Re:Marie MEAGHAN - Re: Had to share

[Guest guest]

Marie,

I hate to tell you this but if you haven't told him and he hasn't

noticed yet, he probably wont say anything at least for quite awhile.

How do I know this? Because even when I had lost almost 90 pounds Mike

hardly said a thing and he knew I was working on it! Remember in March

the airport discussion? It is a two edged sword thing. We want them to

love us for who we are but if they notice we look better, then some

people anyway are like well did I look that bad? For Mike anyway, he

really didn't " see " me as heavy as I was. To refresh your memory, I

think you were here then?? Anyway, Mike and I went to Portland, Or and

when we were at the airport waiting to go home, I observed several

women who were as heavy or heavier then I had been and I was commenting

on how I'm so glad I'm not that big anymore. Mike just shrugs and says

" I guess I never saw it. I didn't think you were that big. " . I wanted

it recognized how hard I have worked and he thinks it is shallow and

questioning his love to say I " look better " . I finally got through to

him somewhat, that I need support and that even though ultimately this

is done for me that I can't do it alone and I need encouragement. That

it is not just a matter of " looking better " . It's my health, my life, I

can do more, I can breathe easier, my arthritis feels better, I can fit

into restaurant booths, ect...... and how about how I don't eat as much

as I would like, how about getting on the treadmill day after day, not

having alcohol, the day to day work that goes into losing the weight? I

told him that even though I love him for loving me for who I am that

not saying anything about what I have done hurts my feelings and makes

me feel like " why am I doing it then?! "

It's such a complicated issue! But in short, in fairness to Hans, I

think you should say something, at least maybe how you are " feeling

better " . because if he is like Mike, he isn't going to notice. Sorry to

say.

Hugs,

Gena

> Hi again Meaghan,

>

> I had a little smile to myself when I read about your husband getting

> a bit up tight over your weight loss and exercise efforts. It sounds

> as if you would really love him to be willing to talk about it with

> you and to be more supportive. Why did I smile? Well, I made a

> deliberate decision NOT to mention my 'new me' campaign at all to Hans

> and to see how long it would take him to notice anything or make a

> comment. I'm here to tell you that we are now in month 5, I have lost

> 37 lbs and I am still waiting for some indication from him that he has

> noticed anything. I think perhaps we'll just have to accept that this

> journey is something it is MUCH more a 'girl thing' when it comes to

> understanding and support. Has your husband ever told you why it is

> that he doesn't want to discuss your diet and exercise? Could it be

> that he is concerned that you are doing too much and that he is

> worried about your health? Anyway, that is just a thought to ponder.

> (Be kind to him for me won't you? I want that garlic lemon sauce

> recipe from him!!!!!!!!!!!!)

>

> Look after yourself and allow the family to pamper you,

>

> Cheers from Marie