Re: OT kina--Advice needed!! Very Long

July 2, 2001

erin...

would love to chat with you... where do you live? we have so much in common..

except i go in for surgery on july 12th... email me at kiimm2 @aol...to chat

more private.... for the job situation,,, i say give hr your resig. and if

your work record is good they can lie and say it wasnt.... you need to get

out of that unhealthy situation like yesterday and start taking care of

yourself... you are a goos person..kepp telling yourslef that....take care of

YOU and your DAUGHTER .... right now that's all that matters..

kim

fitchburg

July 2, 2001

erin...

would love to chat with you... where do you live? we have so much in common..

except i go in for surgery on july 12th... email me at kiimm2 @aol...to chat

more private.... for the job situation,,, i say give hr your resig. and if

your work record is good they can lie and say it wasnt.... you need to get

out of that unhealthy situation like yesterday and start taking care of

yourself... you are a goos person..kepp telling yourslef that....take care of

YOU and your DAUGHTER .... right now that's all that matters..

kim

fitchburg

July 2, 2001

erin...

would love to chat with you... where do you live? we have so much in common..

except i go in for surgery on july 12th... email me at kiimm2 @aol...to chat

more private.... for the job situation,,, i say give hr your resig. and if

your work record is good they can lie and say it wasnt.... you need to get

out of that unhealthy situation like yesterday and start taking care of

yourself... you are a goos person..kepp telling yourslef that....take care of

YOU and your DAUGHTER .... right now that's all that matters..

kim

fitchburg

July 2, 2001

R.,

Just thought I would throw in my two cents. I think the fact that you are

even contemplating such a big move is an indication that you have changed for

the better. It's scary but it's also courageous.

You and your daughter are what's important. No job is worth your health or

her unhappiness.

If it was me quitting, I would just go through the motions and not burn

my bridges. But, I would also make it very clear as to why I was leaving. If for

nothing else, it would make you feel better. Your father's suggestion sounds

good to me and if your boss has a problem with it, you can explain to her that

she wasn't there so you told somebody above her and then explain why. It's not

your fault that she's on vacation. To me, even if they offer you more money but

you are still unhappy, then what's the point. You only live once.

Don

July 2, 2001

R.,

Just thought I would throw in my two cents. I think the fact that you are

even contemplating such a big move is an indication that you have changed for

the better. It's scary but it's also courageous.

You and your daughter are what's important. No job is worth your health or

her unhappiness.

If it was me quitting, I would just go through the motions and not burn

my bridges. But, I would also make it very clear as to why I was leaving. If for

nothing else, it would make you feel better. Your father's suggestion sounds

good to me and if your boss has a problem with it, you can explain to her that

she wasn't there so you told somebody above her and then explain why. It's not

your fault that she's on vacation. To me, even if they offer you more money but

you are still unhappy, then what's the point. You only live once.

Don

July 2, 2001

R.,

Just thought I would throw in my two cents. I think the fact that you are

even contemplating such a big move is an indication that you have changed for

the better. It's scary but it's also courageous.

You and your daughter are what's important. No job is worth your health or

her unhappiness.

If it was me quitting, I would just go through the motions and not burn

my bridges. But, I would also make it very clear as to why I was leaving. If for

nothing else, it would make you feel better. Your father's suggestion sounds

good to me and if your boss has a problem with it, you can explain to her that

she wasn't there so you told somebody above her and then explain why. It's not

your fault that she's on vacation. To me, even if they offer you more money but

you are still unhappy, then what's the point. You only live once.

Don

July 2, 2001

Hey . First off your current job cant not legally give a bad reference=

.. All

they can say is yes she worked here and thats it. They can give the date of=

hire and I believe thats it. I ran into this when i was checking up on some=

one.

