Re: My turn...

[Guest guest]

Amy,

When I read your post I cried. I know it hurts so much at times. Having had

a pg loss just isn't fair. Honey, you will in time have your big pg belly

and proudly display your u/s pictures on the wall. But in the meantime there

are these bumps and bruises. Also to this day and it is almost 2 yrs since

my ep I still ask Why? It isn't fair that we wanted our babies so bad and

they were taken. I remembered after my sister died I didn't think I could

sink any lower then when my baby died I hit rock bottom. But you do climb up

a little, but you have to allow for the fact that you will definitely have

good days but you will have bad ones too. I think this is what psychologists

would call the healing process.

Sheila

[Guest guest]

Amy,

When I read your post I cried. I know it hurts so much at times. Having had

a pg loss just isn't fair. Honey, you will in time have your big pg belly

and proudly display your u/s pictures on the wall. But in the meantime there

are these bumps and bruises. Also to this day and it is almost 2 yrs since

my ep I still ask Why? It isn't fair that we wanted our babies so bad and

they were taken. I remembered after my sister died I didn't think I could

sink any lower then when my baby died I hit rock bottom. But you do climb up

a little, but you have to allow for the fact that you will definitely have

good days but you will have bad ones too. I think this is what psychologists

would call the healing process.

Sheila

[Guest guest]

AmyR,

I just want to reach out through this computer and give you a hug...I can

feel the pain in your words. You'll have your baby, one day you'll have that

huge pregnant belly and you'll rejoice in it. Until then, we are here for

you...sharing your pain and hopefully giving some comfort in those awful days

when it hurts just to get out of bed. You gave a valiant effort at that

party and should be proud you held it all together. Tears are stress

relieving...and never a reason to be ashamed or apologized about...one of the

lessons I learned right here... I am glad to " know " you and so very

impressed by the strength and compassion you share here. I hope today is

better...LOVE KJ

[Guest guest]

AmyR,

I just want to reach out through this computer and give you a hug...I can

feel the pain in your words. You'll have your baby, one day you'll have that

huge pregnant belly and you'll rejoice in it. Until then, we are here for

you...sharing your pain and hopefully giving some comfort in those awful days

when it hurts just to get out of bed. You gave a valiant effort at that

party and should be proud you held it all together. Tears are stress

relieving...and never a reason to be ashamed or apologized about...one of the

lessons I learned right here... I am glad to " know " you and so very

impressed by the strength and compassion you share here. I hope today is

better...LOVE KJ

[Guest guest]

Amy,

I second what KJ said. You are a constant source of support and compassion to

everyone here. (((((HUGS))))) Sometimes it just gets pretty dang hard to be

the " strong " one. I can't imagine going to the party and seeing the u/s

pictures. I know how I felt when my evil co-worker showed me hers. But you

will soon have your own little miracle, and big ole belly to show off. I just

know it!!

Dana

[Guest guest]

Amy,

I second what KJ said. You are a constant source of support and compassion to

everyone here. (((((HUGS))))) Sometimes it just gets pretty dang hard to be

the " strong " one. I can't imagine going to the party and seeing the u/s

pictures. I know how I felt when my evil co-worker showed me hers. But you

will soon have your own little miracle, and big ole belly to show off. I just

know it!!

Dana

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy

I really do feel for you, it must of been so sad. I dont think I could of

made myself go to the party. I know how it feels though I was on the bus a

couple of days ago and a lady with a new born baby asked me to hold him

while she got the pram off. It was horrible and make me hit complete rock

bottom. Hang in there, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs.

>From: amrichey@...

>Reply-To: ectopicpregnancy

>To: ectopicpregnancy

>Subject: My turn...

