Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 "I can be changed by what happens to me. I REFUSE to be reduced by it" Maya Angelou -----Original Message-----From: Christy Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2004 8:11 PMTo: autoimmune-ills Subject: Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 "I can be changed by what happens to me. I REFUSE to be reduced by it" Maya Angelou -----Original Message-----From: Christy Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2004 8:11 PMTo: autoimmune-ills Subject: Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 "I can be changed by what happens to me. I REFUSE to be reduced by it" Maya Angelou -----Original Message-----From: Christy Sent: Tuesday, July 13, 2004 8:11 PMTo: autoimmune-ills Subject: Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 I wanna be the judge...... No, I wanna enter ...... I wanna win the goodies.... Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 I wanna be the judge...... No, I wanna enter ...... I wanna win the goodies.... Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 I wanna be the judge...... No, I wanna enter ...... I wanna win the goodies.... Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Do they offer you a CD to purchuse with the photos in it? When I got my graduation pictures they CD cost $65 and that was half the price of getting 2 shots printed up, and a big one for my parents. So my dad just took them in to the local photo place and got them printed off cd for cheeper.. Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a " meaningful quote " to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The " package " they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky " leatherette " portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at: http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Do they offer you a CD to purchuse with the photos in it? When I got my graduation pictures they CD cost $65 and that was half the price of getting 2 shots printed up, and a big one for my parents. So my dad just took them in to the local photo place and got them printed off cd for cheeper.. Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a " meaningful quote " to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The " package " they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky " leatherette " portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at: http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Do they offer you a CD to purchuse with the photos in it? When I got my graduation pictures they CD cost $65 and that was half the price of getting 2 shots printed up, and a big one for my parents. So my dad just took them in to the local photo place and got them printed off cd for cheeper.. Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a " meaningful quote " to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The " package " they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky " leatherette " portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at: http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 You read my mind Christy, halway fthrough the first paragraph I was thinking Oh, I gotta tell her to just get the wallets & scan them! lol. Dawn --- Christy wrote: > OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she > needs a " meaningful quote " to go under her name in > the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post > at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll > pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win > something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! > > How's that sound? > > By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to > choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The " package " > they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! > The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky > " leatherette " portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a > terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her > to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not > paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! > > Christy.... the mean, evil person > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 You read my mind Christy, halway fthrough the first paragraph I was thinking Oh, I gotta tell her to just get the wallets & scan them! lol. Dawn --- Christy wrote: > OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she > needs a " meaningful quote " to go under her name in > the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post > at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll > pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win > something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! > > How's that sound? > > By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to > choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The " package " > they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! > The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky > " leatherette " portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a > terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her > to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not > paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! > > Christy.... the mean, evil person > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 You read my mind Christy, halway fthrough the first paragraph I was thinking Oh, I gotta tell her to just get the wallets & scan them! lol. Dawn --- Christy wrote: > OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she > needs a " meaningful quote " to go under her name in > the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post > at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll > pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win > something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! > > How's that sound? > > By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to > choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The " package " > they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! > The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky > " leatherette " portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a > terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her > to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not > paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! > > Christy.... the mean, evil person > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 That's outrageous on the picture prices. Let her go to Wal-Mart and have them done there, that's what my daughter did. Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 That's outrageous on the picture prices. Let her go to Wal-Mart and have them done there, that's what my daughter did. Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself. Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962) Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself. Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962) Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Senior year is always soooo expensive--the pics, the yearbooks, the ring, graduation gown and something new to wear under it....I'm sure there's more but I can't think of it. I'll have to ponder the quote thing.Kathy Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Senior year is always soooo expensive--the pics, the yearbooks, the ring, graduation gown and something new to wear under it....I'm sure there's more but I can't think of it. I'll have to ponder the quote thing.Kathy Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 Senior year is always soooo expensive--the pics, the yearbooks, the ring, graduation gown and something new to wear under it....I'm sure there's more but I can't think of it. I'll have to ponder the quote thing.Kathy Interesting question OK is a Senior Superlative this year and she needs a "meaningful quote" to go under her name in the yearbook. Any ideas? I expect everyone to post at least ONE idea.... we could have a contest! I'll pick a judge (impartial) and the winner will win something yummy.... a gift basket of goodies! How's that sound? By the way, we got her senior pictures (14 proofs to choose from!!) and we like 6 of them. The "package" they sell you for 6 poses is $468.00 !!! Unreal! The proofs alone cost $50 and to include the tacky "leatherette" portfolio is another $50. OK I'm a terrible person, we're buying some wallets for her to send to people and scanning the others. I'm not paying $69.00 for ONE 8x10!! I'm NOT! Christy.... the mean, evil person Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 GREAT idea! She wasn't as happy with them as she should have been! The sitting fee alone was $35! I think the drape picture has to be one of those but the others.... no way! Thanks! RE: Interesting question That's outrageous on the picture prices. Let her go to Wal-Mart and have them done there, that's what my daughter did. Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 GREAT idea! She wasn't as happy with them as she should have been! The sitting fee alone was $35! I think the drape picture has to be one of those but the others.... no way! Thanks! RE: Interesting question That's outrageous on the picture prices. Let her go to Wal-Mart and have them done there, that's what my daughter did. Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 GREAT idea! She wasn't as happy with them as she should have been! The sitting fee alone was $35! I think the drape picture has to be one of those but the others.... no way! Thanks! RE: Interesting question That's outrageous on the picture prices. Let her go to Wal-Mart and have them done there, that's what my daughter did. Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related. Please visit our website at:http://ACES_Autoimmune.tripod.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 re: quotes lots of 'em here --kayly When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.|Mark Twain Arthur: " It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother. " Ford : " Why, what did she say? " Arthur: " I don't know, I never listened. " | 'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.| Shakespeare Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought---particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. |Woody Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. (I think I think, therefore, I think I am.) |Ambrose Bierce Rise, Brothers! Come let us possess this land. Never say: " Let well enough alone " . . . Be discontented. Be dissatisfied.| Hope There is no such thing as war atrocities. War itself is an atrocity. |Rush Limbaugh Golf is a good walk spoiled.|Mark Twain We can't all be sound, We've got to be the way we're made.|Mark Twain Ahhh! A great warrior. Wars not make one great.|Yoda Never give up and never face the facts.|Ruth Gordon Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.|Max Ehrmann We real cool. We / Left school. We / Lurk late. We / Strike straight. We / Sing sin. We / Thin gin. We/ Jazz June. We / Die soon.|Gwendolyn I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: " Lost -- $50. If found, just keep it. " | There is a God. |Rush Limbaugh I accidentally shot my father-in-law while deer hunting. It was an honest mistake. I came out of the tent in the morning and thought I saw a deer in an orange vest making coffee.| Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.|Chinese Proverb I can levitate birds. No one cares.| He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.|Chinese Proverb She takes, just like a woman.|Bob Dylan If, however, six-figure fees are the goal, then let them [lawyers] accept the loathing and resentment without pompous self-justification.|E.W. Neville When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.| Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!| Safire Struggle is the father of everthing.|a German philosophy Never give in, never give in, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER--in nothing great or small, large or petty--never give in except to convictions of honour and common sense.|Winston Churchill Love is the drug, and I need to score.|Roxy Music Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.| Christianity broke the heart of the world, and mended it.| I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks, but there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding at the bottom of a crackerjack box.|Jim Steinman Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups.| Guisewite In crises, the most daring course is often the safest.|Henry A. Kissinger Do something. If it doesn't work, do something else. No idea is too crazy.|Jim Hightower Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.| Connolly There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not. |Rush Limbaugh If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.|Phyllis Diller Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.|Agatha Christie So please love me do.|Lennon/McCartney The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down. |Rush Limbaugh Concentrate Fire on that Super Star Destroyer!|Admiral Ackbar The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.|Harriet Beecher Stowe An intelligence test often shows how smart one would have been not to take it.|W.G.P. While hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas I'll never know. |Groucho Marx " Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. " |Mark Twain Beauty is my bidness.|D. Letterman It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings.|Dale Carnegie Fools are the only folk on the earth who can absolutely count on getting what they deserve.| King You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. | It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.| It's Tekonojikly better!| Success is like a fart - you can only stand your own.| Cynicism is but idealism gone sour in the face of frustration.| Happiness is a warm gun.| It is broke. It will not work. It does not go.| Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. | World ends today at 9:30 pm! Film at 11:00...| A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.| Everyone serves a purpose in life, even if it is to be a horrible example.| Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sux.| There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. |Johann Sebastian Bach Positive: mistaken at the top of one's voice.| All generalizations are bad.| All work and no play, will make you a manager.| VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object| SAAB Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown| Funny, only sensible people agree with me.| An idle mind is worth two in the bush.| The future is purchased by the present.| If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!| Love is like a pair of socks - you must have two and they have to match.| Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.| God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.|Elbert Hubbard Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything!| Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. | That ain't so good English!| To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.| I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.| Everyone needs a place in the sun, especially when it rains.| Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.| One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.| Government expands to absorb revenue, and then some.| Spice is the variety of life.| I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. |Neil Armstrong Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!| Sorry about your Rectocranial Inversion.| Some things have got to be believed to be seen.| Opportunities do not wait.| A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.| He who hesitates is constipated.| Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palindrome!| Never enough time, unless you're serving it.|Anu's Word Server The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.|Aristotle Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.| Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.| As selfishness and complaint pervert and cloud the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision. |Helen Keller " The soft-minded man always fears change. He feels security in the status quo, and he has an almost morbid fear of the new. For him, the greatest pain is the pain of a new idea. " | Luther King Jnr " At the beginning and at the end of love, the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone. " |La Bruyere Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!| Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!| Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.|Marcus Aurelius is out there... waiting...| Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!| Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?| One man's upload is another man's download| Dirty tags and they're done dirt cheap.| Did I just step on someone's toes again?| The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances.|Aristotle Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.|Aristotle The blood of the soldier makes the glory of the general.| Deaf, dumb, and blonde.| Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.| DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!| A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.| It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up.|Muhammed Ali He who eats sea shells will smell like the ocean.| If you have to travel on a Titanic, why not go first class?| People forget how fast you did a job, but remember how well you did it.| Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car.| Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned.| Remember: even if you win the rat race, you will still be a rat.| " In the real world, the right thing never happens in the right place and the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that it has. " |Mark Twain " Criminal Lawyer " is a redundancy.| I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.| When everybody is somebody, then nobody is anybody.| " Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. " |Mark Twain A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.| Everyone is entitled to my opinion.| Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold| A bad workman quarrels with his tools.| Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.| Enough research will tend to support your theory.| The road to the patent office is paved with good inventions.| Ego Gratification through Violence| Men play the game; women know the score.| It takes a mature person to be really young.| Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit.| Pobody's Nerfect!| It may be that perpetual peace can only be brought about by perpetual war.| Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.|Mark Twain Make like a drum and beat it!| I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers| When the well is dry we know the worth of water.| I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.| What's another word for thesaurus?| I am Homer of Borg. You will... Oh! Donuts! | Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.| No pain, no gain; no thorns, no throne; No gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.| Penn No! I can’t be quiet! I am angry and bitter. I have to speak.|Job 6:11 When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.| I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.| Where love is thin, faults are thick.| Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo| I guess a cynic smells different.| Before you meet any handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.| Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.| Make Lots of Money, Enjoy the Work, Operate Within the Law: Choose 2 | Pride in prosperity becomes misery in adversity.| I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!| The gene pool has no lifeguard.| Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust.| I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.| One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.|A. A. Milne Tolkien is hobbit-forming.| Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. |Aldous Huxley An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.| The most efficient labor-saving device is still money. |lin P. To rest is to rust.| I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.| A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.| When a red hot man meets a white hot lady...|Queen Ain't it wonderful to be alive when the rock 'n' roll plays!| The nation whose population depends on the explosively compressed headline service of television news can expect to be exploited by demagogues and dictators who prey upon the semi-informed.|Walter Cronkite An opinion is like a bunghole. Everyone has one.|Mark Twain The world's trying to get some sort of a *social* conscience, but it's having a devil of a time trying to do *that*.| Saroyan Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. |Winston Churchill e not afraid of proceeding slowly, be only afraid of standing still.|Chinese Proverb And every strangers face I see reminds me that I long to be... homeward bound.| Simon Listen carefully. If anybody's got any money - to hoard or to throw away - you can be sure he stole it from other people. Not from rich people who can spare it, but from poor people who can't.| Saroyan You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else.|Winston Churchill I've got money. I'll always have money, as long as this world stays the way it is. I don't work. I don't make anything. ... I drink.| Saroyan Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.|Winston Churchill From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.|Winston Churchill Can you imagine the silence if everyone said only what he knows?| A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.|G.K. Chesterton Reading is important -- read between the lines. Don't swallow everything.|Gwendolyn You know I love you, but you got a hell of a lot to learn about ROCK 'N' ROLL!|Jim Steinman " Another work week begins " |Tom said mundanely. ....if He felt He had to direct you, then direct you into my arms.|Nick Cave And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry|Pink Floyd Each morning I get up I die a little. Can barely stand on my feet.|Queen Do not want others to know what you have done? Better not have done it anyways.|Chinese Proverb Donkey's lips do not fit onto a horse's mouth. |Chinese Proverb " Bother! " said Pooh & reached for the reset button.| Change is inevitable.|Disraeli Q: Why is it illegal to kill flies in Poland? A: Because that's the national bird.| Cap'n, we're at 1700 CPS. The UARTs canna take any more!| Man is what he believes.|Anton Chekhov One cannot refuse to eat just because there is a chance of being choked. |Chinese Proverb Together we can break this trap, we'll run till we drop, and baby we'll never go back.|Bruce Springsteen Cheap shot... but it felt good!|Throttle Biplane ...last words a pilot says before bailing out.| It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in...| Chess is the art of battle| If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep|Dale Carnegie Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound funny, but it's still rock and roll to me| Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk, it's still rock and roll to me.| Apathy is infinitely more annoying than ignorance.|D. A smile will gain you ten more years of life.|Chinese Proverb It is brave to be involved / To be not fearful to be unresolved.|Gwendolyn When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth paw the ground and swish my tail --- none of which is easy.|Princess Anne In love there are things --- bodies and words.|Joyce Carol Oates A time to weep, and a time to laugh.|Ecclesiastes 3:1 <laugh> If only the innocents knew...| Talent develops in tranquillity, character in the full current of human life. |Goethe I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in.|Margaret " Bother! " said Pooh, and deleted C:\WINDOWS.| (A)bort, ®etry, (I)nfluence with a large hammer.| A)bort R)etry G)et a stick and kill it.| Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.|Yoda Bye bye, boys! Have fun storming the castle!|Miracle Max Getting along with men isn't what's truly important. The vital knowledge is how to get along with one man.|Phyllis McGinley " It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. " | Holmes Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.|Leonard Brandwein To the living we owe respect, but to the dead we owe only the truth.|Voltaire It is better to have never loved than to have loved and lost.|Penn Give us the tools and we will finish the job.|Winston Churchill Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.| Shakespeare Bright is the moon high in starlight...|Metallica One has a greater sense of degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.|Alice Breast Fed (n): female FBI agent| A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it.|Marcelene A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which was planted. |Ecclesiastes 3:1 Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: Real men aren't afraid of the dark.| Caught in the middle of a hundred and five. The night was heavy and the air was alive.|Mike Oldfield Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then, Life is dull without it.|Pearl Buck But I believe in peace.. I believe in peace, bitch.|Tori Amos , bottled in 1783... 1783 was a very good year.|Connor A leopard never changes his stripes.|Al Gore ....aowAAARRRgh!|the first caveman to encounter lava. A little thoughtfulness brings a lot of happiness.| A man is a old as he is feeling. A woman is as old as she looks.| It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.|Brigitte Bardot Best men are often moulded out of faults.| Shakespeare Wisdom begins in wonder. |Socrates Alone, even in a crowd. Dead, but among the living...| " As soon as the rain stops, we'll break camp " |said Tom intently. Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.| Byrne Put the screws into ya... my way.|Metallica --He's got a mind like a steel sieve--| Ask not for whom the bell tolls.|Muhummad Ali I have tainted my legend in order to end his.|Ulric Wolfshead Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.| Safire Around the world in A.D. days|A trip impossible in old Roman times. Alself me to my duce introlow left body in the roomself.| If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.|Nora Ephron I came, I saw, I deleted all your files. | But at least watch them, and see how men die.|Claudius All which is forgotten need not necessarily be dead.|H.P.Lovecraft Call it a hunch|Quasimodo Alcohol: The more you drink, the less you think!|Dinosaur TV ad COPS is filmed on location twenty years ago.| " All I did was pull the spark plug wire " |Tom said shockingly. Baby this town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap, we gotta get out while we're young.|Bruce Springsteen All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks|Weird Al That long black cloud is comin' down. I feel I'm knockin' on Heaven's door.|Bob Dylan Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.|Eddie Rickenbacher All I want for Christmas is a a box of smurfs and a mallet| Calm down, give me the pun.| I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.|Rita Rudner Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.| Bernard Shaw At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves.|Orwell Yet if hope has flown away In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, Is it therefore the less gone?|Edgar Allan Poe Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.|Picasso It is wrong for two people to live as one. Should one die, the survivor would therefore, be only half a person.|P.K. Shaw People with purpose create their own lives.| Everything that can be invented has been invented.|Director of the US patent office (1899) Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.|Jonathon Swift Before you argue with a fool make sure he is not similarly occupied.|W.G.P. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, until you lose.|Angie Papadakis To travel hopefully is a better thing then to arrive, and the true success is to labour.| Louis son Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I understand.|Chinese Proverb Father of a teenage daughter when answering the telephone; " No this isn't dreamboat this is supply ship " .|W.G.P. At forty a man come of age. He has more polish, charm, poise - and more money|Mae West Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.|Shirley Conran Never lose sight of the fact that old age needs so little but needs that little so much.|Margaret Willour Husbands are like fire on the hearth - likely to go out if left unattended.|W.G.P. Making a mistake is falling down, failure is not getting up again.|Helen Keller Create a dream and give it everything you have, you could be surprised just how much you are capable of acheiving.|Sara Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.|Unknown RIDDLE TIME: What has three legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three in the evening?| RIDDLE TIME: No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?| After a while you'll forget everything. It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling. And you'll see that it's time to move on.|The girl Make up your mind to act decidedly and take the consequences.| Henry Huxley The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.| Beland RIDDLE TIME: Ben was 20 years old in 1980 but only 15 years old in 1985. How come?| Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.|Chuck Don't fight the problem, decide it.| C. Marshall He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.|Jack Bross and had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.| Beland RIDDLE TIME: A man filled an empty barrel. It was lighter than when he had started. What did he fill it with?| Every wrong seems possible today, and is accepted. I don't accept it.|Pablo Casals You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art.|Napolean Bonaparte A committee is a cul de sac to which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.| A. Lincoln Unused power slips imperceptibly into the hands of another.|Konrad Heiden Valentine's Day is for all who know love regardless of age, or where you're from.|Verka Paunovska-Trajceska McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.| Sabourin Child-like and childish are totally different concepts.| Maybe there's a witch doctor with an office in town.|Jim Steinman Everything's a lie and that's a fact.|Jim Steinman And the angels had guitars even before they had wings.|Jim Steinman Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse? Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?|Jim Steinman Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?|The girl Will you cater to every fantasy I got? Will ya hose me down with holy water - if I get too hot - ?|The girl I'll never be able, to give you something, something that I just haven't got!|Jim Steinman Will you make me some magic with your own two hands? Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?|The girl Childhood is short and maturity is forever|Calvin Chill in the air cold as steel tonight.|Metallica China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. De Gaulle| Chipmunks roasting on an open fire...| Chivalry is only reasonably dead.| Bush Sumo Surfer must have grace of Swan and boldness of Tiger to ride the Big One.|Confused Shoes You can decide to do a thing. You can decide not to do a thing. ...or you can decide not to decide.| King I know the territory - I've been around. It'll all turn to dust, and we'll all fall down.|The girl Close your eyes, and I'll kiss you. Tomorrow I'll miss you.|Lennon/McCartney A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.| Mizner Ignorance is when you don't know something and someone finds out you don't know.|W.G.P. I don't mind inflation if it means I go up when I die.|P.K. Shaw Perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries is not the goal but the exercise.|E.V. Cooke If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.|Earl Will you take me to places I've never known?|The girl It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.|Aristotle For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.|St. 3:17 Say you don't need no diamond rings, and I'll be satisifed.|Lennon/McCartney Money can't buy me love.|Lennon/McCartney Suddenly. I'm not half the man I used to be. There's a shadow hanging over me. Oh yesterday cam suddenly.|Lennon/McCartney I said something wrong, now I long, for yesterday.|Lennon/McCartney Here I stand, head in head. Turn my face to the wall. If she's gone, I can't go on, feeling two foot small.|Lennon/McCartney Try to see it my way. Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.|Lennon/McCartney I once had a girl; or should I say, she once had me.|Lennon/McCartney Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight? Can you colorize my life? I'm so sick of black and white.|The girl Boredom is the bitter fruit of too much routine, or none at all.|n Francis Beauty is what you see when you close your eyes.| 25. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.| He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.| Herbert 27. Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.| 28. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.| 29. Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.| Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he's forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free.|Leo Buscalia So here I sit, my heart in hand, two pieces made of stone; A frozen lake my only friend, will I always be alone?| 24. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.| Not all that wander are lost|Bilbo Baggins All that is gold does not glitter|Bilbo Baggins The old that is strong does not wither|Bilbo Baggins Deep roots are not reached by the frost.|Bilbo Baggins If you have to swallow a frog, try not to think about it. If you have to swallow two frogs, don't swallow the smaller one first.| " The United States has become a place where you neighborhood video store is still open at 10 p.m., while the library is closed at midday. " | Lardner 3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.| The best opportunities in our lives stand behind the forbidding door of the great unknown.|Don McCullough Half asleep and half asleep but never too blind to see, The things she takes, the things she breaks, the fool she's made of me.| 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.| In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences.| G. Ingersoll We are going to fight. We are going to be hurt. And in the end we will stand.|Roland There would be no giving up. Whatever was loose inside him might tear his sanity away from him in the end, but he would give it no quarter in the meantime.| King ....time is mended, paradox is ended...| King For if it's ka, it'll come like a wind, and your plans will stand before it no more than my da's barn stood before the cyclone when it came.| King 26. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.| I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.|Ralph Waldo Emerson 23. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.| Chocolate is a serious thing!|Counselor Troi 6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.| 7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.| 8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.| 9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.| 14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.| 16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.| 21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.| 'No more talk. Talking's done. Do it or die.'|Roland How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?|Woody Nothin' I can say... a total eclipse of the heart.|Jim Steinman Think about it. There must be a higher love. Down in the heart or hidden in the skies above. Without it, life is wasted time. Look inside your heart, I'll look inside mine.|Steve Winwood Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listenin' to the sound of my tears.|Jim Steinman Every now and then I fall apart.|Jim Steinman We're livin' in a powder keg and givin' off sparks.