Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 Dear Deb It can't be love if they leave you as soon as they know you are ill. You are better of without them. If someone really loves you they will accept you Fibro and all. It is good to tell them up front, so there are no hidden surprises which could cause you an even greater pain later, that way they are the ones who make the choice to either stay or go. If they go then they aren't worth the effort of bothering about. If they stick by you then they love you for what you are inside and not for what you can do outwardly. They will accept you and want to help you and want to be a part of your life. If it is real love they will stick by you, if it is lust they will quickly vanish from your midst. Be straight with them and they will be straight with you. There are a great many caring males out there. Those that are not caring aren't worth bothering with. There are some genuine men out there so don't worry too much about it. It is better to have a genuine man than a host of lost causes. Lorraine UK --- Deborah wrote: <HR> <html><body> <tt> Can anyone tell me what their experiences have been with dating and <BR> telling potential boyfriends about your Fibromyalgia and related <BR> problems? <BR> <BR> I have tried telling them up front, and they usually disappear. If I <BR> wait a while, the reaction is that I should have told them before or <BR> even that I was trying to fool them and wanted someone to take care <BR> of me. I lost one husband before I knew what was making me so tired <BR> and unable to sit at a desk more than an hour, and recently lost <BR> another husband after I was fianlly diagnosed.<BR> <BR> Unfortunately, I found long before I had this illness that most men <BR> are looking for a woman who works full time, bringing in a second <BR> paycheck for him to use toward child support, buying " toys " , paying <BR> off his house, etc. They also expect her to " pull her weight " around <BR> the house by cooking, cleaning, gardening and still be ready for sex <BR> whenever they are. They tend to treat us like their cars - if we <BR> get old and have problems, they trade us in.<BR> <BR> Deb<BR> <BR> </tt> <br> <!-- |**|begin egp html banner|**| --> <table border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr bgcolor=#FFFFCC> <td align=center><font size= " -1 " color=#003399><b> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 Logic. Why would a man after knowing that you have a chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an active life? 99% of men over 50 want to do the things that they couldn't do when they were working full-time like travel, golf, go to senior dances and parties and the like. Even if a man is " in love " , he will re-think the idea of committing to a limited life-style. This will sound awful but if I were healthy, I would not relish the idea of taking care of a sick old man for the rest of my life UNLESS I had been married to him for many, many years. -Lynne --- Lorraine Bowen wrote: > Dear Deb > It can't be love if they leave you as soon as they > know you are ill. You are better of without them. If > someone really loves you they will accept you Fibro > and all. It is good to tell them up front, so there > are no hidden surprises which could cause you an > even > greater pain later, that way they are the ones who > make the choice to either stay or go. If they go > then > they aren't worth the effort of bothering about. > > If they stick by you then they love you for what you > are inside and not for what you can do outwardly. > They > will accept you and want to help you and want to be > a > part of your life. > > If it is real love they will stick by you, __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 Logic. Why would a man after knowing that you have a chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an active life? 99% of men over 50 want to do the things that they couldn't do when they were working full-time like travel, golf, go to senior dances and parties and the like. Even if a man is " in love " , he will re-think the idea of committing to a limited life-style. This will sound awful but if I were healthy, I would not relish the idea of taking care of a sick old man for the rest of my life UNLESS I had been married to him for many, many years. -Lynne --- Lorraine Bowen wrote: > Dear Deb > It can't be love if they leave you as soon as they > know you are ill. You are better of without them. If > someone really loves you they will accept you Fibro > and all. It is good to tell them up front, so there > are no hidden surprises which could cause you an > even > greater pain later, that way they are the ones who > make the choice to either stay or go. If they go > then > they aren't worth the effort of bothering about. > > If they stick by you then they love you for what you > are inside and not for what you can do outwardly. > They > will accept you and want to help you and want to be > a > part of your life. > > If it is real love they will stick by you, __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 Logic. Why would a man after knowing that you have a chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an active life? 99% of men over 50 want to do the things that they couldn't do when they were working full-time like travel, golf, go to senior dances and parties and the like. Even if a man is " in love " , he will re-think the idea of committing to a limited life-style. This will sound awful but if I were healthy, I would not relish the idea of taking care of a sick old man for the rest of my life UNLESS I had been married to him for many, many years. -Lynne --- Lorraine Bowen wrote: > Dear Deb > It can't be love if they leave you as soon as they > know you are ill. You are better of without them. If > someone really loves you they will accept you Fibro > and all. It is good to tell them up front, so there > are no hidden surprises which could cause you an > even > greater pain later, that way they are the ones who > make the choice to either stay or go. If they go > then > they aren't worth the effort of bothering about. > > If they stick by you then they love you for what you > are inside and not for what you can do outwardly. > They > will accept you and want to help you and want to be > a > part of your life. > > If it is real love they will stick by you, __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 L G wrote: > > Logic. Why would a man after knowing that you have a > chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse > as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look > forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden > woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an > active life? How about that being with you is more important than traveling or doing golf? I was married before I had my health problems (ok, I had just the usual ones like allergies), so I can't comment too much on the dating angle, but I can on the relationship angle. I've gone from being a healthy, able to work full time, love to go out and do things person, to one with multiple health problems, unable to work at all, struggles to get out and do much person. My husband and I have had many conversations about it. While he isn't happy that I'm not healthy and do things like I use to, he is much more concerned that *I'm* not healthy and able to do things then he is that *he* can't go do things and is stuck with so much of the household chores. The bottom line is that he loves me and wants to be around me regardless if we're out hiking or shopping or sitting around watching tv. Yes, I'm very grateful to have him and recognize that others aren't so fortunate. Darcy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 L G wrote: > > Logic. Why would a man after knowing that you have a > chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse > as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look > forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden > woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an > active life? How about that being with you is more important than traveling or doing golf? I was married before I had my health problems (ok, I had just the usual ones like allergies), so I can't comment too much on the dating angle, but I can on the relationship angle. I've gone from being a healthy, able to work full time, love to go out and do things person, to one with multiple health problems, unable to work at all, struggles to get out and do much person. My husband and I have had many conversations about it. While he isn't happy that I'm not healthy and do things like I use to, he is much more concerned that *I'm* not healthy and able to do things then he is that *he* can't go do things and is stuck with so much of the household chores. The bottom line is that he loves me and wants to be around me regardless if we're out hiking or shopping or sitting around watching tv. Yes, I'm very grateful to have him and recognize that others aren't so fortunate. Darcy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 16, 2001 Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 L G wrote: > > Logic. Why would a man after knowing that you have a > chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse > as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look > forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden > woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an > active life? How about that being with you is more important than traveling or doing golf? I was married before I had my health problems (ok, I had just the usual ones like allergies), so I can't comment too much on the dating angle, but I can on the relationship angle. I've gone from being a healthy, able to work full time, love to go out and do things person, to one with multiple health problems, unable to work at all, struggles to get out and do much person. My husband and I have had many conversations about it. While he isn't happy that I'm not healthy and do things like I use to, he is much more concerned that *I'm* not healthy and able to do things then he is that *he* can't go do things and is stuck with so much of the household chores. The bottom line is that he loves me and wants to be around me regardless if we're out hiking or shopping or sitting around watching tv. Yes, I'm very grateful to have him and recognize that others aren't so fortunate. Darcy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2001 Report Share Posted August 17, 2001 Lynn all I can say in answer to this is that you must have had some bad experience to say what you said as my dad was in his 70's and his health was not so good and yet he got married and my step mom's who is younger and her health is not 100% and yet they are happily married caring for each other and enjoying each others company. There are some caring men out there in the world, we just have to go out with a few frogs before we find our Prince Charming. Don't despair, sometimes it is better to wait and find a good one even though it may take time. There are some good men out there who care honestly. LO --- L G wrote: <HR> <html><body> <tt> Logic. & nbsp; Why would a man after knowing that you have a<BR> chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse<BR> as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look<BR> forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden<BR> woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an<BR> active life? & nbsp; 99% of men over 50 want to do the things<BR> that they couldn't do when they were working full-time<BR> like travel, golf, go to senior dances and parties and<BR> the like. Even if a man is & quot;in love & quot;, he will re-think<BR> the idea of committing to a limited life-style. <BR> This will sound awful but if I were healthy, I would<BR> not relish the idea of taking care of a sick old man<BR> for the rest of my life UNLESS I had been married to<BR> him for many, many years. <BR> -Lynne<BR> <BR> --- Lorraine Bowen & lt;nephi1uk@... & gt; wrote:<BR> & gt; Dear Deb<BR> & gt; It can't be love if they leave you as soon as they<BR> & gt; know you are ill. You are better of without them. If<BR> & gt; someone really loves you they will accept you Fibro<BR> & gt; and all. It is good to tell them up front, so there<BR> & gt; are no hidden surprises which could cause you an<BR> & gt; even<BR> & gt; greater pain later, that way they are the ones who<BR> & gt; make the choice to either stay or go. If they go<BR> & gt; then<BR> & gt; they aren't worth the effort of bothering about. <BR> & gt; <BR> & gt; If they stick by you then they love you for what you<BR> & gt; are inside and not for what you can do outwardly.