Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and who cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need to hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he just starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be bothered because he can not fix it and that material things are more important to him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long pain or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had such a good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, no man should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have anxiety attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so bad I can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years and some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll learn to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled enough. Deana On Mon, 28 May 2001 23:52:33 EDT patidu@... writes: > Deana, > Does he not think that you are ill. At least he is helping with the > things > that are hard for us to do. Does the fact that you are expecting > more from > him then he feels that he can or wants to do? Is this what is > causing > problems? I seem to be asking more than helping you but we are > trying to > help everyone on this list emotionally as well with support. We > love you and > if you need to talk more, we are here for you. > > Please take care of yourself, > Irene > > > > > > Mine is here does all manual work but > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I am torturing him. > Deana > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 Sue, Thanks for the talk it helps to hear it from someone else puts it in perspective. I hear what you are saying but if you can not get him to feel and you need to let go sometime, I guess my only question here, is, Do I bite my tongue and stay around and take it or do I get out before I loose my sanity, which is getting pretty close to happening. Even if for awhile and let him reflect on it all I just am so confused. Thanks for listening Sue. I do think some men are a little more open than others. My SO is not too open. He is very opinionated and knows for sure he is right. So I believe I am fighting a loosing battle. Well hope you had a nice weekend, hope the whole group did. Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 02:48:32 -0700 (PDT) sue jackson writes: > abraxis3@... > Hi Deana, > Well, we could discuss men all night!!! > Men, as a rule, do not like to 'feel' things. They > would rather 'fix' it! They think they are doing > all they can for you by coming up with a solution > to your problem, and you're suppose to just take > their advice and quit sniffling! They get upset > if you don't, because they then think they are > failing you by not coming up with a suitable solution! > I've found that this is because they are so closed > off to their own emotions, that they honestly do > not not even know what they feel most of the time! > If you get them to start feeling, they get scared > and in turn (cause they don't dare show you that > they are afraid...it's an 'ego' thing!), they get > angry to protect themselves. You become the enemy, > and all you ever wanted was someone to listen to you > and give you a hug!!! > If I ask my husband what he's feeling, he'll give me > some off-the-wall statement that has nothing to do > with emotions! I remember saying to him...that's not > a feeling! So, I ask him are you mad, sad or glad? > He looks at me, like I'm stupid, and I say, " what > are you afraid of? " " I'm not afraid " , he'll say, > and then I'll say, " Then answer the question! " He'll > sit there for a few moments and finally answer. > Then he really starts talking to me! Sometimes I > feel like his therapist instead of his wife!!! > The bottom line, honey, is that he can't give you what > he doesn't give himself...permission to 'feel'! > That's why it's 'torture' to him! > LOL > Sue > --- Deana L Fick wrote: > > To all my friends here, If you have SO who say they > > love you and will > > stand by you, you are blessed and mine is here does > > all manual work but > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I am > > torturing him. Deana > > > > On Sat, 26 May 2001 13:42:30 EDT patidu@... > > writes: > > > Sue, > > > > > > That is what my husband says that I am being to > > hard on myself. I > > > thank you > > > for the big hug. > > > > > > Hugs to you and take care of yourself, > > > Irene > > > > > > > > > > It sounds like you're being hard on yourself. I > > have > > > > this theory...as far as housework goes...it will > > > > always > > > > be there, whether I do it today, tomorrow, or > > the next > > > > day...it's never-ending, so why worry about > > it?!! > > > > I'm sending you a bigggggggggggggggggggg hug!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > > > TO > > > UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > List owner: Bierman > > fibromyalgia-cfs-owner > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 Sue, Thanks for the talk it helps to hear it from someone else puts it in perspective. I hear what you are saying but if you can not get him to feel and you need to let go sometime, I guess my only question here, is, Do I bite my tongue and stay around and take it or do I get out before I loose my sanity, which is getting pretty close to happening. Even if for awhile and let him reflect on it all I just am so confused. Thanks for listening Sue. I do think some men are a little more open than others. My SO is not too open. He is very opinionated and knows for sure he is right. So I believe I am fighting a loosing battle. Well hope you had a nice weekend, hope the whole group did. Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 02:48:32 -0700 (PDT) sue jackson writes: > abraxis3@... > Hi Deana, > Well, we could discuss men all night!!! > Men, as a rule, do not like to 'feel' things. They > would rather 'fix' it! They think they are doing > all they can for you by coming up with a solution > to your problem, and you're suppose to just take > their advice and quit sniffling! They get upset > if you don't, because they then think they are > failing you by not coming up with a suitable solution! > I've found that this is because they are so closed > off to their own emotions, that they honestly do > not not even know what they feel most of the time! > If you get them to start feeling, they get scared > and in turn (cause they don't dare show you that > they are afraid...it's an 'ego' thing!), they get > angry to protect themselves. You become the enemy, > and all you ever wanted was someone to listen to you > and give you a hug!!! > If I ask my husband what he's feeling, he'll give me > some off-the-wall statement that has nothing to do > with emotions! I remember saying to him...that's not > a feeling! So, I ask him are you mad, sad or glad? > He looks at me, like I'm stupid, and I say, " what > are you afraid of? " " I'm not afraid " , he'll say, > and then I'll say, " Then answer the question! " He'll > sit there for a few moments and finally answer. > Then he really starts talking to me! Sometimes I > feel like his therapist instead of his wife!!! > The bottom line, honey, is that he can't give you what > he doesn't give himself...permission to 'feel'! > That's why it's 'torture' to him! > LOL > Sue > --- Deana L Fick wrote: > > To all my friends here, If you have SO who say they > > love you and will > > stand by you, you are blessed and mine is here does > > all manual work but > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I am > > torturing him. Deana > > > > On Sat, 26 May 2001 13:42:30 EDT patidu@... > > writes: > > > Sue, > > > > > > That is what my husband says that I am being to > > hard on myself. I > > > thank you > > > for the big hug. > > > > > > Hugs to you and take care of yourself, > > > Irene > > > > > > > > > > It sounds like you're being hard on yourself. I > > have > > > > this theory...as far as housework goes...it will > > > > always > > > > be there, whether I do it today, tomorrow, or > > the next > > > > day...it's never-ending, so why worry about > > it?!! > > > > I'm sending you a bigggggggggggggggggggg hug!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > > > TO > > > UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > List owner: Bierman > > fibromyalgia-cfs-owner > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 Sue, Thanks for the talk it helps to hear it from someone else puts it in perspective. I hear what you are saying but if you can not get him to feel and you need to let go sometime, I guess my only question here, is, Do I bite my tongue and stay around and take it or do I get out before I loose my sanity, which is getting pretty close to happening. Even if for awhile and let him reflect on it all I just am so confused. Thanks for listening Sue. I do think some men are a little more open than others. My SO is not too open. He is very opinionated and knows for sure he is right. So I believe I am fighting a loosing battle. Well hope you had a nice weekend, hope the whole group did. Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 02:48:32 -0700 (PDT) sue jackson writes: > abraxis3@... > Hi Deana, > Well, we could discuss men all night!!! > Men, as a rule, do not like to 'feel' things. They > would rather 'fix' it! They think they are doing > all they can for you by coming up with a solution > to your problem, and you're suppose to just take > their advice and quit sniffling! They get upset > if you don't, because they then think they are > failing you by not coming up with a suitable solution! > I've found that this is because they are so closed > off to their own emotions, that they honestly do > not not even know what they feel most of the time! > If you get them to start feeling, they get scared > and in turn (cause they don't dare show you that > they are afraid...it's an 'ego' thing!), they get > angry to protect themselves. You become the enemy, > and all you ever wanted was someone to listen to you > and give you a hug!!! > If I ask my husband what he's feeling, he'll give me > some off-the-wall statement that has nothing to do > with emotions! I remember saying to him...that's not > a feeling! So, I ask him are you mad, sad or glad? > He looks at me, like I'm stupid, and I say, " what > are you afraid of? " " I'm not afraid " , he'll say, > and then I'll say, " Then answer the question! " He'll > sit there for a few moments and finally answer. > Then he really starts talking to me! Sometimes I > feel like his therapist instead of his wife!!! > The bottom line, honey, is that he can't give you what > he doesn't give himself...permission to 'feel'! > That's why it's 'torture' to him! > LOL > Sue > --- Deana L Fick wrote: > > To all my friends here, If you have SO who say they > > love you and will > > stand by you, you are blessed and mine is here does > > all manual work but > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I am > > torturing him. Deana > > > > On Sat, 26 May 2001 13:42:30 EDT patidu@... > > writes: > > > Sue, > > > > > > That is what my husband says that I am being to > > hard on myself. I > > > thank you > > > for the big hug. > > > > > > Hugs to you and take care of yourself, > > > Irene > > > > > > > > > > It sounds like you're being hard on yourself. I > > have > > > > this theory...as far as housework goes...it will > > > > always > > > > be there, whether I do it today, tomorrow, or > > the next > > > > day...it's never-ending, so why worry about > > it?!! > > > > I'm sending you a bigggggggggggggggggggg hug!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > > > TO > > > UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > List owner: Bierman > > fibromyalgia-cfs-owner > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 abraxis3@... Deana, When you decide what it is you want for yourself, what you will and will not put up with, then things will take a turn. No one can make that decision for you, but you. As long as you go on feeling powerless, he will continue to treat you this way. When you make up your mind, once and for all, and decide to be good to 'yourself', he'll know it!!! You will have reclaimed your power, and he'll feel threatened, and decide to do something about it, not until then! You see, there's an energy that goes on between people. If you don't believe me, think about a time when you walked into someone house and you suddenly feel uneasy, like there's something wrong..but everyone's acting like everything's okay! They had a fight or disagreement before you got there! That tension is there, and you've felt it! Well, he'll 'feel' it when you resolve to do what's best for you! I guarantee it!!!! LOL Sue --- Deana L Fick wrote: > Sue, Thanks for the talk it helps to hear it from > someone else puts it > in perspective. I hear what you are saying but if > you can not get him to > feel and you need to let go sometime, I guess my > only question here, is, > Do I bite my tongue and stay around and take it or > do I get out before I > loose my sanity, which is getting pretty