Guest guest Posted June 25, 2003 Report Share Posted June 25, 2003 This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Hi , When I had the surgery my boys were 8 and 5. I wouldn't start talking to your son too early...maybe just a week or so before your op. Tell him that you are going to have an operation which will make you feel better, but that you are going to look and sound funny for a few days afterwards. Puff out your cheeks to show him what swelling looks like. Put some cotton in your mouth and let him get used to your voice sounding different. If you purchased a jaw wrap, try it on for him. My kids loved being able to go to the freezer themselves to refill my ice packs. Or put some items in a low drawer so that he can 'help' you get them while you're recovering (tissues, zippies, Q- tips, etc.) Also tell him exactly who's going to stay with him while you're at the hospital, and what his daily routine is going to be like until you get back. Hope this helps. I was very concerned about my kids' reactions and they hardly noticed. At that age they are far more concerned with what's going to happen to them than to you. Good luck, Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Thanks Cheryl, I am afraid the only things my son will actually notice is that I can't yell at him and that I won't have the energy to keep him in line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 About 2 months before, we checked " lin Goes To The Hospital " out of the library and read that a few times. We also started saying things like, " when Mommy has surgery then the doctor will give her sleep medicine too, just like lin, and then afterward she'll stay overnight in the hospital, just like lin. " About 1 month before was when I started talking to my daughter (who was then not quite 3 years old). I took the booklet from the surgeon's office and showed her all the pictures but toned down the explanations: " See this lady? Her lower jaw is too short for the rest of her face. See how the teeth don't meet? Do you think she can chew very well if her teeth don't meet? She's sad because she can't chew very well. And here she is meeting with her doctor before her surgery. The doctor is explaining how he will fix her teeth. Here she is waking up after surgery. See how sleepy she is and how sore her face is? She's wearing an ice pack on her face to help her feel better. Her family is visiting her. See, there's her daughter. See, now she's at home and making her food in the blender because she can't chew. And now she feels better and is eating normal food with her family. And see how happy she is now? Her doctor is happy too. " Leah seemed to get it. My husband took her to the hospital to see me after I was back in my hospital room. I was sleepy but I could tell that she was relieved to see that I was okay. And when I was home, she never seemed scared of me or anything like that. She had extra attention from her Grandma and Nana, who were here to help, so that was okay. One time during that first week she said, " I love you, Funny Face, " and I said " I love you too, Funny Face. " I have heard of mothers sequestering themselves from their children and I don't think that would have been a good idea. Better for Leah to see me and know that I was okay (if swollen) than to be kept away from me. Do you have other family members (your parents, maybe) coming to help out after surgery? Flying my mom & grandma out here was the best thing we did. (Heck, I wish they were still here now!) Rhonda > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 About 2 months before, we checked " lin Goes To The Hospital " out of the library and read that a few times. We also started saying things like, " when Mommy has surgery then the doctor will give her sleep medicine too, just like lin, and then afterward she'll stay overnight in the hospital, just like lin. " About 1 month before was when I started talking to my daughter (who was then not quite 3 years old). I took the booklet from the surgeon's office and showed her all the pictures but toned down the explanations: " See this lady? Her lower jaw is too short for the rest of her face. See how the teeth don't meet? Do you think she can chew very well if her teeth don't meet? She's sad because she can't chew very well. And here she is meeting with her doctor before her surgery. The doctor is explaining how he will fix her teeth. Here she is waking up after surgery. See how sleepy she is and how sore her face is? She's wearing an ice pack on her face to help her feel better. Her family is visiting her. See, there's her daughter. See, now she's at home and making her food in the blender because she can't chew. And now she feels better and is eating normal food with her family. And see how happy she is now? Her doctor is happy too. " Leah seemed to get it. My husband took her to the hospital to see me after I was back in my hospital room. I was sleepy but I could tell that she was relieved to see that I was okay. And when I was home, she never seemed scared of me or anything like that. She had extra attention from her Grandma and Nana, who were here to help, so that was okay. One time during that first week she said, " I love you, Funny Face, " and I said " I love you too, Funny Face. " I have heard of mothers sequestering themselves from their children and I don't think that would have been a good idea. Better for Leah to see me and know that I was okay (if swollen) than to be kept away from me. Do you have other family members (your parents, maybe) coming to help out after surgery? Flying my mom & grandma out here was the best thing we did. (Heck, I wish they were still here now!) Rhonda > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi , The suggestions from the others were really good. My daughters were only 12 months and 2 1/2 when I had my first surgery so I couldn't really prepare them. They never seemed scared or shocked by my appearance. My older one would say " Mommy boo-boo mouth " and both would try to kiss it to make it better. still remembers and frequently says " Dr Tucker fix mommy teeth. " They came along to a lot of appointments so they saw what was going on. As a positive side effect, when had her dental check-up she wasn't afraid at all. At first, they wanted her to sit in my lap to do the exam but insisted on lying down on the table by herself just like Mommy. She held still for the entire check-up and cleaning. It sounds like you're doing the right things and your son will do fine, too. > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi , The suggestions from the others were really good. My daughters were only 12 months and 2 1/2 when I had my first surgery so I couldn't really prepare them. They never seemed scared or shocked by my appearance. My older one would say " Mommy boo-boo mouth " and both would try to kiss it to make it better. still remembers and frequently says " Dr Tucker fix mommy teeth. " They came along to a lot of appointments so they saw what was going on. As a positive side effect, when had her dental check-up she wasn't afraid at all. At first, they wanted her to sit in my lap to do the exam but insisted on lying down on the table by herself just like Mommy. She held still for the entire check-up and cleaning. It sounds like you're doing the right things and your son will do fine, too. > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi , Best of luck with your upcoming surgery. Baby Irish was only 18-months-old for my first surgery and just turned 2-years-old for my second. I was concerned since he was so young that he wouldn't understand, but old enough to know something's wrong. We discussed it with his pediatrician who agreed it's a difficult age. The other suggestions you received are great. I also got a book to help explain at least my absence from home ... Curious Goes to the Hospital. Baby Irish understood I had a boo-boo in the jaw that the doctors were going to fix. I agree with Cheryl as to not spring this on the kids too early as I think they tend to worry (whether it's about their own well-being or for you!). I chose to not have Baby Irish come the hospital as well. I just thought it would be too scary, and I know I'd cry (and who needs more congestion!). Lastly, since Baby Irish was so young, I chose to call my mother-in- law (who was watching him) about 10 minutes before I got home from the hospital ... she then promptly took him out for a long walk as I was driven home, slowly got situated in my home bed, etc. I think it was better for him to first see me comfortable in bed, rather then to see me with my face all swollen (lips were quite awful), walking through the front door. I heard my husband slowly guide him to my bedroom, saying " Mommy is home and is tired in bed. Let's go see her. " When he first saw me, he looked a bit stunned, then whispered ... " Hmmm ... boo boo ... hmmm " . It was so cute when I look back. He handled it like a champ. Remember this. Kids are resilient. I was so sad to put him through it, but frankly he will never remember it. Your daughter will get through this with you. Some days just won't be easy but remember on those days that it will become a distant memory soon enough. It has for us. Hang in there. Sorry so long. Irish! > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi , Best of luck with your upcoming surgery. Baby Irish was only 18-months-old for my first surgery and just turned 2-years-old for my second. I was concerned since he was so young that he wouldn't understand, but old enough to know something's wrong. We discussed it with his pediatrician who agreed it's a difficult age. The other suggestions you received are great. I also got a book to help explain at least my absence from home ... Curious Goes to the Hospital. Baby Irish understood I had a boo-boo in the jaw that the doctors were going to fix. I agree with Cheryl as to not spring this on the kids too early as I think they tend to worry (whether it's about their own well-being or for you!). I chose to not have Baby Irish come the hospital as well. I just thought it would be too scary, and I know I'd cry (and who needs more congestion!). Lastly, since Baby Irish was so young, I chose to call my mother-in- law (who was watching him) about 10 minutes before I got home from the hospital ... she then promptly took him out for a long walk as I was driven home, slowly got situated in my home bed, etc. I think it was better for him to first see me comfortable in bed, rather then to see me with my face all swollen (lips were quite awful), walking through the front door. I heard my husband slowly guide him to my bedroom, saying " Mommy is home and is tired in bed. Let's go see her. " When he first saw me, he looked a bit stunned, then whispered ... " Hmmm ... boo boo ... hmmm " . It was so cute when I look back. He handled it like a champ. Remember this. Kids are resilient. I was so sad to put him through it, but frankly he will never remember it. Your daughter will get through this with you. Some