New medical Affliction

[Guest guest]

The Chronicles of Mistybutt

by cynsa bonorris

" Oh, that this too, too soggy butt would melt

thaw, and resolve itself into a dew... "

It's after nightfall, and you are about to head home

after having a nice visit with a friend. Suddenly, as

you prepare to mount your bike, you realize that with

the coming of night, condensation has conspired with

the Elements to give you a nasty case of Mistybutt.

The perils of mistybutt cannot be denied. Whether it's

a mild case, resulting in a butt that is merely damp,

or a severe case, in which the whole butt area is

saturated, no motorcyclist can avoid mistybutt

altogether. It's an affliction and a curse, and its

consequences are manifold:

Even a mildly damp butt can cause a rider to become

irritable and cranky, thus making her/him lose

patience even more readily with the Four-Wheeled

Vermin (4WV) and perhaps, in this frustrated state,

taking risks s/he might not normally take.

Makes the ride home chillier. In cases of saturated

butt, unless steps are taken to reacclimatize the butt

after reaching your destination, the chill can lead to

a cold or worse.

Chafing.

In cases of wet butt or saturated butt, your

affliction might be noticeable, leading to

embarrassing misapprehensions.

Hyperfertility due to testicular cooling (males).

Long-time riders, especially those residing in

fog-prone cities, run the risk of contracting

hemorrhoids.

The Horrifying Repercussions of Steamybutt

But what steps might we take to avoid this insidious

condition?

Keep a shop rag tucked in your bungee net or saddle

bags.

Avoid parking in high altitudes.

Get in the habit of grabbing a paper towel whenever

you're ready to hit the road after nightfall.

Move to the Equator.

Wear heated longjohns; or

Rubber panties.

Tom LeNeveu

Be Safe Out There

www.eaglemountainfire.org

www.temsf.org

www.emstock.com