Re: Thanks for the memories

March 8, 2001

becareful thats what the whole 5 promises of cross addicted / Road crew has been

about for the past few days. Brent

March 8, 2001

becareful thats what the whole 5 promises of cross addicted / Road crew has been

about for the past few days. Brent

March 8, 2001

becareful thats what the whole 5 promises of cross addicted / Road crew has been

about for the past few days. Brent

March 8, 2001

hi Corinne,

I like your name. Hitler, IMO, was a bad guy, but he wasn't 100% bad.

If he was 100% bad, it's weird, because a lot of people sure saw a lot of

good in him and stood behind him. Anyway, Hitler was bad, not 100% bad, and

AA is just the same. There is some good in it. Instead of attributing your

good qualities to AA, however, why not attribute them to yourself? You're

the one who you got you where you are now, by using the tools you found

along the way. AA was just one of those tools. Maybe your religion is a

tool that could have gotten you where you are now, but you used a different

tool. Actually, your religion probably was a tool you used, too, if not as

much as you used AA. Who cares? Does it matter that you used AA instead of

something else? Nah. I think it is pretty much OK as long as you do use

what is available to you to improve.

When you do the things on your list, like #1, there is nowhere that it

says it is wrong to be grateful for something that did help you. It's like

your parents, they helped you, but they did a lot of things that hurt you

and pissed you off, too, and you moved on, but you don't hate them (or maybe

you do) now, and you are (assumption) grateful for the good they did do for

you. Further, instead of attributing these new better qualities you've

obtained to AA, you can think back to the actual individuals and actual

words that helped you to change, and thus give credit where credit is due.

I am sure we (humans) are on a path of growth, and all of us make mistakes,

but we help each other along the way, and we often credit the wrong thing

(like a group, when the actual individuals that helped us on our path are

the ones who deserve the credit). In that regard, I think AA (its members)

do help each other a lot, while AA (the group) takes all the credit for the

help that people receive. The one good thing I see in churches and AA is

that these institutions can be a place where humans help other humans, but

often the politics and games prevent anybody from doing anybody any good,

but sometimes good does come of it, and I wonder if it is worth it? Til

something better, I guess so.

Thanks for the memories

> Hi,

>

> There has been something that has been bugging me. I am sure you

> guys can give me some input so here goes. There are certain aspects

> or values that I believe I made part of myself as a result of my AA

> involvement. Many were painful and damaging, however there are some

> things that I truly think are good for me as a human being.

> Actually, when I look at these positive things, I could have gotten

> them from my religious/spiritual faith but I didn't. Here is my list:

>

> 1. Doing a regular assessment of my gratitude for what I have.

>

> 2. Being grateful for what I have at this point in my life.

>

> 3. Being altruistic in terms of helping other human beings to attain

> their needs and to provide comfort when I am able.

>

> 4. Taking responsibility for when I make a mistake or hurt someone.

>

> 5. Practicing " acceptance " because sometimes, that is the BEST I can

> do about a situation.

>

> 6. Trying focus on what is going on right now instead of projecting

> into the future.

>

> 7. Resolving and letting go of negative emotions and anger at other

> people when it is harmful for my.

>

> I am sure this isn't the entire list.

>

> What I am trying to say is how do I still be this person who has

> these values, a person I have come to respect, without attaching

> these things to AA.

>

> I am confused.

>

> Corinne

> NY

>

March 8, 2001

i remember when i talked to my shrink and told her of how i felt

AA was a cult (she was a aape herself) and i told her of how i felt

i needed to apologize to my friend. she said she felt that was one

of best things abut steps, the amends.

i said that is nice and all, but AA, bill , didnt invent the

apology. in fact i would have apologized to her years ago if i

hadn't been brainwashed that i needed to turn my will over to

god, or have a " spiritual " experience in steps 1-3 before i could.

(my shrink also claimed wilsn was first person to get sober,

ever. she wasnt very informed, even boy stepper standards)

there is nothing wrong in the things you name ,in of themselves.

AA didnt invent any of them, mearly co-op'ed them for themselves

and added their particular brand of " spiritual " sado-masochism

and self loathing. in fact some of them sound alot like REBT

used in SMART.

you can practice all of these, and not have to see yourself as

powerless, defective, a sinner, having to turn your will over,

needing to carry a message to " keep what you got " , believing

yourself as willful or egotistical, selfish, vain, diseased, or being

dependent upon groups or HP's to manage your life.

that aa aattches these personal traits upon those who enter thier

rewms is the travisty.