They couldnt tell me anything besides that. They couldnt tell me if the per=

son

had been fired or quit on their own. Also most companies like the one i wo=

rk

for can not give references, the type where they can bad mouth you anyways.=

All they can do is answer simple questions like when you started, what the =

titlew of your position was how long you worked there, stuff like that. Se=

condly

CONGRATS on being stron enough to make the move to separate yourself

from your x completely!!! I know i was a huge step for you both emotionally=

and physically. I know exactly how you feel and what your going through

because i have had to do that myself in my last relationship. As time goes =

by it

WILL get better. Believe me. It may not be a month or two but it will happe=

n.

As for when you should give your notice I say the sooner the better. It sou=

nds

like it is a HUGE stress to you and they CAN NOT FIRE YOU for taking time

for your sick child. That is the LAW, its called FMLA! Family Medical Leave=

Act. It states that you can not be repremanded or fired because you took ti=

me

off to care for a sick child. I would ask Hr about FMLA if it concerns you =

that

much. But from what i read you are ready to go now. I know a great temp

agency that kept me working and they were so nice there are actually 2, 1. =

Officeteam in danvers on rosewood drive and the other is TAC staffing in

Peabody. they are in the book, they Verizon yellow pages that is...lol...I =

dont

know if this is coming out clearly but my good intension is there...what

else...OMG 162!!! I cant wait!!! You look marvelous girl! I didnt even reco=

gnise

you the other day. we need to get together for lunch again real soon...like=

tomorrow...??? So i guess thats it for now. keep your head up, things will =

get

better. and if you ever need a shoulder or an ear, im here for ya. :•) Jenn=

ifer

> Hello everyone

>

> As many of you know, I have been going through a very rough time

> emotionally. I believe it may be one of the reasons that I have been

> in hibernation mode (and only lurking and not posting). When I have

> a night off of work, I tend to lay on my couch, veg, and watch TV. I

> have been extremely depressed. I have been very overwhelmed with my

> own life. I have been working 3 jobs, I never get to see my

> daughter, and I am trying to deal with living and managing on my own

> for the first time in 4 years.

>

> Realizing that this is not good for me (and not being able to turn to

> food for help) I went back on my antidepressants. I am still

> depressed, but I am able to think more clearly and form a plan for my

> immediate future. It is time for me to take care of me and start

> making rational decisions on what is in my best interest and how I

> can take some of the stress and anxiety out of my life.

>

> My first step was to COMPLETELY get rid of my X of 4 years. I had

> moved out of our apartment 3 months ago. Since moving, he and I were

> still seeing eachother. I knew in my heart of hearts that he was

> seeing his X wife as well, but I loved him so much that I was willing

> to compromise my own sanity to hold on to whatever shred of our

> relationship I could. I now realize that I am much more deserving

> and I do not need to be treated this way. I will not come second in

> anyone's life. I have broken all ties with him and am dealing quite

> well actually.

>

> My second step, and here is where I need the advice, is to resign

> from my current position as an administrative assistant. There is

> many reasons why I came to this conclusion. First, I do not get paid

> enough. After describing my job duties to many people, I was told

> that I am more of a project manager and not an administrative

> assistant. Secondly, this job causes me much stress and I am

> genuinly unhappy there. I recently had to take a day off to care for

> my sick child. I got in trouble for it, even though I have earned

> the time and it is legally mine to take. I received a nasty message

> from my boss, saying that we WILL be having a discussion about my

> time issues, and that my message notifying her about my absence will

> be forwarded to the dir. of HR. This I have no problem with, because

> the Dir of HR will need to be notified if I am going to be written up

> pr placed on probation(which is what it looks like). But then she

> said that my message would also be forwarded to another co-worker who

> is not a direct supervisor of mine. She is only in charge when my

> own supervisor is out on vacation. That I feel is extremely

> unprofessional, and frankly I am not happy with that.

>

> I also shouldn't have to feel guilty or scared to call in to take

> care of personal or family issues. If I can't make my daughter a

> priority and not feel guilty or frightened by that, what is that

> saying as my abilities to be a great and supporting mother??

>

> I am trying to take steps to get my emotionally well being in check.

