THANK YOU & UPDATE FROM ALMA

November 1, 2002

Hi, Co-Hearts. I continue to hope and pray for the best for all of

us. I want to thank each of you for your supportive and inspiring

emails during the last few weeks.

Well, I have survived another birthday and I thank you also for

that. I tried my best to have a good time, but inside I was holding

back the tears of grief and frustration. Aunt Flow has arrived again

yesterday on Halloween. I am not pregnant, AND to be optimistic, I

have another opportunity to ttc. I thank God for this. I just wish

I was there a lot sooner.

I called my doctor's office to let them know that I am not preg and

asked about Clomid cycle #3. I wanted to know if they would consider

increasing the dosage to 100 mg. The nurse informed me that because

I have been ovulating, they would not recommend it. So, I will be

starting Clomid in a couple of days and ttc. I just hope that my

frustrations with my husband's initiative and diligence in sticking

with the ttc schedule will be easier this month. Like always, I give

him a projected calendar and leave it to him (since he is an adult,

right?). I would expect that when I tell him I have a surge, that he

would seize the opportunities. I guess we/he is growing old because

the ttc process can get so tiring. Or, we are both out of shape. I

think our lack of fitness plays a big factor. My issue is that I

expect him to take every opportunity and when he does not I get

frustrated. I tactfully bring it up once and just leave it because

of the awkward clinical nature, and plus I would get really

frustrated.

I am impressed with my psyche that it could manipulate preg symptoms

even when I do not have any other conditions. The breast tenderness,

sure, it most likely were the Clomid/hormones. The frequent

urination? I do not have diabetes. So, it must be my ever wishful

mind hoping that I was pregnant. Ah, I give up on symptoms already!

Okay, thanks for bending your ears!

Gwen, thanks so much for walking me through my cycle. I appreciate

the clear perspective you always bring through this post AS chaos.

Best wishes to each of you,

Alma

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