close to > happening. Even if for > awhile and let him reflect on it all I just am so > confused. Thanks for > listening Sue. I do think some men are a little > more open than others. > My SO is not too open. He is very opinionated and > knows for sure he is > right. So I believe I am fighting a loosing battle. > Well hope you had a > nice weekend, hope the whole group did. Deana > > On Tue, 29 May 2001 02:48:32 -0700 (PDT) sue jackson > > writes: > > abraxis3@... > > Hi Deana, > > Well, we could discuss men all night!!! > > Men, as a rule, do not like to 'feel' things. > They > > would rather 'fix' it! They think they are doing > > all they can for you by coming up with a solution > > to your problem, and you're suppose to just take > > their advice and quit sniffling! They get upset > > if you don't, because they then think they are > > failing you by not coming up with a suitable > solution! > > I've found that this is because they are so closed > > off to their own emotions, that they honestly do > > not not even know what they feel most of the time! > > If you get them to start feeling, they get scared > > and in turn (cause they don't dare show you that > > they are afraid...it's an 'ego' thing!), they get > > angry to protect themselves. You become the > enemy, > > and all you ever wanted was someone to listen to > you > > and give you a hug!!! > > If I ask my husband what he's feeling, he'll give > me > > some off-the-wall statement that has nothing to do > > with emotions! I remember saying to him...that's > not > > a feeling! So, I ask him are you mad, sad or > glad? > > He looks at me, like I'm stupid, and I say, " what > > are you afraid of? " " I'm not afraid " , he'll say, > > and then I'll say, " Then answer the question! " > He'll > > sit there for a few moments and finally answer. > > Then he really starts talking to me! Sometimes I > > feel like his therapist instead of his wife!!! > > The bottom line, honey, is that he can't give you > what > > he doesn't give himself...permission to 'feel'! > > That's why it's 'torture' to him! > > LOL > > Sue > > --- Deana L Fick wrote: > > > To all my friends here, If you have SO who say > they > > > love you and will > > > stand by you, you are blessed and mine is here > does > > > all manual work but > > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I > am > > > torturing him. Deana > > > > > > On Sat, 26 May 2001 13:42:30 EDT patidu@... > > > writes: > > > > Sue, > > > > > > > > That is what my husband says that I am being > to > > > hard on myself. I > > > > thank you > > > > for the big hug. > > > > > > > > Hugs to you and take care of yourself, > > > > Irene > > > > > > > > > > > > > It sounds like you're being hard on > yourself. I > > > have > > > > > this theory...as far as housework goes...it > will > > > > > always > > > > > be there, whether I do it today, tomorrow, > or > > > the next > > > > > day...it's never-ending, so why worry about > > > it?!! > > > > > I'm sending you a bigggggggggggggggggggg > hug!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > > > > TO > > > > > > UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > > > List owner: Bierman > > > fibromyalgia-cfs-owner > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 abraxis3@... Deana, When you decide what it is you want for yourself, what you will and will not put up with, then things will take a turn. No one can make that decision for you, but you. As long as you go on feeling powerless, he will continue to treat you this way. When you make up your mind, once and for all, and decide to be good to 'yourself', he'll know it!!! You will have reclaimed your power, and he'll feel threatened, and decide to do something about it, not until then! You see, there's an energy that goes on between people. If you don't believe me, think about a time when you walked into someone house and you suddenly feel uneasy, like there's something wrong..but everyone's acting like everything's okay! They had a fight or disagreement before you got there! That tension is there, and you've felt it! Well, he'll 'feel' it when you resolve to do what's best for you! I guarantee it!!!! LOL Sue --- Deana L Fick wrote: > Sue, Thanks for the talk it helps to hear it from > someone else puts it > in perspective. I hear what you are saying but if > you can not get him to > feel and you need to let go sometime, I guess my > only question here, is, > Do I bite my tongue and stay around and take it or > do I get out before I > loose my sanity, which is getting pretty close to > happening. Even if for > awhile and let him reflect on it all I just am so > confused. Thanks for > listening Sue. I do think some men are a little > more open than others. > My SO is not too open. He is very opinionated and > knows for sure he is > right. So I believe I am fighting a loosing battle. > Well hope you had a > nice weekend, hope the whole group did. Deana > > On Tue, 29 May 2001 02:48:32 -0700 (PDT) sue jackson > > writes: > > abraxis3@... > > Hi Deana, > > Well, we could discuss men all night!!! > > Men, as a rule, do not like to 'feel' things. > They > > would rather 'fix' it! They think they are doing > > all they can for you by coming up with a solution > > to your problem, and you're suppose to just take > > their advice and quit sniffling! They get upset > > if you don't, because they then think they are > > failing you by not coming up with a suitable > solution! > > I've found that this is because they are so closed > > off to their own emotions, that they honestly do > > not not even know what they feel most of the time! > > If you get them to start feeling, they get scared > > and in turn (cause they don't dare show you that > > they are afraid...it's an 'ego' thing!), they get > > angry to protect themselves. You become the > enemy, > > and all you ever wanted was someone to listen to > you > > and give you a hug!!! > > If I ask my husband what he's feeling, he'll give > me > > some off-the-wall statement that has nothing to do > > with emotions! I remember saying to him...that's > not > > a feeling! So, I ask him are you mad, sad or > glad? > > He looks at me, like I'm stupid, and I say, " what > > are you afraid of? " " I'm not afraid " , he'll say, > > and then I'll say, " Then answer the question! " > He'll > > sit there for a few moments and finally answer. > > Then he really starts talking to me! Sometimes I > > feel like his therapist instead of his wife!!! > > The bottom line, honey, is that he can't give you > what > > he doesn't give himself...permission