Re: Re: Eating without distractions

[Guest guest]

I would like to add that perhaps the whole thing is about finding the answer rather than IE just providing it. Like trying on new shoes. Creating new awareness and finding what brings new insight. Always eating the same way and in the same places creates habits and mindfulness goes out the door.

Fun ways to eat mindfully just because they are different is to eat a food we normally eat with utensils, like mashed potatoes with our fingers. Another one is to eat sitting in a chair in the middle of a room where the chair doesn’t normally go. Ever try eating soup with a teaspoon? lol. These things I see as lessons and not necessarily as permanent ways to eat. Comfort and good feelings are a part of a good eating experience. Sometimes they just need to het shaken up a bit to avoid complacency.

From: josiesjunkmail

Sent: Thursday, November 25, 2010 9:22 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Eating without distractions

I say ditto to this. For me, I find that eating without distractions is boring. As a result, I eat faster so I can get back to doing something interesting. We talk about making eating enjoyable, why would I want to do something that is so unenjoyable? I've spent a lifetime of dieting trying to stick to one rule or another, I'm not beating myself up about eating in front of the tv. Personally, I don't really see how eating with tv is different than eating with someone else and having a conversation - IMO, it's much easier to check out when doing this than when watching tv, but no one ever says eat all your meals by yourself! (Might be feeling a bit rebellious today! LOL) Besides, I feel that if I do check in with myself while eating, I will be able to notice signals. Maybe one day I won't want the distraction, but for now, IE has enough other challenges that I'd rather focus on instead of beating myself up over something I'm not altogether convinced is actually even a problem. Josie> >> > I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and sometimes choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> > times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > > > Sara> >>------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I would like to add that perhaps the whole thing is about finding the answer rather than IE just providing it. Like trying on new shoes. Creating new awareness and finding what brings new insight. Always eating the same way and in the same places creates habits and mindfulness goes out the door.

Fun ways to eat mindfully just because they are different is to eat a food we normally eat with utensils, like mashed potatoes with our fingers. Another one is to eat sitting in a chair in the middle of a room where the chair doesn’t normally go. Ever try eating soup with a teaspoon? lol. These things I see as lessons and not necessarily as permanent ways to eat. Comfort and good feelings are a part of a good eating experience. Sometimes they just need to het shaken up a bit to avoid complacency.

From: josiesjunkmail

Sent: Thursday, November 25, 2010 9:22 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Eating without distractions

I say ditto to this. For me, I find that eating without distractions is boring. As a result, I eat faster so I can get back to doing something interesting. We talk about making eating enjoyable, why would I want to do something that is so unenjoyable? I've spent a lifetime of dieting trying to stick to one rule or another, I'm not beating myself up about eating in front of the tv. Personally, I don't really see how eating with tv is different than eating with someone else and having a conversation - IMO, it's much easier to check out when doing this than when watching tv, but no one ever says eat all your meals by yourself! (Might be feeling a bit rebellious today! LOL) Besides, I feel that if I do check in with myself while eating, I will be able to notice signals. Maybe one day I won't want the distraction, but for now, IE has enough other challenges that I'd rather focus on instead of beating myself up over something I'm not altogether convinced is actually even a problem. Josie> >> > I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and sometimes choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> > times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > > > Sara> >>------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Although painful, (and I can relate) this is excellent awareness. Unless we can become aware of what our roadblocks are we cannot do anything to change them. I just had leftover apple pie for breakfast, and I could tell that at first I wanted to just shovel it in as fast as possible because I felt like I was misbehaving or being "bad" having apple pie for breakfast even though thats what I really felt like I wanted. But this time I was able to catch myself in mid thought and I said to myself, well if this is what I really want I am going to sit down and eat it slowly and mindfully and I actually ended up eating about half a piece and was satisfied. I am still kind of feeling odd about the experience because it is typical for me to either overeat, beat

myself up for eating something bad, or force myself to eat something "healthy", but I know the more I practice this type of behavior the more free I will become from the diet nightmare. I wish you all the positive experiences in the world and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Tana To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 1:04:20 PMSubject:

Re: Re: Eating without distractions

Thanks Alana,

This helps. I'm having a bad day and feeling really hopeless. I FORCED myself to sit at the table this morning and I hated it so much I was experiencing waves of sadness and fear. I only ate half my food - not because i was full or satisfied but because I felt so awful.

