Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

[Guest guest]

Totally. And it doesn't change, even as you get older does it? My nada scheduled

her elective back surgery to be on my due date. I couldn't believe she would

take the spotlight away from me while I was about to have a baby! The only thing

I could think of saying was " gee- I'm sorry I won't be able to help you

recuperate " since the only thing she understands is how it all relates to her.

>

> yes, I can relate to this...our illness or injuries always seemed to make

> nada angry..was it time she wasn't in the spotlight ? or just the

> inconvenience of having to take a child to the dr/hospital when she'd rather

> sit and watch her soaps ?? I'll never know ,but like you, unless I was

> actually DYING better not let nada know your hurt or sick...my sister had to

> take me to the hospital when I was a kid because I got stung by 2 bees in

> the neck and was having trouble breathing...nada decided I was faking...I'm

> allergic to bee stings !!

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

> I can relate to the extreme nada behaviors. My nada was the same, either all

> or nothing. Nada used to constantly deny if I was hurt or sick depending on

> her mood. Then for a minor thing, she'd send me to the Doctor or insist on

> unnecessary antibiotics, for nothing. Yet if I was hurt badly she could care

> less.

>

> The worst was when I was really hurt and she would yell at me. I severely

> sprained my ankle sledding when I was five or so and she refused to ice,

> elevate, or allow me crutches. I walked on that mangled ankle and it has

> never been the same since. My right foot still curls inwards at a funny

> angle. Actually I think I remember her laughing at how badly I was limping

> and telling everybody what happened but I don't remember her helping me in

> any way. Throughout school if there was a kid on crutches I always wondered

> how those kids managed to get the crutches when they were hurt. It was a

> mystery to me.

>

> Another time I smashed my fingers in an old wooden window pane that slid

> down fast, and I mean SMASHED my fingers to bits. Blood, swelling, finger

> nails fallen off, crushed bone, awful just awful. I was about 7 or so. I

> screamed bloody murder and cried, OBVIOUSLY, and nada got so frustrated at

> me that she kept yelling at me and snapping with temper outbursts.

>

> I learned very early on to stifle my pain and shut the hell up, suffer in

> silence. It's better than a nada rage whilst in pain. She waited until at

> least a day, or even several days to take me to the Doctor. All they did was

> soak my hand in disinfecting fluid. No xrays, nada didn't insist either. I

> think the only reason she took me in was because my hand was in such bad

> shape that it was evident to the other adults around and nada likely

> couldn't get away with neglecting the injury. (we were at the lake with my

> uncle, aunt, and cousins) My right middle finger is permanently flat and the

> last joint (tip) is much larger than the left with a funny round spot near

> the joint. Clearly the bone was squished owwwww!

>

> I have memories of many, many similar incidents. The golden child (eldest

> boy) however; he was a delicate flower for which nada would move heaven and

> earth to pamper. Nada also facilitated his violent abuse towards me, the

> younger sibling for years and years. He was all that mattered to her.

>

> Just recently I was preparing for a cooking event at work and dropped a

> giant knife on my foot and impailed my toe. I made the mistake of breifly

> mentioning it to nada (I had to since she asked about the cooking event that

> I missed because I was in the hospital patching up the toe). I got a blank

> reaction, nothing. No empathy, questions about if the toe will be ok,

> nothing, blank. Nada however talks endlessly about her latest arthritic woe,

> pain, discomfort, procedure, etc. Endlessly. I guess some things never

> change.

>

> I just realized I am kind of accident prone! LOL

>

[Guest guest]

It truly amazes me how similar our nada's reactions to life are!

Another horrible illness thing mine did was to accuse people of

enjoying their illness.

Her assumption was that they were faking it.

Of course she was faking it a lot so maybe she thought everybody else

was too.

I'm sorry about your dystonia. And even sorrier you don't have a real

mother for comfort.

Sent from my blueberry.

>

>

> Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so

> hello everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that

> everyone on here displays!

>

> I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she

> was just as manipulative and self-centred before she started

> drinking in earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to

> this place...

