Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 , Oh Honey I am so sorry you are having a rough day. My EP was in July/00 and I still have days where I feel like I just lost my baby, other days I am pretty ok. That's why I was so happy I had gotten through the dinner last night without crying. My evil co-worker (who never quit btw) is due one week after I would be, and she knows I had an EP but has still consistently rubbed her pg in my face. I mean it gets pretty ridiculous. But I guess it has helped me get a little more callous (dont' know if that's a good thing) but I used to be reduced to tears daily, now she just pisses me off. I just hate that you are not getting what you need from your DH right now. Sometimes I think they just miss the person we were before, not that they don't appreciate the loss. It's just that the differences they see in us as a result of the EP happened in response to pain. And I can say my partner would do anything to save me from feeling pain and she feels totally out of control in this because she can't. I think some people are used to being able to fix things for us, and in this instance they can't so they dont' really now what to do. Maybe I'm wrong and they are all just butt heads, but I think I'm probably pretty close to right, and their pain sometimes just looks different from ours. Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 , I am sooo sorry that you are having such a difficult time and not getting much support. My dh thinks that if I cry that I am not healing or am not ready to try again... I think that unless people have actually experienced the loss to them personally they just can't understand. I am fortunate to have to 2 best friends who may not understand but always validate my feelings... I am blessed. You are blessed too because you have all of us to share with who completely understand... share as long as you like,, let it out it does help me to heal to talk about it. Dh doesn't want anyone to know, he says it private.. yet keeping it in only hurts me... so I share with all of you... I will keep you and dh in my prayers... it will get better for the both of you.. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 , I am sooo sorry that you are having such a difficult time and not getting much support. My dh thinks that if I cry that I am not healing or am not ready to try again... I think that unless people have actually experienced the loss to them personally they just can't understand. I am fortunate to have to 2 best friends who may not understand but always validate my feelings... I am blessed. You are blessed too because you have all of us to share with who completely understand... share as long as you like,, let it out it does help me to heal to talk about it. Dh doesn't want anyone to know, he says it private.. yet keeping it in only hurts me... so I share with all of you... I will keep you and dh in my prayers... it will get better for the both of you.. lisa r T.T.F.N. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 Yeah, I know men seem to move on so much better than women. It is just hard to understand sometimes. I did feel bad about feeling sad or jealous when seeing others but after being on this site I do see it is normal (unless like you said WE all are mental...but I know we are not...at least not yet)lol. I also couldn't understand how I could feel so normal one day and so sad and just want to be alone another, but I now know that is normal too. Thanks to all of you. My dh is normally a good husband but not at this moment!!! --- franke100@... wrote: > , > > I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but > please keep in mind > that your feelings are completely normal. If not, > then I guess were > all a bunch of mental cases! > > It's hard when your friends and relatives are > excited about their > pgs, and you are still getting over your own loss. > I had several > friends that were newly pg during the time right > near my ep. > Although I seemed to handle that okay, the actual > births kind of > threw me. > > My dh is also genuinely a great guy, but they really > don't feel it > the way we do. My dh is good at putting things > behind him, so I hear > what you're saying. > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 Yeah, I know men seem to move on so much better than women. It is just hard to understand sometimes. I did feel bad about feeling sad or jealous when seeing others but after being on this site I do see it is normal (unless like you said WE all are mental...but I know we are not...at least not yet)lol. I also couldn't understand how I could feel so normal one day and so sad and just want to be alone another, but I now know that is normal too. Thanks to all of you. My dh is normally a good husband but not at this moment!!! --- franke100@... wrote: > , > > I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but > please keep in mind > that your feelings are completely normal. If not, > then I guess were > all a bunch of mental cases! > > It's hard when your friends and relatives are > excited about their > pgs, and you are still getting over your own loss. > I had several > friends that were newly pg during the time right > near my ep. > Although I seemed to handle that okay, the actual > births kind of > threw me. > > My dh is also genuinely a great guy, but they really > don't feel it > the way we do. My dh is good at putting things > behind him, so I hear > what you're saying. > > > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 R It is amazing how two people (one male and female) can go through the same thing, together and have such totally different feelings or ways to deal with them. YOu are right, I am sure if I opened up more to my family they would be supportive and I do have a great friend who is there for me anytime but unless they have had to deal with this it is hard for someone else to really understand. It is sad we had to find each other this way but it is a great place. --- wrote: > , > I am sooo sorry that you are having such a difficult > time and not getting > much support. My dh thinks