to 'feel'! > > That's why it's 'torture' to him! > > LOL > > Sue > > --- Deana L Fick wrote: > > > To all my friends here, If you have SO who say > they > > > love you and will > > > stand by you, you are blessed and mine is here > does > > > all manual work but > > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I > am > > > torturing him. Deana > > > > > > On Sat, 26 May 2001 13:42:30 EDT patidu@... > > > writes: > > > > Sue, > > > > > > > > That is what my husband says that I am being > to > > > hard on myself. I > > > > thank you > > > > for the big hug. > > > > > > > > Hugs to you and take care of yourself, > > > > Irene > > > > > > > > > > > > > It sounds like you're being hard on > yourself. I > > > have > > > > > this theory...as far as housework goes...it > will > > > > > always > > > > > be there, whether I do it today, tomorrow, > or > > > the next > > > > > day...it's never-ending, so why worry about > > > it?!! > > > > > I'm sending you a bigggggggggggggggggggg > hug!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > > > > TO > > > > > > UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > > > List owner: Bierman > > > fibromyalgia-cfs-owner > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 abraxis3@... Deana, When you decide what it is you want for yourself, what you will and will not put up with, then things will take a turn. No one can make that decision for you, but you. As long as you go on feeling powerless, he will continue to treat you this way. When you make up your mind, once and for all, and decide to be good to 'yourself', he'll know it!!! You will have reclaimed your power, and he'll feel threatened, and decide to do something about it, not until then! You see, there's an energy that goes on between people. If you don't believe me, think about a time when you walked into someone house and you suddenly feel uneasy, like there's something wrong..but everyone's acting like everything's okay! They had a fight or disagreement before you got there! That tension is there, and you've felt it! Well, he'll 'feel' it when you resolve to do what's best for you! I guarantee it!!!! LOL Sue --- Deana L Fick wrote: > Sue, Thanks for the talk it helps to hear it from > someone else puts it > in perspective. I hear what you are saying but if > you can not get him to > feel and you need to let go sometime, I guess my > only question here, is, > Do I bite my tongue and stay around and take it or > do I get out before I > loose my sanity, which is getting pretty close to > happening. Even if for > awhile and let him reflect on it all I just am so > confused. Thanks for > listening Sue. I do think some men are a little > more open than others. > My SO is not too open. He is very opinionated and > knows for sure he is > right. So I believe I am fighting a loosing battle. > Well hope you had a > nice weekend, hope the whole group did. Deana > > On Tue, 29 May 2001 02:48:32 -0700 (PDT) sue jackson > > writes: > > abraxis3@... > > Hi Deana, > > Well, we could discuss men all night!!! > > Men, as a rule, do not like to 'feel' things. > They > > would rather 'fix' it! They think they are doing > > all they can for you by coming up with a solution > > to your problem, and you're suppose to just take > > their advice and quit sniffling! They get upset > > if you don't, because they then think they are > > failing you by not coming up with a suitable > solution! > > I've found that this is because they are so closed > > off to their own emotions, that they honestly do > > not not even know what they feel most of the time! > > If you get them to start feeling, they get scared > > and in turn (cause they don't dare show you that > > they are afraid...it's an 'ego' thing!), they get > > angry to protect themselves. You become the > enemy, > > and all you ever wanted was someone to listen to > you > > and give you a hug!!! > > If I ask my husband what he's feeling, he'll give > me > > some off-the-wall statement that has nothing to do > > with emotions! I remember saying to him...that's > not > > a feeling! So, I ask him are you mad, sad or > glad? > > He looks at me, like I'm stupid, and I say, " what > > are you afraid of? " " I'm not afraid " , he'll say, > > and then I'll say, " Then answer the question! " > He'll > > sit there for a few moments and finally answer. > > Then he really starts talking to me! Sometimes I > > feel like his therapist instead of his wife!!! > > The bottom line, honey, is that he can't give you > what > > he doesn't give himself...permission to 'feel'! > > That's why it's 'torture' to him! > > LOL > > Sue > > --- Deana L Fick wrote: > > > To all my friends here, If you have SO who say > they > > > love you and will > > > stand by you, you are blessed and mine is here > does > > > all manual work but > > > never supports me emotional infact he thinks I > am > > > torturing him. Deana > > > > > > On Sat, 26 May 2001 13:42:30 EDT patidu@... > > > writes: > > > > Sue, > > > > > > > > That is what my husband says that I am being > to > > > hard on myself. I > > > > thank you > > > > for the big hug. > > > > > > > > Hugs to you and take care of yourself, > > > > Irene > > > > > > > > > > > > > It sounds like you're being hard on > yourself. I > > > have > > > > > this theory...as far as housework goes...it > will > > > > > always > > > > > be there, whether I do it today, tomorrow, > or > > > the next > > > > > day...it's never-ending, so why worry about > > > it?!! > > > > > I'm sending you a bigggggggggggggggggggg > hug!!! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > SEND POST TO: fibromyalgia-cfs > > > > TO > > > > > > UNSUBSCRIBE:fibromyalgia-cfs-unsubscribe > > > > > > > > List owner: Bierman > > > fibromyalgia-cfs-owner > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2001 Report Share Posted May 29, 2001 In a message dated 5/29/01 10:20:10 AM Eastern Daylight Time, patidu@... writes: > Please take care of yourself. That is very important. Do what you have to > do to help yourself. We care for you very much. > > Irene > > > Irene, You give excellent advice. Your honesty is a true gift. Thank you for helping us all. You are a sweetie. Kathy D. Live in Western Massachusetts Married for almost 19yrs, to a sweetheart Mother to 16 and 14 My Rottie dog Shelby Spooky the cat Hobbies: Boating, Learning this computer Arts & Crafts, and a passionate reader Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 Irene, thanks for the pep talk it helped. He will not read any articles says I Taught him all he needs to know. And gets very upset when I ask him to read anything. But I have decided to put me first and not feel guilty. Everyone else seems to at least try to understand. Hang in there with the pain and I think I will follow you and take some pain med. and lay down. I am exhausted having just gone to the doctors. May you rest well. And may the group be pain free. Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 10:15:51 EDT patidu@... writes: > Dee, > > I am so sorry to hear this. He doesn't know what you are going > through. > Would he read information about fibromyalgia? If he would, he might > have > some indication of what you are going through. Screaming doesn't > help but > maybe he is afraid of something that he does not understand. > > As for helping around the house, some days I can get a few things > done. > Other days I just have to give up and go to bed. I am going to try > today to > get some of the clutter from the weekend cleared up as not much was > done by > either my husband or myself. > > I will stop whenever I feel like I have had enough and the pain is > starting > to build up. I will take pain pills and go to bed for the rest of > the day. > > Please take care of yourself. That is very important. Do what you > have to > do to help yourself. We care for you very much. > > Irene > > > > And if I cry I have to leave the room he just > > starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be > bothered > > because he cannot fix it and that material things are more > important to > > him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long > pain > > or not he will tell me that is enough get up and help I am not > doing > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 I don't post often here -- but I am concerned when we allow ourselves to be abused and excuse it because the poor male psyche can't handle the trauma. No one deserves to be treated this way. No one deserves to be belittled and insulted. I've been subjected, throughout my life, to being told that certain people can act the way they act because, " that's just the way they are. " My brother can act like a jerk, because " that's just the way he is. " My first husband could act like a jerk because " that's just the way he is. " (My ex-mother-in-law actually told me, when I was 20, to allow him to be a drunk because " that's just the way he is, and it's best if we don't mess with that. " ) I'm not saying it's just men either, but we're more likely to put up with men who are jerks and think that somehow we deserve it, that somehow we asked for it, that somehow the guy really means well and just doesn't know how to show it. Well, I've had it with people who " just don't know how to act. " I say, it's about time they learned. I say, it's about time people stopped putting up with them because " that's the way they are. " I don't think it's up to us to solve their problems. I think the responsibility lies with them to act right, and if they don't know how, they need to learn. I know this may not be helpful, but no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, deserves the kind of treatment I've heard Deana describe. I don't care if it's a husband or whatever. We shouldn't feel guilty for inflicting ourselves on our poor spouses, nor should we feel like we have to make things all right for them. We can only make things all right for ourselves. I left my drunk spouse, after too many years no doubt, but I'd told him all along that I'd get tired and leave, that someone would know how to treat me, and when I did, walking out with the possibility I'd lose everything I had, he was surprised and begged me to come back. I didn't of course. But even he knew better than to ever call me stupid, or lazy, or to belittle me. It's not right. In sickness and in health does not mean, " I'll take care of you if you get sick, and I'll take care of me if I get sick, and you don't have to worry about it. " Women are so used to nurturing they think they have to nurture all the time. My current spouse is far more nurturing than I am, and that's great because I'm not in a position to do much nurturing these days. Who of us with fibro is? I wish you the very best Deana. It's a difficult situation, I know that. monique Re: Home Support Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and who cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need to hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he just starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be bothered because he can not fix it and that material things are more important to him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long pain or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had such a good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, no man should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have anxiety attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so bad I can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years and some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll learn to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled enough. DeanaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 I don't post often here -- but I am concerned when we allow ourselves to be abused and excuse it because the poor male psyche can't handle the trauma. No one deserves to be treated this way. No one deserves to be belittled and insulted. I've been subjected, throughout my life, to being told that certain people can act the way they act because, " that's just the way they are. " My brother can act like a jerk, because " that's just the way he is. " My first husband could act like a jerk because " that's just the way he is. " (My ex-mother-in-law actually told me, when I was 20, to allow him to be a drunk because " that's just the way he is, and it's best if we don't mess with that. " ) I'm not saying it's just men either, but we're more likely to put up with men who are jerks and think that somehow we deserve it, that somehow we asked for it, that somehow the guy really means well and just doesn't know how to show it. Well, I've had it with people who " just don't know how to act. " I say, it's about time they learned. I say, it's about time people stopped putting up with them because " that's the way they are. " I don't think it's up to us to solve their problems. I think the responsibility lies with them to act right, and if they don't know how, they need to learn. I know this may not be helpful, but no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, deserves