>

> I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to

> the other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere

> where people can 'understand' without a great long explanation of

> why BPD/HPD is a perfect description for her and why my feelings

> seem so harsh.

>

> This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological

> disorder laryngeal dystonia.

>

> Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no

> she didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>

> Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?'

> Er mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>

> Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'-

> this is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not

> curable, but you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you

> claim to have had the same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me

> to heal for 'our sakes' (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for

> trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well from something

> that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>

> By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more

> disabled by heart disease and various other ailments over the past

> few years. However she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle

> of scotch a day is good for her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40

> cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to take steps to 'get

> better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the connection

> between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

> breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is

> so frail. Makes sense to her.

>

> Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and

> paints me as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her).

> Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why

> that could be?

>

> Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>

>

> .

>

>

[Guest guest]

It truly amazes me how similar our nada's reactions to life are!

Another horrible illness thing mine did was to accuse people of

enjoying their illness.

Her assumption was that they were faking it.

Of course she was faking it a lot so maybe she thought everybody else

was too.

I'm sorry about your dystonia. And even sorrier you don't have a real

mother for comfort.

Sent from my blueberry.

>

>

> Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so

> hello everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that

> everyone on here displays!

>

> I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she

> was just as manipulative and self-centred before she started

> drinking in earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to

> this place...

>

> I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to

> the other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere

> where people can 'understand' without a great long explanation of

> why BPD/HPD is a perfect description for her and why my feelings

> seem so harsh.

>

> This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological

> disorder laryngeal dystonia.

>

> Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no

> she didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>

> Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?'

> Er mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>

> Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'-

> this is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not

> curable, but you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you

> claim to have had the same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me

> to heal for 'our sakes' (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for

> trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well from something

> that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>

> By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more

> disabled by heart disease and various other ailments over the past

> few years. However she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle

> of scotch a day is good for her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40

> cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to take steps to 'get

> better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the connection

> between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

> breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is

> so frail. Makes sense to her.

>

> Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and

> paints me as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her).

> Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why

> that could be?

>

> Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>

>

> .

>

>

[Guest guest]

It truly amazes me how similar our nada's reactions to life are!

Another horrible illness thing mine did was to accuse people of

enjoying their illness.

Her assumption was that they were faking it.

Of course she was faking it a lot so maybe she thought everybody else

was too.

I'm sorry about your dystonia. And even sorrier you don't have a real

mother for comfort.

Sent from my blueberry.

>

>

> Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so

> hello everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that

> everyone on here displays!

>

> I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she

> was just as manipulative and self-centred before she started

> drinking in earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to

> this place...

>

> I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to

> the other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere

> where people can 'understand' without a great long explanation of

> why BPD/HPD is a perfect description for her and why my feelings

> seem so harsh.

>

> This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological

> disorder laryngeal dystonia.

>

> Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no

> she didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>

> Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?'

> Er mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>

> Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'-

> this is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not

> curable, but you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you

> claim to have had the same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me

> to heal for 'our sakes' (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for

> trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well from something

> that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>

> By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more

> disabled by heart disease and various other ailments over the past

> few years. However she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle

> of scotch a day is good for her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40

> cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to take steps to 'get

> better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the connection

> between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

> breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is

> so frail. Makes sense to her.

>

> Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and

> paints me as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her).

> Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why

> that could be?

>

> Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>

>

> .

>

>

[Guest guest]

Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed I am

at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just thought my

nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird, huh?

I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have. Mine

has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So she gets

to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to her doctor.

He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like you're

sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues. My nada

almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she gets attention.

To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because what would happen to

me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad person. I provide

entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and die. Ha!

>

>

>

> Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

displays!

>

> I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious behaviour

was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was just as

manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in earnest. And so

began the journey that has led me to this place...

>

> I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the other

nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people can

'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a perfect

description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>

> This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable

(but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder laryngeal

dystonia.

>

> Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>

> Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er mum,

nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>

> Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this is

her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but you

didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the same

thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes' (translation:

nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well

from something that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better.

