Re: Update on NC

[Guest guest]

Congratulations!!! Good for you! I can imagine its a little scary - but I

know what you mean about that feeling of detachment. Its like knowing a

hurricane is touching down in someone else's city - you feel bad for them,

but its not your church, home, workplace etc that's being destroyed. You've

moved on.

Let us know how it goes and how you do. Randi's NC rules came out at the

perfect time for you!!! Keep them with you! I'm going to!

On Sun, Aug 15, 2010 at 8:27 AM, cocochanel1005 wrote:

>

>

> I'm finally in the end stages of going NC and I wanted to give you all an

> update. I'm now in my new city, have changed my number, have an unlisted

> address...and am fully NC. Nada and fada will most likely figure it out

> tomorrow when I don't call today. I thought I'd have a lot more emotion

> about this but I don't really. On a daily basis, I never think about FOO or

> depend on them when I have problems so that hasn't changed. I just haven't

> had to feel anxious today about calling them. When I don't visualize their

> end of what's happening, I don't feel anything at all.

>

> It's been surreal being in a new city I don't know with no friends and a

> new name I have to get used to. I'm sure things will become more familiar

> but I'm overall a little surprised that this hasn't been a more emotional

> experience. Thanks everyone for your support! It's been great reading the

> postings every day while I'm amidst all these changes!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Forget the numbness, I'm completely terrified now. I've had to call my old

apartment building for various things (blocked cell number), and they said nada

and fada have called them yesterday and today. I know they're not going to just

give up and it makes me so scared! I can't think of any way they could find me

but it still makes me really afraid to leave my apartment. Sigh.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy right

now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke to

nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told her I

was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I know,

I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

> >

> > Forget the numbness, I'm completely terrified now. I've had to call my old

apartment building for various things (blocked cell number), and they said nada

and fada have called them yesterday and today. I know they're not going to just

give up and it makes me so scared! I can't think of any way they could find me

but it still makes me really afraid to leave my apartment. Sigh.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy right

now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke to

nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told her I

was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I know,

I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

> >

> > Forget the numbness, I'm completely terrified now. I've had to call my old

apartment building for various things (blocked cell number), and they said nada

and fada have called them yesterday and today. I know they're not going to just

give up and it makes me so scared! I can't think of any way they could find me

but it still makes me really afraid to leave my apartment. Sigh.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the response, . I'm sorry (to everyone) that I'm so needy right

now, but it's a scary time. My old building manager just told me she spoke to

nada today. When nada kept pestering her for information, the manager told her I

was no longer a resident at the building. Then nada said, " oh of course, I know,

I spoke to her yesterday, I know she's moving to xxx(correct city). She's

visiting me next weekend " . The manager did not confirm any information and just

said she couldn't give nada any information and couldn't confirm if she had the

correct phone number/email address. Nada asked the bmanager if she could give me

a message, and when she said she could, nada asked for contact information (but

did not actually provide a message, she was clearly trying to trick her into

giving her info). Luckily, bmanager is 30years NC with her family and is not

providing anything.

My T warned me that nada would still think I was coming home next weekend as

planned, but I didn't believe her because that is just so absurd. That message

really triggered me because: 1. it shows how ridiculously mentally ill nada is,

and 2. that nada knows which city I'm in. I'm keeping the campus police updated

but there is only one graduate school building for my program so nada and fada

could easily camp out there.

I *know* intellectually that I'm in the legal right but it sure doesn't feel

that way. I really really am not looking forward to this week. I'm worried

there's going to be a scene during orientation when I'm trying to meet people

and make friends. If I ever doubted I had PTSD, I certainly don't doubt it

anymore. I really want to enjoy this next stage in my life but clearly nada has

other plans. Sigh.

> >

> > Forget the numbness, I'm completely terrified now. I've had to call my old

apartment building for various things (blocked cell number), and they said nada

and fada have called them yesterday and today. I know they're not going to just

give up and it makes me so scared! I can't think of any way they could find me

but it still makes me really afraid to leave my apartment. Sigh.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , yep deep breathing is good. I can imagine it's really scary right

now, but remember you are an adult, the law is on your side, and they cannot

make you do anything. During one of the worst periods when I was scared about

my fada tracking me down I put up a painting that for me symbolized the height

of my adult accomplishments. Something there to remind me frequently that I did

that, that I'm not who I was, that it's different now. Maybe there's something

like that that you could keep with you to help pull you back into your

accomplished doctor mind?

Just an idea to throw out there, but given that they won't get your letter

declaring you are cutting them off for a few more days odds are they will go

absolutely crazy until then (if not after). What do you think about the idea of

asking the building manager to let nada know if she calls prying for information

again that a letter is coming from you explaining things to them? Other

thoughts maybe preemptively tell the police in your area that you are *not* a

missing person.

good luck,

julie

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm going to look into bodyguard services

and check if my detective has recommendations. I'm still a little skeptical that

they could be discreet but I could at least check out the option.

