why again? I made another mistake. I am struggling

with my finances and I just barely missed getting taken advantage of at work ( I

stood up for myself). I also feel like I can never juggle my social and work

time. I also have trouble finding ppl to go out with.

>

> I look at other factors tho: my sister was more or less the golden child most

of her life. I was often the scapegoat. Her education was fully paid for as was

her car. Mine was not. Her computer was paid for.. I had to buy my own. Her

insurance is paid for. Mine was not.

>

> She spent her early years in a somewhat stable household ( I did not--lived in

a volatile abusive home til I was 7 and we moved in w my grandparents right when

she was born). That could have something to do with it.

>

> I don't really know. All I know is I'm trying my best and I'm just not there

yet. Gotta keep climbing. Has anyone else been frustrated about a similar

difference between them and their siblings? It makes me have low self esteem

when I have these thoughts. Esp. the dysfunctional relationship part. That part

sucks. I just got out of one.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

when I took my human development class we learned that siblings are no more

similar than random people on the street and each has their own experience even

though they grow up in the same environment. add to that the differing

circumstances of her being handed everything and you having to make your way and

of course you guys are going to have vastly different life experiences. It

sounds like comparing yourself to her makes you feel really depressed and it

would probably be helpful to find a way to stop doing it. I was the painted

black child and all my siblings are doing better than I am. It's possible they

always will. It took moving back around them for me to even understand that

their relationships with my father were so different that they practically had a

completely different father than I did, he was so abusive of me. It made me

understand a bit better, though it will always be a source of pain. Even though

my sibs are doing way better than me in life, I don't want to be like them

because we have lead very different lives. I just want to do better in my own

life.

>

> Hi Everyone.

>

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much better

than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She also is able

to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her finances seem to

be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3 going on 4 years now

and they are both very happy with eachother. No dysfunction or codependency that

I see.

>

> She also works part time as a manager--almost full time. She also goes to

school full-time and finishes all her homework quickly and has time left over

for her social endeavors. She never had trouble voicing her opinion, standing up

for herself, or being assertive. That is often my downfall. :/

>

> I am happy for her, yet I feel bad about msyelf because I feel like I've

struggled so to get to where I am. I still do not have a good social support

system ( I feel). I'm still working on it. I just broke off another budding (yet

dysfunctional) relationship...why again? I made another mistake. I am struggling

with my finances and I just barely missed getting taken advantage of at work ( I

stood up for myself). I also feel like I can never juggle my social and work

time. I also have trouble finding ppl to go out with.

>

> I look at other factors tho: my sister was more or less the golden child most

of her life. I was often the scapegoat. Her education was fully paid for as was

her car. Mine was not. Her computer was paid for.. I had to buy my own. Her

insurance is paid for. Mine was not.

>

> She spent her early years in a somewhat stable household ( I did not--lived in

a volatile abusive home til I was 7 and we moved in w my grandparents right when

she was born). That could have something to do with it.

>

> I don't really know. All I know is I'm trying my best and I'm just not there

yet. Gotta keep climbing. Has anyone else been frustrated about a similar

difference between them and their siblings? It makes me have low self esteem

when I have these thoughts. Esp. the dysfunctional relationship part. That part

sucks. I just got out of one.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joy,

I understand your frustration...I am much further along in healing than my

siblings, and I dont go to therapy...I think it comes down to the

individuals personality/temperament. One of my sisters is a people pleaser

....I am to a point, but not anywhere near as much as she...and I think that

helps me..my other sister still takes everything so personally what nada

does...I used to but dont any more, and I think that helps me...also, I am

much more independent than either of my sisters...and again, that helps

me....I do NOT think it is a sign of weakness that your sibling is much

further along in healing than you...she's just a different personality and

handles thing differently...

Jackie

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

> she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much

> better than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She

> also is able to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her

> finances seem to be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3

> going on 4 years now and they are both very happy with eachother. No

> dysfunction or codependency that I see.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joy,

I understand your frustration...I am much further along in healing than my

siblings, and I dont go to therapy...I think it comes down to the

individuals personality/temperament. One of my sisters is a people pleaser

....I am to a point, but not anywhere near as much as she...and I think that

helps me..my other sister still takes everything so personally what nada

does...I used to but dont any more, and I think that helps me...also, I am

much more independent than either of my sisters...and again, that helps

me....I do NOT think it is a sign of weakness that your sibling is much

further along in healing than you...she's just a different personality and

handles thing differently...

