Re: My mom resents my surgery

[Guest guest]

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

Maybe time will help your mother deal with the fact that you made

the decision that would benefit you. My mother, as well, is not

pleased with the decision that I have made to have the surgery. My

surgery is 09/24/03 and my mom just does not want me to have it. She

would just harp on it over and over and it got to the point that she

had my aunt, cousins, and grandmother mad about me having the

surgery. One weekend, we had a bar-b-que at my grandmothers house

and one of my cousins noticed that I was eating very little,so she

decided to make an ugly comment about the surgery changing me. It

was

at that point that I decided to share with everyone exactly why I

need the surgery. It seemed that everyone, but my mom understood. A

short while later, my mom started again about the surgery and I just

told her that I had another appointment coming up and that she was

going to go with me....to make a long story short, once she went to

the appointment with me, my doctor explained everything to her to

where she could understand exactly why the sugery would benefit

me...To this day, she still is not completely ok with me having the

surgery, but now she understands, and I just leave it at

that. I even told her that if she doesn't want to come to the

hospital that I would understand, but I am not going to let her

change my mind about my decision. I'm telling you all of this

because the surgery was right for you...it was meant to help you

deal with the problem(s) that you were having, not to bring a wedge

between your relationship with your mom. Right now, you need to

focus on your recovery and getting healthier. When the time is

right, maybe you and your mom can have a heart to heart

conversation. Don't let her childish behavior destroy anything. Even

though they are the parents, they can still behave like children at

times...trust me, I know. Don't regret your decision to have the

surgery and don't force her to talk about it with you....she will

come around in time. Maybe right now, she is feeling guilty and

doesn't know how to express her sympathy at this point. Just don't

push her away. BE POSITIVE...As far as a web-site, I'm not sure

about one,but I will search around and if I see one, I'll let you

know. Congratulations on your surgery and I will say a prayer for

you and your mom.

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me.

She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there

for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help

me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and

making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

Maybe time will help your mother deal with the fact that you made

the decision that would benefit you. My mother, as well, is not

pleased with the decision that I have made to have the surgery. My

surgery is 09/24/03 and my mom just does not want me to have it. She

would just harp on it over and over and it got to the point that she

had my aunt, cousins, and grandmother mad about me having the

surgery. One weekend, we had a bar-b-que at my grandmothers house

and one of my cousins noticed that I was eating very little,so she

decided to make an ugly comment about the surgery changing me. It

was

at that point that I decided to share with everyone exactly why I

need the surgery. It seemed that everyone, but my mom understood. A

short while later, my mom started again about the surgery and I just

told her that I had another appointment coming up and that she was

going to go with me....to make a long story short, once she went to

the appointment with me, my doctor explained everything to her to

where she could understand exactly why the sugery would benefit

me...To this day, she still is not completely ok with me having the

surgery, but now she understands, and I just leave it at

that. I even told her that if she doesn't want to come to the

hospital that I would understand, but I am not going to let her

change my mind about my decision. I'm telling you all of this

because the surgery was right for you...it was meant to help you

deal with the problem(s) that you were having, not to bring a wedge

between your relationship with your mom. Right now, you need to

focus on your recovery and getting healthier. When the time is

right, maybe you and your mom can have a heart to heart

conversation. Don't let her childish behavior destroy anything. Even

though they are the parents, they can still behave like children at

times...trust me, I know. Don't regret your decision to have the

surgery and don't force her to talk about it with you....she will

come around in time. Maybe right now, she is feeling guilty and

doesn't know how to express her sympathy at this point. Just don't

push her away. BE POSITIVE...As far as a web-site, I'm not sure

about one,but I will search around and if I see one, I'll let you

know. Congratulations on your surgery and I will say a prayer for

you and your mom.

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me.

