Re: m/c (graphic)

[Guest guest]

,

I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. Hearing your story

brought back a lot of memories of when I lost my little girl and

only child, Saylor Kayte, at 19 weeks on December 28, 2003. After

losing her, I was told that I have an incompentent cervix and that

is the reason why she was born so early. I didn't have any pain at

all...I just went to the bathroom one night and her foot was coming

out. (My water had broken on Christmas day, but I didn't know it.) I

know that if I had kept pushing that she would have come out

entirely, but we went to the emergency room where they did a sono

and we found out that she was still alive. Since she was so small,

there was nothing that they could do to save her. When I had her at

3:35 a.m. on that Sunday morning of December 28, she was already

gone. It was the WORST thing that has ever happened to me in my

entire life. I had to have a D & C done after her birth because the

placenta never came out. I bled heavily for a few days afterwards

and it took nearly 3 weeks for the bleeding and clots to stop all

together. So, I'm sure that you will probably bleed for awhile as

well, even though you didn't have a D & C. Your body just went through

major trauma and it will take a few weeks for it to recover.

My sister is also having a baby and is due on June 9 (also with a

girl)...approximately 3 weeks after my due date was supposed to be

on May 19th. I know exactly how you feel about this! I find myself

very happy for my sister but at the same time, I know that I am very

jealous, even if I don't want to admit it. It has been 3 months

since this happened to me and I still haven't gotten over it. As a

matter of fact, 2 girls that I work with had their baby girls over

the weekend so I got to listen to other co-workers talk about that

all day yesterday. I broke down when I got home. I got out the

little pictures that they took of my baby at the hospital and her

little footprints and just cried my eyes out for about 30 minutes.

Looking at her picture makes me feel better. I have days where I

feel really depressed and others where I am ok. I didn't find out

about my UD until I had the HSG done on March 26, and that TOTALLY

depressed me too. I get to the point where I think, " What else can

go wrong with me? " My sister's baby shower is on May 1st and I'm

totally dreading that too. It's just so hard to handle that stuff

sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that there are lots of

people out there that know how you are feeling.

It seems that this has been the worst couple of months I have ever

had to deal with and I only pray that things will get better. This

past November, we found out that my mother-in-law has breast cancer,

I lost my baby in December, I got my first speeding ticket ever on

the day I returned back to work after losing the baby, had a scare

with my mom that she might have cervical cancer, my grandpa had to

have knee surgery and he is now going to have to have surgery in a

few weeks for possible cancer of his adrenal gland, I found out I

have UD and my brand new car was crashed last week! All of this

since November! This is also my first year to teach so the stress is

quadrupled! I just know that things have to get better sometime

soon. I dont think I can handle much more.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on about my problems when what I intended

was just to let you know that are not alone. I hope you have a

better day today and an even better one tomorrow. Good luck.

Layci,26

UD/IC

My own little angel in Heaven, Saylor Kayte, 12-28-03