Re: At what age did your kids realize they were deaf?

[Guest guest]

Ian was about 7 ... he found out when we did.

At the time he did not know that he couldn't hear, he thought everyone heard

like he did. He asked us if if was his fault, if he did something to make it

happen.

We said: no, of course not. Nothing was his fault, but it was his problem.

He was going to have to learn to deal with it. We said that we were all going

to learn about it. Everybody has something that they learn to deal with, some

problem that makes them different from other people. This was his.

For Ian it was a defining moment because we presented it as one. We defined

our family's attitude towards his hearing loss for him and for ourselves.

Jill

[Guest guest]

Ian was about 7 ... he found out when we did.

At the time he did not know that he couldn't hear, he thought everyone heard

like he did. He asked us if if was his fault, if he did something to make it

happen.

We said: no, of course not. Nothing was his fault, but it was his problem.

He was going to have to learn to deal with it. We said that we were all going

to learn about it. Everybody has something that they learn to deal with, some

problem that makes them different from other people. This was his.

For Ian it was a defining moment because we presented it as one. We defined

our family's attitude towards his hearing loss for him and for ourselves.

Jill

[Guest guest]

Ian was about 7 ... he found out when we did.

At the time he did not know that he couldn't hear, he thought everyone heard

like he did. He asked us if if was his fault, if he did something to make it

happen.

We said: no, of course not. Nothing was his fault, but it was his problem.

He was going to have to learn to deal with it. We said that we were all going

to learn about it. Everybody has something that they learn to deal with, some

problem that makes them different from other people. This was his.

For Ian it was a defining moment because we presented it as one. We defined

our family's attitude towards his hearing loss for him and for ourselves.

Jill

[Guest guest]

I have a son who is physically disabled and I have been talking to him about how

he is different since he was 4 but he didn't get it until about a year ago. We

talk about how he can't go to the bathroom on his own and needs to be

catheterized and he seems to think he will outgrow this. I tell him that he

won't but he really doesn't understand. He isn't upset by it at this point, but

it's just awkward telling him he won't outgrow it. This is how it is. He seems

to be taking it rather well though.

At what age did your kids realize they were deaf?

Maybe this sounds like a strange question, but Neal is just now seeming to

realize that he is deaf. He asked me a week or so ago if he would still need

this (his ci) when he is a grown up. Then a couple of nights ago he again

asked

me if he would need it when he is sixteen (an age that he seems to think will

change everything since he knows that is the age at which you start driving).

I told him he would always need it to hear because he was born deaf which

means his ears don't work like other people's. I said that people are born

with

all different kinds of problems and that this was his, but that it was lucky

he could still hear with his implant. He was dissapointed to hear that this

was a lifelong thing. I felt so horrible. It felt like learning he was deaf

all over again, only worse because it was my kids' heart that seemed to be

hurting from it. Have others gone through this? Or is it not usually such a

defining moment but rather just a gradual realization? What makes it even

harder

is that, while his language is pretty good at this point, I'm sure he still

doesn't understand everything as I'm explaining it, plus even if he was a

hearing

almost 5 year old, he would be too young to truly " understand " everything.

Any advice on what else to say to him if he asks more about it?

~Rhonda~

Mom to Audrey, 7, hearing & Neal, almost 5, CII 6-11-02

[Guest guest]

I have a son who is physically disabled and I have been talking to him about how

he is different since he was 4 but he didn't get it until about a year ago. We

talk about how he can't go to the bathroom on his own and needs to be

catheterized and he seems to think he will outgrow this. I tell him that he

won't but he really doesn't understand. He isn't upset by it at this point, but

it's just awkward telling him he won't outgrow it. This is how it is. He seems

to be taking it rather well though.

At what age did your kids realize they were deaf?

Maybe this sounds like a strange question, but Neal is just now seeming to

realize that he is deaf. He asked me a week or so ago if he would still need

this (his ci) when he is a grown up. Then a couple of nights ago he again

asked

me if he would need it when he is sixteen (an age that he seems to think will

change everything since he knows that is the age at which you start driving).