Today was slightly better- I'm trying to make sure nada drama doesn't destroy

what should be a very exciting time in my life! I spent the day exploring my new

city, going museum-ing and to a farmer's market. I had a little bit of

orientation and so far so good.

I spoke to the dean of grad school affairs today who I've been corresponding

with all summer to make sure she and her staff are prepared for when/if nada

visits. Her office is the first/only office in the building so I figured this

was a good way to target the most likely person who would be confronted by nada.

It was....one of the most frustrating conversations I ever had!! She clearly

judged me for not trying to work things out w nada and fada and kept saying she

could understand why as parents they would be concerned about me. I kept

reiterating that this is a mental illness and has nothing to do with me. It was

an unbelievably ridiculous conversation . She openly judged me for not going

NC earlier and I told her I couldn't until I had moved and was safe, but she

kept saying, " well why didn't you just stop calling her? " And I told her nada

would (and has) just show up so I couldn't do that while I was living in an apt

where nada had the key! And then she said, " well if they show up here you'll

just have to explain to them that you've moved on and that will be that. "

I..almost went ballistic. And then the only think she kept saying was how sorry

she felt for fada (!??). Wow. I didn't think anyone could hit so many trigger

points/invalidate every single one of my emotions in one conversation. It makes

me really really nervous that this is the person nada and fada will speak with

when they try to find me. She reiterated that they aren't allowed to release

information about me but I'm not convinced that she has my best interest at

heart. Definitely another good reason to get bodyguards....

Thank you everyone, you are such such a validating group! It helps so much (in a

horrible way) to know many of you have been down this road and know how capable

nada is of horrible destruction.

[Guest guest]

, how's it going out there? Are your parents still trying to find you or

have they accepted you are NC now? I hope you are doing okay and they leave

you in peace to your new life.

[Guest guest]

Hi C-Chanel,

I am going to again suggest " Take Back Your Life " , which is a book mostly about

surviving and recovering from religious cults, but can be very helpful when KOs

have to leave their whole families as you (and I) have both had to. There are

some survival stories in there about what techniques were used to start

rebuilding and feeling normal again. They were very inspiring to me.

Good luck, always!

Charlie

> > >

> > > Hi (and everyone),

> > > I'm not sure what my nada is up to at this point. On monday she spoke to

> > my old therapist to get information on me. Of course, my therapist didn't

> > offer any information but kindly suggested she could benefit from therapy

> > multiple times, which nada ignored.

> > >

> > > School has been a welcome distraction, but at the same time, I feel very,

> > very isolated. I don't even know what I'd do without this group! I feel like

> > I've been through a war I can't talk about, and I don't know who my veteran

> > buddies are. I've mostly made friends with guys because they don't ask

> > personal questions, and although my best (girl) friend here knows what's

> > going on, I don't know how to talk about it.

> > >

> > > Despite nada's actions, I know regardless, I have lost. I have lost a

> > childhood, a mother, a family, a support system. I am trying to not feel

> > like a victim but it feels impossible not to. I know from many of your

> > experiences that things will get better, so I'm holding on.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for the book suggestion, i just ordered it on amazon and it looks very

good.ann

Subject: Re: Update on NC

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Thursday, August 26, 2010, 11:43 AM

 

Hi C-Chanel,

I am going to again suggest " Take Back Your Life " , which is a book mostly about

surviving and recovering from religious cults, but can be very helpful when KOs

have to leave their whole families as you (and I) have both had to. There are

some survival stories in there about what techniques were used to start

rebuilding and feeling normal again. They were very inspiring to me.

Good luck, always!

Charlie

> > >

> > > Hi (and everyone),

> > > I'm not sure what my nada is up to at this point. On monday she spoke to

> > my old therapist to get information on me. Of course, my therapist didn't

> > offer any information but kindly suggested she could benefit from therapy

> > multiple times, which nada ignored.

> > >

> > > School has been a welcome distraction, but at the same time, I feel very,

> > very isolated. I don't even know what I'd do without this group! I feel like

> > I've been through a war I can't talk about, and I don't know who my veteran

> > buddies are. I've mostly made friends with guys because they don't ask

> > personal questions, and although my best (girl) friend here knows what's

> > going on, I don't know how to talk about it.

> > >

> > > Despite nada's actions, I know regardless, I have lost. I have lost a

> > childhood, a mother, a family, a support system. I am trying to not feel

> > like a victim but it feels impossible not to. I know from many of your

> > experiences that things will get better, so I'm holding on.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>