I've recently realized that I've created another huge roadblock for myself. If I don't eat healthy food I torture myself. The further away I am from raw/organic, the more I feel like I'm killing myself. Then I binge. I can binge on raw/organic nuts or Dairy Queen. I met someone who is orthoexic and I see that this is not helpful (only eats obsessively healthy). I have all the words and information and can answer all the questions but I seem to be going backwards Not as cheerful as usual,Audrey

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 7:18:40 AMSubject: Re: Eating without distractions

Sara,I too have always been a person to either eat in front of the TV and/or read at the table and sometimes even at the computer. For me too, it's a lonliness thing.I have experimented quite a bit with all the different concepts - mindfully eating at the table doing nothing else but eating, eating in front of the TV, eating while reading and eating at the computer.Here is my conclusion in my 3 1/2 almost 4 years of practicing IE:I believe that one can eat mindfully while doing something else. For me, eating while doing nothing else was diet mentality - it was a should I placed on myself and I felt angry and rebellious and therefore had trouble doing it. So I gave myself permission to eat while doing something else, but practiced on stopping every few bites and checking in with myself, asking questions like where am I on the hunger scale? Am I satisfied? Am I still hungry? Am I full? etc.PS Getting new carpet helps. I

recently got new carpet and set a rule for myself and my son of no eating in the living room or at the computer, we must eat at the table. I catch myself starting to walk into the living room with a plate of food and sometimes it is a battle to sit at the kitchen table. I can still watch TV, but it is across the room and I have to turn my body to see it. It has been a challenge but I do think having a designated eating spot does help. I definately don't snack on the things like chips and the like nearly as much. I do still read quite a bit at the table.Hope this helps.Alana>> I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and

sometimes

choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without

distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > Sara>

[Guest guest]

Although painful, (and I can relate) this is excellent awareness. Unless we can become aware of what our roadblocks are we cannot do anything to change them. I just had leftover apple pie for breakfast, and I could tell that at first I wanted to just shovel it in as fast as possible because I felt like I was misbehaving or being "bad" having apple pie for breakfast even though thats what I really felt like I wanted. But this time I was able to catch myself in mid thought and I said to myself, well if this is what I really want I am going to sit down and eat it slowly and mindfully and I actually ended up eating about half a piece and was satisfied. I am still kind of feeling odd about the experience because it is typical for me to either overeat, beat

myself up for eating something bad, or force myself to eat something "healthy", but I know the more I practice this type of behavior the more free I will become from the diet nightmare. I wish you all the positive experiences in the world and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Tana To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 1:04:20 PMSubject:

Re: Re: Eating without distractions

Thanks Alana,

This helps. I'm having a bad day and feeling really hopeless. I FORCED myself to sit at the table this morning and I hated it so much I was experiencing waves of sadness and fear. I only ate half my food - not because i was full or satisfied but because I felt so awful.

I've recently realized that I've created another huge roadblock for myself. If I don't eat healthy food I torture myself. The further away I am from raw/organic, the more I feel like I'm killing myself. Then I binge. I can binge on raw/organic nuts or Dairy Queen. I met someone who is orthoexic and I see that this is not helpful (only eats obsessively healthy). I have all the words and information and can answer all the questions but I seem to be going backwards Not as cheerful as usual,Audrey

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 7:18:40 AMSubject: Re: Eating without distractions