|Jim Steinman Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.|e's Third Law Once upon a time I was fallin' in love, now I'm only fallin' apart.|Jim Steinman Once upon a time there was light in my life, no there's only love in the dark.Jim Steinman|Jim Steinman Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for.| Starr Jordan Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.| Temper merely shows lack of control and temporarily places you in the ranks of lunatics and fools.| Nickerson I asked God for all things so I could enjoy life. He gave me life so I could enjoy all things.| Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amid joy.|Felicia Hermans Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.|Leo Tolstoy Let us be as generous in judging others as we are in judging ourselves.| Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.|Albert Einstein Forever's gonna start tonight.|Jim Steinman He who would leap high must take a long run.|Danish Proverb The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.|The Merchant of Venice That's one small step for [a] man; one giant leap for mankind.|Neil Armstrong Rock and roll is here to stay|Neil Young The man, who has seen the rising moon break out of the clouds at midnight, has been present like an archangel at the creation of light and of the world.|Ralph Waldo Emerson We need our enemies to teach us what friends in kindness never show.|Gwen Harwood Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, and you're never comin' 'round.|Jim Steinman Never claim as a right what you can ask for as a favour.|J. Churton She paid for her dinner, so that's all that matters.|Lee Ackrill Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls short.| Henry Newman A lot of us would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.|W.G.P. I had ambition not only to go farther than any man had ever been before, but as far as it was possible for a man to go.|Captain Cook Always choose a busy man when you want a job done; the others haven't the time.|W.G.P. To judge wisely, we must know how things appear to the unwise.| Eliot The greatest achievement is not ever failing, but rising every time we do fail.|Anonymous Well now, sorrow it comes a-stealing, and I'll cry girl, but I'll come a-running. Straight to you. For I am captured.|Nick Cave It would take a woman to do something that stupid.|Lee Ackrill A girl could be right when she thinks no man is good enough to marry her. She could also be left.|W.G.P. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.| But the only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.|e's Second Law I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, " Give me two boys and a girl. " | Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep...| I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.| I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.| One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.| I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.| I've never seen electricity, so I don't pay for it. I write right on the bill, " I'm sorry, I haven't seen it all month. " | I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.| I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.| I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went " Aaaaahhhh... " | I invented the cordless extension cord.| I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.| I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.| All the plants in my house are dead -- I shot them last night.| I wrote a few children's books... Not on purpose.| I saw a sign: " Rest Area 25 Miles " . That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.| Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.| What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?| Van Gogh My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.| I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.| So I get off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...| My neighbors don't like it when I talk to my plants... I use a megaphone.| I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, " Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it. " | I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.| Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my radio every time I park?| My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can't get out.| I want to start a car repair shop. I have already got the air for the tires.| I had to stop driving my car for a while... The tires got dizzy.| I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds *amazing*.| I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I've been arrested three times for practicing.| I locked my keys in the car the other day. But it was alright, I was still inside.| One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.| I get quiet joy from the observance of anyone who does his job well.| C. Feather I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was " woman " .| When I'm in Champaigne, I listen to the great music on Rock 107, and when I'm out of town... They mail it to me.| I tried to draw my shadow once, but I couldn't... My arm kept moving.| I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing.| Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.| I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.| Suppose everybody cared enough, everybody shared enough, wouldn't everybody have enough?| Buchman I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!| It is best not to swap horses while crossing the river.|Abraham Lincoln The grass is greener on the other side only because we haven't had a chance to mow it.|P.K. Shaw Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.|Betty Do not confuse the pleasure of pleasing with the happiness of loving.|Coco Chanel People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.|Bob Hope The next time you call your dog a dumb animal, remember who he's got working for him.|Anon You don't make the poor richer by making the rich poorer.|Winston Churchill Instead of loving you enemies, treat your friends a little better.|E.W. Howe Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.| One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.| I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.| I saw a bank that said " 24 Hour Banking " , but I don't have that much time.| I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, " What for? " I said, " I'm going to buy some sugar. " | When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.| He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, " Yes, but not right now. " | Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.| (Referring to a glass of water) I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!| Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.| I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, " I think I might have written that. " | Sometimes I... No, I don't.| Today I... No, that wasn't me.| Four years ago... No, it was yesterday.| I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.| My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.| I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.| It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.| The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.|Finley Dunne (Mr Dooley) Let's swap Lee's keyboard keys around.|Guy Bradney I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. " We're surrounded. " | Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!| Keep honking while I reload.|Bumper Sticker When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people.|Seneca I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.| It's only when you abandon your ambitions that they become possible.| Kennedy Call on God, but row away from the rocks.|Indian Proverb So, the moral of the story is, if you want it, go for it because it will be the best thing even if others don't agree at the time.| " So, welcome to your new careers as garbage men. " |Alan My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.| Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.| I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.| Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.| I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.| Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.|Henry Ford So take a look at me now. Well, there's just an empty space.|Phil Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of a door.|Charleton Ogburn, Jr It is no use saying " we are doing our best. " You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.|Winston Churchill We have met the enemy, and he is us.|Walt Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.| Drucker A man can stand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days.|Goethe If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.|Bumper Sticker And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face.|Phil " Maybe there's some kind of standard around here. " " A standard for bad programming. " |Lee How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?|Phil When everything's made to be broken... I just want you to know who I am.| Rzeznik ....and I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.| Rzeznik When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.| Rzeznik You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now.| Rzeznik ....and I'd give up forever to touch you.| Rzeznik Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.|W. Somerset Maugham And you coming back to me is against all odds, it's the chance I've got to take.|Phil I lost a button hole today. Where am I gonna find another one?| When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.| I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.| How young can you die of old age?| I washed mud, off of mud.| Factorials were someone's attempt to make math *look* exciting.| If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?| I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.| If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!| I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.| I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.| After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?| I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.| When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.| I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.| When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, " Five. " He said, " When I was your age, I was six. " | A wino asked me for change... I gave him my shirt.| I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.| I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2 inches taller.| Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.| When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, " Well, what do you need? " | is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... You can't hear him talk.| I think is weird, because he has false teeth. With braces on them. | Women... Can't live with 'em... Can't shoot 'em.| The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.| When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually.| I filled out an application that said, " In Case Of Emergency Notify " . I wrote " Doctor " ... What's my mother going to do?| I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.| It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.| I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.| My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.| Why is it, " A penny for your thoughts, " but, " you have to put your two cents in? " Somebody's making a penny.| I like candy canes; they're my favorite candy. But I only like the white part.| Are there any questions?| The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.| Bob sucks!|Donges Computer standing by, please input tagline parameters| Conquest is easy. Control is not.|Kirk Conjunction Junction, what's your function?| Coca-Cola : Within an Arms Reach of Desire.|1924 Conform! Conform! Conform!| Conform or be cast out.|Rush Coca-Cola : World And Friend|1950 Conquest is made of the ashes of one's enemies.|Starscream Conclusion - The place where you got tired of thinking| Coca-Cola : Easy To Buy, Easy To Carry, Easy To Keep On Ice|1929 Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.|Shakespeare Computer, shut this bloody thing off!|y The name of the place is... Babylon 5|Sinclair Coca-Cola : You Can Trust It's Quality|1933 Get out my way, or by God, I'll throw you out the nearest airlock.|Sinclair Computer, open this hatch or I'll take an axe to your memory.| Coca-Cola Delicious and Refreshing|1893 Coca-Cola Quenches Thirst|1900 Costrophobia|The fear of high prices. Conference on Schizophrenia. I've half a mind to attend| Control, Kojak! Let that be your watchword in all things.|Glen Cool! Evil wins again!| Cool like us.| Cooking Rule... If at first you don't suceed, order pizza| Cook? What do I look like?|Peg Bundy? Converts are the worst kind of bigots|Max Headroom quoting Edison Convert or Die! oh, yeah, like it'll mean anything then.| Coal. Spock, 'Arena'| Coca-Cola : The Pause That Refreshes.|1929 Control, control. You must learn control.|Yoda Compute to the last digit the value of pi.|Spock to Computer " Contrariwise, " continued Tweedledee, " if it was so, it might be... " | Coca-Cola 50 Million Times a Day|1955 Consult an investment broker,|was Tom's stock answer. Constantine... led me through the badlands.|Swamp Thing Conserve your precious hatred for the game!|Apu Conserve material: wear a mini-skirt today!| Consequences, schmonsequences; as long as I'm rich...|Daffy Duck Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.|Han Solo Conscience is just the fear of getting caught.|Sheriff Buck Coca-Cola : Around the Corner from Everywhere.|1923 Conversation breaks up the monopoly of not talkin'.|Popeye Come with me if you want to live.| Reese Coke is it!|1981 Computer, Fix it.| Come, , come! The game is afoot.|Sherlock Holmes A Jade stone is useless before it is processed; a man is good-for-nothing until he is educated.|Chinese Proverb Come off! I'm sane now!|Homer, scrubbing his " INSANE " stamp off Come on without; come on within...| Come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!|Pink Floyd Coca-Cola : 6,000,000 Drinks a day...|1900 Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!|Pink Floyd Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.|Ustinov Come up to us and we will show you a thing.|1 14:12 Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!|Pink Floyd Come on, Doc, time to be a hero.|Kira Come to the war, often?|Tom Servo Come quietly or there will be...trouble|Robocop Come on, King of the Jews!| Come on. Let's keep a little optimism here.|Han Solo Come on, you pansy!|The Black Knight Come on, now, I hear you're feeling down|Pink Floyd Come on, my friends let's make for the hills|Pink Floyd Come, Fenric. Play the game of traps.|The Doctor. Company we keep, roaming the land while you sleep...|Metallica Coca-Cola The Year 'Round Drink|1893 Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money.| Coffee affects your hearing. - Could you repeat that, please?| Coffee is not for kids.|Bart's Board Coffee is not supposed to be a *solid*.|Winchester Compu'er. COMPU'ER!|y, talking to a mouse. Compassion! Maybe that's what keeps us ahead of computers.|McCoy Come. I have such sights to show you.| Company's coming,|Tom guessed. Comfort's in my coffee cup.| Common sense is what tells you that the world is flat.| Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire| Common sense is in spite of, not as a result of education.|Hugo Motor cars produced this year will run into millions - no doubt they will.|W.G.P. Commander, you'll forgive me if I put up a fight.|Kirk Commander, you'd better take a look at this.|Ivanova Commander, there's a problem.|Ivanova Command or filename irrelevant.|DOS of Borg Coffee, two sugars, cream... and aspirin.|Sinclair Coke adds life.|1980 Compassion is the currency of losers.|Cutthroat The wind 'round here gets wicked cold, but my story is nearly told.|Nick Cave High aims form high characters, and great objects bring out great minds.|Tyron I went out searching. Looking for one good man. A spirit who would not bend or break, who would sit at his father's right hand.|Bono Circumstances? I make circumstances!|Napoleon It's not making ends meet that's so difficult; it's making the ends hold still.|W.G.P. Have patience! It's all worth it in the end.|Tania Bull City Prostitution Dept. You lust 'em, we bust 'em.| City Morgue--you kill 'em, we chill 'em; you stab 'em, we slab 'em!| If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you'll find you've done it.|P.K. Shaw Don't fall in love with a dreamer.|Carnes/Ellingson You're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan - designed and directed by his Red Right Hand.|Nick Cave She's gonna make you cry.|Bono Don't move don't talk out of time don't think don't worry everything's just fine. Just fine.|The Edge Civil servant is semantically equal to civil master.|L. Long I went out walking, with a bible and a gun. The word of God lay heavy on my heart - I was sure I was the one.|Bono Civilians.| Ivanova. Cloning|by Ima Dubble It was back in '32 when times were hard. He had a colt 45 and a deck of cards... Stagger Lee|Nick Cave I will be satisfied when everyone else is.|Penn I believe marriage is the quickest way to ruin a relationship.|Shirley Bassey Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got to where he is had to begin where he was.| L. Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.| Bentham A mother never realises that her children are no longer children.|Holbrook Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.|Jeanne Moreau Circumstances can force your hand, so think ahead!|Heinlein Christianity has made of death a terror.|Ouida Circular logic will only get you dizzy.| Christianity taught that love is worth more than intelligence.| A life without dreams is like a garden without flowers.|Gertraude Beese Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.|W.G.P. Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind.|Edmund Gwenn Christmas or nayah saal mubarak.|Urdu/Pakistan Christmas A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.| Bernard Shaw I'm no stranger to hard work - more of a nodding acquaintance.| G. Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.| de Bono Expect nothing. It's the only way to avoid disappointment.|Penn Yeah I went with nothing. Nothing but the thought of you. I went wandering.|Bono Couldn't Moe and Larry make it?|Yakko Warner I went out walking, through streets paved with gold. Lifted some stones, saw the skin and bones of a city without a soul.|Bono " Could you pass me that towel? " |Tom asked, dryly. Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!|The Phantom " Close the hatch! We're being invaded by bugs! " |said Tom importantly. I went out there, in search of experience. To taste and to touch, and to feel as much as a man can, before he repents.|Bono " Close the fridge door, I'm dressing! " |cried the mayonnaise. Could have been worse. Could have been me.|Bashir I went out walking, under an atomic sky. Where the ground won't turn and the rain it burns, like the tears when I said goodbye.|Bono Couldn't they get Rush Limbaugh?|Tom Servo Could I stop by sometime for a cup of ego?|Hawkeye to Winchester Seen any dead jockeys around lately?|Graham Darbey Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.| Kozol CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today| CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom.| C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit| But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?| But then again, I like cold toilet seats.| But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?| CODING: AN addictive Drug.| Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More.| CRASH: Normal termination.| Can I yell " movie " in a crowded firehouse?| Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE| California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected| CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop| If I had nine hours to cut down a tree, I would spend six hours sharpening my axe!|Abraham Lincoln Amateurs hope. Professionals work.|Garson Kanin Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.|Dan Marquis Don’t be afraid to go on an occasional wild goose chase. That’s what wild geese are for.| COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.| Winning is not a sometime thing; it’s an all-time thing. You don’t do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.|Vince Lombardi CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman.| But my little voice TOLD me to do it!| CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities.| When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.| Heimel CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.| CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART!| Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!| Boy: A noise with dirt on it.| Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.| Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.| Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies.| Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.| Bo Peep did it for the insurance.| Use what talent you posses. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.|Henry Van Dyke Bliss *IS* ignorance| Brain dysfunction detected....| Black Holes are Out of Sight| " Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. " | Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers| " I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot. " | Bald: follicularly challenged.| Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.| As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.| Any wire cut to length will be too short.| " When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'| Blood is thicker than water, and tastier.| Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers| Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!| What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.|Coach Bear Bus error (Passengers dumped)| Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise| Whoever said, " It’s not whether you win or lose that counts " , probably lost.|a Navratilova Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing| Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage.| Work is the price you pay for money.| Brain over - Insert coin| Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved.| Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing...| Bugs are Sons of Glitches!| There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air...| Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes| I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.| Britannia waives the rules.| Breathing may be hazardous to your health.| Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.| Bullets speak louder than reason.| The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.|Mark Twain Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations.| Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.| " I meant, " said Ipslore bitterly, " what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while? " Death thought about it " Cats, " he said eventually, " Cats are Nice. " |Terry Pritchard Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message!| Confucius say: I didn't say that!| Confucius say too much.| If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.|Woody Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.| What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.| Shakespeare Conformity obstructs progress.| Condense soup, not books!| Computers run on faith, not electrons.| He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.| Shakespeare Computers are useless; they can only give answers.| Computers Rule 01001111 01001011| It was the best of times; it was the worst of times| Dickens Take Nothing but Pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time.|Motto of the Baltimore Grotto Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.| Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.| " I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes... " | DIVORCE =system( " echo y| erase \wife\*.* " );| He who has never hoped can never despair.| Bernard Shaw DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young.| DILATE: To live longer.| Assumption is the mother of screw-up.|Angelo Donghia DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment| Confusion not only reigns, it pours.| DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.| Converse with any plankton lately?| DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia.| Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.| I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field, victorious.|Vince Lombardi Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?| Crime does not pay...as well as politics.| Count Dracula - your Bloody is ready...| Couldn't myself have better it said.| Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?| Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association| DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.| Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked| Computers All Wait at the Same Speed!| Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.| Edison The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it’s the opposition.|Nick Seitz Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.| Chernobyl used MACs| Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.| Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!| Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove.| Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.| Caution: Contents under pressure| Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.| I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.|Alice Roosevelt Longworth Catholic girls, they never confess.| " When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ eventually..... " | Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.| Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there| Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.| Can you repeat the part after " Listen very carefully " ?| Chastity is curable, if detected early.| Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be.| Computational Physicist and all around nice guy.| The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.| Jefferson Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.| Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop| Common sense isn't...| The greatest right in the world is the right to be wrong.| Randolf Hearst Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.|Arthur Conan Doyle Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.| Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.| Can you find the mispelled word in hear?| Cocaine -- the thinking man's Aspirin.| Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...| Close your eyes and press escape three times.| Clones are people two.| The man who is waiting for something to turn up might start on his shirt sleeves.|Garth Heinrichs Clinton is one Bill, Bush can't veto...| Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.| The doors of opportunity are marked push.| Cleanliness is next to impossible.| Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off!| 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.| A friend in need is a pain in the neck.| A bird in the hand can be messy.| A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.| 69 is fine...but 77'll get me 8 more...| 668|Neighbor of the Beast 5 schizophrenics agree!| A camel is a horse planned by committee.| 43% of all statistics are worthless.| My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.| I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier, they wouldn't have to go so fast.| 3 dreaded words when making love|Is that it? 2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro.| 2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)| 2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being).| 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts| Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.| 1200 bps used to seem so fast| 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr...| A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.| A fool must now and then be right by chance.| " I met her at Macy's. She was shopping... I was putting Slinky's on the escalator. " | A fool and his money are soon partying!| A few fries short of a Happy Meal.| A few cans short of a six pack, Six short.| A dirty book is rarely dusty.| A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.| A day without sunshine is like night.| 11 was a race-horse, 22 was 12. When 1111 race, 22112.| I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.| A day for firm decisions!!!!!|Or is it? A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.| I've writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.| A closed mouth gathers no feet.| Four years ago..............no, it was yesterday.| A closed mind gathers no intelligence| A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.| A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.| A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.| DOH!|Unknown 186,000/mps. It's not just a good idea. It's the law.| ....so even as grains of sand we have a place and a purpose. Do you see? We just got to be kind to one another and keep going.|Dean R. Koontz Peace is a gift of the grave, and is found only in the silence of the tomb.| Gemmell You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.| I like to skate on the other side of the ice ...| We are born into danger; we leave it only when we die.|Harry on You can't have everything...Where would you put it?| Sometimes I...No, I don't.| They’re gonna put me in a cell. If I can’t go to heaven, Will they let me go to hell?|Queen Come the moment, come the man.| Gemmell When you cease to dream you cease to live.|Malcolm S. Forbes Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it...| The CYCLE OF MEDIOCRITY: I can’t, because he didn’t, because she doesn’t, because we won’t, because they never...|Karl Albrecht " Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser to purposely mess up another girl's hair. " |Tasha A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.| Goldwyn We hear half of what is said, listen to half of what we hear, understand half of it, believe half of it and remember half of that.|Anonymous Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.|Victor Borge And when I get real, real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.| ©1992 Wild Bill's Machine Gun Shop and House of Wax.| 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation| 1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator.| /EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can| ..ASM programmers drive stick shifts.| And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail...| © Copywight 1992 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.| Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened.| 7:7 (D)inner not ready: (A)bort ®etry (P)izza| 10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo!| The other day, I was walking my dog around my building--on the ledge....Some people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.| I went fishing with a dotted line...I caught every other fish.| (A)bort, ®etry, (P)retend this never happened...| (A)bort, ®etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer| I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back...boy, were they mad!!| I don't speak for others and they don't speak for me.| I have a dream today.| Luther King I have a friend name Dennis. Both his parents are midgets, but not Dennis. He's a midget dwarf. He's the guy who poses for trophies.| It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it...| (You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake)| An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.| A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.| An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.| An oyster is a fish built like a nut.| An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.| " Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. " | " Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug... " | And God said: E = +mv} - Ze}/r ...and there *WAS* light!| " He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money? ... He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in... " | And he disappeared in a puff of logic.| Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.| Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.| Amateur Time Lord| Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.| Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.| Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.| A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.| Alone: In bad company.| An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.| Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.| Antidisestablishmentarianism!| Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! *| Another fine product from Bastards Inc.| Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch!| " I lost a button hole today. " | A stage? No, this is not a stage.| An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.| " I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak. " | Evangelista All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.| And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.| And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.| And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!!| And the days dwindle down to a precious few...| And now for something ruder...| And now for something completely the same...| And now for something completely else...| And it's only ones and zeros.| And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen| Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.| A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!| Always draw your curves, then plot the data.| A penny saved is a Governmental oversight.| A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.| A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.| A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot..| A mind is a terrible thing to taste.| A perversion of nature....how exciting!| I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it.| One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said " Didn't you see the stop sign. " I said " Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read. " | A man's only as old as the woman he feels.| A little greed can get you lots of stuff.| A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.| I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes...| A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!| I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.| A harp is a nude piano.| A half moon is better than no moon at all.| I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.| All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP.| All things are green unless they are not.| All that glitters has a high refractive index.| All stressed out, and no one to choke...| All life's answers are on TV.|Bart Simpson All in all just another brick in the wall.| All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here| A penny saved is ridiculous!| All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power| " I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile. " | Haley was adopted!| Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.| A waste is a terrible thing to mind.| DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality| Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.| Disks travel in packs.| I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!| A rolling stone gathers momentum.| A pessimist is never disappointed.| All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.| Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!!| Housework done properly, can kill you| Heads I win... DITTO tails| Honeymoon: time between " I do " and " you'd better " | Honey, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time.| Holy Smokes!.... " the church is on fire! " | Hollow chocolate has no calories| Hindsight is an exact science.| He's dim, Jed| Hi! I can't remember your name either.| Houston! do you read.| Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!| Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park!| Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!| Here today, gaunt tomorrow.| Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years...| Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.| Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!| Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative.| Hell, if you understood everything I said, you'd be me!| I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.| Hindsight is always 20:20.| Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.| Good day to let down old friends who need help.| I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.| I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.| I am functioning within established parameters.| I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.| I am a vampire. Please wash your neck.| I always like to try the one I've never tried before.| Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.| I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse!| How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?| Humpty dumpty was pushed.| How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?| How much can I get away with and still go to heaven.| How many weeks are there in a light year?| How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin?| How long will a floating point operation float?| How does pick his nose? From a catalog!| How do you write zero in Roman numerals?| How do you pronounce my name? With reverence.| How do you get holy water?... Boil the hell out of it!| I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical.| Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target.| Hell Hath No Pizza.| Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror.| Hailing frequencies open, Captain.| Hackito ergo sum.| HIC! HLLP I'M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE| HARDWARE: n. The part you kick.| HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave?| Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.| Guten TAG.| Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!!| Gun Control means holding it in both hands.| Grub first, then ethics.| Growing older is mandatory... growing up is optional!| Grow your own dope... plant a man| Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works!| Great minds travel in the same sewers.| Gravity brings me down| Gotta love me!| Goodness has NOTHING to do with it.....| Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions.| H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!| He who dies with the most access, wins.| He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet.| He who shouts the loudest has the floor.| He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!| He who lives by the sword laughs last.| He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.| He who laughs last probably made a backup.| He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.| He who hesitates.........miss'es out !!!| Happiness is a warm modem| He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD!| I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke| He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.| He has Van Gogh's ear for music.| Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate.| Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back!| Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?| Have cursor, will curse.| Have an adequate day.| Have Tardis, will travel.| Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?| Hard work must have killed someone!| He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.| I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.| Going the speed of light is bad for your age.| I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.| I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had!| I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving!| I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)| I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.| I promise results, not promises.| I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.| I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it!| I think................I am paid.| I never met a chocolate I didn't like!| I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.| I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up| I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!| I lost my knickers at Niagara.| I lost a button hole today.| I look better on a woman!| I like your approach, now let's see your departure.| I am sweet and lovable at all times.| I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign.| I post.......... I am| I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option.| I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back..| I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.| I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!| I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.| I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.| I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.| I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days!| I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.| I think, therefore I am. I think.| I warn you not to underestimate my powers.| I like to think of myself as a divide overflow.| I wake near the end of the day.| I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.| I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.| I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.| I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.| I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused.| I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.| I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit.| I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walk.| I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.| I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.| I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!| I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it!| I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.| I distinctly remember forgetting that.| I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules!| I couldn't care less about apathy.| I could prove God statistically.| I could be arguing in my spare time.| I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company.| I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.| I don't want the world, I just want your half.| I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.| I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.| I can resist anything but temptation.| I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to!| I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries| I came... I saw... I stole your tagline.| I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!| I bought a cordless extension cord.| I bet you I could stop gambling.| I believe in a god which doesn't need heavy financing| I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!| I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!| I like to leave messages *before* the beep.| I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat!| I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.| I know everything about everything, except that.| I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY| I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?| I is knot dain bramaged!| I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.| I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture.| I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.| I like to reminisce with people I don't know.| I have given my pain a name..!!| I have already not made that point| I have a speech impediment... my foot.| I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.| I give advice worth the price....free!| I get mail........ I exist.| I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.| I find myself beside a stream of empty thought| I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late| I drink to make other people interesting.| I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.| Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!| ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.| Don't look at me in that tone of voice!| Don't let school interfere with your education.| Don't just stand there...KNEEL!!| Don't just stand there, scratch my back!| Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!!| Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.| Don't mess with .| Don't drink water. Fish make love in it.| Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.| Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.| Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.| Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!| Don't byte off more than you can multiplex.| Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.| Don't believe in miracles, expect them.| Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.| Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!| DO {nothing} WHILE (HearFromMe==0)| Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss| Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.| Don't try to saw sawdust.| EMS: Enhanced Money Scam| Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!| Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.| Drilling for oil is boring.| Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing| Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.| Down with ignurance!| Down with categorical imperative!| Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.| Don't use no double negatives.| Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.| Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...| Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.| Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.| Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely| Don't steal - the government hates competition..| Don't start with me. You know how I get.| Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.| Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.| Don't read everything you believe.| Don't press the keys so damned hard!| Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo.| Database administrators do it with their relations| Don't ask me, I only work here.| Democracy's GREAT! Even Bush can chunder!| Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof!| Deflector shields just came on, Captain.| Death: to stop sinning suddenly.| Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.| Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'| Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.| Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets.| Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.| Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.| Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold.| Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.| Dain Bramaged.| Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?| DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!| DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Haley wrote.| DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again| DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.| DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today!| Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats.| Do not disturb. Already disturbed!| Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0?| Does killing time damage eternity?| Documentation is the castor oil of programming.| Doctor, my brain hurts!| Doctor Who for president| Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?| Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on.| Do steam rollers really roll steam?| Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely.| Do not fumble with a woman's logic.| Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows.| Do fish get thirsty?| Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball!| It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.| Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.| I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.|Winston Churchill Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.| Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.| Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.| Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?| Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? - Pictures at 11.| Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.| Forget the es...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS!| EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.| Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate!| Friendly fire - ISN'T !| Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.| Free advice is worth what you pay for it| Free Mandela, while stocks last!| Four minus two is one and the same.| Friendship is one soul in two bodies.| Forget the computer! Where's my abacus??| >From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own.| For the finest in brain candy.| For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.| For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within.| Fools rush in where Fools have been before!| Food is an important part of a balanced diet.| Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares| Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do| Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)| Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!| Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs| Fortune vomits on my eiderdown yet again.| Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly.| Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.| God is love... Love is blind... Ray is God!| God is alive - he just doesn't want to get involved.| God heals and the doctor takes the fee.| God does not play dice.| God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!| Go Lemmings, Go!!!| Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.| Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.| Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.| Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.| Get the facts first - you can distort them later!| Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.| Orwell was an optimist.| General Failure reading Dvorak| Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks.| Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.| GURU: One who knows more jargon than you.| GODISNOWHERE| GET A HAIRCUT!| >From the Department of Redundancy Dept.| Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.| Every why hath a wherefore.| Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.| Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair| Excellent time to become a missing person.| Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.| Everything in our favor was against us.| Everything bows to success, even grammar.| Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.| Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.| Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.| Exploding piglets!!! My god, it's raining bacon!| Every purchase has its price.| Evangelists do more than lay people.| Eschew obfuscation.| Enter that again, just a little slower.| Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again.| Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.| Email me the rules, please!| Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.| Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.| Egghead: What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty| Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid| Famous last words - You and what army?| First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers| Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition| File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)| Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.| Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.| Felines... nothing more than felines...| Features should be discovered, not documented.| Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator.| Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.| Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!| Fish and visitors stink in three days.| Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..| Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.| Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.| Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.| Familiarity breeds children.| Familiarity breeds attempt| Fad: In one era and out the other.| Fact is solidified opinion| FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.| FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine.| Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.| Old soldiers never die. Young soldiers do.| Money is like manure - it is meant to be spread around.| Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.| There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.| Every solution breeds new problems.| Many would be cowards if they had enough courage.| A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.| Never ask for a pardon before you have been accused.| Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.| The chief cause of divorce is matrimony.| You don't have to be a cannibal to get fed up with people.| Television is to media what hydrogen bombs are to explosives.| Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.| Men are neither suddenly rich nor suddenly good.| Bosses are so busy delegating jobs, they have no time to work.| Sometimes the best defense is a skillful surrender.| Character is not made in a crisis - it is only exhibited.| If you think yesterday was a drag, just wait until you see tomorrow!| Health is not valued until sickness comes.| The man who invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.| Never, ever, play leapfrog with a unicorn.| A dirty book is seldom dusty.| Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.| We do not count a man's years until he has nothing else to count.| The cow is a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.| Genius starts at the top and works up.| It is never too late to learn.| The only alternative to perseverance is failure.| Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.| Love is nothing more than sentimental measles.| A 'government subsidy' is getting just some of your own money back.| If all the year were playing holidays, sport would be as tedious as work.| The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.| Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.| Curiosity kills more mice than cats.| One man plus courage is a majority.| Poverty and love are hard to hide.| Hungry men think the cook lazy.| There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.| My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.| Courtesy on one side can never last long.| Teaching is the fine art of imparting knowledge without possessing it.| t is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today.| He that knows little soon repeats it.| Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.| The light at the end of the tunnel is that of an oncoming train| You only have a problem if you think it is a problem.| Efficiency is the ability to do a job well plus the desire to do it better| I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.| Weak things united become strong.| 'In closing' is always followed by the other half of the speech.| Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.| One of the great labor-saving devices of today is tomorrow.| An object of information most needed will be least available.| The old know more about being young than the young know about being old.| Keep laughing at death, and eventually at least you may die laughing.| Jealousy is the greatest evil.| Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.| Nothing is as easy as it looks.| Originality is the art of concealing your source.| Time flies like an arrow -- fruit flies like a banana.| Most people don't care what happens so long as it doesn't happen to them.| It is always much harder to find a job than to keep one.| Two can live as cheaply as one... for half as long.| Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.| Familiarity breeds attempt.| Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.| When all is said and done, more has been said than done.| Little things attract little minds.| Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.| Sometimes I wish I could get a mirror with a better view.| Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch?| Familiarity breeds consent.| A reasonable man accomplishes nothing.| My disappointments come in all sizes, to fit my hopes.| If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will.| No amount of poor schooling can spoil a good student.| When a man's wife learns to understand him, she stops listening to him.| Our own grief produces pity for another.| Flattery is the sincerest form of lying.| Cleverness is serviceable for everything but sufficient for nothing.| Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.| The shortest distance between two points is generally under repair.| There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.| Help fight truth decay.| A company is known by the company it employs.| No mud can soil us but the mud we throw.| God gives the milk but not the pail.| The higher the ape climbs the more he shows his bald haunches.| The graveyards are full of indispensable men.| Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.| Gambling: a way of getting nothing for something.| A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.| Losing makes winning worthwhile.| ation is doing with a smile that which you have to do anyway.| We put up with being surpassed more easily than with being equaled.| Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.| Wisdom is the sunlight of the soul.| Too many people confuse free speech with loose talk.| Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.| Conceit is God's gift to little men.| Each day we are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.| All progress stems from change but all change is not necessarily progress.| Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.| If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.| Others look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.| A thing not looked for is seldom found.| Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.| Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theatre.| Elevators smell different to midgets.| Fame is a magnifying glass.| When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.| Never tell a man anything he does not need to know.| There is never sunshine without shadow.| The eternal stars shine out as soon as it is dark enough.| Do unto others as they should do unto you but won't.| Why use a scalpel when a sledgehammer works?| The fool wanders; the wise man travels.| The bird: a nest, the spider: a web, man: friendship.| In order to reach the sea, a river often detours around many obstacles.| Wait until it is night before saying it has been a fine day.| Don't try to have the last word - you might get it.| It is better to suffer wrong than to do it.| Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.| The first loss is the easiest.| It is better to be hated than to be ignored.| Faith is the bird that sings while it is still dark.| Let us have faith that right makes might.| Kleptomaniac: a rich thief.| It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility which gives happiness.| When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.| We fall in love with a personality but we must live with a character.| In the presence of great men, even fools hide their faults.| The less you say, the less you have to take back.| One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions.| The smallest handcuff in the world is a wedding ring.| Creditors have better memories than debtors.| I am a great believer in luck - the harder I work, the more I have of it.| The world gets better every day, then worse again in the evening.| Pride and grace never dwell in one place.| The fool who is silent can pass for wise.| Money lent to a friend must be recovered from an enemy.| Faults are thick where love is thin.| You have your problems, and I have yours.| It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.| Praise a wife but remain a bachelor.| Education means developing the mind, not stuffing the memory.| A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.| Blessed are the brief for they will be invited again.| What this country needs is a good five-cent ANYTHING!| The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.| A mountain is climbed a step at a time.| On the edge of a precipice, only a fool does cartwheels.| Great hopes make great men.| Absence makes the heart go wander.| Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not.| You always find something in the last place you look.| Work is the curse of the drinking man.| The world is full of surprises, very few of which are pleasant.| Egotist: a person of low taste. more interested in himself than me.| It's not a matter of life and death - it's much more important than that.| Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.| Indecision is the key to flexibility.| No executive ever devotes any effort to proving himself wrong.| When a man is down everyone runs over him.| The longer the letter, the less chance of its being read.| Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.| It's not only fine feathers that make fine birds.| When you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.| Delay is the deadliest form of denial.| Kisses are love's messengers.| I know my efforts deserve my goals, but are my goals worth my efforts?| The person who snores loudest will fall asleep first.| A bad beginning makes for a good ending.| The early bird suffers from insomnia.| How come wrong numbers are never busy?| He who is most concerned is always the last to hear.| Youth is wholly experimental.| Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.| If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.| If God thought that nudity was okay, we would have been born naked.| Intuition is reason in a hurry.| Money is truthful - if a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.| If ambition doesn't hurt, you do not have it.| Those who have free seats at the play hiss first.| A friend advises in his interest, not yours.| A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.| Don't wear earmuffs in a land of rattlesnakes.| Chicken Little only has to be right once.| I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship.| The first Christian gets the hungriest lions.| Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.| Suspicion poisons a friendship.| To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.| Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.| The greatest remedy for anger is delay.| The earth has music for those who listen.| Young flesh and old fish are best.| Hearts may agree, though heads differ.| We should go metric every inch of the way.| Some have bread who have no teeth left.| Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.| Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.| Never appeal to a man's 'better nature' - he may not have one.| If you don't have a memory like an elephant, leave tracks like one.| Bureaucrats are the meat loaf of humanity.| Life is a yo-yo and mankind keeps tying knots in the string.| The number of women man finds attractive is truly proportionate to his age| Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss do an honest day's work.| It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious| To find a policeman in a hurry, double-park.| If I had my life to live over again, I'd make the same mistakes sooner.| Children need love, especially when they don't deserve it.| Common sense is the least common of all senses.| Who knows most says least.| The fairest rose at last will be withered.| One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.| Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people.| Beware of alcohol - it can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss!| What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone else to do.| A blush on the face is better than a blot on the heart.| A motion to adjourn is always in order.| Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon.| By appreciation, we make excellence in others our property.| Don't force it; get a larger hammer.| Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.| Secret negotiations are usually neither.| Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.| Vows made in storms are forgotten in calms.| Money is a powerful aphrodisiac, but flowers work almost as well.| Does history record any case in which the majority was right?| Now is the time for all good men to come to.| Life is a temporary assignment.| If you come up with a lemon, make lemonade.| When poverty knocks at the door, love flies out the window.| A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.| A professional does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.| The best defense is a good offense.| Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.| Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics| When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.| UFO's are real; the Air Force doesn't exist.| Hindsight is always 20/20.| Less is more.| Have a Nice Day!| People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.| Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.| All men are created equal, but some men are more equal than others.| Push something hard enough and eventually it will fall over.| Even paranoids have enemies.| You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.| More people are run down by gossip than by automobiles.| It is as natural to die as to be born.| A consultant may be defined as an unemployed practitioner.| You cannot tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.| The world's as ugly as sin, and nearly as delightful.| One who has a clear conscience has a foggy memory.| Would you let a bug escape because it did not bite you?| Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.| In every real man a child is hidden who wants to play.| Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.| A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.| When you're through changing, you're through.| Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.| To err is human, to blame it on others is politics.| It's only 18 inches between a pat on the back and a kick in the pants.| A courageous foe is better than a cowardly friend.| Keep your eyes open before marriage, half shut afterwards.| Let not your tongue cut your throat.| Losing your drivers' license is simply God's way of saying 'BOOGA, BOOGA!'| The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self.| Gravity is a myth -- the Earth sucks.| Confuse the world -- smile all day Monday!| Knowledge is power - if you know it about the right person.| Drive defensively -- buy a tank.| When all else fails, read the instructions.| Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.| All you need is LOVE!| If at first you don't succeed - so much for skydiving.| Mickey Mouse wears a Reagan watch.| You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.| No matter which way you spit, it's up wind.| The longer a man is wrong, the surer he is that he's right.| How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.| You can't make love without a soul.| Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.| A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.| If there is no God, who always pops the next Kleenex?| Dawn: the time when men of reason go to bed.| What we learn after we know it all is what counts.| No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.| The mob has many heads but no brains.| The best mirror is an old friend.| A joke never gains an enemy, but often loses a friend.| A contented man is always rich.| You can't win them all, but you can sure lose them all.| Whenever you learn all the answers, they change all the questions.| They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing.| The dentist never talks to his patients until the drill is in their mouths| Those who like sausage or political policy should not watch it being made.| Love sees no faults.| Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.| By the time you get to where you can make ends meet someone moves the ends| Always hold your head up but keep your nose at a friendly level.| He who loses his head is usually the last one to miss it.| Men show their character best by the things they laugh at.| Better to have character than be one.| A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.| What many orators lack in depth they give you in length.| A picture is worth a thousand words; a slide show is both.| A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the sun shines.| I believe there is a higher power: it's called the government.| If every fool wore a crown, we would all be kings.| Adolescense: the stage between puberty and adultery.| If you have to tell people you're famous, you aren't.| A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.| It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.| If a sight is worth seeing, someone will build a highway to it.| Would you give your right arm to be ambidexterous?| A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.| A hidden flaw never remains hidden.| Follow the wise few rather than the vulgar many.| When the fox gnaws, smile!| Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.| Why is it that time softens some people and hardens others?| Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.| The more things you own, the more you are owned by things.| He who never sticks out neck, never wins by nose.| Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things we don't see.| You live and learn, or else you do not live long.| Only a sadistic man or a fool tells the truth on social occasions.| Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.| It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.| In politics you can often be wrong but never in doubt.| Success is a matter of luck; just ask any failure.| Poise is the act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.| Instruction ends in the classroom, but education ends only with life.| Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.| Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.| It is not necessary to fall into a well to know its depth.| It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them.| Don't ever stand up to be counted or someone will take your seat.| If everything seems to be going well, you've probably overlooked something| The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!| The Earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much much heavier.| He who confesses to small faults hopes you'll think he has no big ones.| Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.| Many times in order to receive something, you have to ask for it.| Some people fish in the Sea of Life without bait.| Observe the face of the wife to know the husband's character.| Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.| Tell a lie and find the truth.| Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.| The flush toilet is the basis of Western Civilization.| Happiness is merely the remission of pain.| The truth is always the strongest argument.| Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.| Halitosis is better than no breath at all.| If you want to kill time, why not try working it to death?| Give your child mental blocks this Christmas.| If the customer wants vanilla, give him vanilla.| Everything alive either grows or dies.| Where reason rules the mind, peace rules the day.| Whoever profits by the crime is guilty of it.| If God lived on Earth, people would knock out his windows.| If you come home with hair on your coat you better have the horse to match| If you're not rejected at least 3 times a week you're not really trying.| People will buy anything that's one to a customer.| To gain a good reputation, endeavor to be what you desire to appear.| To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.| If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.| War is death's feast.| The dimmer the light, the greater the scandal.