>Date: Sun, 01 Apr 2001 04:10:04 -0000

>

>...to be down in the dumps. I don't know if any of you remember but

>right about 3 months ago I found out one of my good friends is pg. I

>was happy for her, but upset (to say the least) for me. Well even

>though I've talked to her many times since then, I haven't actually

>seen her. Today her sister (also a good friend of mine) was having a

>b-day for her youngest daughter at her house. They know I watch my

>3yr old nephew on Saturdays so we were both invited. I was so bummed

>all morning, eyes tearing up...the whole bit...just dreading going

>there and seeing her belly..knowing that mine should have been twice

>the size. But, I sucked it up for Zach's sake so he could go to the

>party...but I did go late to minimize my time there. She had framed

>pictures from her 2 ultrasounds prominently displayed in her living

>room...there was just no way of avoiding it. It actually wasn't as

>bad being there as I thought it was going to be..I got caught up in

>what all the kids were doing and just chatting to people. But after

>leaving and getting in my car, all the sadness came flooding back and

>I just want to yell IT ISN'T FAIR! The only thing that I've always

>known I wanted, I was given only to have it taken away... And then

>on top of all that I know that I won't be seeing myself with a pg

>belly for years to come. I'm so sad today. Thanks for listening.

>

>-AmyR

>

_________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com.

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy

I really do feel for you, it must of been so sad. I dont think I could of

made myself go to the party. I know how it feels though I was on the bus a

couple of days ago and a lady with a new born baby asked me to hold him

while she got the pram off. It was horrible and make me hit complete rock

bottom. Hang in there, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs.

>From: amrichey@...

>Reply-To: ectopicpregnancy

>To: ectopicpregnancy

>Subject: My turn...

>Date: Sun, 01 Apr 2001 04:10:04 -0000

>

>...to be down in the dumps. I don't know if any of you remember but

>right about 3 months ago I found out one of my good friends is pg. I

>was happy for her, but upset (to say the least) for me. Well even

>though I've talked to her many times since then, I haven't actually

>seen her. Today her sister (also a good friend of mine) was having a

>b-day for her youngest daughter at her house. They know I watch my

>3yr old nephew on Saturdays so we were both invited. I was so bummed

>all morning, eyes tearing up...the whole bit...just dreading going

>there and seeing her belly..knowing that mine should have been twice

>the size. But, I sucked it up for Zach's sake so he could go to the

>party...but I did go late to minimize my time there. She had framed

>pictures from her 2 ultrasounds prominently displayed in her living

>room...there was just no way of avoiding it. It actually wasn't as

>bad being there as I thought it was going to be..I got caught up in

>what all the kids were doing and just chatting to people. But after

>leaving and getting in my car, all the sadness came flooding back and

>I just want to yell IT ISN'T FAIR! The only thing that I've always

>known I wanted, I was given only to have it taken away... And then

>on top of all that I know that I won't be seeing myself with a pg

>belly for years to come. I'm so sad today. Thanks for listening.

>

>-AmyR

>

_________________________________________________________________________

Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com.

[Guest guest]

> ...to be down in the dumps. I don't know if any of you remember

but

> right about 3 months ago I found out one of my good friends is pg.

I

> was happy for her, but upset (to say the least) for me. Well even

> though I've talked to her many times since then, I haven't actually

> seen her. Today her sister (also a good friend of mine) was having

a

> b-day for her youngest daughter at her house. They know I watch my

> 3yr old nephew on Saturdays so we were both invited. I was so

bummed

> all morning, eyes tearing up...the whole bit...just dreading going

> there and seeing her belly..knowing that mine should have been

twice

> the size. But, I sucked it up for Zach's sake so he could go to

the

> party...but I did go late to minimize my time there. She had

framed

> pictures from her 2 ultrasounds prominently displayed in her living

> room...there was just no way of avoiding it. It actually wasn't as

> bad being there as I thought it was going to be..I got caught up in

> what all the kids were doing and just chatting to people. But

after

> leaving and getting in my car, all the sadness came flooding back

and

> I just want to yell IT ISN'T FAIR! The only thing that I've always

> known I wanted, I was given only to have it taken away... And then

> on top of all that I know that I won't be seeing myself with a pg

> belly for years to come. I'm so sad today. Thanks for listening.

>

> -AmyR

Amy,

I know exactly how you feel. I found out I was pregant about the

same time as someone that I work closely with did. Now as she talks

about her doctor appointments and upcoming due date I feel awful. She

also insisted on coming to my house and bringing " a meal " three days

after I had my ep and I couldn't even face her. I told my dh to tell

her I was sleeping. I know it was really nice of her to do this and

she was trying to be kind but I just wasn't ready to see her yet. My

dh didn't really understand why I couldn't see her. The only thing

that keeps me going and makes me feel better is thinking that

hopefully I will be pregnant again sometime soon. We are able to

start ttc in May. I understand your feelings completely. Just try to

hang in there and know that others are in the same place you are.