> Hi,

>

> There has been something that has been bugging me. I am

sure you

> guys can give me some input so here goes. There are certain

aspects

> or values that I believe I made part of myself as a result of my

AA

> involvement. Many were painful and damaging, however there

are some

> things that I truly think are good for me as a human being.

> Actually, when I look at these positive things, I could have

gotten

> them from my religious/spiritual faith but I didn't. Here is my

list:

>

> 1. Doing a regular assessment of my gratitude for what I have.

>

> 2. Being grateful for what I have at this point in my life.

>

> 3. Being altruistic in terms of helping other human beings to

attain

> their needs and to provide comfort when I am able.

>

> 4. Taking responsibility for when I make a mistake or hurt

someone.

>

> 5. Practicing " acceptance " because sometimes, that is the

BEST I can

> do about a situation.

>

> 6. Trying focus on what is going on right now instead of

projecting

> into the future.

>

> 7. Resolving and letting go of negative emotions and anger at

other

> people when it is harmful for my.

>

> I am sure this isn't the entire list.

>

> What I am trying to say is how do I still be this person who has

> these values, a person I have come to respect, without

attaching

> these things to AA.

>

> I am confused.

>

> Corinne

> NY

March 8, 2001

i remember when i talked to my shrink and told her of how i felt

AA was a cult (she was a aape herself) and i told her of how i felt

i needed to apologize to my friend. she said she felt that was one

of best things abut steps, the amends.

i said that is nice and all, but AA, bill , didnt invent the

apology. in fact i would have apologized to her years ago if i

hadn't been brainwashed that i needed to turn my will over to

god, or have a " spiritual " experience in steps 1-3 before i could.

(my shrink also claimed wilsn was first person to get sober,

ever. she wasnt very informed, even boy stepper standards)

there is nothing wrong in the things you name ,in of themselves.

AA didnt invent any of them, mearly co-op'ed them for themselves

and added their particular brand of " spiritual " sado-masochism

and self loathing. in fact some of them sound alot like REBT

used in SMART.

you can practice all of these, and not have to see yourself as

powerless, defective, a sinner, having to turn your will over,

needing to carry a message to " keep what you got " , believing

yourself as willful or egotistical, selfish, vain, diseased, or being

dependent upon groups or HP's to manage your life.

that aa aattches these personal traits upon those who enter thier

rewms is the travisty.

> Hi,

>

> There has been something that has been bugging me. I am

sure you

> guys can give me some input so here goes. There are certain

aspects

> or values that I believe I made part of myself as a result of my

AA

> involvement. Many were painful and damaging, however there

are some

> things that I truly think are good for me as a human being.

> Actually, when I look at these positive things, I could have

gotten

> them from my religious/spiritual faith but I didn't. Here is my

list:

>

> 1. Doing a regular assessment of my gratitude for what I have.

>

> 2. Being grateful for what I have at this point in my life.

>

> 3. Being altruistic in terms of helping other human beings to

attain

> their needs and to provide comfort when I am able.

>

> 4. Taking responsibility for when I make a mistake or hurt

someone.

>

> 5. Practicing " acceptance " because sometimes, that is the

BEST I can

> do about a situation.

>

> 6. Trying focus on what is going on right now instead of

projecting

> into the future.

>

> 7. Resolving and letting go of negative emotions and anger at

other

> people when it is harmful for my.

>

> I am sure this isn't the entire list.

>

> What I am trying to say is how do I still be this person who has

> these values, a person I have come to respect, without

attaching

> these things to AA.

>

> I am confused.

>

> Corinne

> NY

March 8, 2001

i remember when i talked to my shrink and told her of how i felt

AA was a cult (she was a aape herself) and i told her of how i felt

i needed to apologize to my friend. she said she felt that was one

of best things abut steps, the amends.

i said that is nice and all, but AA, bill , didnt invent the

apology. in fact i would have apologized to her years ago if i

hadn't been brainwashed that i needed to turn my will over to

god, or have a " spiritual " experience in steps 1-3 before i could.