the kind of treatment I've heard Deana describe. I don't care if it's a husband or whatever. We shouldn't feel guilty for inflicting ourselves on our poor spouses, nor should we feel like we have to make things all right for them. We can only make things all right for ourselves. I left my drunk spouse, after too many years no doubt, but I'd told him all along that I'd get tired and leave, that someone would know how to treat me, and when I did, walking out with the possibility I'd lose everything I had, he was surprised and begged me to come back. I didn't of course. But even he knew better than to ever call me stupid, or lazy, or to belittle me. It's not right. In sickness and in health does not mean, " I'll take care of you if you get sick, and I'll take care of me if I get sick, and you don't have to worry about it. " Women are so used to nurturing they think they have to nurture all the time. My current spouse is far more nurturing than I am, and that's great because I'm not in a position to do much nurturing these days. Who of us with fibro is? I wish you the very best Deana. It's a difficult situation, I know that. monique Re: Home Support Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and who cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need to hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he just starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be bothered because he can not fix it and that material things are more important to him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long pain or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had such a good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, no man should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have anxiety attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so bad I can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years and some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll learn to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled enough. DeanaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 I don't post often here -- but I am concerned when we allow ourselves to be abused and excuse it because the poor male psyche can't handle the trauma. No one deserves to be treated this way. No one deserves to be belittled and insulted. I've been subjected, throughout my life, to being told that certain people can act the way they act because, " that's just the way they are. " My brother can act like a jerk, because " that's just the way he is. " My first husband could act like a jerk because " that's just the way he is. " (My ex-mother-in-law actually told me, when I was 20, to allow him to be a drunk because " that's just the way he is, and it's best if we don't mess with that. " ) I'm not saying it's just men either, but we're more likely to put up with men who are jerks and think that somehow we deserve it, that somehow we asked for it, that somehow the guy really means well and just doesn't know how to show it. Well, I've had it with people who " just don't know how to act. " I say, it's about time they learned. I say, it's about time people stopped putting up with them because " that's the way they are. " I don't think it's up to us to solve their problems. I think the responsibility lies with them to act right, and if they don't know how, they need to learn. I know this may not be helpful, but no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, deserves the kind of treatment I've heard Deana describe. I don't care if it's a husband or whatever. We shouldn't feel guilty for inflicting ourselves on our poor spouses, nor should we feel like we have to make things all right for them. We can only make things all right for ourselves. I left my drunk spouse, after too many years no doubt, but I'd told him all along that I'd get tired and leave, that someone would know how to treat me, and when I did, walking out with the possibility I'd lose everything I had, he was surprised and begged me to come back. I didn't of course. But even he knew better than to ever call me stupid, or lazy, or to belittle me. It's not right. In sickness and in health does not mean, " I'll take care of you if you get sick, and I'll take care of me if I get sick, and you don't have to worry about it. " Women are so used to nurturing they think they have to nurture all the time. My current spouse is far more nurturing than I am, and that's great because I'm not in a position to do much nurturing these days. Who of us with fibro is? I wish you the very best Deana. It's a difficult situation, I know that. monique Re: Home Support Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and who cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need to hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he just starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be bothered because he can not fix it and that material things are more important to him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long pain or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had such a good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, no man should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have anxiety attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so bad I can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years and some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll learn to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled enough. DeanaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 , You are so right that is what my therapist is trying to get across to me in therapy with out saying it to me. I do have to handle it mydelf and I am going to. I am waiting to see how much my ltd from work is and what the state will pick up, then I will call Hud, I am sure all have heard of i, and then I am going to move out he has no idea and he will either change or not but I know now that I do not deserve it. Thank you for caring and to write such a touching letter. My best to you, and I am glad you have someone who is nurturing you through this. I really do not care if I find someone, in fact I want to be alone for awhile and just acquire some peace of mind. May you be painfree today. God Bless Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 19:13:42 -0700 " Young " writes: > > I don't post often here -- but I am concerned when we allow > ourselves to be abused and excuse it because the poor male psyche > can't handle the trauma. No one deserves to be treated this way. No > one deserves to be belittled