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I was glad to hear that I was not the only one who was having thoughts

lately about how far along I would have been if only... It was interesting

that others were recently having the same thoughts. For me, it really came

on strong last Thursday. It was my the day before my last day at my hell

job (YAY!), and they had hired a temp that would be taking over before they

hired someone else. In walks the temp that I would be training, and she is

definitely pregnant. What amazed me the most, I think, is just how big her

belly was and that when I asked her, she said that she is due in July. Of

course my mind did the math instantly and I thought about how big I would be

by now since my baby was due June 9th. It struck me, I think, because I

hadn't seen anyone else that I knew was due around the same time, and I

hadn't really stopped to think just how far along I would be or what I would

look like. Ah, grieving is like peeling back the layers of an onion. Just

when I thought I had thought of everything related to my ep, I find even

more to think about. I was geniunely happy for her, though, and couldn't

help but kind of want to live vicariously, so I asked her about more about

her baby and joined her excitement. I have always been fascinated by

pregnant women, and now I still am, even if it is a little more tender to

think about it. I haven't gotten incredibly sad about this (although I know

that it could strike me differently at any given moment and send me

bawling), but it did make me stop and think and wish for what would have

been.

Maggie

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