[Guest guest]

> ...to be down in the dumps. I don't know if any of you remember

but

> right about 3 months ago I found out one of my good friends is pg.

I

> was happy for her, but upset (to say the least) for me. Well even

> though I've talked to her many times since then, I haven't actually

> seen her. Today her sister (also a good friend of mine) was having

a

> b-day for her youngest daughter at her house. They know I watch my

> 3yr old nephew on Saturdays so we were both invited. I was so

bummed

> all morning, eyes tearing up...the whole bit...just dreading going

> there and seeing her belly..knowing that mine should have been

twice

> the size. But, I sucked it up for Zach's sake so he could go to

the

> party...but I did go late to minimize my time there. She had

framed

> pictures from her 2 ultrasounds prominently displayed in her living

> room...there was just no way of avoiding it. It actually wasn't as

> bad being there as I thought it was going to be..I got caught up in

> what all the kids were doing and just chatting to people. But

after

> leaving and getting in my car, all the sadness came flooding back

and

> I just want to yell IT ISN'T FAIR! The only thing that I've always

> known I wanted, I was given only to have it taken away... And then

> on top of all that I know that I won't be seeing myself with a pg

> belly for years to come. I'm so sad today. Thanks for listening.

>

> -AmyR

Amy,

I know exactly how you feel. I found out I was pregant about the

same time as someone that I work closely with did. Now as she talks

about her doctor appointments and upcoming due date I feel awful. She

also insisted on coming to my house and bringing " a meal " three days

after I had my ep and I couldn't even face her. I told my dh to tell

her I was sleeping. I know it was really nice of her to do this and

she was trying to be kind but I just wasn't ready to see her yet. My

dh didn't really understand why I couldn't see her. The only thing

that keeps me going and makes me feel better is thinking that

hopefully I will be pregnant again sometime soon. We are able to

start ttc in May. I understand your feelings completely. Just try to

hang in there and know that others are in the same place you are.

[Guest guest]

> ...to be down in the dumps. I don't know if any of you remember

but

> right about 3 months ago I found out one of my good friends is pg.

I

> was happy for her, but upset (to say the least) for me. Well even

> though I've talked to her many times since then, I haven't actually

> seen her. Today her sister (also a good friend of mine) was having

a

> b-day for her youngest daughter at her house. They know I watch my

> 3yr old nephew on Saturdays so we were both invited. I was so

bummed

> all morning, eyes tearing up...the whole bit...just dreading going

> there and seeing her belly..knowing that mine should have been

twice

> the size. But, I sucked it up for Zach's sake so he could go to

the

> party...but I did go late to minimize my time there. She had

framed

> pictures from her 2 ultrasounds prominently displayed in her living

> room...there was just no way of avoiding it. It actually wasn't as

> bad being there as I thought it was going to be..I got caught up in

> what all the kids were doing and just chatting to people. But

after

> leaving and getting in my car, all the sadness came flooding back

and

> I just want to yell IT ISN'T FAIR! The only thing that I've always

> known I wanted, I was given only to have it taken away... And then

> on top of all that I know that I won't be seeing myself with a pg

> belly for years to come. I'm so sad today. Thanks for listening.

>

> -AmyR

Amy,

I know exactly how you feel. I found out I was pregant about the

same time as someone that I work closely with did. Now as she talks

about her doctor appointments and upcoming due date I feel awful. She

also insisted on coming to my house and bringing " a meal " three days

after I had my ep and I couldn't even face her. I told my dh to tell

her I was sleeping. I know it was really nice of her to do this and

she was trying to be kind but I just wasn't ready to see her yet. My

dh didn't really understand why I couldn't see her. The only thing

that keeps me going and makes me feel better is thinking that

hopefully I will be pregnant again sometime soon. We are able to

start ttc in May. I understand your feelings completely. Just try to

hang in there and know that others are in the same place you are.

[Guest guest]

Hi AmyR--

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I totally relate

to the way you feel. After I had 3 mcs in 6 months, my closest

coworker announced that she was pg to our group at lunch. I was so

devastated--I mean happy for her, but sad for me (just as you

expressed). My reaction must have been really wierd.