days just won't be easy but remember on those days that it will become a distant memory soon enough. It has for us. Hang in there. Sorry so long. Irish! > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi , Best of luck with your upcoming surgery. Baby Irish was only 18-months-old for my first surgery and just turned 2-years-old for my second. I was concerned since he was so young that he wouldn't understand, but old enough to know something's wrong. We discussed it with his pediatrician who agreed it's a difficult age. The other suggestions you received are great. I also got a book to help explain at least my absence from home ... Curious Goes to the Hospital. Baby Irish understood I had a boo-boo in the jaw that the doctors were going to fix. I agree with Cheryl as to not spring this on the kids too early as I think they tend to worry (whether it's about their own well-being or for you!). I chose to not have Baby Irish come the hospital as well. I just thought it would be too scary, and I know I'd cry (and who needs more congestion!). Lastly, since Baby Irish was so young, I chose to call my mother-in- law (who was watching him) about 10 minutes before I got home from the hospital ... she then promptly took him out for a long walk as I was driven home, slowly got situated in my home bed, etc. I think it was better for him to first see me comfortable in bed, rather then to see me with my face all swollen (lips were quite awful), walking through the front door. I heard my husband slowly guide him to my bedroom, saying " Mommy is home and is tired in bed. Let's go see her. " When he first saw me, he looked a bit stunned, then whispered ... " Hmmm ... boo boo ... hmmm " . It was so cute when I look back. He handled it like a champ. Remember this. Kids are resilient. I was so sad to put him through it, but frankly he will never remember it. Your daughter will get through this with you. Some days just won't be easy but remember on those days that it will become a distant memory soon enough. It has for us. Hang in there. Sorry so long. Irish! > This is for Irish, Shiloh, Rhonda and anyone else who has had the > surgery with young children. How far ahead of the surgery did you > start talking about it to your kids and what did you tell them. I am > going in in exactly 4 weeks and am not sure exactly what to tell me 4 > year old. I mentioned to him the other day that mommy was having > surgery and he said he wanted to go to the hospital and have surgery > too. He does not have a real strong concept of time, so I am afraid > to start talking about it too soon. Any advice would be helpful. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Hi there, Irish! I just wanted to say that you sound like a brilliant mom! I love the fact that you were comfortable in bed when your toddler saw you the first time following surgery. It's the simple things like that that make a difference in a child's perspective. I can only imagine what it's like having small children while going through this. I have two sons (17 & 21). My 17 yr old does NOT want to talk about my upcoming surgery at all. He referred to it the other day as " the doctor breaking up my face " . I know he's scared for me. God bless him! Anyway, he's going to college in Rome, Italy in late Aug. so he won't be around for my surgery. I think that's a good thing, although I'm gonna miss him terribly. He'll be home for Christmas, though. Well, hope your recovery continues to go well. Thanks for being such an inspiration!! Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Thank you all for your great suggestions. At this point, I am planning on having the kids come to the hospital, but that all depends on how I am feeling, how longs I have to stay in the hospital (1 or 2 nights) and how my son is handling my absence. I am a stay- at-home mom and both kids are a bit attached to me. On the day of surgery my father-in-law is planning to take my son to the movies and I know he will have lots of fun the first day. My mother and step father are coming to take care of me the following weekend and staying for a week, so we all have something to look forward to (she normally only visits once a year so this is a bonus). My mom is also going to bring me a plate from my favorite mexican restaurant back home, so I have two exciting things waiting for me on the other side. I think I am going to hit the internet now and try to find the suggested books. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2003 Report Share Posted June 26, 2003 Thank you all for your great suggestions. At this point, I am planning on having the kids come to the hospital, but that all depends on how I am feeling, how longs I have to stay in the hospital (1 or 2 nights) and how my son is handling my absence. I am a stay- at-home mom and both kids are a bit attached to me. On the day of surgery my father-in-law is planning to take my son to the movies and I know he will have lots of fun the first day. My mother and step father are coming to take care of me the following weekend and staying for a week, so we all have something to look forward to (she normally only visits once a year so this is a bonus). My mom is also going to bring me a plate from my favorite mexican restaurant back home, so I have two exciting things waiting for me on the other side. I think I am going to hit the internet now and try to find the suggested books. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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