and insulted. I've been subjected, > throughout my life, to being told that certain people can act the > way they act because, " that's just the way they are. " My brother can > act like a jerk, because " that's just the way he is. " My first > husband could act like a jerk because " that's just the way he is. " > (My ex-mother-in-law actually told me, when I was 20, to allow him > to be a drunk because " that's just the way he is, and it's best if > we don't mess with that. " ) I'm not saying it's just men either, but > we're more likely to put up with men who are jerks and think that > somehow we deserve it, that somehow we asked for it, that somehow > the guy really means well and just doesn't know how to show it. > Well, I've had it with people who " just don't know how to act. " I > say, it's about time they learned. I say, it's about time people > stopped putting up with them because " that's the way they are. " I > don't think it's up to us to solve their problems. I think the > responsibility lies with them to act right, and if they don't know > how, they need to learn. I know this may not be helpful, but no one, > ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, deserves the kind of treatment I've heard Deana > describe. I don't care if it's a husband or whatever. We shouldn't > feel guilty for inflicting ourselves on our poor spouses, nor should > we feel like we have to make things all right for them. We can only > make things all right for ourselves. > > I left my drunk spouse, after too many years no doubt, but I'd told > him all along that I'd get tired and leave, that someone would know > how to treat me, and when I did, walking out with the possibility > I'd lose everything I had, he was surprised and begged me to come > back. I didn't of course. But even he knew better than to ever call > me stupid, or lazy, or to belittle me. It's not right. > > In sickness and in health does not mean, " I'll take care of you if > you get sick, and I'll take care of me if I get sick, and you don't > have to worry about it. " Women are so used to nurturing they think > they have to nurture all the time. My current spouse is far more > nurturing than I am, and that's great because I'm not in a position > to do much nurturing these days. Who of us with fibro is? > > I wish you the very best Deana. It's a difficult situation, I know > that. > > monique > > Re: Home Support > > Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and > who > cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need > to > hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he > just > starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be > bothered > because he can not fix it and that material things are more > important to > him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long > pain > or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing > everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had > such a > good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, > no man > should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have > anxiety > attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so > bad I > can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years > and > some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. > Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my > therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll > learn > to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled > enough. DeanaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : > http://explorer.msn.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 , You are so right that is what my therapist is trying to get across to me in therapy with out saying it to me. I do have to handle it mydelf and I am going to. I am waiting to see how much my ltd from work is and what the state will pick up, then I will call Hud, I am sure all have heard of i, and then I am going to move out he has no idea and he will either change or not but I know now that I do not deserve it. Thank you for caring and to write such a touching letter. My best to you, and I am glad you have someone who is nurturing you through this. I really do not care if I find someone, in fact I want to be alone for awhile and just acquire some peace of mind. May you be painfree today. God Bless Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 19:13:42 -0700 " Young " writes: > > I don't post often here -- but I am concerned when we allow > ourselves to be abused and excuse it because the poor male psyche > can't handle the trauma. No one deserves to be treated this way. No > one deserves to be belittled and insulted. I've been subjected, > throughout my life, to being told that certain people can act the > way they act because, " that's just the way they are. " My brother can > act like a jerk, because " that's just the way he is. " My first > husband could act like a jerk because " that's just the way he is. " > (My ex-mother-in-law actually told me, when I was 20, to allow him > to be a drunk because " that's just the way he is, and it's best if > we don't mess with that. " ) I'm not saying it's just men either, but > we're more likely to put up with men who are jerks and think that > somehow we deserve it, that somehow we asked for it, that somehow > the guy really means well and just doesn't know how to show it. > Well, I've had it with people who " just don't know how to act. " I > say, it's about time they learned. I say, it's about time people > stopped putting up with them because " that's the way they are. " I > don't think it's up to us to solve their problems. I think the > responsibility lies with them to act right, and if they don't know > how, they need to learn. I know this may not be helpful, but no one, > ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, deserves the kind of treatment I've heard Deana > describe. I don't care if it's a husband or whatever. We shouldn't > feel guilty for inflicting ourselves on our poor spouses, nor should > we feel like we have to make things all right for them. We can only > make things all right for ourselves. > > I left my drunk spouse, after too many years no doubt, but I'd told > him all along that I'd get tired and leave, that someone would know > how to treat me, and when I did, walking out with the possibility > I'd lose everything I had, he was surprised and begged me to come > back. I didn't of course. But even he knew better than to ever call > me stupid, or lazy, or to belittle me. It's not right. > > In