Kenalog, work, etc

[Guest guest]

Howdy --

I don't know if you guys have any suggestions or not, but if you do I would

love to hear them. I've been having my worst week in probably at least 3

months; I think my Kenalog shot has finally completely worn off. (This is

the steroid that my doc prescribed and then denied he'd prescribed, what a

yutz.) Poor sleep, constant joint pain, muscle aches, you know the

drill. But I've been so scared about my job situation -- I don't have a

lot of luck there but now's not the time to be dumping my job and hunting

for another. At least I have bennies and that sort of thing. But mostly

I'm just so scared to call in sick after being written up for it last time.

So yesterday was this horrible, kinda -- how to say it -- trippy? --

day. My mom came over and helped me, and I spent most of the time crying,

because I felt so bad and she kept saying, I'm so sorry, Emmie, but you

can't call in sick, you've got to report in. So I did, and just after I

got there I was asked by a supervisor to go to the children's ER to fill in

for another employee. The trouble with this is that this guy calls in ALL

THE TIME. It's a running topic in our dept about how he gets away with

murder -- how does he do it? because his BROTHER is one of the 3 managers

of the dept.

I feel so very depressed now, even with the Prozac, and last night was

awful. I felt so bad that it was all kind of dreamlike. I keep getting

these odd buzzing dizzy spells -- like bees are inside my head. And it was

so bad for my spirits to know that this other guy can call in anytime he

likes, and no one will say a word -- while I even have a letter stating

that I am partially disabled and I get written up if I call in more than

3x. It's just ripping my morale to shreds.

One light in the darkness, though. My immediate supervisor last night came

over to the ER where I was working, and I was extremely honest with

her. She's the only one I trust. I told her I wanted to take a personal

day today -- either use my vacation time or call it an unpaid personal day

-- ANYTHING but a sick day. And she said that was fine. She knows what's

going on.

So no work today, which is a blessing, but now that I'm doctor-less, I

don't have many options with regard to the way my syndromes are going. To

say I'm tired would be like saying the sun is hot. And this joint pain --

where it comes from, I don't know, I do not have arthritis -- sick to my

stomach all the time -- the TMJ getting so bad -- I feel like I cannot BEAR

IT. I can't stand this. I'm always either mad at the world -- terrible

bad moods -- or I just am one short step from bawling my eyes out.

I'm sorry to be a thundercloud, but what can I do about all this? I'm not

even angry. The feeling I have now is like butterflies in your stomach;

I'm scared to death I'll lose my job, or SOMETHING else will go wrong. I

was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry and upset last night that this guy

pulled another of his disappearing acts and I had to pick up the slack for

him. And that sorta morphed into feeling really low.

God, how do you keep going forward? I know it won't always be this bad,

but right now IS so bad, and I feel helpless -- like I've tried everything

I know to make it better, and nothing works.

Thank the lord you folks are here. Even if there is nothing to be said

about my situation, at least I can talk about it here and know that when I

talk about feeling bad, you guys know just EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

Best,

Em

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It is the tale, not he who tells it.

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