Aaaaaaargh.

>

> By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled by

heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However she

claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for her

heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to

take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the

connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is so frail.

Makes sense to her.

>

> Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter nonsense on

my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me as cold hearted

and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted

at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

>

> Thanks for putting up with my venting!

[Guest guest]

Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed I am

at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just thought my

nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird, huh?

I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have. Mine

has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So she gets

to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to her doctor.

He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like you're

sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues. My nada

almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she gets attention.

To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because what would happen to

me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad person. I provide

entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and die. Ha!

>

>

>

> Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

displays!

>

> I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious behaviour

was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was just as

manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in earnest. And so

began the journey that has led me to this place...

>

> I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the other

nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people can

'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a perfect

description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>

> This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable

(but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder laryngeal

dystonia.

>

> Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>

> Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er mum,

nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>

> Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this is

her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but you

didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the same

thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes' (translation:

nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility of getting well

from something that can't be cured so that I can make you feel better.

Aaaaaaargh.

>

> By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled by

heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However she

claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for her

heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for me to

take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once acknowleged the

connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart disease and

breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she is so frail.

Makes sense to her.

>

> Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter nonsense on

my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me as cold hearted

and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling pretty cold hearted

at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

>

> Thanks for putting up with my venting!

[Guest guest]

Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

> huh?

>

> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>

> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

> die. Ha!

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

> displays!

> >

> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

> >

> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

> >

> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

> laryngeal dystonia.

> >

> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

> >

> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

> >

> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

> >

> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

> >

> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

> >

> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

> huh?

>

> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>

> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

> die. Ha!

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

> displays!

> >

> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

> >

> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

> >

> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

> laryngeal dystonia.

> >

> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

> >

> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

> >

> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

> >

> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

> >

> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

> >

> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

> huh?

>

> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>

> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

> die. Ha!

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

> displays!

> >

> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

> >

> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

> >

> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

> laryngeal dystonia.

> >

> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

> >

> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

> >

> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

> >

> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

> >

> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

> >

> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

antacid...

On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>> huh?

>>

>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>

>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>> die. Ha!

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>> displays!

>> >

>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>> >

>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>> >

>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>> laryngeal dystonia.

>> >

>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>> >

>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>> >

>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>> >

>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

>> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

>> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

>> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

>> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

>> >

>> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

>> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

>> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

>> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

>> >

>> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

antacid...

On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>> huh?

>>

>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>

>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>> die. Ha!

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>> displays!

>> >

>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>> >

>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>> >

>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>> laryngeal dystonia.

>> >

>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>> >

>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>> >

>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>> >

>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

>> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

>> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

>> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

>> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

>> >

>> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

>> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

>> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

>> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

>> >

>> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

antacid...

On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>> huh?

>>

>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>

>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>> die. Ha!

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>> displays!

>> >

>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>> >

>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>> >

>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>> laryngeal dystonia.

>> >

>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>> >

>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>> >

>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>> >

>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

>> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

>> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

>> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

>> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

>> >

>> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

>> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

>> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

>> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

>> >

>> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello.

Very new here.  My BP mother passed away a while back. We were estranged for a

long time.  When I reunited with her and the family I saw that protecting the

" facade " was what she wanted from me and all she was capable of, and I had to

protect myself still to a great degree after trying so hard to reach some kind

of level of communication. I feel like my life has been about carrying this

enormous secret. And the secret was even part secret from me until now.

I see myself overreacting in relationships and keep people arm's length very

often.  I have broached subject of BP in past with therapists who dismissed it

in terms of me or my BP.  I just read in two days the Lawson book and was

dumbfounded and am dismayed after all my psychological digging I did not explore

this until now. In a way, too, I feel a kind of peace and a validation for what

I went through.  Grief but also a relief to call it and label it and respect

it,

the depth of my struggle. 

