Guest guest Posted February 13, 2001 Report Share Posted February 13, 2001 I know just what you mean Darci about avoiding baby things... in order to punch in at work, I have to go through the infant's department... Now, I look at all the cute things and pg women there and say a prayer that their babies are ok... I do not know where this strength and positive attitude are coming from (wait, I know it is God) it is just soo amazing that they are coming from me. I believe that it is through my losses that I have become a much stronger, positive person... who knows just how blessed she is. I married my soul-mate, my other half ,my best friend. We ARE a family, a family of two. We are very happy and I will be happy with him if it is only the two of us. A baby would be a bonus blessing from God. My dh is already a blessing from God. Sorry to be rambling, but my other bestfriend has two beautiful children but her marriage is for shi#@.. she is miserable and now she is telling me she is going to get pg in May(she only has to try once and she is pg) and I am thinking, how sad it is because while she is making beautiful children, all they do 95% of the time is fight and she told me the last time she was happy was the night she got engaged (over 5 years ago). I am happier than she is. ...I am a little envious that she can just " plan " her pg and it happens, but I much rather be a family of two than be in her situation. Seeing this is a blessing to me... sorry so long, lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2001 Report Share Posted February 13, 2001 I know just what you mean Darci about avoiding baby things... in order to punch in at work, I have to go through the infant's department... Now, I look at all the cute things and pg women there and say a prayer that their babies are ok... I do not know where this strength and positive attitude are coming from (wait, I know it is God) it is just soo amazing that they are coming from me. I believe that it is through my losses that I have become a much stronger, positive person... who knows just how blessed she is. I married my soul-mate, my other half ,my best friend. We ARE a family, a family of two. We are very happy and I will be happy with him if it is only the two of us. A baby would be a bonus blessing from God. My dh is already a blessing from God. Sorry to be rambling, but my other bestfriend has two beautiful children but her marriage is for shi#@.. she is miserable and now she is telling me she is going to get pg in May(she only has to try once and she is pg) and I am thinking, how sad it is because while she is making beautiful children, all they do 95% of the time is fight and she told me the last time she was happy was the night she got engaged (over 5 years ago). I am happier than she is. ...I am a little envious that she can just " plan " her pg and it happens, but I much rather be a family of two than be in her situation. Seeing this is a blessing to me... sorry so long, lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 13, 2001 Report Share Posted February 13, 2001 I know just what you mean Darci about avoiding baby things... in order to punch in at work, I have to go through the infant's department... Now, I look at all the cute things and pg women there and say a prayer that their babies are ok... I do not know where this strength and positive attitude are coming from (wait, I know it is God) it is just soo amazing that they are coming from me. I believe that it is through my losses that I have become a much stronger, positive person... who knows just how blessed she is. I married my soul-mate, my other half ,my best friend. We ARE a family, a family of two. We are very happy and I will be happy with him if it is only the two of us. A baby would be a bonus blessing from God. My dh is already a blessing from God. Sorry to be rambling, but my other bestfriend has two beautiful children but her marriage is for shi#@.. she is miserable and now she is telling me she is going to get pg in May(she only has to try once and she is pg) and I am thinking, how sad it is because while she is making beautiful children, all they do 95% of the time is fight and she told me the last time she was happy was the night she got engaged (over 5 years ago). I am happier than she is. ...I am a little envious that she can just " plan " her pg and it happens, but I much rather be a family of two than be in her situation. Seeing this is a blessing to me... sorry so long, lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 You are absolutely amazingly wonderful! I love your attitude...it is so calming to just read your posts. -AmyR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 You are absolutely amazingly wonderful! I love your attitude...it is so calming to just read your posts. -AmyR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 You are absolutely amazingly wonderful! I love your attitude...it is so calming to just read your posts. -AmyR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 , I'm so sorry to hear about the UTI and sinus's. How are you feeling today? I'm hoping it's better than yesterday! I'm so glad you were okay with the receptionist's comment. It's such a liberating feeling when you realize that you've made peace. I'm so happy for you! maria lisa r > Had to go to the ENT dr today to see about my sinus's. I have to go for a > CAT scan of them....but since I am already on meds for urinary tract > infection, hopefully it will ward off a full sinus infection!! > > I was talking with the receptionist there about insurance and how we have to > pay for the family plan and it's just the two of us and she looks at me and > says, " you don't have any kids? " And you know what, I didn't cry!! I just > said, " nope not yet " . I didn't even get upset about it. How about that?? > I am just feeling so peaceful and accepting... I truly believe that God is > taking care of me and I am exactly where I am supposed to be. It is scaring > me though how calm I am about it. But it is a blessing... > > lisa r > > > T.T.F.N. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 , I'm so sorry to hear about the UTI and sinus's. How are you feeling today? I'm hoping it's better than yesterday! I'm so glad you were okay with the receptionist's comment. It's such a liberating feeling when you realize that you've made peace. I'm so happy for you! maria lisa r > Had to go to the ENT dr today to see about my sinus's. I have to go for a > CAT scan of them....but since I am already on meds for urinary tract > infection, hopefully it will ward off a full sinus infection!! > > I was talking with the receptionist there about insurance and how we have to > pay for the family plan and it's just the two of us and she looks at me and > says, " you don't have any kids? " And you know what, I didn't cry!! I just > said, " nope not yet " . I didn't even get upset about it. How about that?? > I am just feeling so peaceful and accepting... I truly believe that God is > taking care of me and I am exactly where I am supposed to be. It is scaring > me though how calm I am about it. But it is a blessing... > > lisa r > > > T.T.F.N. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 , I'm so sorry to hear about the UTI and sinus's. How are you feeling today? I'm hoping it's better than yesterday! I'm so glad you were okay with the receptionist's comment. It's such a liberating feeling when you realize that you've made peace. I'm so happy for you! maria lisa r > Had to go to the ENT dr today to see about my sinus's. I have to go for a > CAT scan of them....but since I am already on meds for urinary tract > infection, hopefully it will ward off a full sinus infection!! > > I was talking with the receptionist there about insurance and how we have to > pay for the family plan and it's just the two of us and she looks at me and > says, " you don't have any kids? " And you know what, I didn't cry!! I just > said, " nope not yet " . I didn't even get upset about it. How about that?? > I am just feeling so peaceful and accepting... I truly believe that God is > taking care of me and I am exactly where I am supposed to be. It is scaring > me though how calm I am about it. But it is a blessing... > > lisa r > > > T.T.F.N. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 14, 2001 Report Share Posted February 14, 2001 thanks Amy r!! I am blushing from the compliments.. and I owe it all to God. It is as if I needed to go through theses losses to find my inner strength and peace and faith..... Dh is laughing that I am calming... i am very high-strung and my nickname is Tigger cause I am all over the place and hyper... but these past 5 months I have just grown sooo much into a calmer person when things go wrong. My experiences have also made me soooo grateful for all the blessings I DO have.... Sorry to go on and on, just really wanted to say thanks, you made my day lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 , I think everything you are feeling right now is very normal. You are going through the grieving process: numbness, sadness, depression and anger. Having the infections don't help matters any, but they will go away. Hang in there. And I'm sure DH just wants to make everything better and unfortunately, he can't. Only time can heal some wounds...you're in my thoughts and prayers. elle > I just wanted everyone to know that I am not that positive... I feel like I > am giving you all the wrong message about me... I am soooooooooo damm cranky > lately. I am soooooooo exhausted physically. I go to work and come home > and manage to make dinner before collapsing.... and by the time dh gets home > I am soooo moody and cranky. He keeps saying that I am pushing him away... > I usually tell him EVERYTHING and now I just want to be left alone. I am > soooooo tired of being sick and tired... I just want to feel better > physically... to be able to clean my mess of a house and exercise.... > I can't even concentrate to read a book and I am a huge book worm... SO you > see, all those compliments you have given me, I don't really deserve.... > > Today is 3 weeks since losing Jonathon. I expect myself to be better by > now, not some miserable witch of a person.... i wish my infections would > clear up, maybe that would help me feel better. Plus this medicine is > killing my stomach.... > > So sorry about this whiny, negative post.... > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 ...(((HUGS))) You can't argue that you haven't been there to be strong and supportive for everyone else! You are awesome!!! However, don't feel you have to put up a strong front for yourself at a time when YOU need emotional support. Yell, screm, rant and rave!! It sure helps to get it out, even if you wish you could snatch your words back a week (or an hour) later!! And as much as you and dh love each other, every time there is a loss in a family, there will be bumps ion the road and it sounds like your relationship is strong enough to get thru it. It is just so hard sometimes. BTW, 3 weeks is NOTHING. The wounds are still fresh. Ask anybody that lost their baby just 3 weeks ago! -- M. > > I just wanted everyone to know that I am not that positive... I feel like I > am giving you all the wrong message about me... I am soooooooooo damm cranky > lately. I am soooooooo exhausted physically. I go to work and come home > and manage to make dinner before collapsing.... and by the time dh gets home > I am soooo moody and cranky. He keeps saying that I am pushing him away... > I usually tell him EVERYTHING and now I just want to be left alone. I am > soooooo tired of being sick and tired... I just want to feel better > physically... to be able to clean my mess of a house and exercise.... > I can't even concentrate to read a book and I am a huge book worm... SO you > see, all those compliments you have given me, I don't really deserve.... > > Today is 3 weeks since losing Jonathon. I expect myself to be better by > now, not some miserable witch of a person.... i wish my infections would > clear up, maybe that would help me feel better. Plus this medicine is > killing my stomach.... > > So sorry about this whiny, negative post.... > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 ...