Watts, P. RE: Flashbacks

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the acknowledgement. I am sorry you experience

falshbacks. I haven't had that particular problem in a while. I

haven't really thought about this as much in the past few years. I

have grown in to it. I realize that others are responsible for their

own actions. I am responsible for my response. It helps me to move

on from things. Anyway, my life has a full range of drama.

Last year I found out the man I thought was my father was not my

biological father. We got in a fight over the phone about something

and he told me I wasn't really his son. I confronted my mother and

she confirmed it was true. They had lied to me about it for 30 years

(and everyone else). It was devestating, but I also realized that it

made sense of all the conflict I had had with my dad, why he resented

me and took no responsibility for me in my teenage years.

So many things have happened to me. My " dad " and I are no longer

speaking. These events (rape, deceit, my 12-step experience) all

have something to do with who I am today--someone who accepts very

little abuse or bullshit. It could have sent me in an entirely

different direction. I could be in meetings crying over it because I

am a powerless victim, wallowing in " support. " This doesn't work

well for me. Instead I have let others know, in no uncertain terms,

exactly how I feel about their behavior, and made decisions and set

limits with these people. All without a sponsor, a group, or a

higher power.

Life is very hard and full of unexpected twist for us all. I will

never be " the same. " But the truth is, I never want to be.

-

> > Thanks, , for your comments.

> >

> > I have experienced rape. I was a young man when it happened and

for

> > years I thought it was my fault. It was horrible and disgusting

and

> > I always felt shame. The man who did it lived in my community,

so I

> > saw him quite frequently. I never told anyone.

>

> I am sorry to hear about this . Seeing him round mst have

been

> awful. I have flashbacks of being raped as a child and that's

> horrible when it happens. Fortunately I havent had them for quite

a

> while now but they can strike at any time.

>

> P.