(my shrink also claimed wilsn was first person to get sober,

ever. she wasnt very informed, even boy stepper standards)

there is nothing wrong in the things you name ,in of themselves.

AA didnt invent any of them, mearly co-op'ed them for themselves

and added their particular brand of " spiritual " sado-masochism

and self loathing. in fact some of them sound alot like REBT

used in SMART.

you can practice all of these, and not have to see yourself as

powerless, defective, a sinner, having to turn your will over,

needing to carry a message to " keep what you got " , believing

yourself as willful or egotistical, selfish, vain, diseased, or being

dependent upon groups or HP's to manage your life.

that aa aattches these personal traits upon those who enter thier

rewms is the travisty.

> Hi,

>

> There has been something that has been bugging me. I am

sure you

> guys can give me some input so here goes. There are certain

aspects

> or values that I believe I made part of myself as a result of my

AA

> involvement. Many were painful and damaging, however there

are some

> things that I truly think are good for me as a human being.

> Actually, when I look at these positive things, I could have

gotten

> them from my religious/spiritual faith but I didn't. Here is my

list:

>

> 1. Doing a regular assessment of my gratitude for what I have.

>

> 2. Being grateful for what I have at this point in my life.

>

> 3. Being altruistic in terms of helping other human beings to

attain

> their needs and to provide comfort when I am able.

>

> 4. Taking responsibility for when I make a mistake or hurt

someone.

>

> 5. Practicing " acceptance " because sometimes, that is the

BEST I can

> do about a situation.

>

> 6. Trying focus on what is going on right now instead of

projecting

> into the future.

>

> 7. Resolving and letting go of negative emotions and anger at

other

> people when it is harmful for my.

>

> I am sure this isn't the entire list.

>

> What I am trying to say is how do I still be this person who has

> these values, a person I have come to respect, without

attaching

> these things to AA.

>

> I am confused.

>

> Corinne

> NY

March 8, 2001

Dear Corrine,

Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been noticing

how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my whole day.

When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda pray for the

person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i feel i am

losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon meetings

again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered addict and

not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i DON'T want

to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice from anyone?

Thank you,

heather

March 8, 2001

Ravynslave-

If you have a job you dislike so much that the only way you can handle it is to pray your way through each day, your solution is not more prayer, and certainly not Alanon but a new line of work. There are some people who can do your job effortlessly with a smile - it fits their personality. Personally, I can interact with 10 people a day and love life. If that number gets much bigger my effectiveness drops dramatically.

Have you seen the movie "Clerks"? There's a scene where the teller gets fed up with a customer and spits a mouthful of milk right into his face. Trust me, it's hilarious.

Nate

Re: Thanks for the memories

Dear Corrine, Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been noticing how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my whole day. When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda pray for the person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i feel i am losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon meetings again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered addict and not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i DON'T want to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice from anyone?Thank you,heather

March 8, 2001

Ravynslave-

If you have a job you dislike so much that the only way you can handle it is to pray your way through each day, your solution is not more prayer, and certainly not Alanon but a new line of work. There are some people who can do your job effortlessly with a smile - it fits their personality. Personally, I can interact with 10 people a day and love life. If that number gets much bigger my effectiveness drops dramatically.

Have you seen the movie "Clerks"? There's a scene where the teller gets fed up with a customer and spits a mouthful of milk right into his face. Trust me, it's hilarious.

Nate

Re: Thanks for the memories

Dear Corrine, Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been noticing how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my whole day. When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda pray for the person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i feel i am losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon meetings again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered addict and not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i DON'T want to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice from anyone?Thank you,heather

March 8, 2001

Ravynslave-

If you have a job you dislike so much that the only way you can handle it is to pray your way through each day, your solution is not more prayer, and certainly not Alanon but a new line of work. There are some people who can do your job effortlessly with a smile - it fits their personality. Personally, I can interact with 10 people a day and love life. If that number gets much bigger my effectiveness drops dramatically.

Have you seen the movie "Clerks"? There's a scene where the teller gets fed up with a customer and spits a mouthful of milk right into his face. Trust me, it's hilarious.

