Re: CAG-support groups suck

[Guest guest]

> Hey Judith.

>

> For what it's worth I'm sure you'll be an outstanding counselor.

> I think your both have the ability to listen and at the same time

the willingness to respect other persons borders.

> Actually this is what I've come down to after more than 20 years as

a professional psychologist.

> It sounds simple, but isn't. But when you've found it, it's both the

easiest and most efficient way.

> Good luck

Thank you, Bjørn.

> I know I'm not behaving according to my own ideals on the lists, but

that's on purpose.

It's good to step out of character once in awhile My theory is that

anyone who participates in internet mailing lists or newsgroups for

any length of time, develops an internet identity that is at least

partly different from their " real life " identity. Either intentionally

or unintentionally. I could be wrong about that.

> I've found it very useful to distinguish very clearly between what

you're doing as a person and as a professional.

> In my view many therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists are not able

to keep their personality as a human being alive and at the same time

perform therapy.

> They are letting the person from the therapy invade their personal

lives, with devastating consequences. They lose their humanity in the

process.

> It's important to recognize, that therapy is nothing but a bleak

image of real life. It's not the other way around.

I could spend a lot of time thinking about your last line, here. I'm

aware of a tendency in myself to try and take care of people, to try

and help them. To try and prevent them from making mistakes, feeling

pain. That, I think, is what you refer to as a bleak image of real

life.

I think I want that myself: someone to take care of me and protect me.

At least part of me longs for security, longs to be part of the herd,

a domestic animal. A follower. And yet, I do not play the role of

follower or domestic animal well. I fight against the urge to be

visible, to risk expulsion from the herd. When I look back, I see that

I often chose *not* to listen to people who had faith in me. Rather, I

chose to listen to people who assumed the worst about me. This is

safe.

Many times, when I am in the midst of beating myself up with an

AA-style moral inventory, it is others who remind me that I'm not

horrible. I'm not lacking in personal responsibility or human decency.

The only thing I'm doing wrong is defining myself too narrowly, based

only on the perceptions of those who assume the worst about me.

So I think my challenge will be to remember that I can only help

people to see themselves. That's what I think good therapy can do; the

rest is left to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Thanks again for your reply, Bjørn. I have a lot of respect for you,

so your vote of confidence means a lot.

judith

[Guest guest]

> Thanks again for your reply, Bjørn. I have a lot of respect for you,

> so your vote of confidence means a lot.

Hey Juidith

Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are ones

who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

Best,

P.

[Guest guest]

> Thanks again for your reply, Bjørn. I have a lot of respect for you,

> so your vote of confidence means a lot.

Hey Juidith

Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are ones

who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

Best,

P.

[Guest guest]

> Thanks again for your reply, Bjørn. I have a lot of respect for you,

> so your vote of confidence means a lot.

Hey Juidith

Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are ones

who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

Best,

P.

[Guest guest]

Hi Judith

First of all. I'm not fundamentally different on the net and in real life.

I've got a real temper, and sometimes I embarrass myself seriously when I think about what I just sent out in space.

But when I'm working I'm using all my experience to help the person above.

The trick is to act natural and at the same time have your task and experience in the back of your head.

You'll have to be analytical and spontanous at the same time. Then, sometimes, it's swinging, and you wonder if something that feel so good could be right.

Mostly it is!

Curiosity,humor and common experiences are very fruitful in the process, and without crossing the line you'll never get to know it.

Then when you come home, make an inner videotape of the whole situation. Think of what you'll do in the next session, and then forget it!!

It works, they'll keep coming back. :-)

I noticed your thoughts about the herd and the fear of sticking out.

If you only listen to people that takes your self worth away, you'll stay in the herd, and that's what you both want and want not. That's called a conflict, frustration, ambivalence, fear or crisis.

I think it's a kind of crisis, but you are already on your way out of it. Otherwise you would not be as articulated as you are.

Best

Bjørn

[Guest guest]

Hi Judith

First of all. I'm not fundamentally different on the net and in real life.

I've got a real temper, and sometimes I embarrass myself seriously when I think about what I just sent out in space.

But when I'm working I'm using all my experience to help the person above.

The trick is to act natural and at the same time have your task and experience in the back of your head.

You'll have to be analytical and spontanous at the same time. Then, sometimes, it's swinging, and you wonder if something that feel so good could be right.

Mostly it is!

Curiosity,humor and common experiences are very fruitful in the process, and without crossing the line you'll never get to know it.

Then when you come home, make an inner videotape of the whole situation. Think of what you'll do in the next session, and then forget it!!

It works, they'll keep coming back. :-)

I noticed your thoughts about the herd and the fear of sticking out.

If you only listen to people that takes your self worth away, you'll stay in the herd, and that's what you both want and want not. That's called a conflict, frustration, ambivalence, fear or crisis.

I think it's a kind of crisis, but you are already on your way out of it. Otherwise you would not be as articulated as you are.

Best

Bjørn

[Guest guest]

Hi Judith

First of all. I'm not fundamentally different on the net and in real life.

I've got a real temper, and sometimes I embarrass myself seriously when I think about what I just sent out in space.

But when I'm working I'm using all my experience to help the person above.

The trick is to act natural and at the same time have your task and experience in the back of your head.

You'll have to be analytical and spontanous at the same time. Then, sometimes, it's swinging, and you wonder if something that feel so good could be right.

Mostly it is!

Curiosity,humor and common experiences are very fruitful in the process, and without crossing the line you'll never get to know it.

Then when you come home, make an inner videotape of the whole situation. Think of what you'll do in the next session, and then forget it!!

It works, they'll keep coming back. :-)

I noticed your thoughts about the herd and the fear of sticking out.

If you only listen to people that takes your self worth away, you'll stay in the herd, and that's what you both want and want not. That's called a conflict, frustration, ambivalence, fear or crisis.

I think it's a kind of crisis, but you are already on your way out of it. Otherwise you would not be as articulated as you are.

Best

Bjørn

[Guest guest]

> Hey Juidith

>

> Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are

ones

> who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

> it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

Thank you too, Pete

judith

[Guest guest]

> Hey Juidith

>

> Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are

ones

> who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

> it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

Thank you too, Pete

judith

[Guest guest]

> Hey Juidith

>

> Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are

ones

> who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

> it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

Thank you too, Pete

judith

[Guest guest]

At 11:39 PM 4/18/01 +0000, you wrote:

>

> > Hey Juidith

> >

> > Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are

>ones

> > who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

> > it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

>

>Thank you too, Pete

And I'd like to add my voice to the chorus. :-)

Judith, you know how to listen to people. And that automatically

puts you ahead of the average counsellor.

[Guest guest]

At 11:39 PM 4/18/01 +0000, you wrote:

>

> > Hey Juidith

> >

> > Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are

>ones

> > who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

> > it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

>

>Thank you too, Pete

And I'd like to add my voice to the chorus. :-)

Judith, you know how to listen to people. And that automatically

puts you ahead of the average counsellor.

[Guest guest]

At 11:39 PM 4/18/01 +0000, you wrote:

>

> > Hey Juidith

> >

> > Just like to add mine, the evidence is that good counsellors are

>ones

> > who can feel and show empathy for their clients, and from your posts

> > it is clear that you are a very empathic person.

>

>Thank you too, Pete

And I'd like to add my voice to the chorus. :-)

Judith, you know how to listen to people. And that automatically

puts you ahead of the average counsellor.