Life school

[Guest guest]

Allright!

Nevermind, it didn't bother me :-)

You bet everyday I learn a bit more of your language. Besides, I never had a

course of it... i just... learned..... :-) I had my errors, of course....

but it's like... living..... I learn a bit more everyday.... and sometimes

what I learn is not what I expected to learn.......

At a certain age you learn to control your mouth to ask for things

At a certain age you learn about limits. (from parents, from school

'friends', etc)

At a certian age you learn about feeling sick of routine (i thikn it starts

in primary school)

At a certain age you learn about liking the opposite sex..... THEN

you learn how is to be dissapointed (the eternal question..... does anybody

understand women!?!???)

Then you learn about studying and studying and studying and getting tired of

learning things you don't even want to know

You learn what understanding means.... understanding about your parents,

your friends, your teachers..... understanding usefull not to push your head

through walls.

Then you learn what means to be treasoned by the loved ones.

Then you learn the meaning of sweating the hell out of you to make a living

(if the system lets you)

You learn to love and to be loved.

You learn that you are not inmortal as you thought and that diseases are

around there........

You learn to live with cancer.......... today i heared something like

" cancer is not a death diagnosis, it's a life test "

And in the middle of those things you discover a few things that make life

worthy...... but...... Why the proportion went wrong?

WEll............. I didn't ask to learn those things. I just want to forgot

a lot of things that I learned in that time. Including this.

My heart is broken today. Love is cruel.

My soul is beaten up. I hate cancer.

My body aches. Specially my neck. Fucking nodes! (you see!!! i'm learning!!!

NODES!)

I'm really worried. I'm tired.

Sometimes i feel good.... i feel strong and say things like my messagge

( " hello!!!!!!! " )..... but..... i feel weak.

Can't even get a job... (yeah..... i know... no politics..... fucking

country....)

Gotta buy new parents.... the ones i have are ment to be tied up in a nut

house. (And they make ME nuts)

Gotta get love. I need love......... I often feel ther is a lack of love in

everyplace i go......... specially when i go to the center of my heart. I've

got a lot to give... but..... the bits of love i usually get..... hurt.

So....... i'm in the middle of a hard time.

i just want my ear to ear scar to go away (big fat ear to ear...........

shit........ and with a 'queloide' ..... you find the translation, i can;t

find it)

i want my lymph nodes to be normal. I just want cancer to leave me..... i

mean, I want to leave him.

I want all of you to be here with me, in a big party enjoying that cancer is

gone for everyone.

I want........ i just want.... i just see that i want things but never get

things........ It's so...... depressing.

And i just wanted to tell you all of this... not to make you down.... no to

bring the 'blue' to the group..... just to share it.

I'm sad. I can't talk to anyone. I just have this cold pc, this cold outlook

express, this cold keyboard.... this cold soul, with this dying heart, with

this hands that sometime where used to write poetry about life, and nice

things..... but............ i just have you to listen....... you know.....

other people just don't seem to get it...

Thanks for being there.

And..... hey..... you should be proud of my english!!! ha!!!! well i just

had to smile, at least one time in this mail.

C-ya, hope to see you here, in earth. I'm too young for the rest of the

story.... yet.

Kisses and a big hug.

Rodrigo, from this deep hole...... called Buenos Aires, Argentina.

almost 23..... and.... who knows how many to come.... i don't even think God

knows.

bye

Re: Rodrigo ganglias

>

> What Rodrigo is refering to is to lymph " glands "

Ah HA!!! Thanks for the translation! Couldn't find it in any of the

English-Spanish dictionaries online. Hey, Rodrigo, now you've learned

some more English, and I've learned some more Spanish! Of course,

your English is FAR FAR better than my Spanish ever will be!! I

figured you'd gone as far as you could with 'ganglia', though, without

it getting even more confused/confusing:->. Didn't mean any

disrespect with my earlier post!

Cheers,

Alisa

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[Guest guest]

Hi, Carmen.

I found your response to Rodrigo so inspiring and hopeful!! Thank

you! I was diagnosed with tall cell pap. in July, had two surgeries

to remove my thyroid, followed by RAI. I am awaiting to go hypo for

my next scan at the end of March. I felt many of the same things he

(and lots of us felt) and am still learning " to live with cancer. "

Thank you for your wonderful words.

n in slushy central NJ