Jackie

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

> she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much

> better than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She

> also is able to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her

> finances seem to be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3

> going on 4 years now and they are both very happy with eachother. No

> dysfunction or codependency that I see.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Joy,

I understand your frustration...I am much further along in healing than my

siblings, and I dont go to therapy...I think it comes down to the

individuals personality/temperament. One of my sisters is a people pleaser

....I am to a point, but not anywhere near as much as she...and I think that

helps me..my other sister still takes everything so personally what nada

does...I used to but dont any more, and I think that helps me...also, I am

much more independent than either of my sisters...and again, that helps

me....I do NOT think it is a sign of weakness that your sibling is much

further along in healing than you...she's just a different personality and

handles thing differently...

Jackie

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

> she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much

> better than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She

> also is able to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her

> finances seem to be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3

> going on 4 years now and they are both very happy with eachother. No

> dysfunction or codependency that I see.

>

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<<Joy>>>>>>>>

am sending you huge hugs.

I was like your sister, the favored, golden child my parents, most effusively my

father, fussed over and always said to my brother, " why can't you be more like

your sister? " I still feel that burden of guilt at being more (demonstratively)

loved than my brother.

It's such a cruel thing to do, to blatantly favor one child over others. For me,

it was cruel, because I've never gotten the image of him on the outside out of

my mind.

I still feel a bit responsible for him. He struggles as well.

Please don't be hard on yourself. And, though it's easier said than done, please

try not to compare yourself to your sister. She may have her own private

struggles and issues that she hides well, even though her successes may look

effortless.

>

> Hi Everyone.

>

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much better

than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She also is able

to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her finances seem to

be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3 going on 4 years now

and they are both very happy with eachother. No dysfunction or codependency that

I see.

>

> She also works part time as a manager--almost full time. She also goes to

school full-time and finishes all her homework quickly and has time left over

for her social endeavors. She never had trouble voicing her opinion, standing up

for herself, or being assertive. That is often my downfall. :/

>

> I am happy for her, yet I feel bad about msyelf because I feel like I've

struggled so to get to where I am. I still do not have a good social support

system ( I feel). I'm still working on it. I just broke off another budding (yet

dysfunctional) relationship...why again? I made another mistake. I am struggling

with my finances and I just barely missed getting taken advantage of at work ( I

stood up for myself). I also feel like I can never juggle my social and work

time. I also have trouble finding ppl to go out with.

>

> I look at other factors tho: my sister was more or less the golden child most

of her life. I was often the scapegoat. Her education was fully paid for as was

her car. Mine was not. Her computer was paid for.. I had to buy my own. Her

insurance is paid for. Mine was not.

>

> She spent her early years in a somewhat stable household ( I did not--lived in

a volatile abusive home til I was 7 and we moved in w my grandparents right when

she was born). That could have something to do with it.

>

> I don't really know. All I know is I'm trying my best and I'm just not there

yet. Gotta keep climbing. Has anyone else been frustrated about a similar

difference between them and their siblings? It makes me have low self esteem

when I have these thoughts. Esp. the dysfunctional relationship part. That part

sucks. I just got out of one.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

<<<<<<<Joy>>>>>>>>

am sending you huge hugs.

I was like your sister, the favored, golden child my parents, most effusively my

father, fussed over and always said to my brother, " why can't you be more like

your sister? " I still feel that burden of guilt at being more (demonstratively)

loved than my brother.

It's such a cruel thing to do, to blatantly favor one child over others. For me,

it was cruel, because I've never gotten the image of him on the outside out of

my mind.

I still feel a bit responsible for him. He struggles as well.

Please don't be hard on yourself. And, though it's easier said than done, please

try not to compare yourself to your sister. She may have her own private

struggles and issues that she hides well, even though her successes may look

effortless.

>

> Hi Everyone.

>

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much better

than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She also is able

to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her finances seem to

be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3 going on 4 years now

and they are both very happy with eachother. No dysfunction or codependency that

I see.