Sara,I too have always been a person to either eat in front of the TV and/or read at the table and sometimes even at the computer. For me too, it's a lonliness thing.I have experimented quite a bit with all the different concepts - mindfully eating at the table doing nothing else but eating, eating in front of the TV, eating while reading and eating at the computer.Here is my conclusion in my 3 1/2 almost 4 years of practicing IE:I believe that one can eat mindfully while doing something else. For me, eating while doing nothing else was diet mentality - it was a should I placed on myself and I felt angry and rebellious and therefore had trouble doing it. So I gave myself permission to eat while doing something else, but practiced on stopping every few bites and checking in with myself, asking questions like where am I on the hunger scale? Am I satisfied? Am I still hungry? Am I full? etc.PS Getting new carpet helps. I

recently got new carpet and set a rule for myself and my son of no eating in the living room or at the computer, we must eat at the table. I catch myself starting to walk into the living room with a plate of food and sometimes it is a battle to sit at the kitchen table. I can still watch TV, but it is across the room and I have to turn my body to see it. It has been a challenge but I do think having a designated eating spot does help. I definately don't snack on the things like chips and the like nearly as much. I do still read quite a bit at the table.Hope this helps.Alana>> I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and

sometimes

choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without

distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > Sara>

[Guest guest]

Although painful, (and I can relate) this is excellent awareness. Unless we can become aware of what our roadblocks are we cannot do anything to change them. I just had leftover apple pie for breakfast, and I could tell that at first I wanted to just shovel it in as fast as possible because I felt like I was misbehaving or being "bad" having apple pie for breakfast even though thats what I really felt like I wanted. But this time I was able to catch myself in mid thought and I said to myself, well if this is what I really want I am going to sit down and eat it slowly and mindfully and I actually ended up eating about half a piece and was satisfied. I am still kind of feeling odd about the experience because it is typical for me to either overeat, beat

myself up for eating something bad, or force myself to eat something "healthy", but I know the more I practice this type of behavior the more free I will become from the diet nightmare. I wish you all the positive experiences in the world and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Tana To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 1:04:20 PMSubject:

Re: Re: Eating without distractions

Thanks Alana,

This helps. I'm having a bad day and feeling really hopeless. I FORCED myself to sit at the table this morning and I hated it so much I was experiencing waves of sadness and fear. I only ate half my food - not because i was full or satisfied but because I felt so awful.

I've recently realized that I've created another huge roadblock for myself. If I don't eat healthy food I torture myself. The further away I am from raw/organic, the more I feel like I'm killing myself. Then I binge. I can binge on raw/organic nuts or Dairy Queen. I met someone who is orthoexic and I see that this is not helpful (only eats obsessively healthy). I have all the words and information and can answer all the questions but I seem to be going backwards Not as cheerful as usual,Audrey

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 7:18:40 AMSubject: Re: Eating without distractions

Sara,I too have always been a person to either eat in front of the TV and/or read at the table and sometimes even at the computer. For me too, it's a lonliness thing.I have experimented quite a bit with all the different concepts - mindfully eating at the table doing nothing else but eating, eating in front of the TV, eating while reading and eating at the computer.Here is my conclusion in my 3 1/2 almost 4 years of practicing IE:I believe that one can eat mindfully while doing something else. For me, eating while doing nothing else was diet mentality - it was a should I placed on myself and I felt angry and rebellious and therefore had trouble doing it. So I gave myself permission to eat while doing something else, but practiced on stopping every few bites and checking in with myself, asking questions like where am I on the hunger scale? Am I satisfied? Am I still hungry? Am I full? etc.PS Getting new carpet helps. I

recently got new carpet and set a rule for myself and my son of no eating in the living room or at the computer, we must eat at the table. I catch myself starting to walk into the living room with a plate of food and sometimes it is a battle to sit at the kitchen table. I can still watch TV, but it is across the room and I have to turn my body to see it. It has been a challenge but I do think having a designated eating spot does help. I definately don't snack on the things like chips and the like nearly as much. I do still read quite a bit at the table.Hope this helps.Alana>> I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and

sometimes

choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without

distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > Sara>

[Guest guest]

AA would love to have everyone believe that we are powerless over alcoholism. Yet everyday there are countless numbers of people who quit drinking by just making the decision to do so. The diet industry and media would like us to believe we are incapable of making eating decisions without their guidance, menus, pills, potions and hype.