| In a family argument, if you discover you are right, apologize at once.| That which we resist the most is what we become.| A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.| Crystal balls aren't really very productive.| The most intelligent people we know are those who ask advice.| No honest man ever repented of his honesty.| Genius is 10 percent inspiration and 50 percent capital gains.| There are no absolute answers to life - just revelations.| A nut that is easy to crack is often empty.| When policy fails, try thinking.| I never notice what has been done. I only see what remains to be done.|Madame Curie Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.| People seldom want to walk over you until you lie down.| Is there any truth to the rumor that everything is really okay?| If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.| People seldom plan to fail, but they often fail to plan.| Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.| It's not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do| There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.| The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.| You can lead a boy to college but you can't make him think.| Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.| If you expected it to be easy, you should have become a politician.| The greatest productive force is human selfishness.| No speech can be entirely bad if it is short enough.| The secret of education lies in respecting the pupil.| An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.| You know you're getting old when everything dries up or leaks.| If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.| Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.| It takes less time to do a job right than to explain why you did it wrong| The longest list has a final item.| Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' until you can find a rock.| Every man thinks his own burden the heaviest.| Massive expenditures obscure the evidence of bad judgments.| One already wet does not fear the rain.| One of these days is none of these days.| There are no winners in life; only survivors.| What we are is God's gift to us - what we become is our gift to God.| The young are slaves to novelty, the old to custom.| How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on| Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.| A man's brain is his Achilles' heel.| Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.| Anything free is worth what you pay for it.| Politeness is the art of choosing among your thoughts.| When an oyster is irritated, it makes a pearl.| If you are on the wrong road, why run?| Seminars: derived from 'semi' and 'arse'; hence, any half-assed discussion| Labor: one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.| A wise man changes his mind, a fool never.| Verbal agreements frequently lead to verbal disagreements.| Be sure the brain is engaged before putting the mouth in gear.| A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.| The only one who got everything done by Friday was Crusoe.| Lawmakers should not be lawbreakers.| Trust everybody, but always cut the cards.| Nobody ever puts out a sign that says NICE DOG.| Budget: an orderly system of living beyond your means.| Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.| When need is greatest help is nearest.| The ladder of success is easier to climb when laid flat.| Sometimes silence is the best way to yell at the top of your voice.| Only a mediocre person is always at his best.| What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.| The trouble with resisting temptation is that it may never come again.| He who has accomplished all that he thinks worthwhile has begun to die.| Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.| Statistics can be used to support anything, especially statisticians.| One of the hardest secrets for a man to keep is his opinion of himself.| The cure may be worse than the disease.| Man was given a sense of humor to console him for what he is.| Win at first and lose at last.| He who laughs, lasts.| Tomorrow never comes.| The number of a person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.| The other line always moves faster.| Whatever their faults, the Communists never created canned laughter.| I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy...| For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...| I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all|Freddie Mercury I went out walking, with a bible and a gun, the word of God lay heavy on my heart, I was sure I was the one|The Edge When the one great scorer comes to write against your name, he'll mark not whether you won or lost but how you played the game.| You bleed you learn| " I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again... " | I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.| " Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? " | I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.| The future is when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.| Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember.| No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.| One enemy can harm you more than one hundred friends can do you good.| The less influence you have, the longer you wait.| Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.| Life's hard by the yard, but by the inch life's a cinch.| A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.| Life is what goes by while you are watching television.| You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.| " doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it. " | Crawford The difficult we do now; the impossible takes a little longer.| Nothing comes from doing nothing| Shakespeare To finish first, you must first finish.|Rick Mears Man stand for long time with mouth open before roast duck fly in.|Chinese Proverb Of all the sad words, the saddest are: " It might have been! " |Joe Greenleaf Whittier Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men’s blood...make big plans, aim high in hope and work.| H Burnham You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.|Bonnie Prudden If not you, then who? If not now, when?|Hilel " The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.. " | " I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day. " | Evangelista A fool and his money share the same mattress.| I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coathanger.| There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.| The other day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.| I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.| I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell...except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...| I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.| In my house, on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs.| I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.| I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, " Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour? " I replied, " Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long.| I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.| " I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face. " | Schiffer Beauty without virtue is a curse.| If written correctly, legalese is perfectly incomprehensible.| As scarce as the truth is, the supply is much greater than the demand.| The worst thing about ignorance is its insistency.| An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.| Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.| Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.| Pray as if it were up to God, but work as if it were up to you.| You can't believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.| He who spares the guilty threatens the innocent.| Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.| A blind man is no judge of colors.| Never try to out-stubborn a cat.| To have a friend you must first be one.| It's not how old you are but how you are old.| Each day the world turns over on someone who was just sitting on top of it| Women, wind and fortune soon change.| A brain is worth little without a tongue.| Never frighten a little man - he'll kill you.| You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.| A poor excuse is better than no excuse at all.| One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.| An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last.| Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.| Those who think they know it all upset those of us who do.| Having a good memory is useless unless you have something good to remember| Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.| Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.| We often treat our world as though we had a spare in the trunk.| Wickedness is its own greatest punishment.| Most men have died without creating; not one has died without destroying.| Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.| A hypocrite is one who sets good examples when he has an audience.| One is tolerant only of that which does not concern him.| A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.| You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.| We live in a world where nothing is impossible, except peace and happiness| People usually get what's coming to them, unless it's been mailed.| On finding a stone we see no dog; on seeing a dog we find no stone.| No man is a fool always, but all men are fools sometimes.| Remarriage after divorce is the triumph of hope over experience.| No wind blows in favor of the ship that has no port of destination.| When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.| One murder makes a villain, millions make a hero.| A babe is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs decrease.| He lives long that lives until all are weary of him.| This SPACE intentionally left blank.| Honesty is almost always the best policy.| Who loves well is slow to forget.| Did you know that clones never use mirrors?| A successful baseball player gets a hit only once out of every three tries| Fish and guests smell in three days.| The groundwork to all happiness is health.| Be as you would seem to be.| One seventh of our lives is spent on Mondays.| Our pleasures are imagined, but our griefs are all real.| A kind heart is of little value in chess.| Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them.| Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.| In every large problem is a small problem waiting to get out.| Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.| A brute kills for pleasure - a fool kills from hate.| There's so much to learn and so much of it not worth learning.| When in doubt, mumble.| Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.| One hand cannot applaud.| By the time you realize what love can do, the damage has already been done| To make a speech immortal you don't have to make it everlasting.| Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.|Mark Twain There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.| We're all going down the same road in different directions.| Hope is sweeter than possession.| Kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.| Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.| No answer is also an answer.| The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.| Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object.| Advertisement: the most truthful part of a newspaper.| Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.| Good words cost no more than bad.| The more laws, the more offenders.| Love does much but money does more.| Age is a matter of mind - if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.| Money makes not so many true friends as real enemies.| Success has ruined many a good man.| The more heavily a man should be taxed, the more power he has to avoid it.| Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to.| A clear conscience makes a good pillow.| The beard does not make the philosopher.| All the easy problems have been solved.| Many a man never fails because he never tries.| You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.| The advantage to being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant| When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.| A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.| A man may be young in years, yet old in hours.| Little things come in small packages.| Wasting time is an important part of life.| Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.| If you get up one time more than you fall you will make it through.| Never step in anything soft.| No man is lonely while eating spaghetti - it requires so much attention.| Prejudice is the child of ignorance.| Keep American beautiful - swallow your beer cans.| The most valuable gift you can give your family is a good example.| Never let your studies interfere with your education.| Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.| Discover all unpredictable errors before they occur.| Pygmies placed on giants' shoulders see more than the giants themselves.| Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.| Two's company and three's the result.| If all else fails, immortality can be assured by spectacular error.| An unbreakable toy is excellent for breaking other toys.| Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.| In God we trust; all others pay cash.| Avoid reality at all costs.| The strangest of all birth defects is an inability to see things my way.| When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.| Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.| Wishes won't wash dishes.| A bird in the hand is worth about three Kleenex.| The bird that can sing and won't sing must be made to sing.| Certainly the game is rigged, but don't let that stop you from playing.| The most exciting place to discover talent is within yourself.| He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to get ashes.| One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.| Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.| Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.| Do not believe in miracles - rely upon them.| Pain is forgotten; insult lingers on.| Speaking without thinking is like shooting without taking aim.| A small leak will sink a great ship.| Don't believe anything you hear or anything you say.| God is a comic playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.| A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.| It's not only who you know but what you know about who you know.| The narrower the mind, the broader the statement.| Better the foot slip than the tongue.| Insomuch as love grows in you, so in you beauty grows.| It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.| Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.| He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.| A committee is a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.| Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail your friends.| If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.| In fair weather prepare for foul.| Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.| Why be a man when you can be a success?| A pupil from whom nothing difficult is demanded will never do all he can.| When planning for posterity, remember that virtue is not hereditary.| The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.| A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.| Nothing is opened more often by mistake than the mouth.| You can have peace or you can have freedom, but don't count on having both| If your parents didn't have children, odds are that you won't either.| Smile - it makes people wonder what you're thinking.| If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?| You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a three-year old.| Whoever tries for great objects must suffer something.| It's better to retire too soon than too late.| Plain dealing is more often praised than practiced.| Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.| The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.| Swallowing angry words is much easier than having to eat them.| You can never discard too many bad ideas.| 'Wait' is a hard word to the hungry.| The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.| Those who are at war with others cannot be at peace with themselves.| The masses are the opium of religion.| Beaten paths are for beaten men.| Buy in haste, repair at leisure.| The worm in the sour apple doesn't know any better.| Blessed are the inept for they shall inherit the skies.| The chief cause of problems is solutions.| The greatest hate springs from the greatest love.| You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it or they don't.| The universe is simple - it's the explanation that's complex.| Always listen to experts tell you why it can't be done, then do it.| The only time some people work like a horse is when their boss rides them.| Wit and wisdom are rarely seen together.| Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.| TV is chewing gum for the eyes.| If you run after two hares, you will catch neither.| The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.| Gentlemen's agreements can get very ungentlemanly.| Don't knock President Fillmore - he kept us out of Vietnam.| Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.| Nothing vouchered, nothing gained.| So much to learn, so little time.| Keep your temper - nobody else wants it.| Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.| He is a fool who cannot be angry, but he is a wise man who will not.| Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.| Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.| Better to face a danger once than be always in fear.| The secret of selling yourself is to have a product you truly believe in.| If you want something badly, that is how you get it.| Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which one you need more.| Time and words can never be recalled.| Although up to its neck in hot water, the tea kettle continues to sing.| The best fish swim near the bottom.| All one needs is ignorance and confidence, and then success is assured.| Whoever lies with dogs rises with fleas.| There never was a good knife made of bad steel.| The human race has only one effective weapon, and that is laughter.| You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.| If it feels good, don't do it.| Suicide is confession and confession is suicide.| Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.| Patience abused becomes fury.| The best thing to hold onto in this world is each other.| Blessed are they who have little to say -- and don't.| You can't tell a book by its movie.| You may shut your doors against a thief but not against a liar.| Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.| The pot at the end of the rainbow is not Acapulco Gold.| Death is God's way of telling you that you're fired.| Vanity is the food of fools.| The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.| God cures and the doctor takes the fee.| Life is one long process of getting tired.| A committee's real objective is not to reach a decision but to avoid it.| In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.| When angry, count to ten; when very angry, count to a hundred.| Never call a man fool when you can borrow money from him instead.| Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.|Mark Twain For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation|Rainer Rilke The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.|Mark Twain The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.|Mark Twain It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races.|Mark Twain Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved.|Mark Twain Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.|Mark Twain When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.|Mark Twain It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.|Mark Twain Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.|Mark Twain Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. |Mark Twain Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.|Mark Twain " A good lie will have travled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. " |Mark Twain If there are no cigars in Heaven, I shall not go.|Mark Twain Wagner's music is better than it sounds.|Mark Twain Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.|Mark Twain A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.|Mark Twain It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.|Mark Twain Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.|Mark Twain The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenge.| Luther King Jnr Let us endeavour to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.|Mark Twain The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.|Mark Twain The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence.| Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.|Ludwig van Beethoven I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.| Luther King Jnr The quality, not the longevity, of one's life is what is important.| Luther King Jnr When you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.| Luther King Jnr Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.| Luther King Jnr " The time is always right to do what is right. " | Luther King Jnr Science is for those who learn; poetry, for those who know.|ph Roux To love a thing means wanting it to live. |Confucius Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.|Mark Twain To live is like to love-all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.| It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.|Mark Twain We fly to beauty as an asylum from the terrors of finite nature.|Emerson Virtue was never as respectable as money. |Mark Twain There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.|Mark Twain The difference between the right word and a similar word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.|Mark Twain Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.|Mark Twain One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork.|Mark Twain I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.|Mark Twain Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.|Mark Twain All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.|Mark Twain Crank -- a man with a new idea until it succeeds.|Mark Twain Oh, love is real enough; you will find it someday, but it has one archenemy--and that is life. |Anouilh, When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.|Mark Twain When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.|Mark Twain " Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. " |Mark Twain Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.|Mark Twain Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.|Mark Twain " ... all the modern inconveniences ... " |Mark Twain .... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.|Mark Twain History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot.|Mark Twain Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?|Mark Twain " The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stupidity and perjury. " |Mark Twain If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.|Mark Twain " I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. " |Mark Twain " How sour sweet music is when time is broke and no proportion kept! So is it in the music of men's lives. " | Shakespeare " This music crept by me upon the waters, allaying both their fury, and my passion, with its sweet air. " | Shakespeare " The course of true love never did run smooth. " | Shakespeare 'Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it.| Shakespeare " Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. " | Shakespeare This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.| Shakespeare " Ah, that death would annihilate it, it would be infinitely preferable to the world as it is. Ah, but there lies the rub! " | Shakespeare " If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. " |Marcus Aurelius We know what we are, but not what we may be.| Shakespeare " Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. " |Mark Twain " I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. " |Mark Twain Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.|Mark Twain When in doubt, tell the truth.|Mark Twain We ought never do wrong when people are looking.|Mark Twain The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.|Mark Twain When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.|Mark Twain The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.|Mark Twain Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.|Mark Twain " Put all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. " |Mark Twain God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.|Mark Twain " Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. " |Mark Twain I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.|Mark Twain Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.|Mark Twain The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.|Mark Twain The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.|Mark Twain The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.|Mark Twain The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.|Mark Twain The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.|Mark Twain Substitute " damn " every time you're inclined to write " very " ; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.|Mark Twain She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.|Mark Twain It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.|Mark Twain In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Columbus, " one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. " |Mark Twain " Be good and you will be lonesome. " |Mark Twain To do easily what others find difficult is the mark of talent; to do what is impossible for talent is the mark of genius.|Henri-Frederic Amiel We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.|Aesop We make war that we may live in peace.|Aristotle All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.|Aristotle Men often bear little grievances with less courage than they do large misfortunes.|Aesop Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.|Maya Angelou The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.|Henri-Frederic Amiel Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.|Henri-Frederic Amiel Wit is cultured insolence.|Aristotle To know how to suggest is the art of teaching.|Henri-Frederic Amiel It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.|Aristotle Analysis kills spontaneity.|Henri-Frederic Amiel To live we must conquer incessantly, we must have the courage to be happy.|Henri-Frederic Amiel Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family. She carries its destiny in the folds of her mantle.|Henri-Frederic Amiel " Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark. " |Henri-Frederic Amiel " I'm a baaaadd man!! " |Muhammed Ali Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.|Muhammed Ali The man who has no imagination has no wings.|Muhammed Ali Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.|Muhammed Ali " Wealth unused might as well not exist. " |Aesop One who condones evil is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it.| Luther King Jnr Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be outraged by silence.|Henri-Frederic Amiel There was never a genius without a tincture of madness.|Aristotle I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.| The art of living is more like that of wrestling than of dancing; the main thing is to stand firm and be ready for an unseen attack.|Marcus Aurelius " If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. " |Marcus Aurelius Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.|Marcus Aurelius And thou wilt give thyself relief, if thou doest every act of thy life as if it were the last|Marcus Aurelius Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.|Aristotle No one loves the man whom he fears.|Aristotle It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws.|Aristotle " To the query, " What is a friend? " his reply was " A single soul dwelling in two bodies. " |Aristotle He who hath many friends hath none.|Aristotle Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.|Aesop No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.|Aristotle It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.|Aristotle Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.|Aristotle Change in all things is sweet.|Aristotle Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love.|Aristotle We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.|Aristotle " I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. " |Aristotle " He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander. " |Aristotle " In the arena of human life the honours and rewards fall to those who show their good qualities in action. " |Aristotle " All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire. " |Aristotle All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.|Aristotle Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.| Shakespeare Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life.|Aphra Behn " Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own. " |Aesop Without love, the world itself would not survive.|Lope de Vega Beauty in not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.|Kahlil Gibran Harmony is pure love, for love is a concerto.|Lope de Vega Beloved, all that is harsh and difficult I want for myself, and all that is gentle and sweet for thee.|San de la Cruz To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction|Antoine de Saint-Exupery Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey|Lord Byron It is a kind of good deed to say well; and yet words are not deeds.| Shakespeare La coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point. The heart has it's reasons, whereof reason knows nothing.|Pascal We are shaped and fashioned by what we love|Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe Love, you are eternal like springtime.| Ramon Jiminez To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.| Sunde It is love alone that gives worth to all things.|Santa de Jesus Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.| Van Gough Where there is love there is life|Mahatma Gandhi The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved|Victor Hugo She fights and vanquishes in me, and I live and breathe in her, and I have life and being.|Migeul de Cervantes Let no one who loves be unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow| Mathhew Barrie Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.|Aristotle Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.|Oliver Wendell Holmes You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her|Unknown If I know what love is, it is because of you.|Herman Hesse A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.|Aesop Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.|Aesop " All energy is the sum of free will plus love.|Unknown The love of beauty in it's multiple forms is the noblest gift of the human cerebrum.|is Carrel I could do without many things with no hardship--you are not one of them.|Ashleigh Brilliant I think we dream so we dont have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time.|Hobbes My night has become a sunny dawn because of you.|Ibn Abbad If a thing loves, it is infinite.| Blake Pains of love be sweeter far. Than all other pleasures are. |Jon Dryden Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.|Anouilh In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. |Mignon McLaughlin Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.| Heinlein Love and you will be loved, and you will be able to do all that you could not do unloved.|Marques de Santillana Take away love, and our earth is a tomb | Browning There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.| Sands A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.|Latin Proverb The soul that can speak through the eyes, can also kiss with a gaze.|Gustavo Adolfo Becquer We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other.|Liciano De Crescenzo A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.|unknown Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.|Japanese Proverb. The reduction of the universe to a single being,the expansion of a single being even to G-d, this is love.|Victor Hugo I believe that if i should die, and you were to walk near my grave, from the very depths of the earth i would hear your footsteps.|Benito Galdos Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!|Kermit What goes up has probably been doused with petrol.| Was today really Necessary?| Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.| Warning: Whimsical when bored| Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active.| Want a jelly baby?| Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.| Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction| Walls impede my progress| Wave to your neighbor, Word to your mother.| WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.| WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??| WOMEN: Weird Obnoxious Male Enticing Nymphs| Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value.| WOMAN.ZIP... Great program but no documentation.| WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst!| WAITER! there's soup in my fly!| Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.| What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.| Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.| Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!| Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep.| I had rather have a fool make me merry, than experience make me sad.| Shakespeare What does this red button do?| What do you mean that 2 years have passed??| What do batteries run on?| What could possibly go wrong.| What color is a chameleon on a mirror?| What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.| What can you do for me?| Wasting time is an important part of living.| Welcome to New Zealand, set your watch back 20 years.| Vidi, Vici, Veni: I saw, I conquered, I came| We're lost, but we're making good time.| We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod.| We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force|Queen We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.| We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.| We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here| We have here the latest in primitive technology.| We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom...| We are the people our parents warned us about| We are not a clone.| What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY!| Todays subliminal message is " " | Vulcans have less fun.| Trust me|I'm a Lawyer. Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!| Trees hit cars only in self-defence.| Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.| Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...| Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.| Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!| Too bad stupidity isn't painful.| Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!| Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday| Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.| Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.| Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.| To me personally, it's nothing personal to me.| To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.| To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.| To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer!| I'm not as dumb as you look.| To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.| Too much month at the end of the money.| Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!| Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.| Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.| Variables won't; constants aren't.| VLSI: " Getting High On Low Voltage " | Users, losers -- what's the difference?| Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.| Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool| Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.| Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.| Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.| Veterinarians drive like animals.