>

> She also works part time as a manager--almost full time. She also goes to

school full-time and finishes all her homework quickly and has time left over

for her social endeavors. She never had trouble voicing her opinion, standing up

for herself, or being assertive. That is often my downfall. :/

>

> I am happy for her, yet I feel bad about msyelf because I feel like I've

struggled so to get to where I am. I still do not have a good social support

system ( I feel). I'm still working on it. I just broke off another budding (yet

dysfunctional) relationship...why again? I made another mistake. I am struggling

with my finances and I just barely missed getting taken advantage of at work ( I

stood up for myself). I also feel like I can never juggle my social and work

time. I also have trouble finding ppl to go out with.

>

> I look at other factors tho: my sister was more or less the golden child most

of her life. I was often the scapegoat. Her education was fully paid for as was

her car. Mine was not. Her computer was paid for.. I had to buy my own. Her

insurance is paid for. Mine was not.

>

> She spent her early years in a somewhat stable household ( I did not--lived in

a volatile abusive home til I was 7 and we moved in w my grandparents right when

she was born). That could have something to do with it.

>

> I don't really know. All I know is I'm trying my best and I'm just not there

yet. Gotta keep climbing. Has anyone else been frustrated about a similar

difference between them and their siblings? It makes me have low self esteem

when I have these thoughts. Esp. the dysfunctional relationship part. That part

sucks. I just got out of one.

>

> Joy

>

[Guest guest]

i agree, even sibs have very different experiences and personalities and i have

found that comparing in general is not a very healthy way to think about life..

there are always those who have it better than us and are doing better than us,

and those who are doing worse.  when we compare, a very natural thing to do, we

can tend to put ourselves down or build ourselves up at another's expense..

neither does much for our self esteem i don't think.

besides, we are all unique individuals even identical twins each with our

different gifts and different weaknesses. when we can focus on strengthening

ourselves and following our own ways in life i think we will be happier than

when we focus on others.  much easier said than done i know!!  but worth the

effort i believe.

Subject: Re: Frustrated. Period. Why can't I do better?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 12, 2010, 2:52 AM

 

when I took my human development class we learned that siblings are no more

similar than random people on the street and each has their own experience even

though they grow up in the same environment. add to that the differing

circumstances of her being handed everything and you having to make your way and

of course you guys are going to have vastly different life experiences. It

sounds like comparing yourself to her makes you feel really depressed and it

would probably be helpful to find a way to stop doing it. I was the painted

black child and all my siblings are doing better than I am. It's possible they

always will. It took moving back around them for me to even understand that

their relationships with my father were so different that they practically had a

completely different father than I did, he was so abusive of me. It made me

understand a bit better, though it will always be a source of pain. Even though

my sibs are doing way better than me in

life, I don't want to be like them because we have lead very different lives. I

just want to do better in my own life.

>

> Hi Everyone.

>

> I'm frustrated right now because I've noticed that my sister, even though

she's grown up in the same house I have with the same Nada is doing much better

than I am. Luckily, she moved out early which I'm sure helped. She also is able

to go on many trips and she has an active social life and her finances seem to

be in order; and she has had a loving, nurturing bf for 3 going on 4 years now

and they are both very happy with eachother. No dysfunction or codependency that

I see.

>

> She also works part time as a manager--almost full time. She also goes to

school full-time and finishes all her homework quickly and has time left over

for her social endeavors. She never had trouble voicing her opinion, standing up

for herself, or being assertive. That is often my downfall. :/

>

> I am happy for her, yet I feel bad about msyelf because I feel like I've

struggled so to get to where I am. I still do not have a good social support

system ( I feel). I'm still working on it. I just broke off another budding (yet

dysfunctional) relationship...why again? I made another mistake. I am struggling

with my finances and I just barely missed getting taken advantage of at work ( I

stood up for myself). I also feel like I can never juggle my social and work

time. I also have trouble finding ppl to go out with.

>

> I look at other factors tho: my sister was more or less the golden child most

of her life. I was often the scapegoat. Her education was fully paid for as was

her car. Mine was not. Her computer was paid for.. I had to buy my own. Her

insurance is paid for. Mine was not.

>

> She spent her early years in a somewhat stable household ( I did not--lived in

a volatile abusive home til I was 7 and we moved in w my grandparents right when

she was born). That could have something to do with it.

>

> I don't really know. All I know is I'm trying my best and I'm just not there

yet. Gotta keep climbing. Has anyone else been frustrated about a similar

difference between them and their siblings? It makes me have low self esteem

when I have these thoughts. Esp. the dysfunctional relationship part. That part

sucks. I just got out of one.

>

> Joy

>