Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 Re: anger 2 > > > The fact that you get ANGRY, tells me you don't have control of your > > emotions. > > Expressing your anger does not control your emotions. > > If the control was there you wouldn't have any anger to express. > > So your hypothesis is that feeling anger is the equivalent of being > out of control of anger? That's what you seem to be saying. > > > Just an observation. > > Wanna Help me start an Anger Cult Group ;-) > > No thank you. > > judith > whatever. (hypothesis?) Terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 Who says that anyone who is in control of his/her emotions would automatically use that control to suppress anger completely?? Anger happens to be a very useful emotion. Not only that, there are some people -- me included -- who actually ENJOY being angry (sometimes)! Expressing anger DOES help control it. Expressing it, first of all, enhances one's awareness of it, and awareness is a prerequisite to control. Second, by expressing your anger to someone else you put it out in the open, where you can get some feedback about whether it is realistic, justified, and appropriate. Third, if you let the person who 'made you' angry know about it, they just might change their behaviour. You don't need to start an Anger Cult Group. AA already has a pretty good grip on that territory :-) --wally anger 2 > > > > I'm separated from my husband since August 2000. We have been in > > therapy together since summer 1999. He is the one who has displayed > > every behavior that indicates anger, then, when I suggested he was > > angry, shouted " I'm not angry " . I would characterize our conflict > > thusly: I get angry and express it, then he gets really angry at me > > for being angry. Then he gets upset with me because he feels angry. > > > > I try to express my anger (if I choose to express it at all) at the > > moment I feel it. I find this allows me to control my emotions, as > > opposed to the model of emotional control with which I grew up: hold > > your emotions in till you explode. Since I recognized my own anger, I > > have been able to recognize my husband's intense emotional reaction to > > my emotions, and his subsequent denial of what he is feeling. > > > > So. Everyone probably knows far more than they ever wanted to about my > > anger and my marriage and me in general. That has never shut me up so > > far, but I will officially disengage from a discussion of how to deal > > with anger on this list. > > > > For a few hours at least > > > > judith > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 I would not choose to completely eliminate the RECOGNTION of anger feelings (nor do I think you can). As you said, being aware of when you are angry at someone is a prerequisite to control . It is the degree that you allow anger to escalate that tends to give problem. Is it appropriate recognition of being upset at someone, or is it all out rage? Perhaps someone might describe an incident thusly: " I just automatically got so angry and next I found myself throwing things. " This person might think that he is just expressing his anger and that it kinda happens automatically. But he is clearly " out of control " . He has chosen to believe that certain things " should " be the way he thinks they should or dammit, someone is gonna have to pay! Contrast another person who experiances the same event, but has no such demands. That person recognises (acknowledges) his upset feelings, but he does not choose to get " all bent out of shape " in response to this recognition. I submit to you that this person is in a much better postion confront the offending person and effect a real change as opposed to the " out of control " confrontation presented by a person who cannot (or does not want) to control his excess anger emotions and behaviors. In regards to control, I might not have control over the first wave of indignation I feel about an event, however, within seconds I DO have control over how I decide to act (behavior) in response to it. The initial recognition of my anger is a good thing, as you have pointed out. It alerts me to a problem that I must now deal with. But how I deal with it is open to my choice. I would much rather make a calm, reasoned choice than flying off the handle, doing whatever my emotions dictate. marcusS anger 2 > > > > > > > I'm separated from my husband since August 2000. We have been in > > > therapy together since summer 1999. He is the one who has displayed > > > every behavior that indicates anger, then, when I suggested he was > > > angry, shouted " I'm not angry " . I would characterize our conflict > > > thusly: I get angry and express it, then he gets really angry at me > > > for being angry. Then he gets upset with me because he feels angry. > > > > > > I try to express my anger (if I choose to express it at all) at the > > > moment I feel it. I find this allows me to control my emotions, as > > > opposed to the model of emotional control with which I grew up: hold > > > your emotions in till you explode. Since I recognized my own anger, I > > > have been able to recognize my husband's intense emotional reaction to > > > my emotions, and his subsequent denial of what he is feeling. > > > > > > So. Everyone probably knows far more than they ever wanted to about my > > > anger and my marriage and me in general. That has never shut me up so > > > far, but I will officially disengage from a discussion of how to deal > > > with anger on this list. > > > > > > For a few hours at least > > > > > > judith > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 I would not choose to completely eliminate the RECOGNTION of anger feelings (nor do I think you can). As you said, being aware of when you are angry at someone is a prerequisite to control . It is the degree that you allow anger to escalate that tends to give problem. Is it appropriate recognition of being upset at someone, or is it all out rage? Perhaps someone might describe an incident thusly: " I just automatically got so angry and next I found myself