that if I cry that I am > not healing or am not > ready to try again... I think that unless people > have actually experienced > the loss to them personally they just can't > understand. I am fortunate to > have to 2 best friends who may not understand but > always validate my > feelings... I am blessed. > You are blessed too because you have all of us to > share with who completely > understand... share as long as you like,, let it out > it does help me to heal > to talk about it. Dh doesn't want anyone to know, he > says it private.. yet > keeping it in only hurts me... so I share with all > of you... > > I will keep you and dh in my prayers... it will get > better for the both of > you.. > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2001 Report Share Posted February 25, 2001 R It is amazing how two people (one male and female) can go through the same thing, together and have such totally different feelings or ways to deal with them. YOu are right, I am sure if I opened up more to my family they would be supportive and I do have a great friend who is there for me anytime but unless they have had to deal with this it is hard for someone else to really understand. It is sad we had to find each other this way but it is a great place. --- wrote: > , > I am sooo sorry that you are having such a difficult > time and not getting > much support. My dh thinks that if I cry that I am > not healing or am not > ready to try again... I think that unless people > have actually experienced > the loss to them personally they just can't > understand. I am fortunate to > have to 2 best friends who may not understand but > always validate my > feelings... I am blessed. > You are blessed too because you have all of us to > share with who completely > understand... share as long as you like,, let it out > it does help me to heal > to talk about it. Dh doesn't want anyone to know, he > says it private.. yet > keeping it in only hurts me... so I share with all > of you... > > I will keep you and dh in my prayers... it will get > better for the both of > you.. > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2001 Report Share Posted February 27, 2001 You are so right. My dh and I talked some and he said he does think about it. He even said he has had dreams that we do have a baby. I guess we do handle things differently. It just has been such a stressful thing to go through. I explained to him that for the first time I feel better, since I found you all. Like I said, we all have friends and family but it just isn't the same no matter how well intended they are. Thanks --- wrote: > , > i don't know where I would be without all of you... > It is amazing how different people handle things.... > the one thing I've learned is that it is important > for me to handle it all > by talking.... and that is just the opposite for my > dh... so I talk and > respect his privacy not to talk..sometimes a very > hard thing to do... but > i've really learned that I have to be true to myself > and to do that and > heal, I have to talk... thank God for all of you > > lisa r > T.T.F.N. > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2001 Report Share Posted February 27, 2001 Mags- thanks for the kind words. It does help. I hope you are doing ok. Lots of stressful times. Positive thoughts though. --- mags wrote: > , > > Your husband sounds like a wonderful guy, but it is > often very different for > them than it is for us to go through this whole ep > thing. My husband is > great about it, but doesn't seem as affected by it > all as I am. Your > feelings are normal, and everyone experiences > different things at different > times. When I thought that I had miscarried, it > took a lot to force myself > to go to my friends baby shower. Then, just a few > weeks later, having found > out I actually had not miscarried but had an ep and > got to go through the > hellish surgery, I drove like a madwoman to get to > the hospital to see her > and the baby (maybe because I was finally able to > drive myself after weeks > of being stuck in bed and just wanted to go > somewhere). Different days, > different feelings, and that is normal. We can be > happy for someone while > still not being able to think about it much without > getting > sad/angry/frustrated for ourselves. We are allowed > that. And yours was so > recent that it's bound to sting. Hang in there, > , and keep talking to > us. > > Maggie > just need to vent.... > > > Hello. I guess I just need to get this out. I had > my > ep Dec 00 and my dh has been trying to help me the > best he knows how. He would come home and cook and > clean. He brought me a stuffed animal, cards (to > tell > me he is not good at talking and all but he loves > me) > On Valentine's Day he sent me flowers and said > things > would get better and cooked me dinner after > working 12 > hrs. He is a good guy. We have never been good a > really talking about our feelings and this ep has > been > hard. It is my fault too. I get upset and I have > never > been good at expressing my feelings (to anyone > really) > Anyway, I know many men handle this different than > women. I was about 7 weeks and I knew I was > pregnant, > you know, my body was definitely going through > changes > already so I am sure it was a different feeling > for > the both of us. He wanted this baby too, actually > he > has been ready and I was the one who was not so > sure..until it happened. Well, tonight when we > came > home from shopping, there was a message from his > cousin on our machine. (they live in NJ & his wife > found out she was pregnant about 3 months before I > did) Neither one of us have spoken to them yet, > though > I know they would be understanding. Well, when I > heard his voice, I guess my facial expression > changed > because I do get sad thinking about anyone who is > having a baby and my dh (not dear, this time) got > upset with me and said I have no right to e mad at > them and I got upset and yelled that I was not > mad...hurt, sad. I told him I can't help how I > feel. > He asked if he called them would I speak to them > because