Guest guest Posted October 25, 2001 Report Share Posted October 25, 2001 Em, boy can I really relate. I have been going through such a major flare this past week or so & I am getting a bad cold so that just makes me feel worse. I was doing so well, I had gone back to school taking only two classes & was doing errands & wham bam, my health takes a major downturn. I'm not working so I don't have to worry about that, but it does make my family life more difficult because we are only living on my husbands income & it is tight. I couldn't work outside of the home no matter how badly I wanted to right now. My back is so bad that I can hardly move & I never know when it is going to act up. I went to my rhuemy & told him how bad the spams in my back are & he just gave me another med that works for a short time but knocks me out so I can only take it at night. It helps me sleep, but does nothing for me in the daytime. I just don't think he understands how much my back interfers with my life. I think he thinks I'm making it worse than it is. I'm bringing my husband the next time so I have a witness to what my life is like at home so he can see it is not just me. Last week, I just over did it. I went to a concert on Monday, than on tuesday went to Reno which is a 3 hour drive, I wasn't driving, to see them in concert again & than went home late the next day. I was in so much pain coming home that I started to cry right out of the blue. I mean, I'm sitting in the car with my eyes closed because I am so tired & tears start coming out of my eyes. I think I had just reached my pain threshold & my body just couldn't handle anymore. It was really weird. I really can understand your feelings of despair. You put on a brave face & face the day every day, but after awhile you just don't think you can do it anymore. You keep trying new things to see if they will help, but you still suffer with pain & tireness. You feel like no one understands & you don't know what to do. This is how I have been feeling lately. I had to drop my classes because I just missed to much class. I can't drive & be in class when my back is bent over & when that happens there is nothing I can do but rest. I'm so tired of being 33 & having my whole life controled by fms. I try not to let it get to me, but somedays my mind just says " I'm tired & I don't want to put on a brave face. " I'm not sure what the answer is, but the one blessing we have is each other. We all understand what it is like dealing with fms & dealing with the people in our lives who don't have fms. All we can offer is support but sometimes that is all we need. Take care Diane --- janissa@... wrote: > Howdy -- > > I don't know if you guys have any suggestions or > not, but if you do I would > love to hear them. I've been having my worst week > in probably at least 3 > months; I think my Kenalog shot has finally > completely worn off. (This is > the steroid that my doc prescribed and then denied > he'd prescribed, what a > yutz.) Poor sleep, constant joint pain, muscle > aches, you know the > drill. But I've been so scared about my job > situation -- I don't have a > lot of luck there but now's not the time to be > dumping my job and hunting > for another. At least I have bennies and that sort > of thing. But mostly > I'm just so scared to call in sick after being > written up for it last time. > > So yesterday was this horrible, kinda -- how to say > it -- trippy? -- > day. My mom came over and helped me, and I spent > most of the time crying, > because I felt so bad and she kept saying, I'm so > sorry, Emmie, but you > can't call in sick, you've got to report in. So I > did, and just after I > got there I was asked by a supervisor to go to the > children's ER to fill in > for another employee. The trouble with this is that > this guy calls in ALL > THE TIME. It's a running topic in our dept about > how he gets away with > murder -- how does he do it? because his BROTHER is > one of the 3 managers > of the dept. > > I feel so very depressed now, even with the Prozac, > and last night was > awful. I felt so bad that it was all kind of > dreamlike. I keep getting > these odd buzzing dizzy spells -- like bees are > inside my head. And it was > so bad for my spirits to know that this other guy > can call in anytime he > likes, and no one will say a word -- while I even > have a letter stating > that I am partially disabled and I get written up if > I call in more than > 3x. It's just ripping my morale to shreds. > > One light in the darkness, though. My immediate > supervisor last night came > over to the ER where I was working, and I was > extremely honest with > her. She's the only one I trust. I told her I > wanted to take a personal > day today -- either use my vacation time or call it > an unpaid personal day > -- ANYTHING but a sick day. And