throwing things. " This person might think that he is just expressing his anger and that it kinda happens automatically. But he is clearly " out of control " . He has chosen to believe that certain things " should " be the way he thinks they should or dammit, someone is gonna have to pay! Contrast another person who experiances the same event, but has no such demands. That person recognises (acknowledges) his upset feelings, but he does not choose to get " all bent out of shape " in response to this recognition. I submit to you that this person is in a much better postion confront the offending person and effect a real change as opposed to the " out of control " confrontation presented by a person who cannot (or does not want) to control his excess anger emotions and behaviors. In regards to control, I might not have control over the first wave of indignation I feel about an event, however, within seconds I DO have control over how I decide to act (behavior) in response to it. The initial recognition of my anger is a good thing, as you have pointed out. It alerts me to a problem that I must now deal with. But how I deal with it is open to my choice. I would much rather make a calm, reasoned choice than flying off the handle, doing whatever my emotions dictate. marcusS anger 2 > > > > > > > I'm separated from my husband since August 2000. We have been in > > > therapy together since summer 1999. He is the one who has displayed > > > every behavior that indicates anger, then, when I suggested he was > > > angry, shouted " I'm not angry " . I would characterize our conflict > > > thusly: I get angry and express it, then he gets really angry at me > > > for being angry. Then he gets upset with me because he feels angry. > > > > > > I try to express my anger (if I choose to express it at all) at the > > > moment I feel it. I find this allows me to control my emotions, as > > > opposed to the model of emotional control with which I grew up: hold > > > your emotions in till you explode. Since I recognized my own anger, I > > > have been able to recognize my husband's intense emotional reaction to > > > my emotions, and his subsequent denial of what he is feeling. > > > > > > So. Everyone probably knows far more than they ever wanted to about my > > > anger and my marriage and me in general. That has never shut me up so > > > far, but I will officially disengage from a discussion of how to deal > > > with anger on this list. > > > > > > For a few hours at least > > > > > > judith > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 The fact that you get ANGRY, tells me you don't have control of your emotions. No, I think the fact that someone GETS angry is a HUMAN TRAIT and very natural. the WAY you handle the anger is what makes all the difference. Are you saying that you dont ever get angry? Sue A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 The fact that you get ANGRY, tells me you don't have control of your emotions. No, I think the fact that someone GETS angry is a HUMAN TRAIT and very natural. the WAY you handle the anger is what makes all the difference. Are you saying that you dont ever get angry? Sue A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 Expressing anger DOES help control it. Expressing it, first of all, enhances one's awareness of it, and awareness is a prerequisite to control. Funny, but I have a lot of trouble controlling my anger, I get snippy one minute and blow up and then in five minutes it is all over with and done on my part. I try to work on not blowing up AT someone else like I used to, so I tend to hide out when I get like that. My blood pressure is always something like 110 over 60, unlike my dad, who used to very seldom get angry and his blood pressure was through the ROOF! I think it all depends on whether you hold things inside or not. Sue A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 > snip< >The initial > recognition of my anger is a good thing, as you have pointed out. It alerts > me to a problem that I must now deal with. But how I deal with it is open to > my choice. I would much rather make a calm, reasoned choice than flying off > the handle, doing whatever my emotions dictate. > > marcusS I don't recall Judith EVER saying or implying that she " flew off the handle " . She talked about recognizing anger and acknowledging the emotion. She talked about expressing it, but she did not specify what " expressing " meant. For me, it often times means simply saying " I am angry. " Of, course sometimes, I like to throw something. Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 > snip< >The initial > recognition of my anger is a good thing, as you have pointed out. It alerts > me to a problem that I must now deal with. But how I deal with it is open to > my choice. I would much rather make a calm, reasoned choice than flying off > the handle, doing whatever my emotions dictate. > > marcusS I don't recall Judith EVER saying or implying that she " flew off the handle " . She talked about recognizing anger and acknowledging the emotion. She talked about expressing it, but she did not specify what " expressing " meant. For me, it often times means simply saying " I am angry. " Of, course sometimes, I like to throw something. Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2001 Report Share Posted January 10, 2001 > snip< >The initial > recognition of my anger is a good thing, as you have pointed out. It alerts > me to a problem that I must now deal with. But how I deal with it is open to > my choice. I would much rather make a calm, reasoned choice than flying off > the handle, doing whatever my emotions dictate. > > marcusS I don't recall Judith EVER saying or implying that she " flew off the handle " . She talked about recognizing anger and acknowledging the emotion. She talked about expressing it, but she did not specify what " expressing " meant. For me, it often times means simply saying " I am angry. " Of, course sometimes, I like to throw something. Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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