Re: [ACES]Dealing with parents/our trip & the next hurricane?

[Guest guest]

Melinda, I have been following your dealings with your parents (and sister) and the emails that are passing between them that they don't know you got. I certainly understand the stress that this can put on you. I was at my Mom's for 10 days last month and I know it is definitely time that my Mom go live with my brother or some other arrangement be made. She told me that she wanted to go to a nursing home and I told her that she wouldn't like that and she said "Why?" I told her that what I saw when I was in there after my knee surgery was more than she would be able to handle since her mind is still in somewhat good working order...at least a lot better than the ones I saw when I was there. She doesn't need to be where there is someone dying daily and someone is walking up and down the hall in the nude or doing something of that sort. Her mind is too clear to understand why that is tolerated. Besides, she told my brother that Jim and I told her that she SHOULD go into a nursing home and he called me over the weekend and I don't know if he was mad at me or it was just the phone connection...his voice was very loud and combative. I told him that I told Mama that she SHOULD NOT go in a nursing home. I have asked her to come to Florida for a while with Jim and me and I know that this is not going to be the best condition because we have the smallest place...but we can handle it if we have to. My brother's house and life style would suit her best...he has a master bedroom with bath built specifically for her and he attends the Baptist church religiously like she would like to...Sunday morning & evening, Wednesday evening, etc. and I know that his church members know my Mom and would take her under their wing. I guess my family has to have a family intervention and just lay down the law with her...probably in October when we are all there for the family reunion. I spent almost an hour on the phone with my DIL last night talking, crying, and telling her how much stress this is putting on me because I feel it is my place to see to it to be there and make sure she accepts this decision of ours. It's not good for my health and she is getting to the point where she doesn't want to cook for herself and I see no other solution. My DIL said to bring Gramma to her...she has all the room in the world and the temperament to boot to nurse her in her declining health.

We have had a wonderfully relaxing week here in Hot Springs this week. We have gone on a couple of tours and I have spent some time doing some painting of some pictures for my granddaughters bedroom. My DIL had bought their bedding so I brought one of the pillow cases with me and am duplicating some of the patterns and also adding some flowers, butterflies ('s favorite), and some other things to tie in with the theme. When I get back to Florida I'll make some throw pillows, floor pillows, valances, etc. for them and bring them or send them to them when I come back for birthdays this fall. Next I'll have to start on something for the boys' rooms. I haven't done anything for them either in the last house and haven't any ideas for this one. I have plenty of time, hopefully, as my son seems to really like his new job and their home.

Jim and I are going to have to have to play our return home to Florida completely by ear. We had planned to be back home by Tuesday but we will totally have to play our schedule by Ivan the Terrible. We are watching the news morning, noon, and night just so we can tell where it is expected to go but if it is as temperamental as Frances, it may take a long time to make up it's mind. Christy, I saw the pictures of your tree that you got topped...what a shame! That was a beautiful tree. It will still provide lots of beautiful shade. Glad you are safe!

Jane

Beth

Beth, I have been home with my children since March of 2000 when this disease process made me cry uncle. I was forced to choose between my health (both physical and mental) or not being able to pick myself up off the floor in the near future. It was a tough time in many ways, financially being the hardest while waiting three years for social security to be approved. I look back and wonder how we survived and realized it was entirely by God's grace and goodness to our family. The thing I miss most about not working is the people contact but I have made myself get out and have several very supportive friends and groups. One of the main stressors off of me is being able to say, I need to rest today and basically do nothing, instead of stressing out over calling in, re-arranging daycare, etc. This group has been a lifesaver, especially as currently I find myself in a new stressor, dealing with aging parents long distance. I would also encourage you to focus on your family and children.You need to see them grow up, as well as they need for you to be a part of their growing up. In my opinion, it is the children that get the raw deal with these auto-immune disorders. You will find yourself able to breathe again once you finalize and cement your plans. Things will fall into place, albeit slowly some times. Enjoy this last year. You have made an enormous contribution to society by investing in the lives of your cheerleaders. Be proud of that.Hugs,Melinda Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com

[Guest guest]

Melinda, I have been following your dealings with your parents (and sister) and the emails that are passing between them that they don't know you got. I certainly understand the stress that this can put on you. I was at my Mom's for 10 days last month and I know it is definitely time that my Mom go live with my brother or some other arrangement be made. She told me that she wanted to go to a nursing home and I told her that she wouldn't like that and she said "Why?" I told her that what I saw when I was in there after my knee surgery was more than she would be able to handle since her mind is still in somewhat good working order...at least a lot better than the ones I saw when I was there. She doesn't need to be where there is someone dying daily and someone is walking up and down the hall in the nude or doing something of that sort. Her mind is too clear to understand why that is tolerated. Besides, she told my brother that Jim and I told her that she SHOULD go into a nursing home and he called me over the weekend and I don't know if he was mad at me or it was just the phone connection...his voice was very loud and combative. I told him that I told Mama that she SHOULD NOT go in a nursing home. I have asked her to come to Florida for a while with Jim and me and I know that this is not going to be the best condition because we have the smallest place...but we can handle it if we have to. My brother's house and life style would suit her best...he has a master bedroom with bath built specifically for her and he attends the Baptist church religiously like she would like to...Sunday morning & evening, Wednesday evening, etc. and I know that his church members know my Mom and would take her under their wing. I guess my family has to have a family intervention and just lay down the law with her...probably in October when we are all there for the family reunion. I spent almost an hour on the phone with my DIL last night talking, crying, and telling her how much stress this is putting on me because I feel it is my place to see to it to be there and make sure she accepts this decision of ours. It's not good for my health and she is getting to the point where she doesn't want to cook for herself and I see no other solution. My DIL said to bring Gramma to her...she has all the room in the world and the temperament to boot to nurse her in her declining health.

