Choose joy

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Choose Joyby Ann PlumleyApril 30, 2006Like so many others, I was transfixed by the large, front-page photo of Kai LeighHarriott in the Boston Globe two weeks ago; the purple and yellow hair ties in her braids,and her 5-year-old face contorted, anguished. From her wheelchair in the courtroomwhere the person who fired the random shot that severed her spinal chord was to besentenced, she said, “What you done to me was wrong. But I still forgive him.”Tears, truth, and forgiveness all on the front page.Reaction to this little girl’s tears, truth-telling, and choice to forgive was swift andvaried. The next day, the Boston Globe reported one person advocating retribution: “Ihave no forgiveness for anyone who shoots a child. I say an eye for an eye. He took

herlife; now she can’t walk forever. Someone should take his life.” Another anticipated,perhaps projected, resentment: “When she becomes a teenager, she’s going to really seewhat she’s missing….”Kai Leigh’s mother lived her family’s stance in two ways. In the courtroom, sheshook the perpetrator’s hand and embraced him, whispering in his ear, “Here’s yourchance for a new beginning. Don’t let God down.” Later, to reporters, she interpreted,“We live in a world that seems to want people to be bitter, angry. But I don’t wantbitterness and anger in my life, and I don’t want that for Kai Leigh.”1[1]Kai Leigh’s mother is taking a stand, making a core life choice, and with herguidance, Kai Leigh is following her example. We can’t know that Kai Leigh will alwaysbe in synch with this choice, but she has a solid foundation from which to make hereveryday

choices.In the Luke passage just read, it says: “While in their joy they weredisbelieving….” It was a decision point for the disciples. Were they going to believe? Bejoyful? Or wallow in doubt? Acknowledging that the world would have her make anotherchoice, Kai Leigh’s mother joins the post-Easter disciples and their companions choosingjoy.We can relate well enough to anger, bitterness, and especially doubt. Doubt is anintellectually satisfying and politically correct stone to carry. It has a sense ofsophistication. Doubt is something that prompts more study and talk, new books – allsatisfying and thoroughly justifiable indulgences in Cambridge, if anywhere on earth. It’seasy to doubt. We live in a stratum of society where we’re expected to doubt.Yet, the living presence of the risen Christ fills the disciples with joy. Joy anyway.In spite of all that had happened. In spite of all

they still didn’t understand. In spite of allthat would happen. Because of all that would happen through Jesus’ living promise.Yes, they needed additional study and revelation. They needed to wait, at Jesus’direction, until they were ready, and then to follow the leadings of the Holy Spirit. And,they needed joy, most definitely. Joy within, and through, and despite their ever-presentdoubt. They could not have brought Good News to the world without it. This joy madethem complete.Hard joy; difficult joy in tough circumstances. Joy despite.When and how have you made a choice like this?Here’s another example: I found it in Murray’s “Now and Then”reflection in this Tuesday’s Globe. I like his eloquent everyday-ness. He’s been through alot: WWII, the death of his beloved wife...This week, he recalled a private moment in his childhood, when the kindly smalltown doctor

sat on the corner of his bed and, after ministering to his body, ministered tohis soul by telling him, “ You don’t have to grow up to be your parents.”2[2] This wasliberation, the possibility of choosing to have choices.I had a moment like this in college, different in every respect except impact. Itwas when a therapist told me I could choose my attitude. I didn’t have to live at the whimof random emotions or follow the dictates of good-girl socialization. He told me I couldown my attitudes; pick my life point of view. Though I do not remember the issue thatprompted me to seek counsel, I recall very clearly Ted Champ’s challenge, asking me tochoose my core life stance.I chose to be happy. Optimistic.Like many of you, I have had moments of deep despair in my life. With mysiblings, I have walked both parents through their final illnesses. I have given eulogies fortwo dear, dear friends.