I told him he would always need it to hear because he was born deaf which

means his ears don't work like other people's. I said that people are born

with

all different kinds of problems and that this was his, but that it was lucky

he could still hear with his implant. He was dissapointed to hear that this

was a lifelong thing. I felt so horrible. It felt like learning he was deaf

all over again, only worse because it was my kids' heart that seemed to be

hurting from it. Have others gone through this? Or is it not usually such a

defining moment but rather just a gradual realization? What makes it even

harder

is that, while his language is pretty good at this point, I'm sure he still

doesn't understand everything as I'm explaining it, plus even if he was a

hearing

almost 5 year old, he would be too young to truly " understand " everything.

Any advice on what else to say to him if he asks more about it?

~Rhonda~

Mom to Audrey, 7, hearing & Neal, almost 5, CII 6-11-02

[Guest guest]

I have a son who is physically disabled and I have been talking to him about how

he is different since he was 4 but he didn't get it until about a year ago. We

talk about how he can't go to the bathroom on his own and needs to be

catheterized and he seems to think he will outgrow this. I tell him that he

won't but he really doesn't understand. He isn't upset by it at this point, but

it's just awkward telling him he won't outgrow it. This is how it is. He seems

to be taking it rather well though.

At what age did your kids realize they were deaf?

Maybe this sounds like a strange question, but Neal is just now seeming to

realize that he is deaf. He asked me a week or so ago if he would still need

this (his ci) when he is a grown up. Then a couple of nights ago he again

asked

me if he would need it when he is sixteen (an age that he seems to think will

change everything since he knows that is the age at which you start driving).

I told him he would always need it to hear because he was born deaf which

means his ears don't work like other people's. I said that people are born

with

all different kinds of problems and that this was his, but that it was lucky

he could still hear with his implant. He was dissapointed to hear that this

was a lifelong thing. I felt so horrible. It felt like learning he was deaf

all over again, only worse because it was my kids' heart that seemed to be

hurting from it. Have others gone through this? Or is it not usually such a

defining moment but rather just a gradual realization? What makes it even

harder

is that, while his language is pretty good at this point, I'm sure he still

doesn't understand everything as I'm explaining it, plus even if he was a

hearing

almost 5 year old, he would be too young to truly " understand " everything.

Any advice on what else to say to him if he asks more about it?

~Rhonda~

Mom to Audrey, 7, hearing & Neal, almost 5, CII 6-11-02

[Guest guest]

Rhonda,

I remember all too well when Jake figured ot he was deaf. We tried

to never treat him any different from his brother and he was allowed

to do anything and everything they did like riding his bike in the

subdivision, skateboarding, playing in the creek. Funny, he is about

the safest kid on a scooter and bike in the neighborhood and the only

one that REALLY looks out for cars. We never came out and said you

are deaf, he was just a little kid to us and we wanted him to have as

normal a childhood as possible.

Anyway, he was in the second grade and for each childs birthday the

teacher did this brainstorming thing where the kids gave words or

phrases to describe the child. All the kids wrote a paragraph about

him and drew a picture and the teacher made a book. On his birthday

he was sick and absent from class. The words they used for him was

born deaf, speaks very well, funny, runs fast, likes basketball, 8

years old, and brown hair.

Well, when he came back to school she gave him his book and he

started reading it in his HI resource time. He never said a word to

the HI teacher but when he got in the car he pulled it out and

started sobbing hysterically. I had no idea of course what it was

about and he finally said to look at the book and cried worse than

ever. I looked at it and didn't know what was wrong and asked so he

tells me THEY SAID I WAS BORN DEAF! I tell him well you were born

deaf and he got furious.....then out of his little mouth were his

famous words....WHAT IS DEAF?

Oh, I felt like poop then and always wondered if I should have told

him more about being deaf, but he had such limited language we just

told him that his ears didn't work right and he had to wear hearing

aids. It took him a long time to get over that he was deaf and he

would say he wasn't because he had an implant by then.. " I am not

deaf I have my implant, see. " (haha)

He has gotten over that, he still has his issues with being different

from his friends but now he is able to joke about it. Just this

morning i thought he had his implant on already and was telling him

to do something. He saw that I was getting irritated because he

didn't do it and he said, " You know Mom, I AM deaf! " Then I realized

his CI was not on.

