Re: New Member: ee

[Guest guest]

> scottee@... will you please introduce yourself.

Where to begin?

I found this list yesterday (7/7) when I was surfing the 'net for info to

help me write an open letter to friends, family, and coworkers. This was

prompted by a very bad day at work on Friday. I must say, I learned a lot

yesterday, and probably will learn a lot more before I'm done.

I'm 47 years old, female, married, with 5 dogs (all Boston Terriers), 1 cat,

and 1 cockatiel. I live in Northern Virginia (Washington, DC suburbs) and

work for a holistic veterinarian.

I've been having panic attacks for 42 years, but they have gotten much worse

in the past 3-4 years, to the point where I have had to give up a lot of

activities I used to enjoy.

I've had IBS at least since I was 9, although since I've become careful to

avoid certain dairy products, fruits, and some vegetables--especially

Iceberg lettuce, that has improved tremendously. I'm thinking that the

pesticide residues in certain fruits and vegetables have caused problems.

I've also had insomnia since I was 8 or 9. In addition, I suffered from

muscle spasms in my neck and periodic numbness in my hands, starting in my

20s.

In December, 1985, I came down with very severe food poisoning while on a

vacation in Spain. My husband was sick also, but not nearly so bad as I

was. A few weeks later, at home, I got very sick again and was finally

diagnosed with Hepatitis A (from the same oysters that gave me the food

poisoning in Spain). During my recovery, in March, we refinanced our

mortgage and found in that process that we had termites in our townhouse.

The house was treated by professionals using Chlordane (which was banned a

few months later). I remember that summer being aware of waking up very

tired, having pains in my hands and feet, having difficulty walking

sometimes, and having difficulty holding things like coins or tools in my

hands.

I went to an orthopedist, who referred me to a rheumatologist. The rheuma.

did not find any evidence of arthritis in my hands or feet, decided I was

" depressed " (heck, I was *exhausted*) and prescribed antidepressants. I

tried those for a while, and they didn't help.

Over the next few years, my symptoms waxed and waned, but I was able to

continue a pretty active life without much difficulty, including working

full time and traveling to dog shows every weekend in pursuit of my new

passion. I did this for several years, showing three dogs to their

championship, and breeding several litters. I left my office job eventually

to become a full-time dog trainer, which I loved and did very well for

several years. I did have a few episodes of illness, including being

bedridden for 3 weeks after exposure to flea spray. Somewhere during this

time my house was again treated for termites, this time using Dursban, and

this time while I was present in the house to supervise the workers (who

didn't seem to know what they were doing). I had a bad few months after

that event, but didn't really put the two together until a few years ago.

Four years ago I went to work for a holistic vet I had known for years.

He's been a great boss, very supportive and very sympathetic. However, my

symptoms have worsened considerably, due in part at least to additional

pesticide exposures (I didn't know until it was too late).

I've managed to write a little book about Boston Terriers, but that was a

struggle through the brain fogs and painful hands. My panic attacks have

reached the point where I have started using a service dog to go to work and

certain other places--he's a 10 year old Boston Terrier who I have trained

to help me stay calm.

I think my boss is starting to lose patience with me, however. I've had a

very bad few weeks, because we've been having thunderstorms almost every

day, and the barometric pressure changes really get to me.

I wake up exhausted, as if I was running around all night. My hands and

feet always ache, and often the pain extends up my limbs and up my back to

my neck and head. My lymph glands have been tender to the touch for years.

I have difficulty sitting still for very long, and if I am still for a

while, like on a long car ride, I can barely move when I try to get up. My

attention span is generally very short, so although I'm a pretty intelligent

person, I have trouble reading books from start to finish (I was always an

avid reader).

I have trouble getting going in the morning, between the fatigue and the

panic I am frequently late for work, which upsets my boss (I'm usually less

than 5 minutes late, and almost never more than 10 minutes late). I have

trouble remembering to do simple tasks, and I make mistakes on tasks I've

done thousands of times. I'm easily distracted by everything going on

around me. I have learned to build in reminders that pop up on my computer

screen at pre-arranged times to tell me to do a specific task, and this

helps to an extent.

I've cut my workweek back to 34 hours, though I often stay late to finish up

because I am so slow doing things sometimes. I'm always exhausted when I

get home, but I still try to cook dinner.

I've stopped showing, training, and breeding dogs. I can't even walk the

dogs I have now on a regular basis, because when I get home from work my

feet and hands hurt so much that I can't walk down the block or hold a leash

in my hand.

I think if I knew what to ask my husband to help with, he would be more

supportive. I know that I don't *look* like anything is wrong except that I

am out of shape and overweight (tried diets, and can try again), so it is

hard for those around me to realize that I am having such extreme

difficulty.

I wish I could cut back on my job, but my boss can't afford to have me work

just part-time right now, and I don't want to give up the job completely.

If I stop working, I give up a job I love and the contact with the outside

world I need, and although we could get along financially my husband is

adamant that I work at something. So the dust and grime gather at home, and

projects I once planned (like painting and making curtains) go unfinished.

I've tried all types of treatment, and had many health care professionals

tell me to get more sleep and lose weight. I know from my reading that

exercise is supposed to help, but I'm in so much pain now I can't imagine

exercising. I tried a Tai Chi class a few years ago, which I loved, but I

could not remember or learn the sequence of moves, so couldn't remember what

to practice at home--even if I went right home and tried to repeat what was

done in class.

Oh yeah--I've had bladder leakage for the past 4 years, which I now suspect

may be part of it, too.

I am intolerant of most conventional medications, but I can take Ibuprofen

when the pain gets really bad. This weekend I am trying a Chinese Herbal

formula called " Meridian Circulation, " that may help with the pain. It was

recommended by my boss, who is extensively trained in Chinese Herbal

Medicine. It's illegal for him to diagnose a human, but perfectly legal for

him to dispense the herbs to humans.

So in the past two days I've learned that probably all of my symptoms are

part of FM (I thought I had about 6 different diseases going on). What I

want to learn is how to tell people what's going on without sounding like a

whiner, and how to ask for help (and what kind of help to ask for). I'd

love to find a doctor who can help me with this, and at least give me an

official diagnosis, although there is no doubt in my mind.

I think my grandmother may have had some symptoms of FM. She died 14 years

ago, but I remember that she had a special contraption on her bed that held

her sheets and blankets off of her feet at night--could not stand to have

anything on top of her feet when she slept. I just stick my feet out of the

covers when it bothers me. Plus, there's usually a dog next to my feet

under the covers holding them up.

I've been through some of the list archives already, and I look forward to

learning from all of you!

ee Meade

Burke, VA

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