| Ultimate Question Research Team| UFO's are real: the Air Force doesn't exist.| UART what UEAT!| We Skid You Not.|Tyre Shop sign Typographers rule, OQ| Two seals fell off a cliff. Arf Arf| Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.| Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.| Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.| Turning floppies into hard drives.| Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.| Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...| It's like Deja Vu all over again...| Suicide Hotline...please hold.| Stupid is a boundless concept.| Please return stewardess to original upright position| Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke|Obi Wan Gates Keyboard? How quaint!|y Is is the verb for when you don't want a verb.| To err is human, to forgive....$5.00| I'm looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben..| Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!|Yoda COINCIDENCE happens.| C++ should have been called D| Build a watch in 179 easy steps by C. Forsberg.| Apple|© Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. 640K ought to be enough for anybody.|Bill Gates '81 A day not wasted is a day wasted!| Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.| Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID!| Programming is an art form that fights back.| What else can you do at 3:00 am?| If the shoe fits, buy it. Imelda Marcos| In time we hate that which we often fear.| Shakespeare Our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.| Shakespeare Strong reasons make strong actions.| Shakespeare Each present joy or sorrow seems the chief.| Shakespeare My words fly up, my thoughts remain below. Words without thoughts never to heaven go.| Shakespeare Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculous in the country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.| Shakespeare It is the mind that makes the body rich; and as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds, so honor peereth in the meanest habit.| Shakespeare False face must hide what the false heart doth know.| Shakespeare There is a history in all men's lives.| Shakespeare The faster you go, the shorter you are|Albert Einstein He is not great who is not greatly good.| Shakespeare Bad knee, gotta run - Pat Buchanan to his draft board| Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.| Shakespeare Oft expectation fails, and most oft where most it promises; and oft it hits where hope is coldest; and despair most sits.| Shakespeare Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.| Shakespeare Doubt thou the stars are fine. Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar. But never doubt I love.| Shakespeare " A good wench, give it me! " | Shakespeare Reputation, reputation, reputation! Oh, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial.| Shakespeare What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet| Shakespeare Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?| Shakespeare O monstrous world! Take note, take note, o world,To be direct and honest is not safe!| Shakespeare Vote for Perot - Bumper sticker attached with velcro.| Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind; the thief doth fear each bush an officer.| Shakespeare Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!| Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.| God I hate floppies.| Winston s, a rebel without a caucus.| Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat| Why is " abbreviated " such a long word?| Why get even, when you can get odd?| Why do you think they call it " find " ?| Why did the Albanion working class revolt?| Gold is worse poison to a man's soul, doing more murders in this loathsome world, than any mortal drug.| Shakespeare Why are you wasting time reading taglines?| With a mind like yours, who needs a body.| Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein.| Whoops, stepped on a frog.| Whoever has the most when he dies... WINS!| Who glued the cup to the table?| When your opponent is down, kick him.| When in doubt, think.| When 911 won't work .357 will!| What's brown and sticky? A stick!| What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'furniture.| What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.| Why can't we just spell it orderves?| Would I ask you a rhetorical question?| [if you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]| [ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2004 Report Share Posted July 14, 2004 re: quotes lots of 'em here --kayly When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.|Mark Twain Arthur: " It's at times like this I wish I'd listened to my mother. " Ford : " Why, what did she say? " Arthur: " I don't know, I never listened. " | 'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.| Shakespeare Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought---particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. |Woody Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. (I think I think, therefore, I think I am.) |Ambrose Bierce Rise, Brothers! Come let us possess this land. Never say: " Let well enough alone " . . . Be discontented. Be dissatisfied.| Hope There is no such thing as war atrocities. War itself is an atrocity. |Rush Limbaugh Golf is a good walk spoiled.|Mark Twain We can't all be sound, We've got to be the way we're made.|Mark Twain Ahhh! A great warrior. Wars not make one great.|Yoda Never give up and never face the facts.|Ruth Gordon Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.|Max Ehrmann We real cool. We / Left school. We / Lurk late. We / Strike straight. We / Sing sin. We / Thin gin. We/ Jazz June. We / Die soon.|Gwendolyn I was walking down the street and saw a sign on a post. It said: " Lost -- $50. If found, just keep it. " | There is a God. |Rush Limbaugh I accidentally shot my father-in-law while deer hunting. It was an honest mistake. I came out of the tent in the morning and thought I saw a deer in an orange vest making coffee.| Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.|Chinese Proverb I can levitate birds. No one cares.| He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves.|Chinese Proverb She takes, just like a woman.|Bob Dylan If, however, six-figure fees are the goal, then let them [lawyers] accept the loathing and resentment without pompous self-justification.|E.W. Neville When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.| Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!| Safire Struggle is the father of everthing.|a German philosophy Never give in, never give in, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER--in nothing great or small, large or petty--never give in except to convictions of honour and common sense.|Winston Churchill Love is the drug, and I need to score.|Roxy Music Today I was arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli. I sold a #3 for 28 bucks.| Christianity broke the heart of the world, and mended it.| I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks, but there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding at the bottom of a crackerjack box.|Jim Steinman Mothers, food, love, and career, the four major guilt groups.| Guisewite In crises, the most daring course is often the safest.|Henry A. Kissinger Do something. If it doesn't work, do something else. No idea is too crazy.|Jim Hightower Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.| Connolly There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not. |Rush Limbaugh If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.|Phyllis Diller Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.|Agatha Christie So please love me do.|Lennon/McCartney The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down. |Rush Limbaugh Concentrate Fire on that Super Star Destroyer!|Admiral Ackbar The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.|Harriet Beecher Stowe An intelligence test often shows how smart one would have been not to take it.|W.G.P. While hunting in Africa, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How an elephant got into my pajamas I'll never know. |Groucho Marx " Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. " |Mark Twain Beauty is my bidness.|D. Letterman It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings.|Dale Carnegie Fools are the only folk on the earth who can absolutely count on getting what they deserve.| King You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. | It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.| It's Tekonojikly better!| Success is like a fart - you can only stand your own.| Cynicism is but idealism gone sour in the face of frustration.| Happiness is a warm gun.| It is broke. It will not work. It does not go.| Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. | World ends today at 9:30 pm! Film at 11:00...| A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.| Everyone serves a purpose in life, even if it is to be a horrible example.| Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sux.| There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. |Johann Sebastian Bach Positive: mistaken at the top of one's voice.| All generalizations are bad.| All work and no play, will make you a manager.| VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object| SAAB Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown| Funny, only sensible people agree with me.| An idle mind is worth two in the bush.| The future is purchased by the present.| If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!| Love is like a pair of socks - you must have two and they have to match.| Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.| God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.|Elbert Hubbard Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything!| Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. | That ain't so good English!| To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.| I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.| Everyone needs a place in the sun, especially when it rains.| Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.| One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.| Government expands to absorb revenue, and then some.| Spice is the variety of life.| I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. |Neil Armstrong Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!| Sorry about your Rectocranial Inversion.| Some things have got to be believed to be seen.| Opportunities do not wait.| A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.| He who hesitates is constipated.| Regal Lager, It's not just a beer... It's a palindrome!| Never enough time, unless you're serving it.|Anu's Word Server The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.|Aristotle Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.| Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.| As selfishness and complaint pervert and cloud the mind, so love with its joy clears and sharpens the vision. |Helen Keller " The soft-minded man always fears change. He feels security in the status quo, and he has an almost morbid fear of the new. For him, the greatest pain is the pain of a new idea. " | Luther King Jnr " At the beginning and at the end of love, the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone. " |La Bruyere Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!| Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!| Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.|Marcus Aurelius is out there... waiting...| Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!| Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?| One man's upload is another man's download| Dirty tags and they're done dirt cheap.| Did I just step on someone's toes again?| The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances.|Aristotle Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.|Aristotle The blood of the soldier makes the glory of the general.| Deaf, dumb, and blonde.| Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.| DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!| A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.| It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up.|Muhammed Ali He who eats sea shells will smell like the ocean.| If you have to travel on a Titanic, why not go first class?| People forget how fast you did a job, but remember how well you did it.| Redundancy: A Politician with an airbag in his car.| Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned.| Remember: even if you win the rat race, you will still be a rat.| " In the real world, the right thing never happens in the right place and the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to make it appear that it has. " |Mark Twain " Criminal Lawyer " is a redundancy.| I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.| When everybody is somebody, then nobody is anybody.| " Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. " |Mark Twain A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.| Everyone is entitled to my opinion.| Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold| A bad workman quarrels with his tools.| Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.| Enough research will tend to support your theory.| The road to the patent office is paved with good inventions.| Ego Gratification through Violence| Men play the game; women know the score.| It takes a mature person to be really young.| Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit.| Pobody's Nerfect!| It may be that perpetual peace can only be brought about by perpetual war.| Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.|Mark Twain Make like a drum and beat it!| I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers| When the well is dry we know the worth of water.| I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.| What's another word for thesaurus?| I am Homer of Borg. You will... Oh! Donuts! | Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.| No pain, no gain; no thorns, no throne; No gall, no glory; no cross, no crown.| Penn No! I can’t be quiet! I am angry and bitter. I have to speak.|Job 6:11 When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.| I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.| Where love is thin, faults are thick.| Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo| I guess a cynic smells different.| Before you meet any handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.| Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.| Make Lots of Money, Enjoy the Work, Operate Within the Law: Choose 2 | Pride in prosperity becomes misery in adversity.| I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!| The gene pool has no lifeguard.| Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust.| I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.| One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.|A. A. Milne Tolkien is hobbit-forming.| Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. |Aldous Huxley An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.| The most efficient labor-saving device is still money. |lin P. To rest is to rust.| I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes.| A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.| When a red hot man meets a white hot lady...|Queen Ain't it wonderful to be alive when the rock 'n' roll plays!| The nation whose population depends on the explosively compressed headline service of television news can expect to be exploited by demagogues and dictators who prey upon the semi-informed.|Walter Cronkite An opinion is like a bunghole. Everyone has one.|Mark Twain The world's trying to get some sort of a *social* conscience, but it's having a devil of a time trying to do *that*.| Saroyan Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. |Winston Churchill e not afraid of proceeding slowly, be only afraid of standing still.|Chinese Proverb And every strangers face I see reminds me that I long to be... homeward bound.| Simon Listen carefully. If anybody's got any money - to hoard or to throw away - you can be sure he stole it from other people. Not from rich people who can spare it, but from poor people who can't.| Saroyan You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else.|Winston Churchill I've got money. I'll always have money, as long as this world stays the way it is. I don't work. I don't make anything. ... I drink.| Saroyan Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.|Winston Churchill From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.|Winston Churchill Can you imagine the silence if everyone said only what he knows?| A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.|G.K. Chesterton Reading is important -- read between the lines. Don't swallow everything.|Gwendolyn You know I love you, but you got a hell of a lot to learn about ROCK 'N' ROLL!|Jim Steinman " Another work week begins " |Tom said mundanely. ....if He felt He had to direct you, then direct you into my arms.|Nick Cave And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry|Pink Floyd Each morning I get up I die a little. Can barely stand on my feet.|Queen Do not want others to know what you have done? Better not have done it anyways.|Chinese Proverb Donkey's lips do not fit onto a horse's mouth. |Chinese Proverb " Bother! " said Pooh & reached for the reset button.| Change is inevitable.|Disraeli Q: Why is it illegal to kill flies in Poland? A: Because that's the national bird.| Cap'n, we're at 1700 CPS. The UARTs canna take any more!| Man is what he believes.|Anton Chekhov One cannot refuse to eat just because there is a chance of being choked. |Chinese Proverb Together we can break this trap, we'll run till we drop, and baby we'll never go back.|Bruce Springsteen Cheap shot... but it felt good!|Throttle Biplane ...last words a pilot says before bailing out.| It's nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in...| Chess is the art of battle| If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep|Dale Carnegie Everybody's talkin' 'bout the new sound funny, but it's still rock and roll to me| Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk, it's still rock and roll to me.| Apathy is infinitely more annoying than ignorance.|D. A smile will gain you ten more years of life.|Chinese Proverb It is brave to be involved / To be not fearful to be unresolved.|Gwendolyn When I appear in public, people expect me to neigh, grind my teeth paw the ground and swish my tail --- none of which is easy.|Princess Anne In love there are things --- bodies and words.|Joyce Carol Oates A time to weep, and a time to laugh.|Ecclesiastes 3:1 <laugh> If only the innocents knew...| Talent develops in tranquillity, character in the full current of human life. |Goethe I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in.|Margaret " Bother! " said Pooh, and deleted C:\WINDOWS.| (A)bort, ®etry, (I)nfluence with a large hammer.| A)bort R)etry G)et a stick and kill it.| Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.|Yoda Bye bye, boys! Have fun storming the castle!|Miracle Max Getting along with men isn't what's truly important. The vital knowledge is how to get along with one man.|Phyllis McGinley " It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. " | Holmes Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.|Leonard Brandwein To the living we owe respect, but to the dead we owe only the truth.|Voltaire It is better to have never loved than to have loved and lost.|Penn Give us the tools and we will finish the job.|Winston Churchill Beauty provoketh thieves sooner than gold.| Shakespeare Bright is the moon high in starlight...|Metallica One has a greater sense of degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience.|Alice Breast Fed (n): female FBI agent| A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it.|Marcelene A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which was planted. |Ecclesiastes 3:1 Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: Real men aren't afraid of the dark.| Caught in the middle of a hundred and five. The night was heavy and the air was alive.|Mike Oldfield Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then, Life is dull without it.|Pearl Buck But I believe in peace.. I believe in peace, bitch.|Tori Amos , bottled in 1783... 1783 was a very good year.|Connor A leopard never changes his stripes.|Al Gore ....aowAAARRRgh!|the first caveman to encounter lava. A little thoughtfulness brings a lot of happiness.| A man is a old as he is feeling. A woman is as old as she looks.| It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be.|Brigitte Bardot Best men are often moulded out of faults.| Shakespeare Wisdom begins in wonder. |Socrates Alone, even in a crowd. Dead, but among the living...| " As soon as the rain stops, we'll break camp " |said Tom intently. Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo.| Byrne Put the screws into ya... my way.|Metallica --He's got a mind like a steel sieve--| Ask not for whom the bell tolls.|Muhummad Ali I have tainted my legend in order to end his.|Ulric Wolfshead Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.| Safire Around the world in A.D. days|A trip impossible in old Roman times. Alself me to my duce introlow left body in the roomself.| If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.|Nora Ephron I came, I saw, I deleted all your files. | But at least watch them, and see how men die.|Claudius All which is forgotten need not necessarily be dead.|H.P.Lovecraft Call it a hunch|Quasimodo Alcohol: The more you drink, the less you think!|Dinosaur TV ad COPS is filmed on location twenty years ago.| " All I did was pull the spark plug wire " |Tom said shockingly. Baby this town rips the bones from your back, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap, we gotta get out while we're young.|Bruce Springsteen All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks|Weird Al That long black cloud is comin' down. I feel I'm knockin' on Heaven's door.|Bob Dylan Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.|Eddie Rickenbacher All I want for Christmas is a a box of smurfs and a mallet| Calm down, give me the pun.| I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.|Rita Rudner Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.| Bernard Shaw At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves.|Orwell Yet if hope has flown away In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, Is it therefore the less gone?|Edgar Allan Poe Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.|Picasso It is wrong for two people to live as one. Should one die, the survivor would therefore, be only half a person.|P.K. Shaw People with purpose create their own lives.| Everything that can be invented has been invented.|Director of the US patent office (1899) Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.|Jonathon Swift Before you argue with a fool make sure he is not similarly occupied.|W.G.P. It doesn't matter if you win or lose, until you lose.|Angie Papadakis To travel hopefully is a better thing then to arrive, and the true success is to labour.| Louis son Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I understand.|Chinese Proverb Father of a teenage daughter when answering the telephone; " No this isn't dreamboat this is supply ship " .|W.G.P. At forty a man come of age. He has more polish, charm, poise - and more money|Mae West Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.|Shirley Conran Never lose sight of the fact that old age needs so little but needs that little so much.|Margaret Willour Husbands are like fire on the hearth - likely to go out if left unattended.|W.G.P. Making a mistake is falling down, failure is not getting up again.|Helen Keller Create a dream and give it everything you have, you could be surprised just how much you are capable of acheiving.|Sara Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.|Unknown RIDDLE TIME: What has three legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three in the evening?| RIDDLE TIME: No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?| After a while you'll forget everything. It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling. And you'll see that it's time to move on.|The girl Make up your mind to act decidedly and take the consequences.| Henry Huxley The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.| Beland RIDDLE TIME: Ben was 20 years old in 1980 but only 15 years old in 1985. How come?| Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.|Chuck Don't fight the problem, decide it.| C. Marshall He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.|Jack Bross and had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.| Beland RIDDLE TIME: A man filled an empty barrel. It was lighter than when he had started. What did he fill it with?| Every wrong seems possible today, and is accepted. I don't accept it.|Pablo Casals You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art.|Napolean Bonaparte A committee is a cul de sac to which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.| A. Lincoln Unused power slips imperceptibly into the hands of another.|Konrad Heiden Valentine's Day is for all who know love regardless of age, or where you're from.|Verka Paunovska-Trajceska McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.| Sabourin Child-like and childish are totally different concepts.| Maybe there's a witch doctor with an office in town.|Jim Steinman Everything's a lie and that's a fact.|Jim Steinman And the angels had guitars even before they had wings.|Jim Steinman Is this a blessing? Or is it a curse? Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?|Jim Steinman Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?|The girl Will you cater to every fantasy I got? Will ya hose me down with holy water - if I get too hot - ?|The girl I'll never be able, to give you something, something that I just haven't got!|Jim Steinman Will you make me some magic with your own two hands? Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?|The girl Childhood is short and maturity is forever|Calvin Chill in the air cold as steel tonight.|Metallica China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. De Gaulle| Chipmunks roasting on an open fire...| Chivalry is only reasonably dead.| Bush Sumo Surfer must have grace of Swan and boldness of Tiger to ride the Big One.|Confused Shoes You can decide to do a thing. You can decide not to do a thing. ...or you can decide not to decide.| King I know the territory - I've been around. It'll all turn to dust, and we'll all fall down.|The girl Close your eyes, and I'll kiss you. Tomorrow I'll miss you.|Lennon/McCartney A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.| Mizner Ignorance is when you don't know something and someone finds out you don't know.|W.G.P. I don't mind inflation if it means I go up when I die.|P.K. Shaw Perhaps the reward of the spirit who tries is not the goal but the exercise.|E.V. Cooke If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.|Earl Will you take me to places I've never known?|The girl It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.|Aristotle For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.|St. 3:17 Say you don't need no diamond rings, and I'll be satisifed.|Lennon/McCartney Money can't buy me love.|Lennon/McCartney Suddenly. I'm not half the man I used to be. There's a shadow hanging over me. Oh yesterday cam suddenly.|Lennon/McCartney I said something wrong, now I long, for yesterday.|Lennon/McCartney Here I stand, head in head. Turn my face to the wall. If she's gone, I can't go on, feeling two foot small.|Lennon/McCartney Try to see it my way. Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.|Lennon/McCartney I once had a girl; or should I say, she once had me.|Lennon/McCartney Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight? Can you colorize my life? I'm so sick of black and white.|The girl Boredom is the bitter fruit of too much routine, or none at all.|n Francis Beauty is what you see when you close your eyes.| 25. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.| He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.| Herbert 27. Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.| 28. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.| 29. Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.| Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he's forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free.|Leo Buscalia So here I sit, my heart in hand, two pieces made of stone; A frozen lake my only friend, will I always be alone?| 24. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.| Not all that wander are lost|Bilbo Baggins All that is gold does not glitter|Bilbo Baggins The old that is strong does not wither|Bilbo Baggins Deep roots are not reached by the frost.|Bilbo Baggins If you have to swallow a frog, try not to think about it. If you have to swallow two frogs, don't swallow the smaller one first.| " The United States has become a place where you neighborhood video store is still open at 10 p.m., while the library is closed at midday. " | Lardner 3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.| The best opportunities in our lives stand behind the forbidding door of the great unknown.|Don McCullough Half asleep and half asleep but never too blind to see, The things she takes, the things she breaks, the fool she's made of me.| 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.| In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments - there are consequences.| G. Ingersoll We are going to fight. We are going to be hurt. And in the end we will stand.|Roland There would be no giving up. Whatever was loose inside him might tear his sanity away from him in the end, but he would give it no quarter in the meantime.| King ....time is mended, paradox is ended...| King For if it's ka, it'll come like a wind, and your plans will stand before it no more than my da's barn stood before the cyclone when it came.| King 26. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.| I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.|Ralph Waldo Emerson 23. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.| Chocolate is a serious thing!|Counselor Troi 6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.| 7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.| 8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.| 9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.| 14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.| 16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.| 21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.| 'No more talk. Talking's done. Do it or die.'|Roland How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?|Woody Nothin' I can say... a total eclipse of the heart.|Jim Steinman Think about it. There must be a higher love. Down in the heart or hidden in the skies above. Without it, life is wasted time. Look inside your heart, I'll look inside mine.|Steve Winwood Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listenin' to the sound of my tears.|Jim Steinman Every now and then I fall apart.|Jim Steinman We're livin' in a powder keg and givin' off sparks.|Jim Steinman Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.|e's Third Law Once upon a time I was fallin' in love, now I'm only fallin' apart.|Jim Steinman Once upon a time there was light in my life, no there's only love in the dark.Jim Steinman|Jim Steinman Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for.| Starr Jordan Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be first overcome.| Temper merely shows lack of control and temporarily places you in the ranks of lunatics and fools.| Nickerson I asked God for all things so I could enjoy life. He gave me life so I could enjoy all things.| Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amid joy.|Felicia Hermans Everybody thinks of changing humanity and nobody thinks of changing himself.|Leo Tolstoy Let us be as generous in judging others as we are in judging ourselves.| Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.|Albert Einstein Forever's gonna start tonight.|Jim Steinman He who would leap high must take a long run.|Danish Proverb The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.|The Merchant of Venice That's one small step for [a] man; one giant leap for mankind.|Neil Armstrong Rock and roll is here to stay|Neil Young The man, who has seen the rising moon break out of the clouds at midnight, has been present like an archangel at the creation of light and of the world.|Ralph Waldo Emerson We need our enemies to teach us what friends in kindness never show.|Gwen Harwood Every now and then I get a little bit lonely, and you're never comin' 'round.|Jim Steinman Never claim as a right what you can ask for as a favour.|J. Churton She paid for her dinner, so that's all that matters.|Lee Ackrill Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls short.| Henry Newman A lot of us would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.|W.G.P. I had ambition not only to go farther than any man had ever been before, but as far as it was possible for a man to go.|Captain Cook Always choose a busy man when you want a job done; the others haven't the time.|W.G.P. To judge wisely, we must know how things appear to the unwise.| Eliot The greatest achievement is not ever failing, but rising every time we do fail.|Anonymous Well now, sorrow it comes a-stealing, and I'll cry girl, but I'll come a-running. Straight to you. For I am captured.|Nick Cave It would take a woman to do something that stupid.|Lee Ackrill A girl could be right when she thinks no man is good enough to marry her. She could also be left.|W.G.P. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.| But the only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.|e's Second Law I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I said, " Give me two boys and a girl. " | Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep...| I have a decaffeinated coffee table. You'd never know it to look at it.| I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.| One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.| I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.| I've never seen electricity, so I don't pay for it. I write right on the bill, " I'm sorry, I haven't seen it all month. " | I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.| I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.| I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went " Aaaaahhhh... " | I invented the cordless extension cord.| I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.| I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.| All the plants in my house are dead -- I shot them last night.| I wrote a few children's books... Not on purpose.| I saw a sign: " Rest Area 25 Miles " . That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.| Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.| What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?| Van Gogh My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.| I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.| So I get off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...| My neighbors don't like it when I talk to my plants... I use a megaphone.| I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I say, " Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it. " | I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.| Is my car the only one in America where someone breaks in and turns up my radio every time I park?| My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can't get out.| I want to start a car repair shop. I have already got the air for the tires.| I had to stop driving my car for a while... The tires got dizzy.| I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds *amazing*.| I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I've been arrested three times for practicing.| I locked my keys in the car the other day. But it was alright, I was still inside.| One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.| I get quiet joy from the observance of anyone who does his job well.| C. Feather I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was " woman " .| When I'm in Champaigne, I listen to the great music on Rock 107, and when I'm out of town... They mail it to me.| I tried to draw my shadow once, but I couldn't... My arm kept moving.| I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one... It wasn't doing what I was doing.