Right after she announced it, I found out I was pg again. It turned

out to be the ep, with 6 long months of waiting for hCG to go down.

So, while I was essentially terminating my pregnancy, I had to watch

her grow day by day and hear her talk about her pregnancy. She just

gave birth 3 weeks ago. More than anything, I can't believe how much

time has slipped me by.

What helped me to cope with her was just realizing that it's not her

fault that I have had so many losses, and it's not her fault that she

had no problem getting pg. I'm sure you realize this too, but still

it is so hard not to think of our own babies that were taken from us

too early.

I wish I had more to say to cheer you up, but the only thing I can

say is that you are not alone and that our time will come!!

[Guest guest]

Hi AmyR--

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I totally relate

to the way you feel. After I had 3 mcs in 6 months, my closest

coworker announced that she was pg to our group at lunch. I was so

devastated--I mean happy for her, but sad for me (just as you

expressed). My reaction must have been really wierd.

Right after she announced it, I found out I was pg again. It turned

out to be the ep, with 6 long months of waiting for hCG to go down.

So, while I was essentially terminating my pregnancy, I had to watch

her grow day by day and hear her talk about her pregnancy. She just

gave birth 3 weeks ago. More than anything, I can't believe how much

time has slipped me by.

What helped me to cope with her was just realizing that it's not her

fault that I have had so many losses, and it's not her fault that she

had no problem getting pg. I'm sure you realize this too, but still

it is so hard not to think of our own babies that were taken from us

too early.

I wish I had more to say to cheer you up, but the only thing I can

say is that you are not alone and that our time will come!!

[Guest guest]

Amy R,

OH , sweetie, my heart goes out to you...It isn't fair and it hurts and it

really stinks... allow yourself to feel all these feelings.. they are normal

and healthy...

I am soooooo sorry you are hurting... I just wish there was something I

could say or do to make you feel better.... I do KNOW that when the time is

right for us... we WILL be mommies... and we will be the most patient,

appreciative mommies ever...

Sending lots of {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you...

lisa r

T.T.F.N.

[Guest guest]

Amy R,

OH , sweetie, my heart goes out to you...It isn't fair and it hurts and it

really stinks... allow yourself to feel all these feelings.. they are normal

and healthy...

I am soooooo sorry you are hurting... I just wish there was something I

could say or do to make you feel better.... I do KNOW that when the time is

right for us... we WILL be mommies... and we will be the most patient,

appreciative mommies ever...

Sending lots of {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you...

lisa r

T.T.F.N.

[Guest guest]

Amy R,

OH , sweetie, my heart goes out to you...It isn't fair and it hurts and it

really stinks... allow yourself to feel all these feelings.. they are normal

and healthy...

I am soooooo sorry you are hurting... I just wish there was something I

could say or do to make you feel better.... I do KNOW that when the time is

right for us... we WILL be mommies... and we will be the most patient,

appreciative mommies ever...

Sending lots of {{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you...

lisa r

T.T.F.N.

[Guest guest]

You are right Sheila, I guess it is part of the

healing process (and it is a long one) I guess we

never forget, there will always be things that bring

that pain to the surface. Some days can be so hard

and no one even realize it. It is such a struggle. I

feel bad when I see someone pg and with a newborn

because there are times I get angry or alittle jealous

(even though I am happy for them and would never want

them to feel bad because they have a baby and I do

not, YET) I can't help but as that same question we

all ask ourselves, " Why me? " I know it is a process,

a hard one, and I am glad we have each other for

support. Amy, hang in there.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

You are right Sheila, I guess it is part of the

healing process (and it is a long one) I guess we

never forget, there will always be things that bring

that pain to the surface. Some days can be so hard

and no one even realize it. It is such a struggle. I

feel bad when I see someone pg and with a newborn

because there are times I get angry or alittle jealous

(even though I am happy for them and would never want

them to feel bad because they have a baby and I do

not, YET) I can't help but as that same question we

all ask ourselves, " Why me? " I know it is a process,

a hard one, and I am glad we have each other for

support. Amy, hang in there.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