> So many things have changed for me since I had surgery, and I am

> having to learn new ways to deal with those changes. It is really

> difficult. I never expected to be put in such a downward spiral

> after I had this surgery, and I never expected it to be this hard. I

> also know that I have to get this taken care of.

>

> I will be receiving a substantial settlement in the next few weeks

> for a car accident I was involved in about a year ago. I have

> decided to resign my position, still work my other 2 jobs at night,

> and live off my settlement for a month or two. This will give me

> time to spend with my daughter before she goes back to school. (and

> save 175.00/week on daycare, half my paycheck anyway). As soon as

> school starts, I plan to start interviewing and/or temping to get

> another job. I will put a substantial amount on my car payment and

> roll my payments off for 6 months (just to be safe). I feel very

> comfortable with this decision. Once I finally made it, I felt an

> immediate sense of calmness and relief.

>

> Okay, here's where I need the advice. How do I graceiously resign

> without jeopardizing a possible good reference? I have a high level

> of responsibility in this company and have been working here at this

> capacity for the longest out of any jobs I have been at. I can't lie

> and say I got another offer somewhere else or that I am going back to

> school. I don't want to tell them that I am taking time off for

> myself, because I am having severe emotional issues that need to be

> worked on. But in September or soon after, another company may be

> calling my boss for a reference. How can I handle all this? They

> may beg me to stay (with a great counter offer) or they might just

> decide to let me go. We are coming up to a very busy time right now,

> and I feel as if I am " ditching " them, but I know that I have to do

> this now, or risk being hospitalized for having a nervous breakdown.

> As I said, I am genuinly unhappy there. I do plan on giving them at

> least 2 weeks notice (is that appropriate?).

>

> Also, my boss is on vacation and will not be returning until July

> 11th. In order to give my 2 weeks notice, I will have to do that my

> this friday (I want to be done by the 20th). My father told me to

> give my resignation to the Dir of HR and then talk with my boss about

> it when she gets back. Is that appropriate as well?? I could

> stretch it till the 27th but I don't know if I can make it that long.

>

> Like I said, I know I have to do this, but I could use all the advice

> and words of encouragement right now that I can get. Sorry this was

> so long, but I could really use your help right now. I am sorry for

> not being as active as I should be, but I have been so depressed and

> busy and overwhelemed that I haven't wanted to deal with life very

> much lately. I don't like feeling this way and I want to change

> things for the better.

>

> Funny how I stupidly thought the surgery would change everything and

> mke my life so much better. Don't get me wrong, I am definetley not

> sorry I had the surgery (I am down 118 pounds to weigh 162. Just 12

> away from my personal goal) I just didn't think things would be this

> hard for me in such a short period of time. I am trying to help

> myself to be better and become happy.

>

> Any thoughts? and I thank you all.

>

> R.

> Open RNY

> Dr. R. Armour Forse

> Boston Medical Center

> 10/31/00

> 280/162/150

July 2, 2001

:

((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))) Well I ersonally think that resigning from

this position is the best thing you can do for your sanity and your

daughter..I think that you have thought this out well and I applaud you...As

for your employer, shame on them. I do think that you should answer these

questions:

1) is your leaving before your boss goes on vacation going to cause a " hole "

in the coverage which he/she is away> the reason why I ask is that if you are

relying aon this job to give you a good reference at some point it might be

worth your while (altho a pain inthe butt) to make sure (and let them know)

that while you are leaving yu don;lt want to cause them (immediate(

hardship..This might make it better they do write that reference....my

thoughts....It sounds like you are on the right track.....Hugs and

love.... jane

July 2, 2001

:

((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))) Well I ersonally think that resigning from

this position is the best thing you can do for your sanity and your

daughter..I think that you have thought this out well and I applaud you...As

for your employer, shame on them. I do think that you should answer these

questions:

1) is your leaving before your boss goes on vacation going to cause a " hole "

in the coverage which he/she is away> the reason why I ask is that if you are

relying aon this job to give you a good reference at some point it might be

worth your while (altho a pain inthe butt) to make sure (and let them know)

that while you are leaving yu don;lt want to cause them (immediate(

hardship..This might make it better they do write that reference....my

thoughts....It sounds like you are on the right track.....Hugs and

love.... jane

July 2, 2001

Hi ,

It sounds to me like these issues in your life have always been

there, but now you are doing something about them, and good for you!!!