she said that was > fine. She knows what's > going on. > > So no work today, which is a blessing, but now that > I'm doctor-less, I > don't have many options with regard to the way my > syndromes are going. To > say I'm tired would be like saying the sun is hot. > And this joint pain -- > where it comes from, I don't know, I do not have > arthritis -- sick to my > stomach all the time -- the TMJ getting so bad -- I > feel like I cannot BEAR > IT. I can't stand this. I'm always either mad at > the world -- terrible > bad moods -- or I just am one short step from > bawling my eyes out. > > I'm sorry to be a thundercloud, but what can I do > about all this? I'm not > even angry. The feeling I have now is like > butterflies in your stomach; > I'm scared to death I'll lose my job, or SOMETHING > else will go wrong. I > was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry and upset last > night that this guy > pulled another of his disappearing acts and I had to > pick up the slack for > him. And that sorta morphed into feeling really > low. > > God, how do you keep going forward? I know it won't > always be this bad, > but right now IS so bad, and I feel helpless -- like > I've tried everything > I know to make it better, and nothing works. > > Thank the lord you folks are here. Even if there is > nothing to be said > about my situation, at least I can talk about it > here and know that when I > talk about feeling bad, you guys know just EXACTLY > what I'm talking about. > > Best, > Em > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > It is the tale, not he who tells it. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2001 Report Share Posted October 25, 2001 Em, boy can I really relate. I have been going through such a major flare this past week or so & I am getting a bad cold so that just makes me feel worse. I was doing so well, I had gone back to school taking only two classes & was doing errands & wham bam, my health takes a major downturn. I'm not working so I don't have to worry about that, but it does make my family life more difficult because we are only living on my husbands income & it is tight. I couldn't work outside of the home no matter how badly I wanted to right now. My back is so bad that I can hardly move & I never know when it is going to act up. I went to my rhuemy & told him how bad the spams in my back are & he just gave me another med that works for a short time but knocks me out so I can only take it at night. It helps me sleep, but does nothing for me in the daytime. I just don't think he understands how much my back interfers with my life. I think he thinks I'm making it worse than it is. I'm bringing my husband the next time so I have a witness to what my life is like at home so he can see it is not just me. Last week, I just over did it. I went to a concert on Monday, than on tuesday went to Reno which is a 3 hour drive, I wasn't driving, to see them in concert again & than went home late the next day. I was in so much pain coming home that I started to cry right out of the blue. I mean, I'm sitting in the car with my eyes closed because I am so tired & tears start coming out of my eyes. I think I had just reached my pain threshold & my body just couldn't handle anymore. It was really weird. I really can understand your feelings of despair. You put on a brave face & face the day every day, but after awhile you just don't think you can do it anymore. You keep trying new things to see if they will help, but you still suffer with pain & tireness. You feel like no one understands & you don't know what to do. This is how I have been feeling lately. I had to drop my classes because I just missed to much class. I can't drive & be in class when my back is bent over & when that happens there is nothing I can do but rest. I'm so tired of being 33 & having my whole life controled by fms. I try not to let it get to me, but somedays my mind just says " I'm tired & I don't want to put on a brave face. " I'm not sure what the answer is, but the one blessing we have is each other. We all understand what it is like dealing with fms & dealing with the people in our lives who don't have fms. All we can offer is support but sometimes that is all we need. Take care Diane --- janissa@... wrote: > Howdy -- > > I don't know if you guys have any suggestions or > not, but if you do I would > love to hear them. I've been having my worst week > in probably at least 3 > months; I think my Kenalog shot has finally > completely worn off. (This is > the steroid that my doc prescribed and then denied > he'd prescribed, what a > yutz.) Poor sleep, constant joint pain, muscle > aches, you know the > drill. But I've been so scared about my job > situation -- I don't have a > lot of luck there but now's not the time to be > dumping my job and hunting > for