If we trusted ourselves to make eating decisions, then who would buy all the stuff they sell?

From: bkhanson

Sent: Saturday, November 27, 2010 9:45 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: Eating without distractions

.....I can't figure out why I'm pulled away from trusting myself and why I must depend on the system from outside my own intuition. This bugs me. Any ideas?

[Guest guest]

AA would love to have everyone believe that we are powerless over alcoholism. Yet everyday there are countless numbers of people who quit drinking by just making the decision to do so. The diet industry and media would like us to believe we are incapable of making eating decisions without their guidance, menus, pills, potions and hype.

If we trusted ourselves to make eating decisions, then who would buy all the stuff they sell?

From: bkhanson

Sent: Saturday, November 27, 2010 9:45 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: Eating without distractions

.....I can't figure out why I'm pulled away from trusting myself and why I must depend on the system from outside my own intuition. This bugs me. Any ideas?

[Guest guest]

, I also struggle with eating with others. I love to eat with my husband. but when there is a table full of people and commotion, I start to tense up. Even with my own family. I never was one to enjoy eating in the lunchroom at work or in noisy restaurants. it undoes me. I don’t know what to suggest, as I do think it is important to sit together as a family. In One Bowl, the author has you eat away from the table and others in order to concentrate on eating and enjoying it without distractions so I know how important that is too.

From working to cooking to the table....you have not had a chance to relax or decompress from the day. My parents always had a cocktail together when they came home from work. Just them, about 20 minutes together, they talked about their day and we had to wait until that was over before dinner was started. This wasn’t about drinking booze, they each had a simple martini or gibson, it was more about putting a distance between home and work, shifting gears. Once they had their respite, we all joined them and had dinner.

When I was still working and the job stress was mounting, I use to talk out loud in my car on the way home. I would yell, scream, say all the things I really wanted to say, but couldn’t and made myself a promise that once I drove into the garage, it was over with. I would not bring it into the house with me. It really worked for me. Now that I am retired, if the day has been stressful, I sip a drink before dinner, non alcohol when in the truck, and a brandy if I am at home. There is something soothing in sipping, and hot tea is a natural relaxer.

From: Spector

Sent: Sunday, November 28, 2010 3:14 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: Eating without distractions

These posts have been really helpful for me (i am a few days behind!) but I wanted to say when I eat with my family (2 teenagers and husband) i find it stressful and often too distracting - therefore, I eat quickly to "get away" from them. It's not that we have unpleasant interaction or things are rough in my home, it's just more for my exhausted after working all day brain to try to take it all in and filter. In other words, most days I feel sucked dry by work and just want quiet space so I wish I could eat by myself, at least at dinner! I also struggle alot with waiting for full hunger when the family sits down to eat - i find this really frustrating! However, i wonder if I were truly eating from stomach hunger if I would really want to eat. Perhaps I am frustrated because I want to eat to satsify an emotional need... I'm still new at this..

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 10:22:52 PMSubject: Re: Eating without distractions

I say ditto to this. For me, I find that eating without distractions is boring. As a result, I eat faster so I can get back to doing something interesting. We talk about making eating enjoyable, why would I want to do something that is so unenjoyable? I've spent a lifetime of dieting trying to stick to one rule or another, I'm not beating myself up about eating in front of the tv. Personally, I don't really see how eating with tv is different than eating with someone else and having a conversation - IMO, it's much easier to check out when doing this than when watching tv, but no one ever says eat all your meals by yourself! (Might be feeling a bit rebellious today! LOL) Besides, I feel that if I do check in with myself while eating, I will be able to notice signals. Maybe one day I won't want the distraction, but for now, IE has enough other challenges that I'd rather focus on instead of beating myself up over something I'm not altogether convinced is actually even a problem. Josie> >> > I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and sometimes choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> > times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > > > Sara> >>

[Guest guest]

, I also struggle with eating with others. I love to eat with my husband. but when there is a table full of people and commotion, I start to tense up. Even with my own family. I never was one to enjoy eating in the lunchroom at work or in noisy restaurants. it undoes me. I don’t know what to suggest, as I do think it is important to sit together as a family. In One Bowl, the author has you eat away from the table and others in order to concentrate on eating and enjoying it without distractions so I know how important that is too.