She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there

for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help

me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and

making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

Maybe time will help your mother deal with the fact that you made

the decision that would benefit you. My mother, as well, is not

pleased with the decision that I have made to have the surgery. My

surgery is 09/24/03 and my mom just does not want me to have it. She

would just harp on it over and over and it got to the point that she

had my aunt, cousins, and grandmother mad about me having the

surgery. One weekend, we had a bar-b-que at my grandmothers house

and one of my cousins noticed that I was eating very little,so she

decided to make an ugly comment about the surgery changing me. It

was

at that point that I decided to share with everyone exactly why I

need the surgery. It seemed that everyone, but my mom understood. A

short while later, my mom started again about the surgery and I just

told her that I had another appointment coming up and that she was

going to go with me....to make a long story short, once she went to

the appointment with me, my doctor explained everything to her to

where she could understand exactly why the sugery would benefit

me...To this day, she still is not completely ok with me having the

surgery, but now she understands, and I just leave it at

that. I even told her that if she doesn't want to come to the

hospital that I would understand, but I am not going to let her

change my mind about my decision. I'm telling you all of this

because the surgery was right for you...it was meant to help you

deal with the problem(s) that you were having, not to bring a wedge

between your relationship with your mom. Right now, you need to

focus on your recovery and getting healthier. When the time is

right, maybe you and your mom can have a heart to heart

conversation. Don't let her childish behavior destroy anything. Even

though they are the parents, they can still behave like children at

times...trust me, I know. Don't regret your decision to have the

surgery and don't force her to talk about it with you....she will

come around in time. Maybe right now, she is feeling guilty and

doesn't know how to express her sympathy at this point. Just don't

push her away. BE POSITIVE...As far as a web-site, I'm not sure

about one,but I will search around and if I see one, I'll let you

know. Congratulations on your surgery and I will say a prayer for

you and your mom.

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me.

She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there

for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help

me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and

making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Wonder why your mom is treating you like that. Has she always been like that?

Or is this usual behavior?

You had your surgery for a reason. Don't let anyone make you feel bad because

you did something for you - to help you feel better and function better.

Sorry to hear she didn't come see you. I hope someone was there for you. Do you

live with her?

Is it possible she is going threw something and that's why having a hard time.

You don't think she feels responsible for your condition do you?

You didn't say how long ago you had your surgery - takes time for swelling to go

down to notice a change.

People act out and there is always a reason behind it. Don't regret your

decision. If possible stay clear of her for awhile and pamper yourself. Avoid

situations that make you feel uncomfortable.

Take care and feel better,

Bella

My mom resents my surgery

Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost 33

years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing with

stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as it

is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Wonder why your mom is treating you like that. Has she always been like that?

Or is this usual behavior?

You had your surgery for a reason. Don't let anyone make you feel bad because

you did something for you - to help you feel better and function better.

Sorry to hear she didn't come see you. I hope someone was there for you. Do you

live with her?

Is it possible she is going threw something and that's why having a hard time.

You don't think she feels responsible for your condition do you?

You didn't say how long ago you had your surgery - takes time for swelling to go

down to notice a change.

People act out and there is always a reason behind it. Don't regret your

decision. If possible stay clear of her for awhile and pamper yourself. Avoid

situations that make you feel uncomfortable.

Take care and feel better,

Bella

My mom resents my surgery

Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost 33

years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing with

stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as it

is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Wonder why your mom is treating you like that. Has she always been like that?

Or is this usual behavior?

You had your surgery for a reason. Don't let anyone make you feel bad because

you did something for you - to help you feel better and function better.

Sorry to hear she didn't come see you. I hope someone was there for you. Do you

live with her?

Is it possible she is going threw something and that's why having a hard time.

You don't think she feels responsible for your condition do you?

You didn't say how long ago you had your surgery - takes time for swelling to go

down to notice a change.

People act out and there is always a reason behind it. Don't regret your

decision. If possible stay clear of her for awhile and pamper yourself. Avoid

situations that make you feel uncomfortable.

Take care and feel better,

Bella

My mom resents my surgery

Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost 33

years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing with

stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as it

is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Wonder why your mom is treating you like that. Has she always been like that?

Or is this usual behavior?

You had your surgery for a reason. Don't let anyone make you feel bad because

you did something for you - to help you feel better and function better.

Sorry to hear she didn't come see you. I hope someone was there for you. Do you

live with her?

Is it possible she is going threw something and that's why having a hard time.

You don't think she feels responsible for your condition do you?

You didn't say how long ago you had your surgery - takes time for swelling to go

down to notice a change.

People act out and there is always a reason behind it. Don't regret your

decision. If possible stay clear of her for awhile and pamper yourself. Avoid

situations that make you feel uncomfortable.