Suddenly I seem to be identifying BP past behaviors in me, and applying BP

behaviors to many others in my life past and now.  Is that normal when one

first

takes off the blinders on this?  I suspect a lot of people do have BP ... to

varying degrees.   

I am not sure what is appropriate in emailing here as a newbie or is there

a more appropriate forum for me as an older adult child of a BP who has passed

on?  What I have read, though, has helped me take this seriously even more than

the book. 

Any suggestions on what next to read or do?

Thanks.  Best, lizzie

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 8:53:56 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

 

Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

antacid...

On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

wrote:

> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>

>

>

>>

>>

>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>> huh?

>>

>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>

>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>> die. Ha!

>>

>>

>>

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>> displays!

>> >

>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>> >

>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>> >

>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>> laryngeal dystonia.

>> >

>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>> >

>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>> >

>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>> >

>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>> her heart, as is smoking 30 to 40 cigarettes a day. Although she is keen for

>> me to take steps to 'get better' for her sake, she has never once

>> acknowleged the connection between her smoking and drinking and her heart

>> disease and breathlessness, which means she needs a lot of care because she

>> is so frail. Makes sense to her.

>> >

>> > Sorry about the long rant - I am fed-up of dealing with this utter

>> nonsense on my own (she plays the poor me waif to all my FOO - and paints me

>> as cold hearted and all but one of them believes her). Actually I'm feeling

>> pretty cold hearted at the moment, I wonder why that could be?

>> >

>> > Thanks for putting up with my venting!

>>

>>

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey lizzie, I think you are right where you belong.

don't hold back. We are here for you. Xoxo, girlscout

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello.

>

> Very new here.  My BP mother passed away a while back. We were estranged for a

> long time.  When I reunited with her and the family I saw that protecting the

> " facade " was what she wanted from me and all she was capable of, and I had to

> protect myself still to a great degree after trying so hard to reach some kind

> of level of communication. I feel like my life has been about carrying this

> enormous secret. And the secret was even part secret from me until now.

>

> I see myself overreacting in relationships and keep people arm's length very

> often.  I have broached subject of BP in past with therapists who dismissed it

> in terms of me or my BP.  I just read in two days the Lawson book and was

> dumbfounded and am dismayed after all my psychological digging I did not

explore

> this until now. In a way, too, I feel a kind of peace and a validation for

what

> I went through.  Grief but also a relief to call it and label it and respect

it,

> the depth of my struggle.

>

> Suddenly I seem to be identifying BP past behaviors in me, and applying BP

> behaviors to many others in my life past and now.  Is that normal when one

first

> takes off the blinders on this?  I suspect a lot of people do have BP ... to

> varying degrees.

>

> I am not sure what is appropriate in emailing here as a newbie or is there

> a more appropriate forum for me as an older adult child of a BP who has passed

> on?  What I have read, though, has helped me take this seriously even more

than

> the book.

>

> Any suggestions on what next to read or do?

>

> Thanks.  Best, lizzie

>

> ________________________________

> From: Stefanie Low <stefaniejlow@... <stefaniejlow%40gmail.com>>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 8:53:56 PM

> Subject: Re: Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

>

>

> Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

> then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

> prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

> antacid...

>

> On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

> wrote:

>> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

>> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

>> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

>> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>>

>>

>>

>>>

>>>

>>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>>> huh?

>>>

>>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>>

>>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>>> die. Ha!

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>> >

>>> >

>>> >

>>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>>> displays!

>>> >

>>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>>> >

>>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>>> >

>>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>>> laryngeal dystonia.

>>> >

>>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>>> >

>>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>>> >

>>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>>> >

>>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>>> her heart, as is smo

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey lizzie, I think you are right where you belong.

don't hold back. We are here for you. Xoxo, girlscout

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello.

>

> Very new here.  My BP mother passed away a while back. We were estranged for a

> long time.  When I reunited with her and the family I saw that protecting the

> " facade " was what she wanted from me and all she was capable of, and I had to

> protect myself still to a great degree after trying so hard to reach some kind

> of level of communication. I feel like my life has been about carrying this

> enormous secret. And the secret was even part secret from me until now.