From working to cooking to the table....you have not had a chance to relax or decompress from the day. My parents always had a cocktail together when they came home from work. Just them, about 20 minutes together, they talked about their day and we had to wait until that was over before dinner was started. This wasn’t about drinking booze, they each had a simple martini or gibson, it was more about putting a distance between home and work, shifting gears. Once they had their respite, we all joined them and had dinner.

When I was still working and the job stress was mounting, I use to talk out loud in my car on the way home. I would yell, scream, say all the things I really wanted to say, but couldn’t and made myself a promise that once I drove into the garage, it was over with. I would not bring it into the house with me. It really worked for me. Now that I am retired, if the day has been stressful, I sip a drink before dinner, non alcohol when in the truck, and a brandy if I am at home. There is something soothing in sipping, and hot tea is a natural relaxer.

From: Spector

Sent: Sunday, November 28, 2010 3:14 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: Eating without distractions

These posts have been really helpful for me (i am a few days behind!) but I wanted to say when I eat with my family (2 teenagers and husband) i find it stressful and often too distracting - therefore, I eat quickly to "get away" from them. It's not that we have unpleasant interaction or things are rough in my home, it's just more for my exhausted after working all day brain to try to take it all in and filter. In other words, most days I feel sucked dry by work and just want quiet space so I wish I could eat by myself, at least at dinner! I also struggle alot with waiting for full hunger when the family sits down to eat - i find this really frustrating! However, i wonder if I were truly eating from stomach hunger if I would really want to eat. Perhaps I am frustrated because I want to eat to satsify an emotional need... I'm still new at this..

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 10:22:52 PMSubject: Re: Eating without distractions

I say ditto to this. For me, I find that eating without distractions is boring. As a result, I eat faster so I can get back to doing something interesting. We talk about making eating enjoyable, why would I want to do something that is so unenjoyable? I've spent a lifetime of dieting trying to stick to one rule or another, I'm not beating myself up about eating in front of the tv. Personally, I don't really see how eating with tv is different than eating with someone else and having a conversation - IMO, it's much easier to check out when doing this than when watching tv, but no one ever says eat all your meals by yourself! (Might be feeling a bit rebellious today! LOL) Besides, I feel that if I do check in with myself while eating, I will be able to notice signals. Maybe one day I won't want the distraction, but for now, IE has enough other challenges that I'd rather focus on instead of beating myself up over something I'm not altogether convinced is actually even a problem. Josie> >> > I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and sometimes choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> > times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > > > Sara> >>

[Guest guest]

, I also struggle with eating with others. I love to eat with my husband. but when there is a table full of people and commotion, I start to tense up. Even with my own family. I never was one to enjoy eating in the lunchroom at work or in noisy restaurants. it undoes me. I don’t know what to suggest, as I do think it is important to sit together as a family. In One Bowl, the author has you eat away from the table and others in order to concentrate on eating and enjoying it without distractions so I know how important that is too.

From working to cooking to the table....you have not had a chance to relax or decompress from the day. My parents always had a cocktail together when they came home from work. Just them, about 20 minutes together, they talked about their day and we had to wait until that was over before dinner was started. This wasn’t about drinking booze, they each had a simple martini or gibson, it was more about putting a distance between home and work, shifting gears. Once they had their respite, we all joined them and had dinner.

When I was still working and the job stress was mounting, I use to talk out loud in my car on the way home. I would yell, scream, say all the things I really wanted to say, but couldn’t and made myself a promise that once I drove into the garage, it was over with. I would not bring it into the house with me. It really worked for me. Now that I am retired, if the day has been stressful, I sip a drink before dinner, non alcohol when in the truck, and a brandy if I am at home. There is something soothing in sipping, and hot tea is a natural relaxer.