Take care and feel better,

Bella

My mom resents my surgery

Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost 33

years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing with

stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as it

is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Sorry about your mom's reaction. I agree with Cammie, you shouldn't

try to force your mom to change her attitude, just be your normal

self if you can (and I know that's not easy when you're faced with

that kind of onslaught). That will deflect the bad attitude back to

its source. Don't join her in that type of nonsense.

My mom wasn't mad, but she did, I think, feel a bit guilty about it.

She joked that I was perfect when I left her. These days she thinks

maybe she needs to have surgery too, but she's too old for it (75)

and I don't think it will improve her quality of life. She doesn't

have tmj symptoms.

I had to deal with a sister whose dentist knew my surgeon, and who

told her to " do everything you can to talk your sister out of it " ,

which she tried, thinking it was a horrible thing to recover from.

They were both wrong, my surgeon is one of the best, and I had a

terrific recovery.

I didn't want either of my parents coming to see me in hospital for a

few reasons - I didn't want them to see me all puffed up, my husband

stayed with me 24x7 in the hospital, and it was an over 2 hour drive

for my parents to come see me. It all worked out for the best as when

they did see me after 2 weeks, most of the external swelling was gone

and they could see the new me.

Is your father around? Is there another family member you could ask

to help change the subject, or talk to your mother about it?

Just hang in there. Your mom can't harp on that subject forever,

especially if you don't react to her when she does. Change the

subject, talk about her or her favourite things.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Sorry about your mom's reaction. I agree with Cammie, you shouldn't

try to force your mom to change her attitude, just be your normal

self if you can (and I know that's not easy when you're faced with

that kind of onslaught). That will deflect the bad attitude back to

its source. Don't join her in that type of nonsense.

My mom wasn't mad, but she did, I think, feel a bit guilty about it.

She joked that I was perfect when I left her. These days she thinks

maybe she needs to have surgery too, but she's too old for it (75)

and I don't think it will improve her quality of life. She doesn't

have tmj symptoms.

I had to deal with a sister whose dentist knew my surgeon, and who

told her to " do everything you can to talk your sister out of it " ,

which she tried, thinking it was a horrible thing to recover from.

They were both wrong, my surgeon is one of the best, and I had a

terrific recovery.

I didn't want either of my parents coming to see me in hospital for a

few reasons - I didn't want them to see me all puffed up, my husband

stayed with me 24x7 in the hospital, and it was an over 2 hour drive

for my parents to come see me. It all worked out for the best as when

they did see me after 2 weeks, most of the external swelling was gone

and they could see the new me.

Is your father around? Is there another family member you could ask

to help change the subject, or talk to your mother about it?

Just hang in there. Your mom can't harp on that subject forever,

especially if you don't react to her when she does. Change the

subject, talk about her or her favourite things.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Sorry about your mom's reaction. I agree with Cammie, you shouldn't

try to force your mom to change her attitude, just be your normal

self if you can (and I know that's not easy when you're faced with

that kind of onslaught). That will deflect the bad attitude back to

its source. Don't join her in that type of nonsense.

My mom wasn't mad, but she did, I think, feel a bit guilty about it.

She joked that I was perfect when I left her. These days she thinks

maybe she needs to have surgery too, but she's too old for it (75)

and I don't think it will improve her quality of life. She doesn't

have tmj symptoms.

I had to deal with a sister whose dentist knew my surgeon, and who

told her to " do everything you can to talk your sister out of it " ,

which she tried, thinking it was a horrible thing to recover from.

They were both wrong, my surgeon is one of the best, and I had a

terrific recovery.

I didn't want either of my parents coming to see me in hospital for a

few reasons - I didn't want them to see me all puffed up, my husband

stayed with me 24x7 in the hospital, and it was an over 2 hour drive

for my parents to come see me. It all worked out for the best as when

they did see me after 2 weeks, most of the external swelling was gone

and they could see the new me.

Is your father around? Is there another family member you could ask

to help change the subject, or talk to your mother about it?

Just hang in there. Your mom can't harp on that subject forever,

especially if you don't react to her when she does. Change the

subject, talk about her or her favourite things.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Cammie,

Great advise. Sorry that your mom is no longer with you. I lost mine in 1988

and lost my dad last year.

You gave great advise. Good words and wisdom. Hope it helps for this person.

Hope your doing well,

Bella

Re: My mom resents my surgery

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Cammie,

Great advise. Sorry that your mom is no longer with you. I lost mine in 1988

and lost my dad last year.