>

> I see myself overreacting in relationships and keep people arm's length very

> often.  I have broached subject of BP in past with therapists who dismissed it

> in terms of me or my BP.  I just read in two days the Lawson book and was

> dumbfounded and am dismayed after all my psychological digging I did not

explore

> this until now. In a way, too, I feel a kind of peace and a validation for

what

> I went through.  Grief but also a relief to call it and label it and respect

it,

> the depth of my struggle.

>

> Suddenly I seem to be identifying BP past behaviors in me, and applying BP

> behaviors to many others in my life past and now.  Is that normal when one

first

> takes off the blinders on this?  I suspect a lot of people do have BP ... to

> varying degrees.

>

> I am not sure what is appropriate in emailing here as a newbie or is there

> a more appropriate forum for me as an older adult child of a BP who has passed

> on?  What I have read, though, has helped me take this seriously even more

than

> the book.

>

> Any suggestions on what next to read or do?

>

> Thanks.  Best, lizzie

>

> ________________________________

> From: Stefanie Low <stefaniejlow@... <stefaniejlow%40gmail.com>>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 8:53:56 PM

> Subject: Re: Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

>

>

> Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

> then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

> prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

> antacid...

>

> On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

> wrote:

>> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

>> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

>> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

>> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>>

>>

>>

>>>

>>>

>>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>>> huh?

>>>

>>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>>

>>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>>> die. Ha!

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>> >

>>> >

>>> >

>>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>>> displays!

>>> >

>>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>>> >

>>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>>> >

>>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>>> laryngeal dystonia.

>>> >

>>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>>> >

>>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>>> >

>>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>>> >

>>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>>> her heart, as is smo

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hey lizzie, I think you are right where you belong.

don't hold back. We are here for you. Xoxo, girlscout

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hello.

>

> Very new here.  My BP mother passed away a while back. We were estranged for a

> long time.  When I reunited with her and the family I saw that protecting the

> " facade " was what she wanted from me and all she was capable of, and I had to

> protect myself still to a great degree after trying so hard to reach some kind

> of level of communication. I feel like my life has been about carrying this

> enormous secret. And the secret was even part secret from me until now.

>

> I see myself overreacting in relationships and keep people arm's length very

> often.  I have broached subject of BP in past with therapists who dismissed it

> in terms of me or my BP.  I just read in two days the Lawson book and was

> dumbfounded and am dismayed after all my psychological digging I did not

explore

> this until now. In a way, too, I feel a kind of peace and a validation for

what

> I went through.  Grief but also a relief to call it and label it and respect

it,

> the depth of my struggle.

>

> Suddenly I seem to be identifying BP past behaviors in me, and applying BP

> behaviors to many others in my life past and now.  Is that normal when one

first

> takes off the blinders on this?  I suspect a lot of people do have BP ... to

> varying degrees.

>

> I am not sure what is appropriate in emailing here as a newbie or is there

> a more appropriate forum for me as an older adult child of a BP who has passed

> on?  What I have read, though, has helped me take this seriously even more

than

> the book.

>

> Any suggestions on what next to read or do?

>

> Thanks.  Best, lizzie

>

> ________________________________

> From: Stefanie Low <stefaniejlow@... <stefaniejlow%40gmail.com>>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Sat, July 31, 2010 8:53:56 PM

> Subject: Re: Re: Illness/Injury: How Nada Reacted to YOU?

>

>

> Mine does! In a basket on the counter so people see them as soon as

> then enter the home.and the funny thing is some are not even really

> prescription. they are stuff but like Vitamin C and stool softener

> antacid...

>

> On Sat, Jul 31, 2010 at 8:40 PM, Girlscout Cowboy

> wrote:

>> Guys, did anyone else's nada put their medication out for public display?

>> Like hunting trophies? That was always a weird one when I was growing up.

>> I'm like, you don't want all the neighbors to know what you are taking? And

>> then BPD full on fit emerges - and she wins- and the meds stay on display.

