<OT> Thought Some of Us Could Relate to This <G>

[Guest guest]

My Mother taught me...

1. TO APPRECIATED A JOB WELL DONE.

" If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

cleaning.

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

" You better pray that will come out of the carpet. "

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

" If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

next week.! "

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

" Because I said so, that's why. "

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

" If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to

the store with me. "

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

" Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

" Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about. "

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

" Shut your mother and eat your supper. "

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST.

" Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! "

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

" You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone. "

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

" This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. "

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

" If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate! "

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. "

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

" Stop acting like your father! "

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

" There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do. "

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

" Just wait until we get home. "

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

" You are going to get it when you get home. "

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

" If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

way. "

19. My mother taught me about ESP.

Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold? "

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

" When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me. "

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

" If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. "

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

" You're just like your father. "

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

" Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? "

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

" When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. And my favorite -- my mother taught me about JUSTICE.

" One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! "