It takes a very strong, confident person to admit she is unhappy in a

relationship, or unhappy in her job, and even more strength and

confidence to actually make changes to correct this unhappiness. You

think you are going through a difficult time in your life, but I bet

when you look back on things in 2 or 3 years, you will look back on

this part of your life as being positive; a time when you took

control of the things you were unhappy with, and made changes. Hats

off to you! Despite being scared and not knowing what the future has

in store for you, you're willing to grab the bull by the horns and

try to make changes that will make you and your daughter happier. It

sounds very simple, but many people cannot even admit unhappiness,

let alone do something about it.

As far as your job goes, employers are liable for information they

give as a reference. Even if you left on bad terms (which I would not

recommend...never burn a bridge) they would only be able to provide

information about your responsibilities in your position, date of

hire, etc.

I wish you the best of luck. We are all here for you.

-

Pre-Op

08/13/01

Dr. Reines

NWH

> Hello everyone

>

> As many of you know, I have been going through a very rough time

> emotionally. I believe it may be one of the reasons that I have

been

> in hibernation mode (and only lurking and not posting). When I

have

> a night off of work, I tend to lay on my couch, veg, and watch TV.

I

> have been extremely depressed. I have been very overwhelmed with

my

> own life. I have been working 3 jobs, I never get to see my

> daughter, and I am trying to deal with living and managing on my

own

> for the first time in 4 years.

>

> Realizing that this is not good for me (and not being able to turn

to

> food for help) I went back on my antidepressants. I am still

> depressed, but I am able to think more clearly and form a plan for

my

> immediate future. It is time for me to take care of me and start

> making rational decisions on what is in my best interest and how I

> can take some of the stress and anxiety out of my life.

>

> My first step was to COMPLETELY get rid of my X of 4 years. I had

> moved out of our apartment 3 months ago. Since moving, he and I

were

> still seeing eachother. I knew in my heart of hearts that he was

> seeing his X wife as well, but I loved him so much that I was

willing

> to compromise my own sanity to hold on to whatever shred of our

> relationship I could. I now realize that I am much more deserving

> and I do not need to be treated this way. I will not come second

in

> anyone's life. I have broken all ties with him and am dealing

quite

> well actually.

>

> My second step, and here is where I need the advice, is to resign

> from my current position as an administrative assistant. There is

> many reasons why I came to this conclusion. First, I do not get

paid

> enough. After describing my job duties to many people, I was told

> that I am more of a project manager and not an administrative

> assistant. Secondly, this job causes me much stress and I am

> genuinly unhappy there. I recently had to take a day off to care

for

> my sick child. I got in trouble for it, even though I have earned

> the time and it is legally mine to take. I received a nasty

message

> from my boss, saying that we WILL be having a discussion about my

> time issues, and that my message notifying her about my absence

will

> be forwarded to the dir. of HR. This I have no problem with,

because

> the Dir of HR will need to be notified if I am going to be written

up

> pr placed on probation(which is what it looks like). But then she

> said that my message would also be forwarded to another co-worker

who

> is not a direct supervisor of mine. She is only in charge when my

> own supervisor is out on vacation. That I feel is extremely

> unprofessional, and frankly I am not happy with that.

>

> I also shouldn't have to feel guilty or scared to call in to take

> care of personal or family issues. If I can't make my daughter a

> priority and not feel guilty or frightened by that, what is that

> saying as my abilities to be a great and supporting mother??

>

> I am trying to take steps to get my emotionally well being in

check.

> So many things have changed for me since I had surgery, and I am

> having to learn new ways to deal with those changes. It is really

> difficult. I never expected to be put in such a downward spiral

> after I had this surgery, and I never expected it to be this hard.