| Lots of comedians have people they try to mimic. I mimic my shadow.| I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.| Suppose everybody cared enough, everybody shared enough, wouldn't everybody have enough?| Buchman I didn't know it then, but looking back, in hindsight, I realize that when I was younger I could see into the future. Now I'm getting all my premonitions as flashbacks!| It is best not to swap horses while crossing the river.|Abraham Lincoln The grass is greener on the other side only because we haven't had a chance to mow it.|P.K. Shaw Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.|Betty Do not confuse the pleasure of pleasing with the happiness of loving.|Coco Chanel People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.|Bob Hope The next time you call your dog a dumb animal, remember who he's got working for him.|Anon You don't make the poor richer by making the rich poorer.|Winston Churchill Instead of loving you enemies, treat your friends a little better.|E.W. Howe Sorry, my mind was wandering. One time my mind went all the way to Venus on mail order and I couldn't pay for it.| One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.| I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.| I saw a bank that said " 24 Hour Banking " , but I don't have that much time.| I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, " What for? " I said, " I'm going to buy some sugar. " | When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.| He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, " Yes, but not right now. " | Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.| (Referring to a glass of water) I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!| Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.| I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, " I think I might have written that. " | Sometimes I... No, I don't.| Today I... No, that wasn't me.| Four years ago... No, it was yesterday.| I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.| My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.| I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.| It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.| The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.|Finley Dunne (Mr Dooley) Let's swap Lee's keyboard keys around.|Guy Bradney I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. " We're surrounded. " | Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!| Keep honking while I reload.|Bumper Sticker When I think over what I have said, I envy dumb people.|Seneca I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.| It's only when you abandon your ambitions that they become possible.| Kennedy Call on God, but row away from the rocks.|Indian Proverb So, the moral of the story is, if you want it, go for it because it will be the best thing even if others don't agree at the time.| " So, welcome to your new careers as garbage men. " |Alan My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.| Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.| I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.| Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.| I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.| Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement.|Henry Ford So take a look at me now. Well, there's just an empty space.|Phil Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of a door.|Charleton Ogburn, Jr It is no use saying " we are doing our best. " You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.|Winston Churchill We have met the enemy, and he is us.|Walt Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.| Drucker A man can stand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days.|Goethe If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.|Bumper Sticker And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face.|Phil " Maybe there's some kind of standard around here. " " A standard for bad programming. " |Lee How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?|Phil When everything's made to be broken... I just want you to know who I am.| Rzeznik ....and I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.| Rzeznik When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.| Rzeznik You're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now.| Rzeznik ....and I'd give up forever to touch you.| Rzeznik Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.|W. Somerset Maugham And you coming back to me is against all odds, it's the chance I've got to take.|Phil I lost a button hole today. Where am I gonna find another one?| When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.| I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.| How young can you die of old age?| I washed mud, off of mud.| Factorials were someone's attempt to make math *look* exciting.| If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?| I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.| If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!| I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.| I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.| After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?| I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils.| When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.| I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.| When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, " Five. " He said, " When I was your age, I was six. " | A wino asked me for change... I gave him my shirt.| I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else's property.| I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only 2 inches taller.| Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.| When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, " Well, what do you need? " | is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... You can't hear him talk.| I think is weird, because he has false teeth. With braces on them. | Women... Can't live with 'em... Can't shoot 'em.| The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and doesn't stop until you get to work.| When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... Eventually.| I filled out an application that said, " In Case Of Emergency Notify " . I wrote " Doctor " ... What's my mother going to do?| I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.| It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.| I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.| My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.| Why is it, " A penny for your thoughts, " but, " you have to put your two cents in? " Somebody's making a penny.| I like candy canes; they're my favorite candy. But I only like the white part.| Are there any questions?| The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.| Bob sucks!|Donges Computer standing by, please input tagline parameters| Conquest is easy. Control is not.|Kirk Conjunction Junction, what's your function?| Coca-Cola : Within an Arms Reach of Desire.|1924 Conform! Conform! Conform!| Conform or be cast out.|Rush Coca-Cola : World And Friend|1950 Conquest is made of the ashes of one's enemies.|Starscream Conclusion - The place where you got tired of thinking| Coca-Cola : Easy To Buy, Easy To Carry, Easy To Keep On Ice|1929 Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.|Shakespeare Computer, shut this bloody thing off!|y The name of the place is... Babylon 5|Sinclair Coca-Cola : You Can Trust It's Quality|1933 Get out my way, or by God, I'll throw you out the nearest airlock.|Sinclair Computer, open this hatch or I'll take an axe to your memory.| Coca-Cola Delicious and Refreshing|1893 Coca-Cola Quenches Thirst|1900 Costrophobia|The fear of high prices. Conference on Schizophrenia. I've half a mind to attend| Control, Kojak! Let that be your watchword in all things.|Glen Cool! Evil wins again!| Cool like us.| Cooking Rule... If at first you don't suceed, order pizza| Cook? What do I look like?|Peg Bundy? Converts are the worst kind of bigots|Max Headroom quoting Edison Convert or Die! oh, yeah, like it'll mean anything then.| Coal. Spock, 'Arena'| Coca-Cola : The Pause That Refreshes.|1929 Control, control. You must learn control.|Yoda Compute to the last digit the value of pi.|Spock to Computer " Contrariwise, " continued Tweedledee, " if it was so, it might be... " | Coca-Cola 50 Million Times a Day|1955 Consult an investment broker,|was Tom's stock answer. Constantine... led me through the badlands.|Swamp Thing Conserve your precious hatred for the game!|Apu Conserve material: wear a mini-skirt today!| Consequences, schmonsequences; as long as I'm rich...|Daffy Duck Come on, admit it. Sometimes you think I'm all right.|Han Solo Conscience is just the fear of getting caught.|Sheriff Buck Coca-Cola : Around the Corner from Everywhere.|1923 Conversation breaks up the monopoly of not talkin'.|Popeye Come with me if you want to live.| Reese Coke is it!|1981 Computer, Fix it.| Come, , come! The game is afoot.|Sherlock Holmes A Jade stone is useless before it is processed; a man is good-for-nothing until he is educated.|Chinese Proverb Come off! I'm sane now!|Homer, scrubbing his " INSANE " stamp off Come on without; come on within...| Come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!|Pink Floyd Coca-Cola : 6,000,000 Drinks a day...|1900 Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!|Pink Floyd Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.|Ustinov Come up to us and we will show you a thing.|1 14:12 Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!|Pink Floyd Come on, Doc, time to be a hero.|Kira Come to the war, often?|Tom Servo Come quietly or there will be...trouble|Robocop Come on, King of the Jews!| Come on. Let's keep a little optimism here.|Han Solo Come on, you pansy!|The Black Knight Come on, now, I hear you're feeling down|Pink Floyd Come on, my friends let's make for the hills|Pink Floyd Come, Fenric. Play the game of traps.|The Doctor. Company we keep, roaming the land while you sleep...|Metallica Coca-Cola The Year 'Round Drink|1893 Cocaine is God's way of saying you make too much money.| Coffee affects your hearing. - Could you repeat that, please?| Coffee is not for kids.|Bart's Board Coffee is not supposed to be a *solid*.|Winchester Compu'er. COMPU'ER!|y, talking to a mouse. Compassion! Maybe that's what keeps us ahead of computers.|McCoy Come. I have such sights to show you.| Company's coming,|Tom guessed. Comfort's in my coffee cup.| Common sense is what tells you that the world is flat.| Common sense is not so common. - Voltaire| Common sense is in spite of, not as a result of education.|Hugo Motor cars produced this year will run into millions - no doubt they will.|W.G.P. Commander, you'll forgive me if I put up a fight.|Kirk Commander, you'd better take a look at this.|Ivanova Commander, there's a problem.|Ivanova Command or filename irrelevant.|DOS of Borg Coffee, two sugars, cream... and aspirin.|Sinclair Coke adds life.|1980 Compassion is the currency of losers.|Cutthroat The wind 'round here gets wicked cold, but my story is nearly told.|Nick Cave High aims form high characters, and great objects bring out great minds.|Tyron I went out searching. Looking for one good man. A spirit who would not bend or break, who would sit at his father's right hand.|Bono Circumstances? I make circumstances!|Napoleon It's not making ends meet that's so difficult; it's making the ends hold still.|W.G.P. Have patience! It's all worth it in the end.|Tania Bull City Prostitution Dept. You lust 'em, we bust 'em.| City Morgue--you kill 'em, we chill 'em; you stab 'em, we slab 'em!| If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you'll find you've done it.|P.K. Shaw Don't fall in love with a dreamer.|Carnes/Ellingson You're one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan - designed and directed by his Red Right Hand.|Nick Cave She's gonna make you cry.|Bono Don't move don't talk out of time don't think don't worry everything's just fine. Just fine.|The Edge Civil servant is semantically equal to civil master.|L. Long I went out walking, with a bible and a gun. The word of God lay heavy on my heart - I was sure I was the one.|Bono Civilians.| Ivanova. Cloning|by Ima Dubble It was back in '32 when times were hard. He had a colt 45 and a deck of cards... Stagger Lee|Nick Cave I will be satisfied when everyone else is.|Penn I believe marriage is the quickest way to ruin a relationship.|Shirley Bassey Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got to where he is had to begin where he was.| L. Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.| Bentham A mother never realises that her children are no longer children.|Holbrook Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.|Jeanne Moreau Circumstances can force your hand, so think ahead!|Heinlein Christianity has made of death a terror.|Ouida Circular logic will only get you dizzy.| Christianity taught that love is worth more than intelligence.| A life without dreams is like a garden without flowers.|Gertraude Beese Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.|W.G.P. Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind.|Edmund Gwenn Christmas or nayah saal mubarak.|Urdu/Pakistan Christmas A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.| Bernard Shaw I'm no stranger to hard work - more of a nodding acquaintance.| G. Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.| de Bono Expect nothing. It's the only way to avoid disappointment.|Penn Yeah I went with nothing. Nothing but the thought of you. I went wandering.|Bono Couldn't Moe and Larry make it?|Yakko Warner I went out walking, through streets paved with gold. Lifted some stones, saw the skin and bones of a city without a soul.|Bono " Could you pass me that towel? " |Tom asked, dryly. Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!|The Phantom " Close the hatch! We're being invaded by bugs! " |said Tom importantly. I went out there, in search of experience. To taste and to touch, and to feel as much as a man can, before he repents.|Bono " Close the fridge door, I'm dressing! " |cried the mayonnaise. Could have been worse. Could have been me.|Bashir I went out walking, under an atomic sky. Where the ground won't turn and the rain it burns, like the tears when I said goodbye.|Bono Couldn't they get Rush Limbaugh?|Tom Servo Could I stop by sometime for a cup of ego?|Hawkeye to Winchester Seen any dead jockeys around lately?|Graham Darbey Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.| Kozol CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today| CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom.| C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit| But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?| But then again, I like cold toilet seats.| But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?| CODING: AN addictive Drug.| Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More.| CRASH: Normal termination.| Can I yell " movie " in a crowded firehouse?| Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE| California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected| CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop| If I had nine hours to cut down a tree, I would spend six hours sharpening my axe!|Abraham Lincoln Amateurs hope. Professionals work.|Garson Kanin Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.|Dan Marquis Don’t be afraid to go on an occasional wild goose chase. That’s what wild geese are for.| COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.| Winning is not a sometime thing; it’s an all-time thing. You don’t do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.|Vince Lombardi CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman.| But my little voice TOLD me to do it!| CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities.| When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.| Heimel CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.| CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART!| Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!| Boy: A noise with dirt on it.| Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.| Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.| Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies.| Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.| Bo Peep did it for the insurance.| Use what talent you posses. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.|Henry Van Dyke Bliss *IS* ignorance| Brain dysfunction detected....| Black Holes are Out of Sight| " Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. " | Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers| " I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot. " | Bald: follicularly challenged.| Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.| As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.| Any wire cut to length will be too short.| " When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'| Blood is thicker than water, and tastier.| Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers| Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!| What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.|Coach Bear Bus error (Passengers dumped)| Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise| Whoever said, " It’s not whether you win or lose that counts " , probably lost.|a Navratilova Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing| Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage.| Work is the price you pay for money.| Brain over - Insert coin| Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved.| Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing...| Bugs are Sons of Glitches!| There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices... in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air...| Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes| I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.| Britannia waives the rules.| Breathing may be hazardous to your health.| Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.| Bullets speak louder than reason.| The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.|Mark Twain Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations.| Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.| " I meant, " said Ipslore bitterly, " what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while? " Death thought about it " Cats, " he said eventually, " Cats are Nice. " |Terry Pritchard Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message!| Confucius say: I didn't say that!| Confucius say too much.| If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.|Woody Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.| What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.| Shakespeare Conformity obstructs progress.| Condense soup, not books!| Computers run on faith, not electrons.| He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.| Shakespeare Computers are useless; they can only give answers.| Computers Rule 01001111 01001011| It was the best of times; it was the worst of times| Dickens Take Nothing but Pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time.|Motto of the Baltimore Grotto Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.| Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.| " I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes... " | DIVORCE =system( " echo y| erase \wife\*.* " );| He who has never hoped can never despair.| Bernard Shaw DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young.| DILATE: To live longer.| Assumption is the mother of screw-up.|Angelo Donghia DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment| Confusion not only reigns, it pours.| DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.| Converse with any plankton lately?| DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia.| Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.| I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field, victorious.|Vince Lombardi Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?| Crime does not pay...as well as politics.| Count Dracula - your Bloody is ready...| Couldn't myself have better it said.| Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?| Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association| DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.| Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked| Computers All Wait at the Same Speed!| Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.| Edison The breakfast of champions is not cereal, it’s the opposition.|Nick Seitz Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.| Chernobyl used MACs| Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.| Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!| Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove.| Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.| Caution: Contents under pressure| Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.| I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.|Alice Roosevelt Longworth Catholic girls, they never confess.| " When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ eventually..... " | Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.| Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there| Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.| Can you repeat the part after " Listen very carefully " ?| Chastity is curable, if detected early.| Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be.| Computational Physicist and all around nice guy.| The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.| Jefferson Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.| Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop| Common sense isn't...| The greatest right in the world is the right to be wrong.| Randolf Hearst Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.|Arthur Conan Doyle Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.| Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.| Can you find the mispelled word in hear?| Cocaine -- the thinking man's Aspirin.| Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...| Close your eyes and press escape three times.| Clones are people two.| The man who is waiting for something to turn up might start on his shirt sleeves.|Garth Heinrichs Clinton is one Bill, Bush can't veto...| Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.| The doors of opportunity are marked push.| Cleanliness is next to impossible.| Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off!| 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.| A friend in need is a pain in the neck.| A bird in the hand can be messy.| A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.| 69 is fine...but 77'll get me 8 more...| 668|Neighbor of the Beast 5 schizophrenics agree!| A camel is a horse planned by committee.| 43% of all statistics are worthless.| My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.| I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier, they wouldn't have to go so fast.| 3 dreaded words when making love|Is that it? 2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro.| 2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)| 2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being).| 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts| Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.| 1200 bps used to seem so fast| 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr...| A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.| A fool must now and then be right by chance.| " I met her at Macy's. She was shopping... I was putting Slinky's on the escalator. " | A fool and his money are soon partying!| A few fries short of a Happy Meal.| A few cans short of a six pack, Six short.| A dirty book is rarely dusty.| A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.| A day without sunshine is like night.| 11 was a race-horse, 22 was 12. When 1111 race, 22112.| I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.| A day for firm decisions!!!!!|Or is it? A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.| I've writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.| A closed mouth gathers no feet.| Four years ago..............no, it was yesterday.| A closed mind gathers no intelligence| A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.| A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.| A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.| DOH!|Unknown 186,000/mps. It's not just a good idea. It's the law.| ....so even as grains of sand we have a place and a purpose. Do you see? We just got to be kind to one another and keep going.|Dean R. Koontz Peace is a gift of the grave, and is found only in the silence of the tomb.| Gemmell You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.| I like to skate on the other side of the ice ...| We are born into danger; we leave it only when we die.|Harry on You can't have everything...Where would you put it?| Sometimes I...No, I don't.| They’re gonna put me in a cell. If I can’t go to heaven, Will they let me go to hell?|Queen Come the moment, come the man.| Gemmell When you cease to dream you cease to live.|Malcolm S. Forbes Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it...| The CYCLE OF MEDIOCRITY: I can’t, because he didn’t, because she doesn’t, because we won’t, because they never...|Karl Albrecht " Girls are always getting mad at each other and they tell their hairdresser to purposely mess up another girl's hair. " |Tasha A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.| Goldwyn We hear half of what is said, listen to half of what we hear, understand half of it, believe half of it and remember half of that.|Anonymous Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.|Victor Borge And when I get real, real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.| ©1992 Wild Bill's Machine Gun Shop and House of Wax.| 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation| 1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator.| /EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can| ..ASM programmers drive stick shifts.| And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail...| © Copywight 1992 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.| Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened.| 7:7 (D)inner not ready: (A)bort ®etry (P)izza| 10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo!| The other day, I was walking my dog around my building--on the ledge....Some people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths.| I went fishing with a dotted line...I caught every other fish.| (A)bort, ®etry, (P)retend this never happened...| (A)bort, ®etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer| I had a dream that all the victims of The Pill came back...boy, were they mad!!| I don't speak for others and they don't speak for me.| I have a dream today.| Luther King I have a friend name Dennis. Both his parents are midgets, but not Dennis. He's a midget dwarf. He's the guy who poses for trophies.| It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it...| (You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake)| An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.| A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.| An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.| An oyster is a fish built like a nut.| An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.| " Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. " | " Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug... " | And God said: E = +mv} - Ze}/r ...and there *WAS* light!| " He was a multi-millionaire... Wanna know how he made all of his money? ... He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in... " | And he disappeared in a puff of logic.| Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.| Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.| Amateur Time Lord| Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.| Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.| Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.| A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.| Alone: In bad company.| An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.| Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.| Antidisestablishmentarianism!| Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! *| Another fine product from Bastards Inc.| Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch!| " I lost a button hole today. " | A stage? No, this is not a stage.| An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.| " I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak. " | Evangelista All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.| And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.| And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.| And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!!| And the days dwindle down to a precious few...| And now for something ruder...| And now for something completely the same...| And now for something completely else...| And it's only ones and zeros.| And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen| Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.| A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!| Always draw your curves, then plot the data.| A penny saved is a Governmental oversight.| A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.| A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.| A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot..| A mind is a terrible thing to taste.| A perversion of nature....how exciting!| I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it.| One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said " Didn't you see the stop sign. " I said " Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read. " | A man's only as old as the woman he feels.| A little greed can get you lots of stuff.| A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.| I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes...| A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!| I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.| A harp is a nude piano.| A half moon is better than no moon at all.| I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.| All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP.| All things are green unless they are not.| All that glitters has a high refractive index.| All stressed out, and no one to choke...| All life's answers are on TV.|Bart Simpson All in all just another brick in the wall.| All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here| A penny saved is ridiculous!| All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power| " I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile. " | Haley was adopted!| Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.| A waste is a terrible thing to mind.| DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality| Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.| Disks travel in packs.| I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!| A rolling stone gathers momentum.| A pessimist is never disappointed.| All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.| Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!!| Housework done properly, can kill you| Heads I win... DITTO tails| Honeymoon: time between " I do " and " you'd better " | Honey, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time.| Holy Smokes!.... " the church is on fire! " | Hollow chocolate has no calories| Hindsight is an exact science.| He's dim, Jed| Hi! I can't remember your name either.| Houston! do you read.| Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!| Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park!| Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!| Here today, gaunt tomorrow.| Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years...| Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.| Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!| Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative.| Hell, if you understood everything I said, you'd be me!| I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.| Hindsight is always 20:20.| Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.| Good day to let down old friends who need help.| I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.| I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.| I am functioning within established parameters.| I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.| I am a vampire. Please wash your neck.| I always like to try the one I've never tried before.| Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.| I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse!| How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?| Humpty dumpty was pushed.| How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?| How much can I get away with and still go to heaven.| How many weeks are there in a light year?| How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin?| How long will a floating point operation float?| How does pick his nose? From a catalog!| How do you write zero in Roman numerals?| How do you pronounce my name? With reverence.| How do you get holy water?... Boil the hell out of it!| I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical.| Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target.| Hell Hath No Pizza.| Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror.| Hailing frequencies open, Captain.| Hackito ergo sum.| HIC! HLLP I'M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE| HARDWARE: n. The part you kick.| HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave?| Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.| Guten TAG.| Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!!| Gun Control means holding it in both hands.| Grub first, then ethics.| Growing older is mandatory... growing up is optional!| Grow your own dope... plant a man| Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works!| Great minds travel in the same sewers.| Gravity brings me down| Gotta love me!| Goodness has NOTHING to do with it.....| Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions.| H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!| He who dies with the most access, wins.| He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet.| He who shouts the loudest has the floor.| He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!| He who lives by the sword laughs last.| He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.| He who laughs last probably made a backup.| He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.| He who hesitates.........miss'es out !!!| Happiness is a warm modem| He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD!| I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke| He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.| He has Van Gogh's ear for music.| Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate.| Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back!| Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?| Have cursor, will curse.| Have an adequate day.| Have Tardis, will travel.| Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?| Hard work must have killed someone!| He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.| I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.| Going the speed of light is bad for your age.| I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.| I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had!| I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving!| I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)| I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.| I promise results, not promises.| I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.| I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it!| I think................I am paid.| I never met a chocolate I didn't like!| I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.| I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up| I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!| I lost my knickers at Niagara.| I lost a button hole today.| I look better on a woman!| I like your approach, now let's see your departure.| I am sweet and lovable at all times.| I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign.| I post.......... I am| I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option.| I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back..| I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.