Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 You know, I am never critical to my kids. I guess I learned a big lesson growing up. It feels bad to be criticised. My kids are healthy, self-confident and great human beings. Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and FMS, let's add another one to the list. lol. Kathy D. Diagnosed in 98 Live in Western Massachusetts Married for almost 19yrs, to a sweetheart Mother to 16 and 14 My Rottie dog Shelby Spooky the cat Hobbies: Boating, Learning this computer Arts & Crafts, and a passionate reader Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 You know, I am never critical to my kids. I guess I learned a big lesson growing up. It feels bad to be criticised. My kids are healthy, self-confident and great human beings. Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and FMS, let's add another one to the list. lol. Kathy D. Diagnosed in 98 Live in Western Massachusetts Married for almost 19yrs, to a sweetheart Mother to 16 and 14 My Rottie dog Shelby Spooky the cat Hobbies: Boating, Learning this computer Arts & Crafts, and a passionate reader Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 You know, I am never critical to my kids. I guess I learned a big lesson growing up. It feels bad to be criticised. My kids are healthy, self-confident and great human beings. Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and FMS, let's add another one to the list. lol. Kathy D. Diagnosed in 98 Live in Western Massachusetts Married for almost 19yrs, to a sweetheart Mother to 16 and 14 My Rottie dog Shelby Spooky the cat Hobbies: Boating, Learning this computer Arts & Crafts, and a passionate reader Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 I don't know about that but I think that child abuse has a lot to do with any immune disease. MS, FMS, CFS are some that some to mind but there are others I am sure. Take care, Irene > Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and FMS, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 I don't know about that but I think that child abuse has a lot to do with any immune disease. MS, FMS, CFS are some that some to mind but there are others I am sure. Take care, Irene > Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and FMS, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 I don't know about that but I think that child abuse has a lot to do with any immune disease. MS, FMS, CFS are some that some to mind but there are others I am sure. Take care, Irene > Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and FMS, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 Jan, I am totally jealous! I would love to get another dog (or ten), but I've never had more than one, so I'm nervous about that, besides that I rent from mom, and I'm not sure how thrilled she would be. Best for me to just go the low road, methinks. Although when I drove by the Humane Society today, I sure did want to pull in there...lol Age: 34 Dx'd: early 1990s Location: southeastern Vermont Children: 1 four-legged furry one named Missy Siblings: 3 sisters, 1 brother (I am the youngest) Currently renting from mom, working for mom, and typing at home. I am divorced and been with SO since 1997. >From: janicelpn@... >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: A gentle welcome >Date: Mon, 14 May 2001 09:43:57 -0400 (EDT) > >Hello Newbies.....,welcome !!!!! This is a good group and we share alot >of info and give alot of support. > >Like someone said, Mother's we won't even go there,,,,lol. I too have >had that problem, all my life. And I am sure I am alot older than the >two of you. Don't let her run your life, I did and I wish I had spoken >up sooner but was always afraid she would get mad at me........like I am >suppose to be her punching bag(verbal only). I now just say, " That >makes me feel sad to hear you talk like that. " Things like that, >subtle. I put a deposit on a new puppy 2 days ago and still have not >told her,,,,,,I just didn't want to hear her mouth and all the reasons >why I don''t need another one. Hey I am grown and I take care of them, >no one else.......gee some things will never change so I have to accept >that and move on. I cut her off on the phone when she starts, haha, >there can always be someone at the door. Lol...oh am I bad or what? >LOL...... > >Like I said I am getting another puppy. He is also a bichonfrise. He >is almost 6 weeks old and will be with his mama for another couple weeks >then he is all mine, haha. He is so cute. And actually he picked me >out. He would not leave me alone where the others played with each >other for the most part. So we are bonded. Now I have Spanky Roo and >will soon have Skeeter Doo.........I just love those names, they are so >cute........ > >You all have a good day and a great week. Jan M.om to Spanky and Skeeter > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 Jan, I am totally jealous! I would love to get another dog (or ten), but I've never had more than one, so I'm nervous about that, besides that I rent from mom, and I'm not sure how thrilled she would be. Best for me to just go the low road, methinks. Although when I drove by the Humane Society today, I sure did want to pull in there...lol Age: 34 Dx'd: early 1990s Location: southeastern Vermont Children: 1 four-legged furry one named Missy Siblings: 3 sisters, 1 brother (I am the youngest) Currently renting from mom, working for mom, and typing at home. I am divorced and been with SO since 1997. >From: janicelpn@... >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: A gentle welcome >Date: Mon, 14 May 2001 09:43:57 -0400 (EDT) > >Hello Newbies.....,welcome !!!!! This is a good group and we share alot >of info and give alot of support. > >Like someone said, Mother's we won't even go there,,,,lol. I too have >had that problem, all my life. And I am sure I am alot older than the >two of you. Don't let her run your life, I did and I wish I had spoken >up sooner but was always afraid she would get mad at me........like I am >suppose to be her punching bag(verbal only). I now just say, " That >makes me feel sad to hear you talk like that. " Things like that, >subtle. I put a deposit on a new puppy 2 days ago and still have not >told her,,,,,,I just didn't want to hear her mouth and all the reasons >why I don''t need another one. Hey I am grown and I take care of them, >no one else.......gee some things will never change so I have to accept >that and move on. I cut her off on the phone when she starts, haha, >there can always be someone at the door. Lol...oh am I bad or what? >LOL...... > >Like I said I am getting another puppy. He is also a bichonfrise. He >is almost 6 weeks old and will be with his mama for another couple weeks >then he is all mine, haha. He is so cute. And actually he picked me >out. He would not leave me alone where the others played with each >other for the most part. So we are bonded. Now I have Spanky Roo and >will soon have Skeeter Doo.........I just love those names, they are so >cute........ > >You all have a good day and a great week. Jan M.om to Spanky and Skeeter > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 Jan, I am totally jealous! I would love to get another dog (or ten), but I've never had more than one, so I'm nervous about that, besides that I rent from mom, and I'm not sure how thrilled she would be. Best for me to just go the low road, methinks. Although when I drove by the Humane Society today, I sure did want to pull in there...lol Age: 34 Dx'd: early 1990s Location: southeastern Vermont Children: 1 four-legged furry one named Missy Siblings: 3 sisters, 1 brother (I am the youngest) Currently renting from mom, working for mom, and typing at home. I am divorced and been with SO since 1997. >From: janicelpn@... >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: A gentle welcome >Date: Mon, 14 May 2001 09:43:57 -0400 (EDT) > >Hello Newbies.....,welcome !!!!! This is a good group and we share alot >of info and give alot of support. > >Like someone said, Mother's we won't even go there,,,,lol. I too have >had that problem, all my life. And I am sure I am alot older than the >two of you. Don't let her run your life, I did and I wish I had spoken >up sooner but was always afraid she would get mad at me........like I am >suppose to be her punching bag(verbal only). I now just say, " That >makes me feel sad to hear you talk like that. " Things like that, >subtle. I put a deposit on a new puppy 2 days ago and still have not >told her,,,,,,I just didn't want to hear her mouth and all the reasons >why I don''t need another one. Hey I am grown and I take care of them, >no one else.......gee some things will never change so I have to accept >that and move on. I cut her off on the phone when she starts, haha, >there can always be someone at the door. Lol...oh am I bad or what? >LOL...... > >Like I said I am getting another puppy. He is also a bichonfrise. He >is almost 6 weeks old and will be with his mama for another couple weeks >then he is all mine, haha. He is so cute. And actually he picked me >out. He would not leave me alone where the others played with each >other for the most part. So we are bonded. Now I have Spanky Roo and >will soon have Skeeter Doo.........I just love those names, they are so >cute........ > >You all have a good day and a great week. Jan M.om to Spanky and Skeeter > _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 14, 2001 Report Share Posted May 14, 2001 Kathy, My mother didn't out and out criticise me, growing up. However, she never said good job, or I love you. Even now, she just gets a look. She rarely says anything good or bad, unless you ask her. And even then, she's very noncomittal. While I don't have kids, one thing I make my sister do. If I am going over to babysit, and they are napping, I make sure she tells them " now, mommy will be gone when you wake up, but Auntie will be here " because even now I remember waking up and my mother being gone, and being left with the babysitter. (While my mother and three sisters are off shopping or something...) Ugh! >From: faydra913@... >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: Re: A gentle welcome >Date: Mon, 14 May 2001 13:42:15 EDT > >You know, I am never critical to my kids. I guess I learned a big lesson >growing up. It feels bad to be criticised. My kids are healthy, >self-confident and great human beings. > Hey do you think there is a link between our mothers criticisms and >FMS, >let's add another one to the list. lol. > >Kathy D. >Diagnosed in 98 >Live in Western Massachusetts >Married for almost 19yrs, to a sweetheart >Mother to 16 and 14 >My Rottie dog Shelby >Spooky the cat >Hobbies: Boating, Learning this computer > Arts & Crafts, and a passionate reader > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 15, 2001 Report Share Posted May 15, 2001 abraxis3@yahoo,com Hey Jan, Thanks for the welcome! I doubt that you're any older than I am. I just passed the half-a-century mark today! So, I'm no spring chicken, but I don't act it, and I doubt I ever will! Your mother sounds like mine, but atleast you still speak to her. She expected more from me than I could ever give her, because I could never do 'anythng' right. Alot of therapy, and learning to be assertive, only estranged me from her...her choice. We didn't speak for seven years, and now my father is in bad shape, and she relayed a message to my daughter that I could come and see him if I wanted. Well, I called her and she acted as if nothing ever happened! I went to see him, and he didn't know me! I couldn't quite get in touch with what I was feeling. Hurt can't begin to describe it. Anger doesn't either. You'd think that after not seeing your own daughter for that long, you'd want to hug her..you'd think! It didn't happen until I went to leave, and I'm the one that made the gesture. The hug in itself was " cold " and distant. She never asked for my phone number, and when I didn't call her the next day, or the next (I just couldn't), but I also felt, " this time it's not going to be one-sided. It's not going to be like in the past....me trying to please her, and her making no effort to come half-way. I knew I couldn't go back to that. I've had many people tell me I was best being away from her. She called my daughter to complain that I didn't call her. Kathy asked her why she didn't just talk to me, and she said, that I'd told her I never wanted to see her again, and it hurt her so much that she'd never be able to forget. Well, she was accusing me of being a theif and a liar, at the time, and I told her I couldn't take it anymore and I hung up on her. I called later and apologized for hanging up at her, but that I would not apologize for being angry, and she hung up on me. Then I wrote her and aired my griefs and told her I loved her and would be there for her, when she wanted to talk about it. Well, for 7 years, she didn't, and she still doesn't. My father would never have crossed her and come to see me, and a part of me, even though it doesn't want to, feels that she wanted to hurt me through him. My sister stood up to her a few years before I did, and she's still not talking to her either! No, Jan, you're not bad, although I well know the feeling! I think the worst thing she ever did was to tell my son that I didn't love him, and that I loved my daughter more. She didn't even care about my son, or she could never have said a thing like that! She was describing herself and my sister, and she never wanted me because I wasn't a boy...my cousin told me that years ago. She pitted my sister and myself against each other. I was the 'scapegoat' in the family. I learned in therapy that the problems she and my father had in their relationship never had to be dealt with, because they could use me to fight about, by fighting over me. And when I wasn't there to fight over, she found someone else to complain about. I remember not telling my mother things, and somehow she always found out about it. According to her, it made me a liar, but she just couldn't stand not having control over me. Do your parents get along? Maybe something else is going on there, too? If she can complain about you, she doesn't have to look at her own problems. I haven't talked to anybody about it. I guess, like you, I fight this feeling that I'm " bad " . I do know one thing...physically I was doing better until I saw her. I still had the fibro and the pain, but it hit me hard and put me down for a long time. I can't be myself around her and that's sad. Why is it we feel we need their approval so much?!!! I guess I need to write her another letter, so she can say she never read it either! Ha Ha Why don't you take your new puppy over, and when she complains, say, " Meet your new 'grandson'! " Can you honestly tell me that you can resist this face? " And put the puppy's face