- Cedie- Lung Biopsy

[Guest guest]

Oh -

I remember that sometimes the hardest place to be was in the moment. It

seemed like in the moment I needed to know something I couldn't yet know,

and thinking about it opened up possibilities I didn't want to know, and not

thinking about it seemed irresponsible. And sometimes I would learn that I

had become hopelessly attached to an outcome that now was changing, and I

couldn't control it, and I would have to face that I never could have. And

in the end, I did what I could do. I expressed milk. I waited. I cared

for . I ate and drank (so I could produce more milk). And I held

like my life depended on it, because it did, because he was the only

real thing I had in those moments. And then would do something, and I

would see him, really see him, and I would remember that this moment was all

that was real and when it came time to decide, the time would be apparent to

me and the decision would be apparent to me and it would be good.

I hold you so very dearly in my heart. The reality of it is being alive is

to not know , there are no guarantees. But for the most part we are

generously allowed to not face it, to become comfortable in what feels like

predictability. So few of us have to live with what we don't know so

pointedly defined before us.

Go gently with love as though everything were just perfect, for Cedie is,

and your love with her is.

with love,

Yuka