I can't ingore them forever. He told me I > need > to start being positive and I said I am most days, > but > it gets to me. I have not just put it behind me > and > moved on, it is with me everyday! I ended up > going > out for a drive and I don't know if he talked to > them. > I recently joined this site but I see my what > everyone > writes my feeling are ok. It is normal to feel > sad, > mad or jealous. Even if we know it is not right > and I > really am happy for other people, it just hurts so > much sometimes to see a baby or pg person. Well, > we > are not speaking needless to say now. We really > don't > fight much usually. He has no idea how hard it is > going to be when we go up north to visit his > family > because both of his cousin's wives are expecting > soon. > (luckily we aren't going up anytime real soon > because > my dh has his own business so it is hard for him > to > get anyway) but it will hurt no matter when in the > future we go and I am sure he will think I should > be > " over it " but I can't help but think why them and > not > me?!.....I am so sorry to ramble on like I did but > I > just needed to get it out. No one really > understands > I suffered a loss even if I " wasn't that far along > and > it happened in Dec. I mean I don't really talk > about > it to friends and family and they don't really > bring > it up but I was hoping my dh would understand or > at > least let me feel my feeling. > Thanks for letting me get this loooong message > out. > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 27, 2001 Report Share Posted February 27, 2001 Mags- thanks for the kind words. It does help. I hope you are doing ok. Lots of stressful times. Positive thoughts though. --- mags wrote: > , > > Your husband sounds like a wonderful guy, but it is > often very different for > them than it is for us to go through this whole ep > thing. My husband is > great about it, but doesn't seem as affected by it > all as I am. Your > feelings are normal, and everyone experiences > different things at different > times. When I thought that I had miscarried, it > took a lot to force myself > to go to my friends baby shower. Then, just a few > weeks later, having found > out I actually had not miscarried but had an ep and > got to go through the > hellish surgery, I drove like a madwoman to get to > the hospital to see her > and the baby (maybe because I was finally able to > drive myself after weeks > of being stuck in bed and just wanted to go > somewhere). Different days, > different feelings, and that is normal. We can be > happy for someone while > still not being able to think about it much without > getting > sad/angry/frustrated for ourselves. We are allowed > that. And yours was so > recent that it's bound to sting. Hang in there, > , and keep talking to > us. > > Maggie > just need to vent.... > > > Hello. I guess I just need to get this out. I had > my > ep Dec 00 and my dh has been trying to help me the > best he knows how. He would come home and cook and > clean. He brought me a stuffed animal, cards (to > tell > me he is not good at talking and all but he loves > me) > On Valentine's Day he sent me flowers and said > things > would get better and cooked me dinner after > working 12 > hrs. He is a good guy. We have never been good a > really talking about our feelings and this ep has > been > hard. It is my fault too. I get upset and I have > never > been good at expressing my feelings (to anyone > really) > Anyway, I know many men handle this different than > women. I was about 7 weeks and I knew I was > pregnant, > you know, my body was definitely going through > changes > already so I am sure it was a different feeling > for > the both of us. He wanted this baby too, actually > he > has been ready and I was the one who was not so > sure..until it happened. Well, tonight when we > came > home from shopping, there was a message from his > cousin on our machine. (they live in NJ & his wife > found out she was pregnant about 3 months before I > did) Neither one of us have spoken to them yet, > though > I know they would be understanding. Well, when I > heard his voice, I guess my facial expression > changed > because I do get sad thinking about anyone who is > having a baby and my dh (not dear, this time) got > upset with me and said I have no right to e mad at > them and I got upset and yelled that I was not > mad...hurt, sad. I told him I can't help how I > feel. > He asked if he called them would I speak to them > because I can't ingore them forever. He told me I > need > to start being positive and I said I am most days, > but > it gets to me. I have not just put it behind me > and > moved on, it is with me everyday! I ended up > going > out for a drive and I don't know if he talked to > them. > I recently joined this site but I see my what > everyone > writes my feeling are ok. It is normal to feel > sad, > mad or jealous. Even if we know it is not right > and I > really am happy for other people, it just hurts so > much sometimes to see a baby or pg person. Well, > we > are not speaking needless to say now. We really > don't > fight much usually. He has no idea how hard it is > going to be when we go up north to visit his > family > because both of his cousin's wives are expecting > soon. > (luckily we aren't going up anytime real soon > because > my dh has his own business so it is hard for him > to > get anyway) but it will hurt no matter when in the > future we go and I am sure he will think I should > be > " over it " but I can't help but think why them and > not > me?!.....I am so sorry to ramble on like I did but > I > just needed to get it out. No one really > understands > I suffered a loss even if I " wasn't that far along > and > it happened in Dec. I mean I don't really talk > about > it to friends and family and they don't really > bring > it up but I was hoping my dh would understand or > at > least let me feel my feeling. > Thanks for letting me get this loooong message > out. > > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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