(((HUGS))) You can't argue that you haven't been there to be strong and supportive for everyone else! You are awesome!!! However, don't feel you have to put up a strong front for yourself at a time when YOU need emotional support. Yell, screm, rant and rave!! It sure helps to get it out, even if you wish you could snatch your words back a week (or an hour) later!! And as much as you and dh love each other, every time there is a loss in a family, there will be bumps ion the road and it sounds like your relationship is strong enough to get thru it. It is just so hard sometimes. BTW, 3 weeks is NOTHING. The wounds are still fresh. Ask anybody that lost their baby just 3 weeks ago! -- M. > > I just wanted everyone to know that I am not that positive... I feel like I > am giving you all the wrong message about me... I am soooooooooo damm cranky > lately. I am soooooooo exhausted physically. I go to work and come home > and manage to make dinner before collapsing.... and by the time dh gets home > I am soooo moody and cranky. He keeps saying that I am pushing him away... > I usually tell him EVERYTHING and now I just want to be left alone. I am > soooooo tired of being sick and tired... I just want to feel better > physically... to be able to clean my mess of a house and exercise.... > I can't even concentrate to read a book and I am a huge book worm... SO you > see, all those compliments you have given me, I don't really deserve.... > > Today is 3 weeks since losing Jonathon. I expect myself to be better by > now, not some miserable witch of a person.... i wish my infections would > clear up, maybe that would help me feel better. Plus this medicine is > killing my stomach.... > > So sorry about this whiny, negative post.... > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 ...(((HUGS))) You can't argue that you haven't been there to be strong and supportive for everyone else! You are awesome!!! However, don't feel you have to put up a strong front for yourself at a time when YOU need emotional support. Yell, screm, rant and rave!! It sure helps to get it out, even if you wish you could snatch your words back a week (or an hour) later!! And as much as you and dh love each other, every time there is a loss in a family, there will be bumps ion the road and it sounds like your relationship is strong enough to get thru it. It is just so hard sometimes. BTW, 3 weeks is NOTHING. The wounds are still fresh. Ask anybody that lost their baby just 3 weeks ago! -- M. > > I just wanted everyone to know that I am not that positive... I feel like I > am giving you all the wrong message about me... I am soooooooooo damm cranky > lately. I am soooooooo exhausted physically. I go to work and come home > and manage to make dinner before collapsing.... and by the time dh gets home > I am soooo moody and cranky. He keeps saying that I am pushing him away... > I usually tell him EVERYTHING and now I just want to be left alone. I am > soooooo tired of being sick and tired... I just want to feel better > physically... to be able to clean my mess of a house and exercise.... > I can't even concentrate to read a book and I am a huge book worm... SO you > see, all those compliments you have given me, I don't really deserve.... > > Today is 3 weeks since losing Jonathon. I expect myself to be better by > now, not some miserable witch of a person.... i wish my infections would > clear up, maybe that would help me feel better. Plus this medicine is > killing my stomach.... > > So sorry about this whiny, negative post.... > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 Thanks amy... I really appreciate all the support. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 thanks elle! I don't know what I would do without all you.. your support, understanding and empathy make my life sooo much easier. I can't begin to find the right words to thank you all for all that you do for me... I just found out that tomorrow my brother, sil and my niece and nephew are coming down from Buffalo for a visit. I can't wait to go see the kids... Dh doesn't think it is a good idea. My family really doesn't treat me that well plus, they ignore or change the subject of my losses.. He has been keeping his mouth shut (for my sake and since I usually beg him too!) for the last 12 years. He is afraid that if we go over to see them at my moms that he will lose it and there will be a family war. I can ask them to come over to my place but they are only here a few days and I know it just won't work out, plus I don't have the energy to be the one to entertain....I am thinking that if we finally open our mouths about how they treat us, maybe it will do some good, he thinks it will only make things worse than they already are. I really need to see my niece and nephew. THe last time I saw them was in August when I was pg the first time. I think dh is mad at my brother and his wife because they never even called me this time or sent a card... they replied to an email we sent.... I believe that my mom told my whole family that we didn't want calls. We told her this when we first came home from vacation and didn't know what was going on.... I just want to see the kids..... and to go without dh will only make it worse for me.... Sorry to go on and on.... thanks for listening. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 thanks elle! I don't know what I would do without all you.. your support, understanding and empathy make my life sooo much easier. I can't begin to find the right words to thank you all for all that you do for me... I just found out that tomorrow my brother, sil and my niece and nephew are coming down from Buffalo for a visit. I can't wait to go see the kids... Dh doesn't think it is a good idea. My family really doesn't treat me that well plus, they ignore or change the subject of my losses.. He has been keeping his mouth shut (for my sake and since I usually beg him too!) for the last 12 years. He is afraid that if we go over to see them at my moms that he will lose it and there will be a family war. I can ask them to come over to my place but they are only here a few days and I know it just won't work out, plus I don't have the energy to be the one to entertain....I am thinking that if we finally open our mouths about how they treat us, maybe it will do some good, he thinks it will only make things worse than they already are. I really need to see my niece and nephew. THe last time I saw them was in August when I was pg the first time. I think dh is mad at my brother and his wife because they never even called me this time or sent a card... they replied to an email we sent.... I believe that my mom told my whole family that we didn't want calls. We told her this when we first came home from vacation and didn't know what was going on.... I just want to see the kids..... and to go without dh will only make it worse for me.... Sorry to go on and on.... thanks for listening. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 thanks elle! I don't know what I would do without all you.. your support, understanding and empathy make my life sooo much easier. I can't begin to find the right words to thank you all for all that you do for me... I just found out that tomorrow my brother, sil and my niece and nephew are coming down from Buffalo for a visit. I can't wait to go see the kids... Dh doesn't think it is a good idea. My family really doesn't treat me that well plus, they ignore or change the subject of my losses.. He has been keeping his mouth shut (for my sake and since I usually beg him too!) for the last 12 years. He is afraid that if we go over to see them at my moms that he will lose it and there will be a family war. I can ask them to come over to my place but they are only here a few days and I know it just won't work out, plus I don't have the energy to be the one to entertain....I am thinking that if we finally open our mouths about how they treat us, maybe it will do some good, he thinks it will only make things worse than they already are. I really need to see my niece and nephew. THe last time I saw them was in August when I was pg the first time. I think dh is mad at my brother and his wife because they never even called me this time or sent a card... they replied to an email we sent.... I believe that my mom told my whole family that we didn't want calls. We told her this when we first came home from vacation and didn't know what was going on.... I just want to see the kids..... and to go without dh will only make it worse for me.... Sorry to go on and on.... thanks for listening. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 thanks laura... lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 maria, I know what you are saying, it's just that they won't get here until sat. afternoon and are leaving monday... I think we will go there and if it gets bad we will explain it to my brother and leave... Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 maria, I know what you are saying, it's just that they won't get here until sat. afternoon and are leaving monday... I think we will go there and if it gets bad we will explain it to my brother and leave... Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 thanks maria!! I'll need the extra prayers but I can' t wait to see to see Nick and Waverly. I went to the book store and got them some books and now I am making them some Valentine's chocolates. I usually send them but this year my head was just not where it was supposed to... valentines' just snuck up on me!! Hey did I say I can't wait to see them??!!! Oh, I am going to get some good hugs tomorrow and roll around on the floor and play and make a fool of myself and I just can't wait!! lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 , I'll say some extra prayers for you tomorrow. Good luck maria Re: Re: lisa r > maria, > I know what you are saying, it's just that they won't get here until sat. > afternoon and are leaving monday... I think we will go there and if it gets > bad we will explain it to my brother and leave... > > Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 , I'll say some extra prayers for you tomorrow. Good luck maria Re: Re: lisa r > maria, > I know what you are saying, it's just that they won't get here until sat. > afternoon and are leaving monday... I think we will go there and if it gets > bad we will explain it to my brother and leave... > > Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 16, 2001 Report Share Posted February 16, 2001 , I'll say some extra prayers for you tomorrow. Good luck maria Re: Re: lisa r > maria, > I know what you are saying, it's just that they won't get here until sat. > afternoon and are leaving monday... I think we will go there and if it gets > bad we will explain it to my brother and leave... > > Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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