I have had more than my share of heartbreak in love (Enoughalready!). And I have faced depression and several other health scares in the years since Imade this pivotal choice.Think of your own list of trials and doubt-provoking life events.Currently, I worry about money and being unemployed soon (ministry is such alucrative call, after all). All of the trials I’ve named for myself and my many morefoibles, mistakes and doubts are legitimate, authentic facets of my broken being; I denynone of them. I might frame happiness in more theological terms these days, but theessence of what I chose lo those many years ago is the same. I remain grateful to my corethat Ted put happy; deep joy on the list of possibilities for my life.Walter Brueggemann says, “…we have to (come to) know brokenness as theplace where God enters to do a new thing. If brokenness is denied – avoided, reduced tothe simple

‘everyone is good’; ‘everything can be fixed if I have enough money, therapy,friends, alcohol…’ (Then,) everything depends on my actions. If I’m not well or whole,it’s my fault… If brokenness is denied, there is no possibility for joy. If brokenness isdenied, there is no possibility for life.”3[3] Kai Leigh and her family have named thewrong and the brokenness in their own hearts – yet they seem unmotivated to judge theperpetrator of this calamity; they have consciously decided not to be victims. They havechosen to forgive.It’s a decision to accept brokenness. None of the faults and failures I mentioned amoment ago are the definition of me. I am all of those things and more and, I am by andlarge happy. Optimistic. It is a choice I make every day and many times each day. It is aspiritual discipline, of a sort, that has formed me deeply. It’s not happy-talk. Not thesappy-happy

Hallmark stuff or glib platitudes found in paperbacks. It is the act of choicethat has been very formative for me. Choosing to know that I am weak, angry, doubtful,mistaken. And happy. Joyful, even. Joyful, despite…In the list of possibilities for your life, is joy on the list?Kai Leigh’s mother said, “We are Christians. I tried very hard from the depths ofmy soul to hate , but it wouldn’t come out.”4[4] As if – as if! the impact of thischoice to forgive on Kai Leigh and her family were not formative enough, imagine whatit might do to a society that does indeed seem to want us to be bitter, angry, and doubtful!I have never been tested like the Harriott family. I don’t know if I could make KaiLeigh’s choice or that of her mother in such horrid circumstances. I hope and pray I coulddo so. I hope and I pray that I could do so especially because I’ve asked my closestrelatives

to do just this. My advance medical directive says that, should I ever be mortallyinjured or harmed by another’s action in such a way that I could not speak for myself, thepersons who hold responsibility for my care are to express my emphatic plea that no onedie in state-sanctioned murder for whatever happened to me. The killing must stop.So I say on paper, at least.What may happen in the hearts of my relatives and friends were this to come topass is, of course, not my choice but theirs. It will be their choice to accept forgiveness,despite brokenness; to take on the joy of Christ, whatever their doubts about myunderstanding of Christ’ wishes. Just as it is up to you to consider the implications of KaiLeigh‘s choice to forgive, and the disciples’ choice to be filled with joy.You think this is hard?The author of Deuteronomy says it is simple – it’s not up in heaven or across thesea,

inaccessible. “What you need is very near you, in your mouth, and in your heart...Choose life” this ancient text commands us. This isn’t a simplistic, bumperstickersolution to the intractable decisions of life. My college counselor didn’t give me apsychological prescription to ward off all subsequent melancholy and difficulties –difficult consequences of my own stupid actions and inactions – of which there have beenmany (and about which you will hear nothing). Nor those tragedies that might hit merandomly, as Kai Leigh Harriott was hit. It is not possible for Kai Leigh to avoid beinghuman – it is not possible that she will be able to dodge the slings and arrows of otheroutrageous misfortunes – maybe some of her own doing – as she wheels her way throughlife. Still, she has the opportunity - everyday – to make her choice for forgiveness.Despite everything.Still, despite, I choose

happiness.Despite doubt and not knowing what was to come, the disciples choose joy.Deuteronomy says, “Choose life so that you and your descendents may live.” So manychoices! The peace of our hearts and the peace of the world depend on our choices.Make a choice. Choose Joy.1[1] Saltzman, “I Still Forgive Him”, Boston Globe, April 14, 2006 and Tench, “AChild’s Message of Grace Amazes Her City” Boston Globe, April 15, 2006.2[2] M. Murray, “A House Call Offers Comfort in the Night”, Boston Globe, April 25, 2006.3[3] Walter Brueggemann, Theology of the Old Testament: Testimony, Dispute, Advocacy;(Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress), 1997, pages 558-562 passim.4[4] Tench, “A Child’s Message of Grace Amazes Her City” Boston Globe, April 15, 2006.