sickness and in health does not mean, " I'll take care of you if > you get sick, and I'll take care of me if I get sick, and you don't > have to worry about it. " Women are so used to nurturing they think > they have to nurture all the time. My current spouse is far more > nurturing than I am, and that's great because I'm not in a position > to do much nurturing these days. Who of us with fibro is? > > I wish you the very best Deana. It's a difficult situation, I know > that. > > monique > > Re: Home Support > > Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and > who > cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need > to > hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he > just > starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be > bothered > because he can not fix it and that material things are more > important to > him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long > pain > or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing > everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had > such a > good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, > no man > should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have > anxiety > attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so > bad I > can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years > and > some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. > Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my > therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll > learn > to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled > enough. DeanaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : > http://explorer.msn.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2001 Report Share Posted May 30, 2001 , You are so right that is what my therapist is trying to get across to me in therapy with out saying it to me. I do have to handle it mydelf and I am going to. I am waiting to see how much my ltd from work is and what the state will pick up, then I will call Hud, I am sure all have heard of i, and then I am going to move out he has no idea and he will either change or not but I know now that I do not deserve it. Thank you for caring and to write such a touching letter. My best to you, and I am glad you have someone who is nurturing you through this. I really do not care if I find someone, in fact I want to be alone for awhile and just acquire some peace of mind. May you be painfree today. God Bless Deana On Tue, 29 May 2001 19:13:42 -0700 " Young " writes: > > I don't post often here -- but I am concerned when we allow > ourselves to be abused and excuse it because the poor male psyche > can't handle the trauma. No one deserves to be treated this way. No > one deserves to be belittled and insulted. I've been subjected, > throughout my life, to being told that certain people can act the > way they act because, " that's just the way they are. " My brother can > act like a jerk, because " that's just the way he is. " My first > husband could act like a jerk because " that's just the way he is. " > (My ex-mother-in-law actually told me, when I was 20, to allow him > to be a drunk because " that's just the way he is, and it's best if > we don't mess with that. " ) I'm not saying it's just men either, but > we're more likely to put up with men who are jerks and think that > somehow we deserve it, that somehow we asked for it, that somehow > the guy really means well and just doesn't know how to show it. > Well, I've had it with people who " just don't know how to act. " I > say, it's about time they learned. I say, it's about time people > stopped putting up with them because " that's the way they are. " I > don't think it's up to us to solve their problems. I think the > responsibility lies with them to act right, and if they don't know > how, they need to learn. I know this may not be helpful, but no one, > ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, deserves the kind of treatment I've heard Deana > describe. I don't care if it's a husband or whatever. We shouldn't > feel guilty for inflicting ourselves on our poor spouses, nor should > we feel like we have to make things all right for them. We can only > make things all right for ourselves. > > I left my drunk spouse, after too many years no doubt, but I'd told > him all along that I'd get tired and leave, that someone would know > how to treat me, and when I did, walking out with the possibility > I'd lose everything I had, he was surprised and begged me to come > back. I didn't of course. But even he knew better than to ever call > me stupid, or lazy, or to belittle me. It's not right. > > In sickness and in health does not mean, " I'll take care of you if > you get sick, and I'll take care of me if I get sick, and you don't > have to worry about it. " Women are so used to nurturing they think > they have to nurture all the time. My current spouse is far more > nurturing than I am, and that's great because I'm not in a position > to do much nurturing these days. Who of us with fibro is? > > I wish you the very best Deana. It's a difficult situation, I know > that. > > monique > > Re: Home Support > > Irene, I know it is hard on him to but I tell him what I need and > who > cares if the floor is not swept one more day I need a hug and i need > to > hear you are hear for me and if I cry I have to leave the room he > just > starts screaming at me, so no I think he does not want to be > bothered > because he can not fix it and that material things are more > important to > him. Especially since he won't go for help. And If I sit too long > pain > or not he will tell me that is enough get up an help I am not doing > everything myself. Well I am sorry to say all these things we had > such a > good life till I got sick and he says there is no better or worse, > no man > should put up with what I am putting him through. See I have > anxiety > attacks too and crying attacks, and especially when the pain is so > bad I > can not get rid of it, I try to tell him I am tired after 4 years > and > some days can take it better than other days. Thanks for listening. > Have not made no definite plans yet, but thinking very serious, my > therapist says I have to do what is best for me. We have to alll > learn > to take care of our selves cause no one else will. I have rambled > enough. DeanaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : > http://explorer.msn.com > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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