You gave great advise. Good words and wisdom. Hope it helps for this person.

Hope your doing well,

Bella

Re: My mom resents my surgery

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Cammie,

Great advise. Sorry that your mom is no longer with you. I lost mine in 1988

and lost my dad last year.

You gave great advise. Good words and wisdom. Hope it helps for this person.

Hope your doing well,

Bella

Re: My mom resents my surgery

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Cammie,

Great advise. Sorry that your mom is no longer with you. I lost mine in 1988

and lost my dad last year.

You gave great advise. Good words and wisdom. Hope it helps for this person.

Hope your doing well,

Bella

Re: My mom resents my surgery

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Cammie,

Great advise. Sorry that your mom is no longer with you. I lost mine in 1988

and lost my dad last year.

You gave great advise. Good words and wisdom. Hope it helps for this person.

Hope your doing well,

Bella

Re: My mom resents my surgery

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Cammie,

Great advise. Sorry that your mom is no longer with you. I lost mine in 1988

and lost my dad last year.

You gave great advise. Good words and wisdom. Hope it helps for this person.

Hope your doing well,

Bella

Re: My mom resents my surgery

I didn't have that problem, because my mom is no longer with us. But

it is not unusual. I speculate that some of the resenment may come

from a feeling of guilt ... " I did this to my baby. " Or, " My genes

were the ones that gave him/her this jaw that requires so much effort

to fix. "

I dunno. Reactions, though, have ranged from support and help at one

end to total oblivion on the other. (Yep. Some parents have totally

refused to recognize that anything, even braces, was happening.) It's

amazing.

Best thing I can suggest is to suck it up, as it were, and go on

about your business, which is recovering and having a mouth that

serves you well. How could she make you regret having done something

that will help you to be more functional and healthier? Don't let it

happen!

Not nice, but the best of the alternatives, I think. There's no way

you should let your parents tell you that this was/was not a good

idea. It has to do with how your jawbones work for you, and if you

are satisfied with the results, or getting there, that's what you

need to do.

But hey, don't push yourself into a corner, either, about " choose me

or the surgery. " No reason you can't go on and have your own healthy

result, and enjoy whatever relationship with your mom you can salvage

from the disappointment... The best nyah, nyah, nyah of all is to be

self-contained, assured and confident, and get the fullest results

from your procedures. Not that such is the reason for anything, but

hey -- you've put in the time. Why not enjoy the benefits to the

fullest and share any happiness you can spread as a result? Just pass

right on by the nitpickers and quibblers and get to the honest

results, pleasure and health you want.

Just a suggestion.

Best,

Cammie

> Has anyone here dealt with resentful family members? I am almost

33

> years old but my mother cannot deal with the fact that I have had

> this surgery. She is resentful, ugly, hateful and mean to me. She

> tells me that she is NOT getting over my decision and she never

> will. I told her she can make a choice between having a

> relationship with me or she can continue to push me away and be

> stubborn. She did NOT come see me in the hospital (I was there for

> four days due to complications) and she has done nothing to help me

> since. Is there a website that contains information on dealing

with

> stubborn family members? Or can anyone here offer advice? She is

> the only one who even really notices a change in my appearance as

it

> is not that noticeable. She is making my life miserable and making

> me regret my decision to have surgery. Any advice would be

> appreciated. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the advice to those who wrote back. Yes, my mom has

always been difficult and very stubborn. I still have a lot of

swelling, even after 5 weeks, I guess because I also had septo and

sinus surgery too. My nose is still swollen and she told me

yesterday at the beach, after I told her how wonderful it was to be

able to breathe, that " gee well I could breathe too if my nose was

spread out all over my face like yours! " . Can you imagine your

mother saying such a horrible thing??? I think she is feeling

guilty but she gets something stuck in her mind and she never, I

mean NEVER lets it go. I'll hear it forever and ever and ever and

ever...sigh....

fiddlesticks220001 <no_reply@y...> wrote:

> Sorry about your mom's reaction. I agree with Cammie, you

shouldn't

> try to force your mom to change her attitude, just be your normal

> self if you can (and I know that's not easy when you're faced with

> that kind of onslaught). That will deflect the bad attitude back

to

> its source. Don't join her in that type of nonsense.

>

> My mom wasn't mad, but she did, I think, feel a bit guilty about

it.