From: Spector

Sent: Sunday, November 28, 2010 3:14 PM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re: Re: Eating without distractions

These posts have been really helpful for me (i am a few days behind!) but I wanted to say when I eat with my family (2 teenagers and husband) i find it stressful and often too distracting - therefore, I eat quickly to "get away" from them. It's not that we have unpleasant interaction or things are rough in my home, it's just more for my exhausted after working all day brain to try to take it all in and filter. In other words, most days I feel sucked dry by work and just want quiet space so I wish I could eat by myself, at least at dinner! I also struggle alot with waiting for full hunger when the family sits down to eat - i find this really frustrating! However, i wonder if I were truly eating from stomach hunger if I would really want to eat. Perhaps I am frustrated because I want to eat to satsify an emotional need... I'm still new at this..

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, November 25, 2010 10:22:52 PMSubject: Re: Eating without distractions

I say ditto to this. For me, I find that eating without distractions is boring. As a result, I eat faster so I can get back to doing something interesting. We talk about making eating enjoyable, why would I want to do something that is so unenjoyable? I've spent a lifetime of dieting trying to stick to one rule or another, I'm not beating myself up about eating in front of the tv. Personally, I don't really see how eating with tv is different than eating with someone else and having a conversation - IMO, it's much easier to check out when doing this than when watching tv, but no one ever says eat all your meals by yourself! (Might be feeling a bit rebellious today! LOL) Besides, I feel that if I do check in with myself while eating, I will be able to notice signals. Maybe one day I won't want the distraction, but for now, IE has enough other challenges that I'd rather focus on instead of beating myself up over something I'm not altogether convinced is actually even a problem. Josie> >> > I have struggled with the exact same thing! I KNOW that when I eat without distraction, I eat far less, and sometimes choose not to eat at all when otherwise I would have. I've discussed ths with my counselor, and I even told her that when I tell myself that I can't eat distractedly, I lose interest in the food. She asked me what I get from my distractors- tv or reading. I told her that I get distraction and entertainment. When she asked me what I get from food, I said comfort. Then she asked me what I need to be distracted from and comforted for. I am at home alone all day, and I realized that I am incredibly lonely. When I sit at the table to eat by myself without distractions, the loneliness really sets in. So we decided that, when I'm physically hungry, I should sit at the table with the stuffed bear that I sleep with. We laughed at first thinking about it, but the thought of having the bear there made me feel less afraid. I've tried it a couple> > times, and it did help. Honestly, though, I'm still not very good at eating at the table (without distraction) and would love to hear what others think!> > > > Sara> >>

[Guest guest]

I like the cocktail idea because it is " doing " something, not just talking but contains a relaxing " task " of sorts, sipping on the drink. And there's a clear finish line, when the drink is gone. Yet it's clear that the goal is not to drink it as fast as possible.

Maybe this could be done with herbal tea. Anyone else have substitutes?

My sister relaxes with knitting. And she does it while watching TV and doing other mindless things... might be a good substitute for mindless eating! I've never been interested in knitting before but suddenly the last couple of days I am.

Oh, and for those in couples, the idea of a drink together, sans kids, sounds pretty great for reconnecting, too!

Abby

>  My parents always had a cocktail together when they came home from work. Just them, about 20 minutes together, they talked about their day and we had to wait until that was over before dinner was started. This wasn’t about drinking booze, they each had a simple martini or gibson, it was more about putting a distance between home and work, shifting gears. Once they had their respite, we all joined them and had dinner.

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> When I was still working and the job stress was mounting, I use to talk out loud in my car on the way home. I would yell, scream, say all the things I really wanted to say, but couldn’t and made myself a promise that once I drove into the garage, it was over with. I would not bring it into the house with me. It really worked for me. Now that I am retired, if the day has been stressful, I sip a drink before dinner, non alcohol when in the truck, and a brandy if I am at home. There is something soothing in sipping, and hot tea is a natural relaxer.

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