Nate

Re: Thanks for the memories

Dear Corrine, Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been noticing how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my whole day. When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda pray for the person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i feel i am losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon meetings again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered addict and not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i DON'T want to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice from anyone?Thank you,heather

March 8, 2001

heather do you think that you could get back in touch with your self with out

alanon just wondering

March 8, 2001

heather do you think that you could get back in touch with your self with out

alanon just wondering

March 8, 2001

heather do you think that you could get back in touch with your self with out

alanon just wondering

March 8, 2001

,

My advice would be to try almost anything except Al=Anon.

The ideas of Albert Ellis might be helpful in dealing with your mean

or creepy customers. Ellis developed a school of psychology called

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. It emphasizes that our thoughts

usually shape our emotions. With a little practice, you can catch

the undercurrent of assumptions that fly quickly by while your

emotions just seem to spring out of control. Then you can dispute the

irrational and mistaken assumptions.

Here is a quick primer of sorts on the ABC techniqe of REBT

A - B - C BASICS

from V Breton

A = Activating Event, Something Happens

B = Beliefs, Thoughts, & Attitudes about 'A'

These Beliefs can be RATIONAL (Reality based, Logical & Self Helping)

These Beliefs can be IRRATIONAL (Demand & Wishful Thinking

Based, Illogical and Self Defeating)

C = Consequences, The Emotions (Mad, Sad, Scared & Glad) and

Behaviors

that are the results of A (Activating Event) + B (Beliefs)

D = Disputes, arguments against irrational beliefs

E = Effects of the disputes. New emotions and behaviors that result

from

replacing irrational beliefs with rational ones

People can change how they feel (Emotional Consequences) and what

they do (Behavioral

Consequences) by changing their Beliefs.

Sometimes you can change A (Activating Events) and it is a good idea

to do so.

However, it is not always possible to change A (Activating Events).

If you think you can, I want you to

CONTROL the weather for the next 2 weeks.

IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE BELIEFS!

A-B-C In Action

'I'm in my 9th day of sobriety, and I'm as jumpy as a long tail cat

in a room full of rocking chairs. I

feel I have to do something to calm down, but don't want to use any

drugs or alcohol. Maybe a long

walk or a swim? Hell, I don't know. I just feel like I need

something.'

(used with permission of SMART Recovery member)

A= Feeling jumpy, tense, perhaps irritable

B= 'I feel I have to do something to calm down' ('but don't want to

use any

drugs or alcohol')

'I can't stand feeling this way' (implied by above statement)

C= Feel even jumpier, tenser, more irritable, desperate to relax

D= Why can't I stand it? Will this (feeling) really kill me? Haven't

I felt this

way before and survived? I would like to relax, feel less tense, etc.

but why

do I have to?

Answers: 'I CAN STAND IT!' 'I may not like it - BUT- I can stand

it!' 'No,

this feeling won't kill me!' 'Sure, I'd love to feel calm and

relaxed, but I

don't have to, need to, etc!'

Member came up with this one 'Maybe a long walk or a swim?' meaning

That you can learn new ways to relax w/o drugs/alcohol even though

those

ways may, at first, require some effort on your part.

E= Still wound-up but less so, little or no sense of desperation

In your case, A=encounter with mean or creepy customer

C=lousy day, lowered self esteem

Now what was the B?

SMART RECOVERY is a recovery movement that uses the REBT and

discusses ABCs a lot. Last time I visited they had a very active

discussion board. If it seems that this outlook might be helpful give

a visit at www.smartrecovery.org

-- In 12-step-free@y..., Ravynslave@a... wrote:

> Dear Corrine,

> Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been

noticing

> how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my

whole day.

> When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda

pray for the

> person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i

feel i am

> losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon

meetings

> again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered

addict and

> not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i

DON'T want

> to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice

from anyone?

> Thank you,

> heather

March 8, 2001

,

My advice would be to try almost anything except Al=Anon.

The ideas of Albert Ellis might be helpful in dealing with your mean

or creepy customers. Ellis developed a school of psychology called

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. It emphasizes that our thoughts

usually shape our emotions. With a little practice, you can catch

the undercurrent of assumptions that fly quickly by while your

emotions just seem to spring out of control. Then you can dispute the

irrational and mistaken assumptions.