>>

>>

>>

>>>

>>>

>>> Seafern: glad to have you here. LIke you, the more I read, the more amazed

>>> I am at all the similarities between our nadas. And all these years I just

>>> thought my nada was weird and selfish. But it's a special kind of weird,

>>> huh?

>>>

>>> I like your comments about nada always having whatever other people have.

>>> Mine has recently been reading a medical advice column in her newspaper. So

>>> she gets to have a disease of the week. And you can bet she points it out to

>>> her doctor. He won't " do anything " for her and that makes her angry.

>>>

>>> And the part about hurry up and heal yourself for their sakes. Sure, like

>>> you're sick just to be an inconvenience to them. I have wacky heart issues.

>>> My nada almost brags to strangers about my heart things because then she

>>> gets attention. To me she'll say, " You better take care of yourself because

>>> what would happen to me if anything happened to you? " So I'm a good/bad

>>> person. I provide entertainment value but I'd better not take it too far and

>>> die. Ha!

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>> >

>>> >

>>> >

>>> > Oh my goodness, I am newish here and have never posted before, so hello

>>> everybody and thanks for all the wisdom and empathy that everyone on here

>>> displays!

>>> >

>>> > I thought for many years that my mother's bewildering and atrocious

>>> behaviour was caused by alcoholism until I finally realised that she was

>>> just as manipulative and self-centred before she started drinking in

>>> earnest. And so began the journey that has led me to this place...

>>> >

>>> > I am so amazed at how similar her behaviours and attitudes are to the

>>> other nadas described here and it is great to find somewhere where people

>>> can 'understand' without a great long explanation of why BPD/HPD is a

>>> perfect description for her and why my feelings seem so harsh.

>>> >

>>> > This post really resonated. I have recently been diagnosed with an

>>> incurable (but treatable and not life threatening) neurological disorder

>>> laryngeal dystonia.

>>> >

>>> > Her first reaction was 'Oh that's nothing, I had that years ago " (no she

>>> didn't and no it is not 'nothing').

>>> >

>>> > Her second was 'How on earth did you get yourself into this pickle?' Er

>>> mum, nobody knows why this disabling disorder strikes people.

>>> >

>>> > Then she said 'Please hurry up and heal yourself for all our sakes'- this

>>> is her trying to be nice. Errr mum, I did explain it was not curable, but

>>> you didn't listen to that did you? Even though you claim to have had the

>>> same thing? Oh, and thanks a lot for asking me to heal for 'our sakes'

>>> (translation: nada's sake). Thanks for trying to give me the resonsibility

>>> of getting well from something that can't be cured so that I can make you

>>> feel better. Aaaaaaargh.

>>> >

>>> > By the way nada is now 78 years old and has become more and more disabled

>>> by heart disease and various other ailments over the past few years. However

>>> she claims that drinking (at least)half a bottle of scotch a day is good for

>>> her heart, as is smo

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Some doctors were really great, some were just pawns. One of my favorite doctors

was a woman I only saw once who, at the beginning of the check-up, asked me why

I would want to be away from home at boarding school. Then she met my mother. My

mother talks over me and interrupts the doctor a lot, and this doctor got testy

and actually told Nada to stop talking. At one point Nada left (or the doctor

asked her to leave--I don't remember), and the doctor turned to me and said,

" now I see why you want to go to boarding school. "

I got a kick out of that

-Frances

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> >

> > > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> >

> >

> > > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> >

> > > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had

> > a

> >

> > > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I

> > got it

> >

> > > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being

> > born?

> >

> > > > And so on and so on.

> >

> > > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> >

> > > > fault. Ever.

> >

> > > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the

> > asthma -

> >

> > > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers

> > to

> >

> > > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never

> > could

> >

> > > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

> > suffer.

> >

> > > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about

> > people

> >

> > > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

> > because

> >

> > > > it was their fault.

