recent success

[Guest guest]

Terry and All,

I know that you are one of the great folks here that have given me the

confidence to do

this. Yippee !

He just seems to want to keep me over medicated. I felt so bad in the past, I

went

along. But the first time reduced alone, I saw such a difference. This visit, he

comes in.

looks at my newest labs, a month old and too low, and says.....you are doing

great.....this is perfect. Guess what I said ? Made him go back to my original

conclusion,

based on my own notes over the years and cleared with him some time back. We had

agreed on

a # goal for my FT4.... Now I get a whole new look on his face as he admits his

mistake.

But I do not see anything changing as far as doctors orders. <sigh> This new

blood work,

showing too low, is accompanied with a note that says I do not have to increase

my dose !

Excuse Me !!!

And why for three years of complaining of horrible, to the bone pain, has he

insisted

that my dose is good and the problem is not thyroid...it's arthritis. Now this

last visit,

he tells me I have two weeks, and we may have to switch to Tap, because of

possible lupus

.. Well, if he thought that was a problem, don't you think it might have occurred

to him

some time in the last three years of pain and loss of work for me !!!

For crying out loud ! Apparently my trauma and fear has turned into good old

fashioned

anger.

Is this one of the stages.??

The truly sad thing is this doctor is one of the best around here, and we have

a lot. I

checked around, and he has a very good reputation in the medical community,

they say I am

lucky to get him. And he will listen to me, and will work within my budget.

So now, that I am just starting to see the light of day, after over three

years of being

too low....this comes as a shock to me. I really did not know how bad I felt. I

have saved

the money for the rheumitologist (sp?) three times now, and cried every time as

the car

broke .(and that was after 6 mo. of researching which one to go to...don't have

the money

to waste on the wrong guy)

So if the car had not broke, I would have spent the rest of my life doped up

on pain

killers and depressed.

How in the world to other people manage, if they don't find a wonderful group

like this?

I am a whole new person, from the one that was, only a few short months ago. I

thought

that I had done well at that time, but now the 'life' is back. My mind is coming

back. I

had almost come to accept that part of it was gone. I spent one whole doctor

visit,

discussing this fear. conclusion...use it or lose it.....but I couldn't make it

work up to

speed.

So , a quarter pill at a time......this is so exciting.

I have decided that when I am sure it is time to quit then completely, I will

then

spring for the TSI.

I think this makes the most sense, considering the cost. Gheezzz, it has taken

me two

months to figure that out for sure. Well, this disease has taught me patience.

And no, I

was not blessed with this skill before.

In the very recent past, I spent a lot of time, worrying about how many more

things I

would have to give up, how many more concessions I would need to make, and how

to remain a

pleasant person to be around, both for myself and others. The last few days, I

am starting

to think of the possibilities instead. Do I want to get back into one of my

past jobs,

when I am better, or is there a new direction due. Finally...possibilities. I

know at the

very least I will never feel worse than I do now. The last three mornings, I was

glad to

wake up. And I do not believe this is my old three day syndrome. It seems

different

somehow. Because I am in charge now.( as I stand there deciding how big of a

quarter pill

I need right now , I have many to choose from) LOL I can think in five to six

hour

increments now, instead of six week at a time, and hope, that I am going the

right

direction, because if wrong, I will feel worse for two to probably three months.

This has taken a long time, and I have so many great people along the way, in

different

groups, and I am so grateful for them all.

-Pam-