I still wish I had at least tried to explain more about deafness to

him when he was smaller though.

Elaine

[Guest guest]

This is an interesting thread, as my son Ben, who turns 6 on Thursday, has

been asking about this for the past year. Questions like " will I always wear

hearing aids? " and " did you and daddy wear hearing aids when you were

little? " We were sitting on the beach this summer and he said to me " I'm the

only one on the beach wearing hearing aids. Usually I'm the only one wearing

hearing aids. "

Now the interesting thing is, he's in a class with 5 other HI kids, so ALL

of his close friends have HAs or CIs. And he spends all day with these kids,

has for the past 3 years. But he really notices when he's out in the rest of

the world. Last summer, on our first full day at Cued Speech camp, he turned

to my husband and said in awe " Daddy, everyone here wears hearing aids! "

As for the word " deaf " , I did tell him about it, but he still doesn't use it

to describe himself. Yet he knows that, without his aids, he can't hear...

Stefanie

mom to Ben, almost 6, severe to profound HOH, and Isabella, 9, mild loss,

unaided

[Guest guest]

This is an interesting thread, as my son Ben, who turns 6 on Thursday, has

been asking about this for the past year. Questions like " will I always wear

hearing aids? " and " did you and daddy wear hearing aids when you were

little? " We were sitting on the beach this summer and he said to me " I'm the

only one on the beach wearing hearing aids. Usually I'm the only one wearing

hearing aids. "

Now the interesting thing is, he's in a class with 5 other HI kids, so ALL

of his close friends have HAs or CIs. And he spends all day with these kids,

has for the past 3 years. But he really notices when he's out in the rest of

the world. Last summer, on our first full day at Cued Speech camp, he turned

to my husband and said in awe " Daddy, everyone here wears hearing aids! "

As for the word " deaf " , I did tell him about it, but he still doesn't use it

to describe himself. Yet he knows that, without his aids, he can't hear...

Stefanie

mom to Ben, almost 6, severe to profound HOH, and Isabella, 9, mild loss,

unaided

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/23/2004 6:45:31 PM Pacific Standard Time,

stefanieac@... writes:

<<This is an interesting thread, as my son Ben, who turns 6 on Thursday, has

been asking about this for the past year. Questions like " will I always wear

hearing aids? " and " did you and daddy wear hearing aids when you were

little? " >>

Interesting that the thought process seems to be similar for alot of the

kids. I had another troublesome conversation with Neal yesterday. I guess this

is not something that popped into his mind for a minute, but rather something

that is really weighing on him. I would not have expected this at his age.

Yesterday he had his headpiece off and was messing with it. I motioned to him

to

put it back on. He did and I told him that was not a toy; he shouldn't play

with it or it might break and then he wouldn't be able to hear. He responded,

" I don't like my implant. " I said, " Why? " He said, " Because I want my ears

to work. " and then his eyes got all teary. It was very hard not to break down.

I just told him, " I know. I want his ears to work too. It's not fair, but

we are lucky that we can talk to each other about it. " Then he started saying

that he wouldn't have friends because of his implant. I don't know where in

the world that came from. I pointed out all of the people who are his

friends, some who have implants and some who don't, etc. On the one hand, a

little

over two years ago this kid had no spoken language at all, so WOW! But on the

other hand, this conversation seems like it may be getting deeper than it

should for his age. I'm trying to do what I did with my daughter when she would

ask things like, " How does a baby get into the mommy's tummy? " when she was his

age...just give the amount of information necessary to get them through that

moment, but not more than someone their age can handle. But it can be so hard

to figure out what the right amount of info is, especially when at the same

time, you want to break down crying because your child is obviously in some

turmoil.

~Rhonda~

Mom to Audrey, 7, hearing & Neal, 4 1/2, CII 6-11-02