> >

> > > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > >

> >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Some doctors were really great, some were just pawns. One of my favorite doctors

was a woman I only saw once who, at the beginning of the check-up, asked me why

I would want to be away from home at boarding school. Then she met my mother. My

mother talks over me and interrupts the doctor a lot, and this doctor got testy

and actually told Nada to stop talking. At one point Nada left (or the doctor

asked her to leave--I don't remember), and the doctor turned to me and said,

" now I see why you want to go to boarding school. "

I got a kick out of that

-Frances

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> >

> > > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> >

> >

> > > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> >

> > > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had

> > a

> >

> > > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I

> > got it

> >

> > > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being

> > born?

> >

> > > > And so on and so on.

> >

> > > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> >

> > > > fault. Ever.

> >

> > > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the

> > asthma -

> >

> > > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers

> > to

> >

> > > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never

> > could

> >

> > > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

> > suffer.

> >

> > > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about

> > people

> >

> > > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

> > because

> >

> > > > it was their fault.

> >

> > > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > >

> >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Some doctors were really great, some were just pawns. One of my favorite doctors

was a woman I only saw once who, at the beginning of the check-up, asked me why

I would want to be away from home at boarding school. Then she met my mother. My

mother talks over me and interrupts the doctor a lot, and this doctor got testy

and actually told Nada to stop talking. At one point Nada left (or the doctor

asked her to leave--I don't remember), and the doctor turned to me and said,

" now I see why you want to go to boarding school. "

I got a kick out of that

-Frances

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > > My mother had very strange reactions to illness and injury.

> >

> > > > If someone became sick it was their fault. If someone got cancer it was

> >

> >

> > > > because they didn't eat right. Etc.

> >

> > > > When I developed adult onset asthma it was somehow my fault. When I had

> > a

> >

> > > > huge calcified tumor that necessitated a hysterectomy she asked why I

> > got it

> >

> > > > - what did I do to cause it. Um, gee, ma, let me think, maybe being

> > born?

> >

> > > > And so on and so on.

> >

> > > > But, when SHE got sick all this went out the window. It was never her

> >

> > > > fault. Ever.

> >

> > > > She had very strange reactions to medications, too. Again with the

> > asthma -

> >

> > > > she acted like I was somehow morally deficient because I used inhalers

> > to

> >

> > > > control it. In her mind, I was shooting things up my nose (she never

> > could

> >

> > > > grasp INHALE) for comfort, not medical necessity. And people should

> > suffer.

> >

> > > > She was very strange about taking medications. She would talk about

> > people

> >

> > > > who " take all those pills " as if it made them lesser people - again

> > because

> >

> > > > it was their fault.

> >

> > > > Get hit by a truck? Your fault, of course.

> >

> > > >

> >

> > > >

> >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Wow. That *ghastly* behavior: laughing gleefully at your child's genuine terror

and *mocking* her pain by saying " You're going to die, ha, ha! " ... Good Lord,

that has got to be up there in the top ten evil nada behaviors I've ever read of

here or at any other Group.

That's just so blatantly cruel, sadistic and hateful, its incomprehensible.

Honest to God, those who have all the empathy and compassion of a monitor lizard

just shouldn't be allowed to raise children. Monitor lizards sometimes wander

back to the nest they made and eat their own eggs and hatchlings, if they're

hungry enough.

Perhaps nadas with a lot of narcissistic pd traits who found themselves caring

for sickly children with recurring illnesses, or required operations and

extended post-operative nursing during recuperation (like myself) came to resent

their child for being so needy, or for not being " perfect. " So if the child

survives, the nada begins dishing out her bottled-up resentment. Perhaps in

nada's mind her child should be endlessly grateful for all the extra care and

attention nada lavished on her, all the extra work and extra expense nada

shouldered, so, her child is deeply in debt to nada.

And its a debt that can never be repaid to nada's satisfaction, resulting in

perpetual, life-long indentured servitude for the child.