> She joked that I was perfect when I left her. These days she

thinks

> maybe she needs to have surgery too, but she's too old for it (75)

> and I don't think it will improve her quality of life. She doesn't

> have tmj symptoms.

>

> I had to deal with a sister whose dentist knew my surgeon, and who

> told her to " do everything you can to talk your sister out of it " ,

> which she tried, thinking it was a horrible thing to recover from.

> They were both wrong, my surgeon is one of the best, and I had a

> terrific recovery.

>

> I didn't want either of my parents coming to see me in hospital

for a

> few reasons - I didn't want them to see me all puffed up, my

husband

> stayed with me 24x7 in the hospital, and it was an over 2 hour

drive

> for my parents to come see me. It all worked out for the best as

when

> they did see me after 2 weeks, most of the external swelling was

gone

> and they could see the new me.

>

> Is your father around? Is there another family member you could

ask

> to help change the subject, or talk to your mother about it?

>

> Just hang in there. Your mom can't harp on that subject forever,

> especially if you don't react to her when she does. Change the

> subject, talk about her or her favourite things.

>

> Good luck!

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the advice to those who wrote back. Yes, my mom has

always been difficult and very stubborn. I still have a lot of

swelling, even after 5 weeks, I guess because I also had septo and

sinus surgery too. My nose is still swollen and she told me

yesterday at the beach, after I told her how wonderful it was to be

able to breathe, that " gee well I could breathe too if my nose was

spread out all over my face like yours! " . Can you imagine your

mother saying such a horrible thing??? I think she is feeling

guilty but she gets something stuck in her mind and she never, I

mean NEVER lets it go. I'll hear it forever and ever and ever and

ever...sigh....

fiddlesticks220001 <no_reply@y...> wrote:

> Sorry about your mom's reaction. I agree with Cammie, you

shouldn't

> try to force your mom to change her attitude, just be your normal

> self if you can (and I know that's not easy when you're faced with

> that kind of onslaught). That will deflect the bad attitude back

to

> its source. Don't join her in that type of nonsense.

>

> My mom wasn't mad, but she did, I think, feel a bit guilty about

it.

> She joked that I was perfect when I left her. These days she

thinks

> maybe she needs to have surgery too, but she's too old for it (75)

> and I don't think it will improve her quality of life. She doesn't

> have tmj symptoms.

>

> I had to deal with a sister whose dentist knew my surgeon, and who

> told her to " do everything you can to talk your sister out of it " ,

> which she tried, thinking it was a horrible thing to recover from.

> They were both wrong, my surgeon is one of the best, and I had a

> terrific recovery.

>

> I didn't want either of my parents coming to see me in hospital

for a

> few reasons - I didn't want them to see me all puffed up, my

husband

> stayed with me 24x7 in the hospital, and it was an over 2 hour

drive

> for my parents to come see me. It all worked out for the best as

when

> they did see me after 2 weeks, most of the external swelling was

gone

> and they could see the new me.

>

> Is your father around? Is there another family member you could

ask

> to help change the subject, or talk to your mother about it?

>

> Just hang in there. Your mom can't harp on that subject forever,

> especially if you don't react to her when she does. Change the

> subject, talk about her or her favourite things.

>

> Good luck!

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the advice to those who wrote back. Yes, my mom has

always been difficult and very stubborn. I still have a lot of

swelling, even after 5 weeks, I guess because I also had septo and

sinus surgery too. My nose is still swollen and she told me

yesterday at the beach, after I told her how wonderful it was to be

able to breathe, that " gee well I could breathe too if my nose was

spread out all over my face like yours! " . Can you imagine your

mother saying such a horrible thing??? I think she is feeling

guilty but she gets something stuck in her mind and she never, I

mean NEVER lets it go. I'll hear it forever and ever and ever and

ever...sigh....

fiddlesticks220001 <no_reply@y...> wrote:

> Sorry about your mom's reaction. I agree with Cammie, you

shouldn't

> try to force your mom to change her attitude, just be your normal

> self if you can (and I know that's not easy when you're faced with

> that kind of onslaught). That will deflect the bad attitude back

to

> its source. Don't join her in that type of nonsense.

>

> My mom wasn't mad, but she did, I think, feel a bit guilty about

it.

> She joked that I was perfect when I left her. These days she

thinks

> maybe she needs to have surgery too, but she's too old for it (75)

> and I don't think it will improve her quality of life. She doesn't

> have tmj symptoms.