We have had a wonderfully relaxing week here in Hot Springs this week. We have gone on a couple of tours and I have spent some time doing some painting of some pictures for my granddaughters bedroom. My DIL had bought their bedding so I brought one of the pillow cases with me and am duplicating some of the patterns and also adding some flowers, butterflies ('s favorite), and some other things to tie in with the theme. When I get back to Florida I'll make some throw pillows, floor pillows, valances, etc. for them and bring them or send them to them when I come back for birthdays this fall. Next I'll have to start on something for the boys' rooms. I haven't done anything for them either in the last house and haven't any ideas for this one. I have plenty of time, hopefully, as my son seems to really like his new job and their home.

Jim and I are going to have to have to play our return home to Florida completely by ear. We had planned to be back home by Tuesday but we will totally have to play our schedule by Ivan the Terrible. We are watching the news morning, noon, and night just so we can tell where it is expected to go but if it is as temperamental as Frances, it may take a long time to make up it's mind. Christy, I saw the pictures of your tree that you got topped...what a shame! That was a beautiful tree. It will still provide lots of beautiful shade. Glad you are safe!

Jane

Beth

Beth, I have been home with my children since March of 2000 when this disease process made me cry uncle. I was forced to choose between my health (both physical and mental) or not being able to pick myself up off the floor in the near future. It was a tough time in many ways, financially being the hardest while waiting three years for social security to be approved. I look back and wonder how we survived and realized it was entirely by God's grace and goodness to our family. The thing I miss most about not working is the people contact but I have made myself get out and have several very supportive friends and groups. One of the main stressors off of me is being able to say, I need to rest today and basically do nothing, instead of stressing out over calling in, re-arranging daycare, etc. This group has been a lifesaver, especially as currently I find myself in a new stressor, dealing with aging parents long distance. I would also encourage you to focus on your family and children.You need to see them grow up, as well as they need for you to be a part of their growing up. In my opinion, it is the children that get the raw deal with these auto-immune disorders. You will find yourself able to breathe again once you finalize and cement your plans. Things will fall into place, albeit slowly some times. Enjoy this last year. You have made an enormous contribution to society by investing in the lives of your cheerleaders. Be proud of that.Hugs,Melinda Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com

[Guest guest]

Jane...If your Mom doesn't want to live with family (you know, the "be a burden" thing) maybe an assisted living facility would be the best option. The resident has their own apt, but can go to meals in a main dining room with the other residents, and someone there sees that they get their meds. There are activities aimed at maximizing health and mobility, and hairdressers that come in regularly, and trips in the van to shopping or other activities.

She would have contact with people her own age (and some younger, and some older) and some care (usually help with her bath if she needs it, and some housekeeping) and many of the denominations have their own personal care homes. All of them provide rides to church services. Our closest local ones around here are Lutheran, Methodist, etc, but there are a couple of Baptist ones around here and I'm sure more in the South.

She would maintain some independence, and still be able to come visit with family from time to time, etc.

Many of these places have associated nursing homes next to them and these nursing homes tend to be somewhat better managed , cleaner, etc than some others because (IMHO this is the reason) they know that the people who are in the personal care home, and are alert, aware and paying to live there, can (and do) pop in any time to visit a friend, etc.

Most of these places also have intermediate units that she could go to if she was sick (flu, etc), but not sick enough for the hospital, and receive nursing care without giving up her apartment.

I had patients in alot of these places as a visiting nurse, and at least the ones around here, seem excellent. And 99% of the people I saw were very happy with the places. I saw more than just people with new meds, new surgeries, etc that were still in their apts, too , as we ran bloodpressure clinics, etc , weekly.

Just a though.

Kathy

Beth

Beth, I have been home with my children since March of 2000 when this disease process made me cry uncle. I was forced to choose between my health (both physical and mental) or not being able to pick myself up off the floor in the near future. It was a tough time in many ways, financially being the hardest while waiting three years for social security to be approved. I look back and wonder how we survived and realized it was entirely by God's grace and goodness to our family. The thing I miss most about not working is the people contact but I have made myself get out and have several very supportive friends and groups. One of the main stressors off of me is being able to say, I need to rest today and basically do nothing, instead of stressing out over calling in, re-arranging daycare, etc. This group has been a lifesaver, especially as currently I find myself in a new stressor, dealing with aging parents long distance. I would also encourage you to focus on your family and children.You need to see them grow up, as well as they need for you to be a part of their growing up. In my opinion, it is the children that get the raw deal with these auto-immune disorders. You will find yourself able to breathe again once you finalize and cement your plans. Things will fall into place, albeit slowly some times. Enjoy this last year. You have made an enormous contribution to society by investing in the lives of your cheerleaders. Be proud of that.Hugs,Melinda Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com