another. At least I have bennies and that sort > of thing. But mostly > I'm just so scared to call in sick after being > written up for it last time. > > So yesterday was this horrible, kinda -- how to say > it -- trippy? -- > day. My mom came over and helped me, and I spent > most of the time crying, > because I felt so bad and she kept saying, I'm so > sorry, Emmie, but you > can't call in sick, you've got to report in. So I > did, and just after I > got there I was asked by a supervisor to go to the > children's ER to fill in > for another employee. The trouble with this is that > this guy calls in ALL > THE TIME. It's a running topic in our dept about > how he gets away with > murder -- how does he do it? because his BROTHER is > one of the 3 managers > of the dept. > > I feel so very depressed now, even with the Prozac, > and last night was > awful. I felt so bad that it was all kind of > dreamlike. I keep getting > these odd buzzing dizzy spells -- like bees are > inside my head. And it was > so bad for my spirits to know that this other guy > can call in anytime he > likes, and no one will say a word -- while I even > have a letter stating > that I am partially disabled and I get written up if > I call in more than > 3x. It's just ripping my morale to shreds. > > One light in the darkness, though. My immediate > supervisor last night came > over to the ER where I was working, and I was > extremely honest with > her. She's the only one I trust. I told her I > wanted to take a personal > day today -- either use my vacation time or call it > an unpaid personal day > -- ANYTHING but a sick day. And she said that was > fine. She knows what's > going on. > > So no work today, which is a blessing, but now that > I'm doctor-less, I > don't have many options with regard to the way my > syndromes are going. To > say I'm tired would be like saying the sun is hot. > And this joint pain -- > where it comes from, I don't know, I do not have > arthritis -- sick to my > stomach all the time -- the TMJ getting so bad -- I > feel like I cannot BEAR > IT. I can't stand this. I'm always either mad at > the world -- terrible > bad moods -- or I just am one short step from > bawling my eyes out. > > I'm sorry to be a thundercloud, but what can I do > about all this? I'm not > even angry. The feeling I have now is like > butterflies in your stomach; > I'm scared to death I'll lose my job, or SOMETHING > else will go wrong. I > was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry and upset last > night that this guy > pulled another of his disappearing acts and I had to > pick up the slack for > him. And that sorta morphed into feeling really > low. > > God, how do you keep going forward? I know it won't > always be this bad, > but right now IS so bad, and I feel helpless -- like > I've tried everything > I know to make it better, and nothing works. > > Thank the lord you folks are here. Even if there is > nothing to be said > about my situation, at least I can talk about it > here and know that when I > talk about feeling bad, you guys know just EXACTLY > what I'm talking about. > > Best, > Em > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > It is the tale, not he who tells it. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 25, 2001 Report Share Posted October 25, 2001 Em, boy can I really relate. I have been going through such a major flare this past week or so & I am getting a bad cold so that just makes me feel worse. I was doing so well, I had gone back to school taking only two classes & was doing errands & wham bam, my health takes a major downturn. I'm not working so I don't have to worry about that, but it does make my family life more difficult because we are only living on my husbands income & it is tight. I couldn't work outside of the home no matter how badly I wanted to right now. My back is so bad that I can hardly move & I never know when it is going to act up. I went to my rhuemy & told him how bad the spams in my back are & he just gave me another med that works for a short time but knocks me out so I can only take it at night. It helps me sleep, but does nothing for me in the daytime. I just don't think he understands how much my back interfers with my life. I think he thinks I'm making it worse than it is. I'm bringing my husband the next time so I have a witness to what my life is like at home so he can see it is not just me. Last week, I just over did it. I went to a concert on Monday, than on tuesday went to Reno which is a 3 hour drive, I wasn't driving, to see them in concert again & than went home late the next day. I was in so much pain coming home that I started to cry right out of the blue. I mean, I'm sitting in the car with my eyes closed because I am so tired & tears start coming out of my eyes. I think I had just reached my pain