Re: Tina's

[Guest guest]

> >Since we've changed our approach and

> >started working on teaching him to handle the

> >frustration

>

> Ok how did you do this?

Guesswork.. mainly. First off, I stopped yelling at him totally. It

took a few weeks to get him to respond, but I stopped yelling when he

was getting upset and I started anticipating the things that would

upset him. If I can catch him before he hits the point of " vapor

lock " then I can talk calmly to him and redirect him. He's a lot

older than Boo though and far more verbal at this point so I don't

know if this is going to help you much.

For Boo, I think part of the problem might be trying to avoid the

things that upset him and if they can't be avoided, trying to catch

him before he hits melt-down stage and redirecting him.

was so prepared for me to get after him that he would

immediately shut down and go into a rage. Like I said, it took more

than a week to get him to listen when I tried to talk instead of just

reacting. I don't lecture him at all, I don't tell him what his

punishment will be if he continues. I ask him questions. If he's

starting to get angry about zipping his coat for example, I'll say

his name a couple of times (to which he huffs in exasperation and

stomps a foot, still better than throwing himself on the floor and

screaming) then I ask him to come to me. Just the physical act of

moving at that point seems to help calm him some. He walks over,

huffing and growling. Then I ask him very calmly and quietly what the

problem is. He'll tell me that he can't zip the coat. He really is

having problems with this so I'm still helping him start the zipper

then he finishes it. He's learned how to zip his jacket but his coat

is too bulky and he's having problems.

We tried talking to him and teaching him to count to 10 or deep

breathing but that just ticked him off to no end. That's when I

realized he really didn't want to be upset but he had no clue how to

calm down once he started getting frustrated.

> > But you know....if I were a better mother, this

> >wouldn't be happening...

>

> Oh, Tina, they didn't actually SAY this to you,

> did they?

Not in those exact words. I believe the wording was more like

this, " What he needs is a good swat on the ass. If you'd just do that

a few times instead of letting him get by with being a brat, he would

behave better. "

And Mike wonders why I don't want to go near his family anymore. My

parents might not understand and they might not believe me when I say

's emotionally immature, but at least they know to keep their

opinions to themselves!!

Tina