Here is a quick primer of sorts on the ABC techniqe of REBT

A - B - C BASICS

from V Breton

A = Activating Event, Something Happens

B = Beliefs, Thoughts, & Attitudes about 'A'

These Beliefs can be RATIONAL (Reality based, Logical & Self Helping)

These Beliefs can be IRRATIONAL (Demand & Wishful Thinking

Based, Illogical and Self Defeating)

C = Consequences, The Emotions (Mad, Sad, Scared & Glad) and

Behaviors

that are the results of A (Activating Event) + B (Beliefs)

D = Disputes, arguments against irrational beliefs

E = Effects of the disputes. New emotions and behaviors that result

from

replacing irrational beliefs with rational ones

People can change how they feel (Emotional Consequences) and what

they do (Behavioral

Consequences) by changing their Beliefs.

Sometimes you can change A (Activating Events) and it is a good idea

to do so.

However, it is not always possible to change A (Activating Events).

If you think you can, I want you to

CONTROL the weather for the next 2 weeks.

IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE BELIEFS!

A-B-C In Action

'I'm in my 9th day of sobriety, and I'm as jumpy as a long tail cat

in a room full of rocking chairs. I

feel I have to do something to calm down, but don't want to use any

drugs or alcohol. Maybe a long

walk or a swim? Hell, I don't know. I just feel like I need

something.'

(used with permission of SMART Recovery member)

A= Feeling jumpy, tense, perhaps irritable

B= 'I feel I have to do something to calm down' ('but don't want to

use any

drugs or alcohol')

'I can't stand feeling this way' (implied by above statement)

C= Feel even jumpier, tenser, more irritable, desperate to relax

D= Why can't I stand it? Will this (feeling) really kill me? Haven't

I felt this

way before and survived? I would like to relax, feel less tense, etc.

but why

do I have to?

Answers: 'I CAN STAND IT!' 'I may not like it - BUT- I can stand

it!' 'No,

this feeling won't kill me!' 'Sure, I'd love to feel calm and

relaxed, but I

don't have to, need to, etc!'

Member came up with this one 'Maybe a long walk or a swim?' meaning

That you can learn new ways to relax w/o drugs/alcohol even though

those

ways may, at first, require some effort on your part.

E= Still wound-up but less so, little or no sense of desperation

In your case, A=encounter with mean or creepy customer

C=lousy day, lowered self esteem

Now what was the B?

SMART RECOVERY is a recovery movement that uses the REBT and

discusses ABCs a lot. Last time I visited they had a very active

discussion board. If it seems that this outlook might be helpful give

a visit at www.smartrecovery.org

-- In 12-step-free@y..., Ravynslave@a... wrote:

> Dear Corrine,

> Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been

noticing

> how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my

whole day.

> When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda

pray for the

> person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i

feel i am

> losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon

meetings

> again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered

addict and

> not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i

DON'T want

> to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice

from anyone?

> Thank you,

> heather

March 8, 2001

,

My advice would be to try almost anything except Al=Anon.

The ideas of Albert Ellis might be helpful in dealing with your mean

or creepy customers. Ellis developed a school of psychology called

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. It emphasizes that our thoughts

usually shape our emotions. With a little practice, you can catch

the undercurrent of assumptions that fly quickly by while your

emotions just seem to spring out of control. Then you can dispute the

irrational and mistaken assumptions.

Here is a quick primer of sorts on the ABC techniqe of REBT

A - B - C BASICS

from V Breton

A = Activating Event, Something Happens

B = Beliefs, Thoughts, & Attitudes about 'A'

These Beliefs can be RATIONAL (Reality based, Logical & Self Helping)

These Beliefs can be IRRATIONAL (Demand & Wishful Thinking

Based, Illogical and Self Defeating)

C = Consequences, The Emotions (Mad, Sad, Scared & Glad) and

Behaviors

that are the results of A (Activating Event) + B (Beliefs)

D = Disputes, arguments against irrational beliefs

E = Effects of the disputes. New emotions and behaviors that result

from

replacing irrational beliefs with rational ones

People can change how they feel (Emotional Consequences) and what

they do (Behavioral

Consequences) by changing their Beliefs.

Sometimes you can change A (Activating Events) and it is a good idea

to do so.

However, it is not always possible to change A (Activating Events).

If you think you can, I want you to

CONTROL the weather for the next 2 weeks.

IT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE BELIEFS!