in hers! hehe I'd love to see that! Thanks again for the welcome...you may regret it now!!! Have a great day! Sue --- janicelpn@... wrote: > Hello Newbies.....,welcome !!!!! This is a good > group and we share alot > of info and give alot of support. > > Like someone said, Mother's we won't even go > there,,,,lol. I too have > had that problem, all my life. And I am sure I am > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 15, 2001 Report Share Posted May 15, 2001 abraxis3@yahoo,com Hey Jan, Thanks for the welcome! I doubt that you're any older than I am. I just passed the half-a-century mark today! So, I'm no spring chicken, but I don't act it, and I doubt I ever will! Your mother sounds like mine, but atleast you still speak to her. She expected more from me than I could ever give her, because I could never do 'anythng' right. Alot of therapy, and learning to be assertive, only estranged me from her...her choice. We didn't speak for seven years, and now my father is in bad shape, and she relayed a message to my daughter that I could come and see him if I wanted. Well, I called her and she acted as if nothing ever happened! I went to see him, and he didn't know me! I couldn't quite get in touch with what I was feeling. Hurt can't begin to describe it. Anger doesn't either. You'd think that after not seeing your own daughter for that long, you'd want to hug her..you'd think! It didn't happen until I went to leave, and I'm the one that made the gesture. The hug in itself was " cold " and distant. She never asked for my phone number, and when I didn't call her the next day, or the next (I just couldn't), but I also felt, " this time it's not going to be one-sided. It's not going to be like in the past....me trying to please her, and her making no effort to come half-way. I knew I couldn't go back to that. I've had many people tell me I was best being away from her. She called my daughter to complain that I didn't call her. Kathy asked her why she didn't just talk to me, and she said, that I'd told her I never wanted to see her again, and it hurt her so much that she'd never be able to forget. Well, she was accusing me of being a theif and a liar, at the time, and I told her I couldn't take it anymore and I hung up on her. I called later and apologized for hanging up at her, but that I would not apologize for being angry, and she hung up on me. Then I wrote her and aired my griefs and told her I loved her and would be there for her, when she wanted to talk about it. Well, for 7 years, she didn't, and she still doesn't. My father would never have crossed her and come to see me, and a part of me, even though it doesn't want to, feels that she wanted to hurt me through him. My sister stood up to her a few years before I did, and she's still not talking to her either! No, Jan, you're not bad, although I well know the feeling! I think the worst thing she ever did was to tell my son that I didn't love him, and that I loved my daughter more. She didn't even care about my son, or she could never have said a thing like that! She was describing herself and my sister, and she never wanted me because I wasn't a boy...my cousin told me that years ago. She pitted my sister and myself against each other. I was the 'scapegoat' in the family. I learned in therapy that the problems she and my father had in their relationship never had to be dealt with, because they could use me to fight about, by fighting over me. And when I wasn't there to fight over, she found someone else to complain about. I remember not telling my mother things, and somehow she always found out about it. According to her, it made me a liar, but she just couldn't stand not having control over me. Do your parents get along? Maybe something else is going on there, too? If she can complain about you, she doesn't have to look at her own problems. I haven't talked to anybody about it. I guess, like you, I fight this feeling that I'm " bad " . I do know one thing...physically I was doing better until I saw her. I still had the fibro and the pain, but it hit me hard and put me down for a long time. I can't be myself around her and that's sad. Why is it we feel we need their approval so much?!!! I guess I need to write her another letter, so she can say she never read it either! Ha Ha Why don't you take your new puppy over, and when she complains, say, " Meet your new 'grandson'! " Can you honestly tell me that you can resist this face? " And put the puppy's face in hers! hehe I'd love to see that! Thanks again for the welcome...you may regret it now!!! Have a great day! Sue --- janicelpn@... wrote: > Hello Newbies.....,welcome !!!!! This is a good > group and we share alot > of info and give alot of support. > > Like someone said, Mother's we won't even go > there,,,,lol. I too have > had that problem, all my life. And I am sure I am > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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