You are right Sheila, I guess it is part of the

healing process (and it is a long one) I guess we

never forget, there will always be things that bring

that pain to the surface. Some days can be so hard

and no one even realize it. It is such a struggle. I

feel bad when I see someone pg and with a newborn

because there are times I get angry or alittle jealous

(even though I am happy for them and would never want

them to feel bad because they have a baby and I do

not, YET) I can't help but as that same question we

all ask ourselves, " Why me? " I know it is a process,

a hard one, and I am glad we have each other for

support. Amy, hang in there.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I have to tell you something I have a cousin that has a little girl that just

turned 3 on the 26th, but she celebrated the b-day on the 25th. She invited

me to go but I just thru the invitation in the garbage. I mean I don't mean

to take it out on Ari(the daughter)but my cousin is such a witch about

things. Last year she kept having Ari come up to me and say, " Hurry up aunty

sheila I want a cousin " . Then my cousin the witch Liz would say, " You and

Joe should hurry up and have a baby " . Like my being pg never existed. You

know what kills me about her having a baby is she had one to prove that her

ex-husband(my dh's cousin) was infertile. They tried to have a baby for

years and she couldn't get pg. But she had to lose alot of weight before she

could get pg. As we all know fat interfers with hormone balance. You know

she went to live down in FL after her divorce and she literally bleeped every

Tom, Dick and Harry and still really doesn't know who Ari's father is to this

day, but here is a girl that just had one to have one. We really want them

on this board and then our babies are taken from us before we knew what hit

us. It is just so unfair. I had to learn to keep my distance from Liz. She

is really hurtful with things she says. She is one of the ones that said

losing the baby happend for a reason. But dammit(sorry) I can't figure out

one good reason. You know I remeber when her marriage crumbled that after

not talking to her for 2 years because she is a backstabbing, two-face stool

pigeon I was right there for her. When I needed her after the ep and I was

hurting I got nothing. It is too hard to be around someone that had a baby

just because and it kills me even being around a couple of people that were

pg at the same time I was and they have their babies. I feel so evil. I

pray everynight that god just understands that is how I have to be right now

in order to live and not end up in the funny farm. It just hurts so much at

times. When I read Amy's post I cried for about 20 minutes. It just hurts

really bad. And this whole losing a baby thing is sometimes to much to bear

it can be a very heavy cross. I am sorry I am rambling but I needed to

confess that. I feel a little better now.

Sheila

[Guest guest]

Sheila,

There is no reason to apologize for not being able to be near babies right

now. Losing a child is the hardest thing a woman will ever bear. Having

people say stupid things just makes it more difficult. I am sorry you are

feeling so upset and hurt, this truly bites...I hope you will find some peace

tonight, I'll keep you in my prayers, LOVE KJ

[Guest guest]

Amy

I am sorry for your experience. I understand completely how you feel,

sweetie. When I had my mc in april 2000 my neighbor and very close friend

got pg 2 days before I had. then my husbands best friends wife got pg 2

months later, then my best friend got pregnant 2 weeks after I did when I

lost my baby to ep. Then another one of our friends is now 2 months pg. I

feel like I have been so left out. Iam so very sorrry that you had to go

through that. It is one of the worse feelings ever. I wish that something

very good could come to you. Best wishes.

Love

Crystal

[Guest guest]

Sheila,

it just plain sucks when people are soo mean and insensitive. I had a close

family member tell I am taking my ep and m/c (both within 5 months, after

yrs of trying) harder than most people would. How the heck does she know??

I am learning (the hard way) that there are some people in my family that I

need to distance myself from or completely stay away from so that I am not

hurt anymore.

We have been hurt enough, we don't need help in that area from " family " ....

I am glad that you shared with us, sharing is what hellps us heal.

lisa r

T.T.F.N.

[Guest guest]

Sheila,

it just plain sucks when people are soo mean and insensitive. I had a close

family member tell I am taking my ep and m/c (both within 5 months, after

yrs of trying) harder than most people would. How the heck does she know??

I am learning (the hard way) that there are some people in my family that I

need to distance myself from or completely stay away from so that I am not

hurt anymore.

We have been hurt enough, we don't need help in that area from " family " ....

I am glad that you shared with us, sharing is what hellps us heal.

lisa r

T.T.F.N.

[Guest guest]

Amy,

I'm so sorry you are going through a " rough spot " right now. You are always

so upbeat and optimistic and it makes me sad that you are hurting. I know

you will conquer this too and you will go on to become a Mommy one day.

{{{HUGS}}}