| I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!| I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.| I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.| I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.| I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days!| I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.| I think, therefore I am. I think.| I warn you not to underestimate my powers.| I like to think of myself as a divide overflow.| I wake near the end of the day.| I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.| I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.| I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.| I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.| I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused.| I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.| I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit.| I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walk.| I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.| I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.| I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!| I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it!| I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.| I distinctly remember forgetting that.| I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules!| I couldn't care less about apathy.| I could prove God statistically.| I could be arguing in my spare time.| I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company.| I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.| I don't want the world, I just want your half.| I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.| I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.| I can resist anything but temptation.| I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to!| I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries| I came... I saw... I stole your tagline.| I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!| I bought a cordless extension cord.| I bet you I could stop gambling.| I believe in a god which doesn't need heavy financing| I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!| I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!| I like to leave messages *before* the beep.| I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat!| I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.| I know everything about everything, except that.| I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY| I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?| I is knot dain bramaged!| I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.| I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture.| I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.| I like to reminisce with people I don't know.| I have given my pain a name..!!| I have already not made that point| I have a speech impediment... my foot.| I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.| I give advice worth the price....free!| I get mail........ I exist.| I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.| I find myself beside a stream of empty thought| I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late| I drink to make other people interesting.| I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.| Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!| ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.| Don't look at me in that tone of voice!| Don't let school interfere with your education.| Don't just stand there...KNEEL!!| Don't just stand there, scratch my back!| Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!!| Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.| Don't mess with .| Don't drink water. Fish make love in it.| Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.| Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.| Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.| Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!| Don't byte off more than you can multiplex.| Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.| Don't believe in miracles, expect them.| Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.| Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!| DO {nothing} WHILE (HearFromMe==0)| Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss| Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.| Don't try to saw sawdust.| EMS: Enhanced Money Scam| Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!| Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.| Drilling for oil is boring.| Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing| Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.| Down with ignurance!| Down with categorical imperative!| Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.| Don't use no double negatives.| Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.| Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...| Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.| Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.| Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely| Don't steal - the government hates competition..| Don't start with me. You know how I get.| Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.| Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.| Don't read everything you believe.| Don't press the keys so damned hard!| Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo.| Database administrators do it with their relations| Don't ask me, I only work here.| Democracy's GREAT! Even Bush can chunder!| Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof!| Deflector shields just came on, Captain.| Death: to stop sinning suddenly.| Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.| Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'| Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.| Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets.| Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.| Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.| Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold.| Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.| Dain Bramaged.| Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?| DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!| DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Haley wrote.| DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again| DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.| DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today!| Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats.| Do not disturb. Already disturbed!| Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0?| Does killing time damage eternity?| Documentation is the castor oil of programming.| Doctor, my brain hurts!| Doctor Who for president| Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?| Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on.| Do steam rollers really roll steam?| Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely.| Do not fumble with a woman's logic.| Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows.| Do fish get thirsty?| Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball!| It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.| Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.| I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.|Winston Churchill Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.| Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.| Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.| Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?| Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? - Pictures at 11.| Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.| Forget the es...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS!| EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.| Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate!| Friendly fire - ISN'T !| Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.| Free advice is worth what you pay for it| Free Mandela, while stocks last!| Four minus two is one and the same.| Friendship is one soul in two bodies.| Forget the computer! Where's my abacus??| >From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own.| For the finest in brain candy.| For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.| For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within.| Fools rush in where Fools have been before!| Food is an important part of a balanced diet.| Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares| Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do| Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)| Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!| Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs| Fortune vomits on my eiderdown yet again.| Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly.| Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.| God is love... Love is blind... Ray is God!| God is alive - he just doesn't want to get involved.| God heals and the doctor takes the fee.| God does not play dice.| God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!| Go Lemmings, Go!!!| Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.| Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.| Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.| Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.| Get the facts first - you can distort them later!| Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.| Orwell was an optimist.| General Failure reading Dvorak| Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks.| Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.| GURU: One who knows more jargon than you.| GODISNOWHERE| GET A HAIRCUT!| >From the Department of Redundancy Dept.| Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.| Every why hath a wherefore.| Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.| Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair| Excellent time to become a missing person.| Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.| Everything in our favor was against us.| Everything bows to success, even grammar.| Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.| Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.| Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.| Exploding piglets!!! My god, it's raining bacon!| Every purchase has its price.| Evangelists do more than lay people.| Eschew obfuscation.| Enter that again, just a little slower.| Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again.| Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.| Email me the rules, please!| Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.| Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.| Egghead: What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty| Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid| Famous last words - You and what army?| First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers| Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition| File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)| Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.| Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.| Felines... nothing more than felines...| Features should be discovered, not documented.| Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator.| Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.| Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!| Fish and visitors stink in three days.| Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..| Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.| Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.| Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.| Familiarity breeds children.| Familiarity breeds attempt| Fad: In one era and out the other.| Fact is solidified opinion| FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.| FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine.| Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.| Old soldiers never die. Young soldiers do.| Money is like manure - it is meant to be spread around.| Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.| There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics.| Every solution breeds new problems.| Many would be cowards if they had enough courage.| A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.| Never ask for a pardon before you have been accused.| Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.| The chief cause of divorce is matrimony.| You don't have to be a cannibal to get fed up with people.| Television is to media what hydrogen bombs are to explosives.| Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.| Men are neither suddenly rich nor suddenly good.| Bosses are so busy delegating jobs, they have no time to work.| Sometimes the best defense is a skillful surrender.| Character is not made in a crisis - it is only exhibited.| If you think yesterday was a drag, just wait until you see tomorrow!| Health is not valued until sickness comes.| The man who invented the eraser had the human race pretty well sized up.| Never, ever, play leapfrog with a unicorn.| A dirty book is seldom dusty.| Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.| We do not count a man's years until he has nothing else to count.| The cow is a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.| Genius starts at the top and works up.| It is never too late to learn.| The only alternative to perseverance is failure.| Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before.| Love is nothing more than sentimental measles.| A 'government subsidy' is getting just some of your own money back.| If all the year were playing holidays, sport would be as tedious as work.| The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.| Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.| Curiosity kills more mice than cats.| One man plus courage is a majority.| Poverty and love are hard to hide.| Hungry men think the cook lazy.| There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.| My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.| Courtesy on one side can never last long.| Teaching is the fine art of imparting knowledge without possessing it.| t is better to have a hen tomorrow than an egg today.| He that knows little soon repeats it.| Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.| The light at the end of the tunnel is that of an oncoming train| You only have a problem if you think it is a problem.| Efficiency is the ability to do a job well plus the desire to do it better| I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.| Weak things united become strong.| 'In closing' is always followed by the other half of the speech.| Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.| One of the great labor-saving devices of today is tomorrow.| An object of information most needed will be least available.| The old know more about being young than the young know about being old.| Keep laughing at death, and eventually at least you may die laughing.| Jealousy is the greatest evil.| Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.| Nothing is as easy as it looks.| Originality is the art of concealing your source.| Time flies like an arrow -- fruit flies like a banana.| Most people don't care what happens so long as it doesn't happen to them.| It is always much harder to find a job than to keep one.| Two can live as cheaply as one... for half as long.| Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.| Familiarity breeds attempt.| Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.| When all is said and done, more has been said than done.| Little things attract little minds.| Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.| Sometimes I wish I could get a mirror with a better view.| Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch?| Familiarity breeds consent.| A reasonable man accomplishes nothing.| My disappointments come in all sizes, to fit my hopes.| If credit can possibly go to someone else, it will.| No amount of poor schooling can spoil a good student.| When a man's wife learns to understand him, she stops listening to him.| Our own grief produces pity for another.| Flattery is the sincerest form of lying.| Cleverness is serviceable for everything but sufficient for nothing.| Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.| The shortest distance between two points is generally under repair.| There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.| Help fight truth decay.| A company is known by the company it employs.| No mud can soil us but the mud we throw.| God gives the milk but not the pail.| The higher the ape climbs the more he shows his bald haunches.| The graveyards are full of indispensable men.| Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.| Gambling: a way of getting nothing for something.| A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.| Losing makes winning worthwhile.| ation is doing with a smile that which you have to do anyway.| We put up with being surpassed more easily than with being equaled.| Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.| Wisdom is the sunlight of the soul.| Too many people confuse free speech with loose talk.| Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.| Conceit is God's gift to little men.| Each day we are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.| All progress stems from change but all change is not necessarily progress.| Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.| If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.| Others look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.| A thing not looked for is seldom found.| Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.| Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theatre.| Elevators smell different to midgets.| Fame is a magnifying glass.| When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.| Never tell a man anything he does not need to know.| There is never sunshine without shadow.| The eternal stars shine out as soon as it is dark enough.| Do unto others as they should do unto you but won't.| Why use a scalpel when a sledgehammer works?| The fool wanders; the wise man travels.| The bird: a nest, the spider: a web, man: friendship.| In order to reach the sea, a river often detours around many obstacles.| Wait until it is night before saying it has been a fine day.| Don't try to have the last word - you might get it.| It is better to suffer wrong than to do it.| Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.| The first loss is the easiest.| It is better to be hated than to be ignored.| Faith is the bird that sings while it is still dark.| Let us have faith that right makes might.| Kleptomaniac: a rich thief.| It is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquility which gives happiness.| When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.| We fall in love with a personality but we must live with a character.| In the presence of great men, even fools hide their faults.| The less you say, the less you have to take back.| One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions.| The smallest handcuff in the world is a wedding ring.| Creditors have better memories than debtors.| I am a great believer in luck - the harder I work, the more I have of it.| The world gets better every day, then worse again in the evening.| Pride and grace never dwell in one place.| The fool who is silent can pass for wise.| Money lent to a friend must be recovered from an enemy.| Faults are thick where love is thin.| You have your problems, and I have yours.| It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.| Praise a wife but remain a bachelor.| Education means developing the mind, not stuffing the memory.| A road map always tells you everything except how to refold it.| Blessed are the brief for they will be invited again.| What this country needs is a good five-cent ANYTHING!| The smallest good deed is better than the grandest good intention.| A mountain is climbed a step at a time.| On the edge of a precipice, only a fool does cartwheels.| Great hopes make great men.| Absence makes the heart go wander.| Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not.| You always find something in the last place you look.| Work is the curse of the drinking man.| The world is full of surprises, very few of which are pleasant.| Egotist: a person of low taste. more interested in himself than me.| It's not a matter of life and death - it's much more important than that.| Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.| Indecision is the key to flexibility.| No executive ever devotes any effort to proving himself wrong.| When a man is down everyone runs over him.| The longer the letter, the less chance of its being read.| Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.| It's not only fine feathers that make fine birds.| When you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.| Delay is the deadliest form of denial.| Kisses are love's messengers.| I know my efforts deserve my goals, but are my goals worth my efforts?| The person who snores loudest will fall asleep first.| A bad beginning makes for a good ending.| The early bird suffers from insomnia.| How come wrong numbers are never busy?| He who is most concerned is always the last to hear.| Youth is wholly experimental.| Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.| If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.| If God thought that nudity was okay, we would have been born naked.| Intuition is reason in a hurry.| Money is truthful - if a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.| If ambition doesn't hurt, you do not have it.| Those who have free seats at the play hiss first.| A friend advises in his interest, not yours.| A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.| Don't wear earmuffs in a land of rattlesnakes.| Chicken Little only has to be right once.| I have three chairs in my house: one for solitude, two for friendship.| The first Christian gets the hungriest lions.| Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.| Suspicion poisons a friendship.| To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.| Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.| The greatest remedy for anger is delay.| The earth has music for those who listen.| Young flesh and old fish are best.| Hearts may agree, though heads differ.| We should go metric every inch of the way.| Some have bread who have no teeth left.| Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.| Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.| Never appeal to a man's 'better nature' - he may not have one.| If you don't have a memory like an elephant, leave tracks like one.| Bureaucrats are the meat loaf of humanity.| Life is a yo-yo and mankind keeps tying knots in the string.| The number of women man finds attractive is truly proportionate to his age| Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss do an honest day's work.| It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious| To find a policeman in a hurry, double-park.| If I had my life to live over again, I'd make the same mistakes sooner.| Children need love, especially when they don't deserve it.| Common sense is the least common of all senses.| Who knows most says least.| The fairest rose at last will be withered.| One must be poor to know the luxury of giving.| Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on people.| Beware of alcohol - it can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss!| What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking someone else to do.| A blush on the face is better than a blot on the heart.| A motion to adjourn is always in order.| Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon.| By appreciation, we make excellence in others our property.| Don't force it; get a larger hammer.| Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.| Secret negotiations are usually neither.| Bad weather reports are more often right than good ones.| Vows made in storms are forgotten in calms.| Money is a powerful aphrodisiac, but flowers work almost as well.| Does history record any case in which the majority was right?| Now is the time for all good men to come to.| Life is a temporary assignment.| If you come up with a lemon, make lemonade.| When poverty knocks at the door, love flies out the window.| A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.| A professional does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.| The best defense is a good offense.| Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.| Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics| When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.| UFO's are real; the Air Force doesn't exist.| Hindsight is always 20/20.| Less is more.| Have a Nice Day!| People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.| Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.| All men are created equal, but some men are more equal than others.| Push something hard enough and eventually it will fall over.| Even paranoids have enemies.| You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.| More people are run down by gossip than by automobiles.| It is as natural to die as to be born.| A consultant may be defined as an unemployed practitioner.| You cannot tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.| The world's as ugly as sin, and nearly as delightful.| One who has a clear conscience has a foggy memory.| Would you let a bug escape because it did not bite you?| Habits are at first cobwebs, then cables.| In every real man a child is hidden who wants to play.| Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents.| A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.| When you're through changing, you're through.| Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.| To err is human, to blame it on others is politics.| It's only 18 inches between a pat on the back and a kick in the pants.| A courageous foe is better than a cowardly friend.| Keep your eyes open before marriage, half shut afterwards.| Let not your tongue cut your throat.| Losing your drivers' license is simply God's way of saying 'BOOGA, BOOGA!'| The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self.| Gravity is a myth -- the Earth sucks.| Confuse the world -- smile all day Monday!| Knowledge is power - if you know it about the right person.| Drive defensively -- buy a tank.| When all else fails, read the instructions.| Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.| All you need is LOVE!| If at first you don't succeed - so much for skydiving.| Mickey Mouse wears a Reagan watch.| You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.| No matter which way you spit, it's up wind.| The longer a man is wrong, the surer he is that he's right.| How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.| You can't make love without a soul.| Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.| A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.| If there is no God, who always pops the next Kleenex?| Dawn: the time when men of reason go to bed.| What we learn after we know it all is what counts.| No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.| The mob has many heads but no brains.| The best mirror is an old friend.| A joke never gains an enemy, but often loses a friend.| A contented man is always rich.| You can't win them all, but you can sure lose them all.| Whenever you learn all the answers, they change all the questions.| They who give have all things; they who withhold have nothing.| The dentist never talks to his patients until the drill is in their mouths| Those who like sausage or political policy should not watch it being made.| Love sees no faults.| Some people are so afraid to die that they never begin to live.| By the time you get to where you can make ends meet someone moves the ends| Always hold your head up but keep your nose at a friendly level.| He who loses his head is usually the last one to miss it.| Men show their character best by the things they laugh at.| Better to have character than be one.| A path without obstacles probably leads nowhere.| What many orators lack in depth they give you in length.| A picture is worth a thousand words; a slide show is both.| A false friend and a shadow stay around only while the sun shines.| I believe there is a higher power: it's called the government.| If every fool wore a crown, we would all be kings.| Adolescense: the stage between puberty and adultery.| If you have to tell people you're famous, you aren't.| A boy becomes a man when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.| It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.| If a sight is worth seeing, someone will build a highway to it.| Would you give your right arm to be ambidexterous?| A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools.| A hidden flaw never remains hidden.| Follow the wise few rather than the vulgar many.| When the fox gnaws, smile!| Happiness is a warm puppy with an empty bladder.| Why is it that time softens some people and hardens others?| Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.| The more things you own, the more you are owned by things.| He who never sticks out neck, never wins by nose.| Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things we don't see.| You live and learn, or else you do not live long.| Only a sadistic man or a fool tells the truth on social occasions.| Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.| It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.| In politics you can often be wrong but never in doubt.| Success is a matter of luck; just ask any failure.| Poise is the act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.| Instruction ends in the classroom, but education ends only with life.| Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.| Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.| It is not necessary to fall into a well to know its depth.| It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them.| Don't ever stand up to be counted or someone will take your seat.| If everything seems to be going well, you've probably overlooked something| The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!| The Earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much much heavier.| He who confesses to small faults hopes you'll think he has no big ones.| Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.| Many times in order to receive something, you have to ask for it.| Some people fish in the Sea of Life without bait.| Observe the face of the wife to know the husband's character.| Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.| Tell a lie and find the truth.| Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.| The flush toilet is the basis of Western Civilization.| Happiness is merely the remission of pain.| The truth is always the strongest argument.| Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.| Halitosis is better than no breath at all.| If you want to kill time, why not try working it to death?| Give your child mental blocks this Christmas.| If the customer wants vanilla, give him vanilla.| Everything alive either grows or dies.| Where reason rules the mind, peace rules the day.| Whoever profits by the crime is guilty of it.| If God lived on Earth, people would knock out his windows.| If you come home with hair on your coat you better have the horse to match| If you're not rejected at least 3 times a week you're not really trying.| People will buy anything that's one to a customer.| To gain a good reputation, endeavor to be what you desire to appear.| To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.| If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.| War is death's feast.| The dimmer the light, the greater the scandal.| In a family argument, if you discover you are right, apologize at once.| That which we resist the most is what we become.| A kiss is a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.| Crystal balls aren't really very productive.| The most intelligent people we know are those who ask advice.| No honest man ever repented of his honesty.| Genius is 10 percent inspiration and 50 percent capital gains.| There are no absolute answers to life - just revelations.| A nut that is easy to crack is often empty.| When policy fails, try thinking.| I never notice what has been done. I only see what remains to be done.|Madame Curie Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.| People seldom want to walk over you until you lie down.| Is there any truth to the rumor that everything is really okay?| If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.| People seldom plan to fail, but they often fail to plan.| Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.| It's not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do| There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.| The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.| You can lead a boy to college but you can't make him think.| Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.| If you expected it to be easy, you should have become a politician.| The greatest productive force is human selfishness.| No speech can be entirely bad if it is short enough.| The secret of education lies in respecting the pupil.| An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.| You know you're getting old when everything dries up or leaks.| If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.| Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.| It takes less time to do a job right than to explain why you did it wrong| The longest list has a final item.| Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggy' until you can find a rock.| Every man thinks his own burden the heaviest.| Massive expenditures obscure the evidence of bad judgments.| One already wet does not fear the rain.| One of these days is none of these days.| There are no winners in life; only survivors.| What we are is God's gift to us - what we become is our gift to God.| The young are slaves to novelty, the old to custom.| How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on| Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.| A man's brain is his Achilles' heel.| Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.| Anything free is worth what you pay for it.| Politeness is the art of choosing among your thoughts.| When an oyster is irritated, it makes a pearl.| If you are on the wrong road, why run?| Seminars: derived from 'semi' and 'arse'; hence, any half-assed discussion| Labor: one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.| A wise man changes his mind, a fool never.| Verbal agreements frequently lead to verbal disagreements.| Be sure the brain is engaged before putting the mouth in gear.| A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.| The only one who got everything done by Friday was Crusoe.| Lawmakers should not be lawbreakers.| Trust everybody, but always cut the cards.| Nobody ever puts out a sign that says NICE DOG.| Budget: an orderly system of living beyond your means.| Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.| When need is greatest help is nearest.| The ladder of success is easier to climb when laid flat.| Sometimes silence is the best way to yell at the top of your voice.| Only a mediocre person is always at his best.| What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.| The trouble with resisting temptation is that it may never come again.| He who has accomplished all that he thinks worthwhile has begun to die.| Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.| Statistics can be used to support anything, especially statisticians.| One of the hardest secrets for a man to keep is his opinion of himself.| The cure may be worse than the disease.| Man was given a sense of humor to console him for what he is.| Win at first and lose at last.| He who laughs, lasts.| Tomorrow never comes.| The number of a person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.| The other line always moves faster.| Whatever their faults, the Communists never created canned laughter.| I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy...| For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...| I don't want to die, I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all|Freddie Mercury I went out walking, with a bible and a gun, the word of God lay heavy on my heart, I was sure I was the one|The Edge When the one great scorer comes to write against your name, he'll mark not whether you won or lost but how you played the game.