Its just a shame that at the current time, kids aren't educated in school about

what mentally healthy relationships look like and feel like, and what

emotionally abusive relationships look like and feel like, so children and teens

can recognize that they're being abused and at least have the option, the

possibility to rescue themselves from such a warped and destructive parent-child

dynamic.

-Annie

PS: My recollection is that most of the time when I'd become injured or ill, my

nada would become angry and claim that I " did it to myself " , which, I suppose,

absolved her from being required to show any compassion. So taking care of me

when I was ill or hurt was doing me a favor, in her mind, I suppose.

>

> Wow... This I can relate to. I was always a sickly child. I was born with lung

problems that forced my nada to have a c-section (which she blames me for to

this day), and since then I've had everything from heart problems to

precancerous tumors and several surgeries. She usually started out acting like a

martyr taking care of her poor sick child, but if I didn't get better in 48

hours or so, all hell would break loose.

>

> But my " aha! " moment was related to my health, actually. Soon after I turned

18 I was diagnosed with a (genetic) autoimmune disorder. When I got home from my

doctor's appointment and told my mother, she laughed. More accurately, her

response was " Haha, you're going to die! " I burst into tears, which caused her

to laugh even harder.

>

> She refused to schedule my follow up appointment for over six months (it was

either " it's not that serious " or " I have better things to do " ), and between the

two appointments, she would constantly list every way I could have " done this to

myself. " She played the concerned parent at my doctor's appointment, and has

refused to acknowledge it since.

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. That *ghastly* behavior: laughing gleefully at your child's genuine terror

and *mocking* her pain by saying " You're going to die, ha, ha! " ... Good Lord,

that has got to be up there in the top ten evil nada behaviors I've ever read of

here or at any other Group.

That's just so blatantly cruel, sadistic and hateful, its incomprehensible.

Honest to God, those who have all the empathy and compassion of a monitor lizard

just shouldn't be allowed to raise children. Monitor lizards sometimes wander

back to the nest they made and eat their own eggs and hatchlings, if they're

hungry enough.

Perhaps nadas with a lot of narcissistic pd traits who found themselves caring

for sickly children with recurring illnesses, or required operations and

extended post-operative nursing during recuperation (like myself) came to resent

their child for being so needy, or for not being " perfect. " So if the child

survives, the nada begins dishing out her bottled-up resentment. Perhaps in

nada's mind her child should be endlessly grateful for all the extra care and

attention nada lavished on her, all the extra work and extra expense nada

shouldered, so, her child is deeply in debt to nada.

And its a debt that can never be repaid to nada's satisfaction, resulting in

perpetual, life-long indentured servitude for the child.

Its just a shame that at the current time, kids aren't educated in school about

what mentally healthy relationships look like and feel like, and what

emotionally abusive relationships look like and feel like, so children and teens

can recognize that they're being abused and at least have the option, the

possibility to rescue themselves from such a warped and destructive parent-child

dynamic.

-Annie

PS: My recollection is that most of the time when I'd become injured or ill, my

nada would become angry and claim that I " did it to myself " , which, I suppose,

absolved her from being required to show any compassion. So taking care of me

when I was ill or hurt was doing me a favor, in her mind, I suppose.

>

> Wow... This I can relate to. I was always a sickly child. I was born with lung

problems that forced my nada to have a c-section (which she blames me for to

this day), and since then I've had everything from heart problems to

precancerous tumors and several surgeries. She usually started out acting like a

martyr taking care of her poor sick child, but if I didn't get better in 48

hours or so, all hell would break loose.

>

> But my " aha! " moment was related to my health, actually. Soon after I turned

18 I was diagnosed with a (genetic) autoimmune disorder. When I got home from my

doctor's appointment and told my mother, she laughed. More accurately, her

response was " Haha, you're going to die! " I burst into tears, which caused her

to laugh even harder.

>

> She refused to schedule my follow up appointment for over six months (it was

either " it's not that serious " or " I have better things to do " ), and between the

two appointments, she would constantly list every way I could have " done this to

myself. " She played the concerned parent at my doctor's appointment, and has

refused to acknowledge it since.

>