A-B-C In Action

'I'm in my 9th day of sobriety, and I'm as jumpy as a long tail cat

in a room full of rocking chairs. I

feel I have to do something to calm down, but don't want to use any

drugs or alcohol. Maybe a long

walk or a swim? Hell, I don't know. I just feel like I need

something.'

(used with permission of SMART Recovery member)

A= Feeling jumpy, tense, perhaps irritable

B= 'I feel I have to do something to calm down' ('but don't want to

use any

drugs or alcohol')

'I can't stand feeling this way' (implied by above statement)

C= Feel even jumpier, tenser, more irritable, desperate to relax

D= Why can't I stand it? Will this (feeling) really kill me? Haven't

I felt this

way before and survived? I would like to relax, feel less tense, etc.

but why

do I have to?

Answers: 'I CAN STAND IT!' 'I may not like it - BUT- I can stand

it!' 'No,

this feeling won't kill me!' 'Sure, I'd love to feel calm and

relaxed, but I

don't have to, need to, etc!'

Member came up with this one 'Maybe a long walk or a swim?' meaning

That you can learn new ways to relax w/o drugs/alcohol even though

those

ways may, at first, require some effort on your part.

E= Still wound-up but less so, little or no sense of desperation

In your case, A=encounter with mean or creepy customer

C=lousy day, lowered self esteem

Now what was the B?

SMART RECOVERY is a recovery movement that uses the REBT and

discusses ABCs a lot. Last time I visited they had a very active

discussion board. If it seems that this outlook might be helpful give

a visit at www.smartrecovery.org

-- In 12-step-free@y..., Ravynslave@a... wrote:

> Dear Corrine,

> Hi, i work in grocery retail as a cashier. Lately i have been

noticing

> how an encounter with a mean or creepy customer can influence my

whole day.

> When i was in the program, i could just take it in stride, kinda

pray for the

> person, and go on to the next customer with a positive attitude. i

feel i am

> losing self esteem or something. i am considering attending Alanon

meetings

> again to help me get back in touch with myself. i am a recovered

addict and

> not an alcoholic so Alanon might be my only choice right now. i

DON'T want

> to get into the 12 steps again but i feel lonely too. Any advice

from anyone?

> Thank you,

> heather

March 9, 2001

Thank you so much for your responses. Yes, i can get back in touch with

myself without Alanon. i appreciate the suggestion of learning about SMART

methods and will check that out.

Thanks again,

heather

March 9, 2001

Thank you so much for your responses. Yes, i can get back in touch with

myself without Alanon. i appreciate the suggestion of learning about SMART

methods and will check that out.

Thanks again,

heather

March 9, 2001

Thank you so much for your responses. Yes, i can get back in touch with

myself without Alanon. i appreciate the suggestion of learning about SMART

methods and will check that out.

Thanks again,

heather

March 9, 2001

>

> Hi,

>

> There has been something that has been bugging me. I am sure you

> guys can give me some input so here goes. There are certain aspects

> or values that I believe I made part of myself as a result of my AA

> involvement. Many were painful and damaging, however there are some

> things that I truly think are good for me as a human being.

> Actually, when I look at these positive things, I could have gotten

> them from my religious/spiritual faith but I didn't. Here is my list:

>

> 1. Doing a regular assessment of my gratitude for what I have.

>

> 2. Being grateful for what I have at this point in my life.

>

I have big a problem with the concept of gratitude. In AA, everyone is exhorted

to be " grateful. " I believe this is misguided. Gramatically, the word grateful

takes two objects, the " for " object and the " to " object. The " grateful for " I

have no problem with. But I am !not! grateful to anyone or anything for the

chance to attend UCLA and to study in Sweden this year or for not using or

drinking or for any other good thing I have in my life. Glad? Of course. Happy?

Most of the time. Grateful? Hell no!!! I feel an urge to vomit whenever I hear

or read that word. It implies that one owes somebody or something for the good

things in one's life, a higher power or a god or a group. Being grateful to AA

and to sponsor and higher power is part of being a good little AA that I'll have

no part of.

Aside from the implication of debts to unreal things, the people in AA who say

they're grateful all the time, even if they're not glossing over rage with the

word are unbalanced in my opinion. I prefer to be somewhere in the middle ---

not too pissed off about what I don't have and not too sickeningly grateful for

what I have.

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March 9, 2001