| You bleed you learn| " I bought some batteries... but they weren't included... so I had to buy them again... " | I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.| " Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? " | I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.| The future is when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.| Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember.| No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.| One enemy can harm you more than one hundred friends can do you good.| The less influence you have, the longer you wait.| Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.| Life's hard by the yard, but by the inch life's a cinch.| A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.| Life is what goes by while you are watching television.| You cannot antagonize and influence at the same time.| " doesn't really like me to kill bugs, but sometimes I can't help it. " | Crawford The difficult we do now; the impossible takes a little longer.| Nothing comes from doing nothing| Shakespeare To finish first, you must first finish.|Rick Mears Man stand for long time with mouth open before roast duck fly in.|Chinese Proverb Of all the sad words, the saddest are: " It might have been! " |Joe Greenleaf Whittier Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men’s blood...make big plans, aim high in hope and work.| H Burnham You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.|Bonnie Prudden If not you, then who? If not now, when?|Hilel " The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.. " | " I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day. " | Evangelista A fool and his money share the same mattress.| I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coathanger.| There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.| The other day I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.| I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.| I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell...except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...| I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.| In my house, on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above...so I never have to go upstairs.| I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.| I was pulled over for speeding today. The officer said, " Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles an hour? " I replied, " Yes, but I wasn't going to be out that long.| I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.| " I've looked in the mirror every day for 20 years. It's the same face. " | Schiffer Beauty without virtue is a curse.| If written correctly, legalese is perfectly incomprehensible.| As scarce as the truth is, the supply is much greater than the demand.| The worst thing about ignorance is its insistency.| An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.| Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.| Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.| Pray as if it were up to God, but work as if it were up to you.| You can't believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.| He who spares the guilty threatens the innocent.| Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.| A blind man is no judge of colors.| Never try to out-stubborn a cat.| To have a friend you must first be one.| It's not how old you are but how you are old.| Each day the world turns over on someone who was just sitting on top of it| Women, wind and fortune soon change.| A brain is worth little without a tongue.| Never frighten a little man - he'll kill you.| You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.| A poor excuse is better than no excuse at all.| One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.| An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping it will eat him last.| Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.| Those who think they know it all upset those of us who do.| Having a good memory is useless unless you have something good to remember| Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.| Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.| We often treat our world as though we had a spare in the trunk.| Wickedness is its own greatest punishment.| Most men have died without creating; not one has died without destroying.| Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.| A hypocrite is one who sets good examples when he has an audience.| One is tolerant only of that which does not concern him.| A martyr is a hero who didn't make it.| You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.| We live in a world where nothing is impossible, except peace and happiness| People usually get what's coming to them, unless it's been mailed.| On finding a stone we see no dog; on seeing a dog we find no stone.| No man is a fool always, but all men are fools sometimes.| Remarriage after divorce is the triumph of hope over experience.| No wind blows in favor of the ship that has no port of destination.| When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.| One murder makes a villain, millions make a hero.| A babe is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs decrease.| He lives long that lives until all are weary of him.| This SPACE intentionally left blank.| Honesty is almost always the best policy.| Who loves well is slow to forget.| Did you know that clones never use mirrors?| A successful baseball player gets a hit only once out of every three tries| Fish and guests smell in three days.| The groundwork to all happiness is health.| Be as you would seem to be.| One seventh of our lives is spent on Mondays.| Our pleasures are imagined, but our griefs are all real.| A kind heart is of little value in chess.| Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them.| Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.| In every large problem is a small problem waiting to get out.| Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.| A brute kills for pleasure - a fool kills from hate.| There's so much to learn and so much of it not worth learning.| When in doubt, mumble.| Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.| One hand cannot applaud.| By the time you realize what love can do, the damage has already been done| To make a speech immortal you don't have to make it everlasting.| Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.|Mark Twain There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.| We're all going down the same road in different directions.| Hope is sweeter than possession.| Kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.| Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.| No answer is also an answer.| The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.| Life has a value only when it has something valuable as its object.| Advertisement: the most truthful part of a newspaper.| Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.| Good words cost no more than bad.| The more laws, the more offenders.| Love does much but money does more.| Age is a matter of mind - if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.| Money makes not so many true friends as real enemies.| Success has ruined many a good man.| The more heavily a man should be taxed, the more power he has to avoid it.| Man is the only animal that blushes... or needs to.| A clear conscience makes a good pillow.| The beard does not make the philosopher.| All the easy problems have been solved.| Many a man never fails because he never tries.| You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution.| The advantage to being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant| When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.| A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.| A man may be young in years, yet old in hours.| Little things come in small packages.| Wasting time is an important part of life.| Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.| If you get up one time more than you fall you will make it through.| Never step in anything soft.| No man is lonely while eating spaghetti - it requires so much attention.| Prejudice is the child of ignorance.| Keep American beautiful - swallow your beer cans.| The most valuable gift you can give your family is a good example.| Never let your studies interfere with your education.| Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.| Discover all unpredictable errors before they occur.| Pygmies placed on giants' shoulders see more than the giants themselves.| Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.| Two's company and three's the result.| If all else fails, immortality can be assured by spectacular error.| An unbreakable toy is excellent for breaking other toys.| Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.| In God we trust; all others pay cash.| Avoid reality at all costs.| The strangest of all birth defects is an inability to see things my way.| When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.| Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.| Wishes won't wash dishes.| A bird in the hand is worth about three Kleenex.| The bird that can sing and won't sing must be made to sing.| Certainly the game is rigged, but don't let that stop you from playing.| The most exciting place to discover talent is within yourself.| He who sacrifices his conscience to ambition burns a picture to get ashes.| One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.| Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.| Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.| Do not believe in miracles - rely upon them.| Pain is forgotten; insult lingers on.| Speaking without thinking is like shooting without taking aim.| A small leak will sink a great ship.| Don't believe anything you hear or anything you say.| God is a comic playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.| A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.| It's not only who you know but what you know about who you know.| The narrower the mind, the broader the statement.| Better the foot slip than the tongue.| Insomuch as love grows in you, so in you beauty grows.| It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.| Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.| He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.| A committee is a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.| Earn cash in your spare time - blackmail your friends.| If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.| In fair weather prepare for foul.| Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.| Why be a man when you can be a success?| A pupil from whom nothing difficult is demanded will never do all he can.| When planning for posterity, remember that virtue is not hereditary.| The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.| A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.| Nothing is opened more often by mistake than the mouth.| You can have peace or you can have freedom, but don't count on having both| If your parents didn't have children, odds are that you won't either.| Smile - it makes people wonder what you're thinking.| If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?| You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a three-year old.| Whoever tries for great objects must suffer something.| It's better to retire too soon than too late.| Plain dealing is more often praised than practiced.| Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.| The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.| Swallowing angry words is much easier than having to eat them.| You can never discard too many bad ideas.| 'Wait' is a hard word to the hungry.| The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.| Those who are at war with others cannot be at peace with themselves.| The masses are the opium of religion.| Beaten paths are for beaten men.| Buy in haste, repair at leisure.| The worm in the sour apple doesn't know any better.| Blessed are the inept for they shall inherit the skies.| The chief cause of problems is solutions.| The greatest hate springs from the greatest love.| You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it or they don't.| The universe is simple - it's the explanation that's complex.| Always listen to experts tell you why it can't be done, then do it.| The only time some people work like a horse is when their boss rides them.| Wit and wisdom are rarely seen together.| Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.| TV is chewing gum for the eyes.| If you run after two hares, you will catch neither.| The usefulness of any meeting is in inverse proportion to the attendance.| Gentlemen's agreements can get very ungentlemanly.| Don't knock President Fillmore - he kept us out of Vietnam.| Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.| Nothing vouchered, nothing gained.| So much to learn, so little time.| Keep your temper - nobody else wants it.| Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.| He is a fool who cannot be angry, but he is a wise man who will not.| Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.| Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.| Better to face a danger once than be always in fear.| The secret of selling yourself is to have a product you truly believe in.| If you want something badly, that is how you get it.| Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which one you need more.| Time and words can never be recalled.| Although up to its neck in hot water, the tea kettle continues to sing.| The best fish swim near the bottom.| All one needs is ignorance and confidence, and then success is assured.| Whoever lies with dogs rises with fleas.| There never was a good knife made of bad steel.| The human race has only one effective weapon, and that is laughter.| You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.| If it feels good, don't do it.| Suicide is confession and confession is suicide.| Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you.| Patience abused becomes fury.| The best thing to hold onto in this world is each other.| Blessed are they who have little to say -- and don't.| You can't tell a book by its movie.| You may shut your doors against a thief but not against a liar.| Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.| The pot at the end of the rainbow is not Acapulco Gold.| Death is God's way of telling you that you're fired.| Vanity is the food of fools.| The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.| God cures and the doctor takes the fee.| Life is one long process of getting tired.| A committee's real objective is not to reach a decision but to avoid it.| In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.| When angry, count to ten; when very angry, count to a hundred.| Never call a man fool when you can borrow money from him instead.| Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.|Mark Twain For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof; the work for which all other work is but preparation|Rainer Rilke The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.|Mark Twain The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.|Mark Twain It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races.|Mark Twain Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved.|Mark Twain Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.|Mark Twain When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.|Mark Twain It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.|Mark Twain Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.|Mark Twain Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. |Mark Twain Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.|Mark Twain " A good lie will have travled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. " |Mark Twain If there are no cigars in Heaven, I shall not go.|Mark Twain Wagner's music is better than it sounds.|Mark Twain Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.|Mark Twain A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.|Mark Twain It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.|Mark Twain Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.|Mark Twain The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenge.| Luther King Jnr Let us endeavour to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.|Mark Twain The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.|Mark Twain The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence.| Music is a higher revelation than philosophy.|Ludwig van Beethoven I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.| Luther King Jnr The quality, not the longevity, of one's life is what is important.| Luther King Jnr When you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.| Luther King Jnr Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.| Luther King Jnr " The time is always right to do what is right. " | Luther King Jnr Science is for those who learn; poetry, for those who know.|ph Roux To love a thing means wanting it to live. |Confucius Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.|Mark Twain To live is like to love-all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.| It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.|Mark Twain We fly to beauty as an asylum from the terrors of finite nature.|Emerson Virtue was never as respectable as money. |Mark Twain There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.|Mark Twain The difference between the right word and a similar word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.|Mark Twain Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time.|Mark Twain One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork.|Mark Twain I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.|Mark Twain Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.|Mark Twain All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.|Mark Twain Crank -- a man with a new idea until it succeeds.|Mark Twain Oh, love is real enough; you will find it someday, but it has one archenemy--and that is life. |Anouilh, When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.|Mark Twain When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.|Mark Twain " Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. " |Mark Twain Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.|Mark Twain Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.|Mark Twain " ... all the modern inconveniences ... " |Mark Twain .... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.|Mark Twain History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot.|Mark Twain Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?|Mark Twain " The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stupidity and perjury. " |Mark Twain If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.|Mark Twain " I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. " |Mark Twain " How sour sweet music is when time is broke and no proportion kept! So is it in the music of men's lives. " | Shakespeare " This music crept by me upon the waters, allaying both their fury, and my passion, with its sweet air. " | Shakespeare " The course of true love never did run smooth. " | Shakespeare 'Tis in my memory lock'd, And you yourself shall keep the key of it.| Shakespeare " Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow. " | Shakespeare This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.| Shakespeare " Ah, that death would annihilate it, it would be infinitely preferable to the world as it is. Ah, but there lies the rub! " | Shakespeare " If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. " |Marcus Aurelius We know what we are, but not what we may be.| Shakespeare " Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. " |Mark Twain " I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. " |Mark Twain Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.|Mark Twain When in doubt, tell the truth.|Mark Twain We ought never do wrong when people are looking.|Mark Twain The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.|Mark Twain When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.|Mark Twain The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.|Mark Twain Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.|Mark Twain " Put all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET. " |Mark Twain God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.|Mark Twain " Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. " |Mark Twain I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.|Mark Twain Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.|Mark Twain The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice.|Mark Twain The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.|Mark Twain The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.|Mark Twain The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.|Mark Twain The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.|Mark Twain Substitute " damn " every time you're inclined to write " very " ; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.|Mark Twain She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot.|Mark Twain It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.|Mark Twain In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Columbus, " one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. " |Mark Twain " Be good and you will be lonesome. " |Mark Twain To do easily what others find difficult is the mark of talent; to do what is impossible for talent is the mark of genius.|Henri-Frederic Amiel We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.|Aesop We make war that we may live in peace.|Aristotle All virtue is summed up in dealing justly.|Aristotle Men often bear little grievances with less courage than they do large misfortunes.|Aesop Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.|Maya Angelou The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides.|Henri-Frederic Amiel Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.|Henri-Frederic Amiel Wit is cultured insolence.|Aristotle To know how to suggest is the art of teaching.|Henri-Frederic Amiel It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom.|Aristotle Analysis kills spontaneity.|Henri-Frederic Amiel To live we must conquer incessantly, we must have the courage to be happy.|Henri-Frederic Amiel Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family. She carries its destiny in the folds of her mantle.|Henri-Frederic Amiel " Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark. " |Henri-Frederic Amiel " I'm a baaaadd man!! " |Muhammed Ali Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.|Muhammed Ali The man who has no imagination has no wings.|Muhammed Ali Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.|Muhammed Ali " Wealth unused might as well not exist. " |Aesop One who condones evil is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it.| Luther King Jnr Truth is not only violated by falsehood; it may be outraged by silence.|Henri-Frederic Amiel There was never a genius without a tincture of madness.|Aristotle I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.| The art of living is more like that of wrestling than of dancing; the main thing is to stand firm and be ready for an unseen attack.|Marcus Aurelius " If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. " |Marcus Aurelius Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.|Marcus Aurelius And thou wilt give thyself relief, if thou doest every act of thy life as if it were the last|Marcus Aurelius Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.|Aristotle No one loves the man whom he fears.|Aristotle It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws.|Aristotle " To the query, " What is a friend? " his reply was " A single soul dwelling in two bodies. " |Aristotle He who hath many friends hath none.|Aristotle Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.|Aesop No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.|Aristotle It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.|Aristotle Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.|Aristotle Change in all things is sweet.|Aristotle Wicked men obey from fear; good men, from love.|Aristotle We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.|Aristotle " I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. " |Aristotle " He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander. " |Aristotle " In the arena of human life the honours and rewards fall to those who show their good qualities in action. " |Aristotle " All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire. " |Aristotle All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.|Aristotle Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.| Shakespeare Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life.|Aphra Behn " Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own. " |Aesop Without love, the world itself would not survive.|Lope de Vega Beauty in not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.|Kahlil Gibran Harmony is pure love, for love is a concerto.|Lope de Vega Beloved, all that is harsh and difficult I want for myself, and all that is gentle and sweet for thee.|San de la Cruz To love is not to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction|Antoine de Saint-Exupery Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey|Lord Byron It is a kind of good deed to say well; and yet words are not deeds.| Shakespeare La coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point. The heart has it's reasons, whereof reason knows nothing.|Pascal We are shaped and fashioned by what we love|Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe Love, you are eternal like springtime.| Ramon Jiminez To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.| Sunde It is love alone that gives worth to all things.|Santa de Jesus Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.| Van Gough Where there is love there is life|Mahatma Gandhi The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved|Victor Hugo She fights and vanquishes in me, and I live and breathe in her, and I have life and being.|Migeul de Cervantes Let no one who loves be unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow| Mathhew Barrie Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.|Aristotle Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.|Oliver Wendell Holmes You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her|Unknown If I know what love is, it is because of you.|Herman Hesse A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety.|Aesop Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.|Aesop " All energy is the sum of free will plus love.|Unknown The love of beauty in it's multiple forms is the noblest gift of the human cerebrum.|is Carrel I could do without many things with no hardship--you are not one of them.|Ashleigh Brilliant I think we dream so we dont have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time.|Hobbes My night has become a sunny dawn because of you.|Ibn Abbad If a thing loves, it is infinite.| Blake Pains of love be sweeter far. Than all other pleasures are. |Jon Dryden Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.|Anouilh In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. |Mignon McLaughlin Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.| Heinlein Love and you will be loved, and you will be able to do all that you could not do unloved.|Marques de Santillana Take away love, and our earth is a tomb | Browning There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.| Sands A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.|Latin Proverb The soul that can speak through the eyes, can also kiss with a gaze.|Gustavo Adolfo Becquer We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other.|Liciano De Crescenzo A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.|unknown Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.|Japanese Proverb. The reduction of the universe to a single being,the expansion of a single being even to G-d, this is love.|Victor Hugo I believe that if i should die, and you were to walk near my grave, from the very depths of the earth i would hear your footsteps.|Benito Galdos Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!|Kermit What goes up has probably been doused with petrol.| Was today really Necessary?| Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.| Warning: Whimsical when bored| Wanted: Volcano. Average size. Must be active.| Want a jelly baby?| Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.| Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction| Walls impede my progress| Wave to your neighbor, Word to your mother.| WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.| WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??| WOMEN: Weird Obnoxious Male Enticing Nymphs| Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value.| WOMAN.ZIP... Great program but no documentation.| WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst!| WAITER! there's soup in my fly!| Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.| What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.| Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.| Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!| Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep.| I had rather have a fool make me merry, than experience make me sad.| Shakespeare What does this red button do?| What do you mean that 2 years have passed??| What do batteries run on?| What could possibly go wrong.| What color is a chameleon on a mirror?| What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.| What can you do for me?| Wasting time is an important part of living.| Welcome to New Zealand, set your watch back 20 years.| Vidi, Vici, Veni: I saw, I conquered, I came| We're lost, but we're making good time.| We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod.| We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force|Queen We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.| We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.| We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here| We have here the latest in primitive technology.| We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom...| We are the people our parents warned us about| We are not a clone.| What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY!| Todays subliminal message is " " | Vulcans have less fun.| Trust me|I'm a Lawyer. Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!| Trees hit cars only in self-defence.| Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.| Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...| Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.| Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!| Too bad stupidity isn't painful.| Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!| Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday| Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.| Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.| Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.| To me personally, it's nothing personal to me.| To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.| To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.| To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer!| I'm not as dumb as you look.| To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.| Too much month at the end of the money.| Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!| Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.| Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.| Variables won't; constants aren't.| VLSI: " Getting High On Low Voltage " | Users, losers -- what's the difference?| Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.| Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool| Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.| Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.| Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.| Veterinarians drive like animals.| Ultimate Question Research Team| UFO's are real: the Air Force doesn't exist.| UART what UEAT!| We Skid You Not.|Tyre Shop sign Typographers rule, OQ| Two seals fell off a cliff. Arf Arf| Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.| Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.| Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.| Turning floppies into hard drives.| Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.| Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw...| It's like Deja Vu all over again...| Suicide Hotline...please hold.| Stupid is a boundless concept.| Please return stewardess to original upright position| Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke|Obi Wan Gates Keyboard? How quaint!|y Is is the verb for when you don't want a verb.| To err is human, to forgive....$5.00| I'm looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben..| Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!|Yoda COINCIDENCE happens.| C++ should have been called D| Build a watch in 179 easy steps by C. Forsberg.| Apple|© Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. 640K ought to be enough for anybody.|Bill Gates '81 A day not wasted is a day wasted!| Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.| Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID!| Programming is an art form that fights back.| What else can you do at 3:00 am?| If the shoe fits, buy it. Imelda Marcos| In time we hate that which we often fear.| Shakespeare Our life, exempt from public haunt, finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks, sermons in stones, and good in everything.| Shakespeare Strong reasons make strong actions.| Shakespeare Each present joy or sorrow seems the chief.| Shakespeare My words fly up, my thoughts remain below. Words without thoughts never to heaven go.| Shakespeare Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculous in the country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.| Shakespeare It is the mind that makes the body rich; and as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds, so honor peereth in the meanest habit.| Shakespeare False face must hide what the false heart doth know.| Shakespeare There is a history in all men's lives.| Shakespeare The faster you go, the shorter you are|Albert Einstein He is not great who is not greatly good.| Shakespeare Bad knee, gotta run - Pat Buchanan to his draft board| Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.| Shakespeare Oft expectation fails, and most oft where most it promises; and oft it hits where hope is coldest; and despair most sits.| Shakespeare Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon 'em.| Shakespeare Doubt thou the stars are fine. Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth be a liar. But never doubt I love.| Shakespeare " A good wench, give it me! " | Shakespeare Reputation, reputation, reputation! Oh, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial.| Shakespeare What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet| Shakespeare Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?| Shakespeare O monstrous world! Take note, take note, o world,To be direct and honest is not safe!| Shakespeare Vote for Perot - Bumper sticker attached with velcro.| Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind; the thief doth fear each bush an officer.| Shakespeare Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!| Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.| God I hate floppies.| Winston s, a rebel without a caucus.| Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat| Why is " abbreviated " such a long word?| Why get even, when you can get odd?| Why do you think they call it " find " ?| Why did the Albanion working class revolt?| Gold is worse poison to a man's soul, doing more murders in this loathsome world, than any mortal drug.| Shakespeare Why are you wasting time reading taglines?| With a mind like yours, who needs a body.| Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein.| Whoops, stepped on a frog.| Whoever has the most when he dies... WINS!| Who glued the cup to the table?| When your opponent is down, kick him.| When in doubt, think.| When 911 won't work .357 will!| What's brown and sticky? A stick!| What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'furniture.| What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.| Why can't we just spell it orderves?| Would I ask you a rhetorical question?| [if you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]| [ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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