>

> I had to deal with a sister whose dentist knew my surgeon, and who

> told her to " do everything you can to talk your sister out of it " ,

> which she tried, thinking it was a horrible thing to recover from.

> They were both wrong, my surgeon is one of the best, and I had a

> terrific recovery.

>

> I didn't want either of my parents coming to see me in hospital

for a

> few reasons - I didn't want them to see me all puffed up, my

husband

> stayed with me 24x7 in the hospital, and it was an over 2 hour

drive

> for my parents to come see me. It all worked out for the best as

when

> they did see me after 2 weeks, most of the external swelling was

gone

> and they could see the new me.

>

> Is your father around? Is there another family member you could

ask

> to help change the subject, or talk to your mother about it?

>

> Just hang in there. Your mom can't harp on that subject forever,

> especially if you don't react to her when she does. Change the

> subject, talk about her or her favourite things.

>

> Good luck!

>

[Guest guest]

I would just avoid the subject with her, avoid making any comments

about it around her. I know that's difficult, but you can come here

any time, and rave about how wonderful it is to breathe normally -

there are plenty of folks who will cheer you on, and plenty of others

who want to know that there are positive things out there post-op!

For the mom: " oh, you told me that already " , something like that.

Then change the subject. I'd work on having a list of things to talk

to her about. Most people like to talk about themselves, so focus on

that if you can.

Wahoo! on being able to breathe normally!

> Thanks for all the advice to those who wrote back. Yes, my mom has

> always been difficult and very stubborn. I still have a lot of

> swelling, even after 5 weeks, I guess because I also had septo and

> sinus surgery too. My nose is still swollen and she told me

> yesterday at the beach, after I told her how wonderful it was to be

> able to breathe, that " gee well I could breathe too if my nose was

> spread out all over my face like yours! " . Can you imagine your

> mother saying such a horrible thing??? I think she is feeling

> guilty but she gets something stuck in her mind and she never, I

> mean NEVER lets it go. I'll hear it forever and ever and ever and

> ever...sigh....

[Guest guest]

I would just avoid the subject with her, avoid making any comments

about it around her. I know that's difficult, but you can come here

any time, and rave about how wonderful it is to breathe normally -

there are plenty of folks who will cheer you on, and plenty of others

who want to know that there are positive things out there post-op!

For the mom: " oh, you told me that already " , something like that.

Then change the subject. I'd work on having a list of things to talk

to her about. Most people like to talk about themselves, so focus on

that if you can.

Wahoo! on being able to breathe normally!

> Thanks for all the advice to those who wrote back. Yes, my mom has

> always been difficult and very stubborn. I still have a lot of

> swelling, even after 5 weeks, I guess because I also had septo and

> sinus surgery too. My nose is still swollen and she told me

> yesterday at the beach, after I told her how wonderful it was to be

> able to breathe, that " gee well I could breathe too if my nose was

> spread out all over my face like yours! " . Can you imagine your

> mother saying such a horrible thing??? I think she is feeling

> guilty but she gets something stuck in her mind and she never, I

> mean NEVER lets it go. I'll hear it forever and ever and ever and

> ever...sigh....

[Guest guest]

I would just avoid the subject with her, avoid making any comments

about it around her. I know that's difficult, but you can come here

any time, and rave about how wonderful it is to breathe normally -

there are plenty of folks who will cheer you on, and plenty of others

who want to know that there are positive things out there post-op!

For the mom: " oh, you told me that already " , something like that.

Then change the subject. I'd work on having a list of things to talk

to her about. Most people like to talk about themselves, so focus on

that if you can.

Wahoo! on being able to breathe normally!

> Thanks for all the advice to those who wrote back. Yes, my mom has

> always been difficult and very stubborn. I still have a lot of

> swelling, even after 5 weeks, I guess because I also had septo and

> sinus surgery too. My nose is still swollen and she told me

> yesterday at the beach, after I told her how wonderful it was to be

> able to breathe, that " gee well I could breathe too if my nose was

> spread out all over my face like yours! " . Can you imagine your

> mother saying such a horrible thing??? I think she is feeling

> guilty but she gets something stuck in her mind and she never, I

> mean NEVER lets it go. I'll hear it forever and ever and ever and

> ever...sigh....