threshold & my body just couldn't handle anymore. It was really weird. I really can understand your feelings of despair. You put on a brave face & face the day every day, but after awhile you just don't think you can do it anymore. You keep trying new things to see if they will help, but you still suffer with pain & tireness. You feel like no one understands & you don't know what to do. This is how I have been feeling lately. I had to drop my classes because I just missed to much class. I can't drive & be in class when my back is bent over & when that happens there is nothing I can do but rest. I'm so tired of being 33 & having my whole life controled by fms. I try not to let it get to me, but somedays my mind just says " I'm tired & I don't want to put on a brave face. " I'm not sure what the answer is, but the one blessing we have is each other. We all understand what it is like dealing with fms & dealing with the people in our lives who don't have fms. All we can offer is support but sometimes that is all we need. Take care Diane --- janissa@... wrote: > Howdy -- > > I don't know if you guys have any suggestions or > not, but if you do I would > love to hear them. I've been having my worst week > in probably at least 3 > months; I think my Kenalog shot has finally > completely worn off. (This is > the steroid that my doc prescribed and then denied > he'd prescribed, what a > yutz.) Poor sleep, constant joint pain, muscle > aches, you know the > drill. But I've been so scared about my job > situation -- I don't have a > lot of luck there but now's not the time to be > dumping my job and hunting > for another. At least I have bennies and that sort > of thing. But mostly > I'm just so scared to call in sick after being > written up for it last time. > > So yesterday was this horrible, kinda -- how to say > it -- trippy? -- > day. My mom came over and helped me, and I spent > most of the time crying, > because I felt so bad and she kept saying, I'm so > sorry, Emmie, but you > can't call in sick, you've got to report in. So I > did, and just after I > got there I was asked by a supervisor to go to the > children's ER to fill in > for another employee. The trouble with this is that > this guy calls in ALL > THE TIME. It's a running topic in our dept about > how he gets away with > murder -- how does he do it? because his BROTHER is > one of the 3 managers > of the dept. > > I feel so very depressed now, even with the Prozac, > and last night was > awful. I felt so bad that it was all kind of > dreamlike. I keep getting > these odd buzzing dizzy spells -- like bees are > inside my head. And it was > so bad for my spirits to know that this other guy > can call in anytime he > likes, and no one will say a word -- while I even > have a letter stating > that I am partially disabled and I get written up if > I call in more than > 3x. It's just ripping my morale to shreds. > > One light in the darkness, though. My immediate > supervisor last night came > over to the ER where I was working, and I was > extremely honest with > her. She's the only one I trust. I told her I > wanted to take a personal > day today -- either use my vacation time or call it > an unpaid personal day > -- ANYTHING but a sick day. And she said that was > fine. She knows what's > going on. > > So no work today, which is a blessing, but now that > I'm doctor-less, I > don't have many options with regard to the way my > syndromes are going. To > say I'm tired would be like saying the sun is hot. > And this joint pain -- > where it comes from, I don't know, I do not have > arthritis -- sick to my > stomach all the time -- the TMJ getting so bad -- I > feel like I cannot BEAR > IT. I can't stand this. I'm always either mad at > the world -- terrible > bad moods -- or I just am one short step from > bawling my eyes out. > > I'm sorry to be a thundercloud, but what can I do > about all this? I'm not > even angry. The feeling I have now is like > butterflies in your stomach; > I'm scared to death I'll lose my job, or SOMETHING > else will go wrong. I > was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry and upset last > night that this guy > pulled another of his disappearing acts and I had to > pick up the slack for > him. And that sorta morphed into feeling really > low. > > God, how do you keep going forward? I know it won't > always be this bad, > but right now IS so bad, and I feel helpless -- like > I've tried everything > I know to make it better, and nothing works. > > Thank the lord you folks are here. Even if there is > nothing to be said > about my situation, at least I can talk about it > here and know that when I > talk about feeling bad, you guys know just EXACTLY > what I'm talking about. > > Best, > Em > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > It is the tale, not he who tells it. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 26, 2001 Report Share Posted October 26, 2001 Why in the name of heaven did you drive to Reno to see the concert again. Surely you knew that it would cause you pain. I can well imagine that you were in pain. Driving is very hard on a person. Setting in a car seat for a long time is very rough on your body. Next time, I suggest that you see the concert only once. Take care, Irene << Last week, I just over did it. I went to a concert on Monday, than on Tuesday went to Reno which is a 3 hour drive, I wasn't driving, to see them in concert again & than went home late the next day. I was in so much pain coming home that I started to cry right out of the blue >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2001 Report Share Posted October 28, 2001 < It was very foolish, I do admit that, but life is just too short & sometimes you just need to have some fun in your life. I'm paying big time, but the memories I made those two nights are worth it. >> Diane, It was not foolish at all. I am sorry that I wrote to you so heavy handed. I have been told by some others that I can be very heavy handed at times. You are right. You are still young and you do need some fun in your life. It is better to have pain from doing a concert than have pain from cleaning house. I am happy that you enjoyed your trip and your concert and once again I am sorry that I wrote as I did. Sometimes when I am having bad times, I take it out on others and I am afraid that is what I did. Take care of yourself with love from Irene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2001 Report Share Posted October 28, 2001 < It was very foolish, I do admit that, but life is just too short & sometimes you just need to have some fun in your life. I'm paying big time, but the memories I made those two nights are worth it. >> Diane, It was not foolish at all. I am sorry that I wrote to you so heavy handed. I have been told by some others that I can be very heavy handed at times. You are right. You are still young and you do need some fun in your life. It is better to have pain from doing a concert than have pain from cleaning house. I am happy that you enjoyed your trip and your concert and once again I am sorry that I wrote as I did. Sometimes when I am having bad times, I take it out on others and I am afraid that is what I did. Take care of yourself with love from Irene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2001 Report Share Posted October 28, 2001 < It was very foolish, I do admit that, but life is just too short & sometimes you just need to have some fun in your life. I'm paying big time, but the memories I made those two nights are worth it. >> Diane, It was not foolish at all. I am sorry that I wrote to you so heavy handed. I have been told by some others that I can be very heavy handed at times. You are right. You are still young and you do need some fun in your life. It is better to have pain from doing a concert than have pain from cleaning house. I am happy that you enjoyed your trip and your concert and once again I am sorry that I wrote as I did. Sometimes when I am having bad times, I take it out on others and I am afraid that is what I did. Take care of yourself with love from Irene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 2001 Report Share Posted October 28, 2001 Okay, I will be honest & tell you who I saw even though you will probably think that I'm nuts. I went to see the backstreet boys. I just love those guys & yes, I am 33 years old. They only had a few more concets left & it will probably be around a year before they tour again. There music just makes me feel so good & they are cute as hell. It also gives me something to relate to with my 17 year old sister & 13 year old niece. I may be 33, but I'm not dead. It was very foolish, I do admit that, but life is just too short & sometimes you just need to have some fun in your life. I'm paying big time, but the memories I made those two nights are worth it. Diane --- patidu@... wrote: > Why in the name of heaven did you drive to Reno to > see the concert again. > Surely you knew that it would cause you pain. I can > well imagine that you > were in pain. Driving is very hard on a person. > Setting in a car seat for a > long time is very rough on your body. Next time, I > suggest that you see the > concert only once. > > Take care, > Irene > > > << Last week, I just over did it. I went to a > concert on > Monday, than on Tuesday went to Reno which is a 3 > hour > drive, I wasn't driving, to see them in concert > again > & than went home late the next day. I was in so > much > pain coming home that I started to cry right out of > the blue >> > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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