Re: Goodbye 2004

[Guest guest]

Just thought a little humor would do us some good. Maybe you have some you

can add??

Cristi

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these

products are atheists who refuse to put " Under God " on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the

rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked

with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water

buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone

will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al

Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and

don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid

number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica

Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will

turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually

horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and

leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my

free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their

recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out

for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward

an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

(Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about

to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the

$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their

special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least

1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on

your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will

infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend

of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.

Happy New Year!