<BR> & gt; They<BR> & gt; will accept you and want to help you and want to be<BR> & gt; a<BR> & gt; part of your life. <BR> & gt; <BR> & gt; If it is real love they will stick by you, <BR> <BR> <BR> __________________________________________________<BR> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 17, 2001 Report Share Posted August 17, 2001 I agree 100% in what you say. There are some good men, who love us for what we are inside not what we can do. We can't brand all men by the few we have met for that is unfair to those who are loving and caring. Lorraine UK --- Darcy Stockstill wrote: <HR> <html><body> <tt> <BR> <BR> L G wrote:<BR> & gt; <BR> & gt; Logic. & nbsp; Why would a man after knowing that you have a<BR> & gt; chronic debilitating disease that will only get worse<BR> & gt; as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look<BR> & gt; forward to a future of being a nurse to a bed-ridden<BR> & gt; woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading an<BR> & gt; active life? & nbsp; <BR> <BR> How about that being with you is more important than traveling or doing<BR> golf? & nbsp; I was married before I had my health problems (ok, I had just the<BR> usual ones like allergies), so I can't comment too much on the dating<BR> angle, but I can on the relationship angle. & nbsp; I've gone from being a<BR> healthy, able to work full time, love to go out and do things person, to<BR> one with multiple health problems, unable to work at all, struggles to<BR> get out and do much person. & nbsp; My husband and I have had many<BR> conversations about it. & nbsp; While he isn't happy that I'm not healthy and<BR> do things like I use to, he is much more concerned that *I'm* not<BR> healthy and able to do things then he is that *he* can't go do things<BR> and is stuck with so much of the household chores. & nbsp; The bottom line is<BR> that he loves me and wants to be around me regardless if we're out<BR> hiking or shopping or sitting around watching tv. & nbsp; Yes, I'm very<BR> grateful to have him and recognize that others aren't so fortunate. & nbsp; <BR> <BR> Darcy<BR> </tt> <br> <!-- |**|begin egp html banner|**| --> <table border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr bgcolor=#FFFFCC> <td align=center><font size= " -1 " color=#003399><b> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2001 Report Share Posted August 18, 2001 Thanks Lorraine. I need some of your good vibrations:) I have a tendency to be very bitter due to my past experiences with men telling me that they were bored with me because I was always either tired or in bed sick. I guess I have just had bad luck. I pray that someday I will find a good man who doesn't mind if I can't do the things that a healthy woman can. I use this list to vent but maybe I have gone too far. I don't want to depress anyone on here because we are all depressed enough. I am learning how to be more positive from the wonderful ladies like you who DO believe that good things can happen to us sick folks:) Thanks again Lorraine and also to the others who post positive messages. Love & blessings, Lynne --- Lorraine Bowen wrote: > Lynn > all I can say in answer to this is that you must > have > had some bad experience to say what you said as my > dad > was in his 70's and his health was not so good and > yet > he got married and my step mom's who is younger and > her health is not 100% and yet they are happily > married caring for each other and enjoying each > others > company. There are some caring men out there in the > world, we just have to go out with a few frogs > before > we find our Prince Charming. Don't despair, > sometimes > it is better to wait and find a good one even though > it may take time. There are some good men out there > who care honestly. > > LO > --- L G wrote: > <HR> > <html><body> > <tt> > Logic. & nbsp; Why would a man after knowing that you > have a<BR> > chronic debilitating disease that will only get > worse<BR> > as you get older (50's, 60's, 70's) want to look<BR> > forward to a future of being a nurse to a > bed-ridden<BR> > woman instead of enjoying his golden years leading > an<BR> > active life? & nbsp; 99% of men over 50 want to do the > things<BR> > that they couldn't do when they were working > full-time<BR> > like travel, golf, go to senior dances and parties > and<BR> > the like. Even if a man is & quot;in love & quot;, he > will re-think<BR> > the idea of committing to a limited life-style. <BR> > This will sound awful but if I were healthy, I > would<BR> > not relish the idea of taking care of a sick old > man<BR> > for the rest of my life UNLESS I had been married > to<BR> > him for many, many years. <BR> > -Lynne<BR> > <BR> > --- Lorraine Bowen & lt;nephi1uk@... & gt; > wrote:<BR> > & gt; Dear Deb<BR> > & gt; It can't be love if they leave you as soon as > they<BR> > & gt; know you are ill. You are better of without > them. > If<BR> > & gt; someone really loves you they will accept you > Fibro<BR> > & gt; and all. It is good to tell them up front, so > there<BR> > & gt; are no hidden surprises which could cause you > an<BR> > & gt; even<BR> > & gt; greater pain later, that way they are the ones > who<BR> > & gt; make the choice to either stay or go. If they > go<BR> > & gt; then<BR> > & gt; they aren't worth the effort of bothering > about. > <BR> > & gt; <BR> > & gt; If they stick by you then they love you for > what > you<BR> > & gt; are inside and not for what you can do > outwardly.<BR> > & gt; They<BR> > & gt; will accept you and want to help you and want > to > be<BR> > & gt; a<BR> > & gt; part of your life. <BR> > & gt; <BR> > & gt; If it is real love they will stick by you, <BR> __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2001 Report Share Posted August 18, 2001 L G wrote: .. I use > this list to vent but maybe I have gone too far. I > don't want to depress anyone on here because we are > all depressed enough. I am learning how to be more > positive from the wonderful ladies like you who DO > believe that good things can happen to us sick folks:) I don't think you went " too far " ! I think you got a nice discussion going in which people got to send messages of some hope! I think these groups are to help vent. So keep on sending your messages, Lynne. Darcy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 18, 2001 Report Share Posted August 18, 2001 L G wrote: .. I use > this list to vent but maybe I have gone too far. I > don't want to depress anyone on here because we are > all depressed enough. I am learning how to be more > positive from the wonderful ladies like you who DO > believe that good things can happen to us sick folks:) I don't think you went " too far " ! I think you got a nice discussion going in which people got to send messages of some hope! I think these groups are to help vent. So keep on sending your messages, Lynne. Darcy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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