Guest guest Posted June 19, 2003 Report Share Posted June 19, 2003 In a message dated 19/06/2003 17:07:00 GMT Daylight Time, lawruggiero@... writes: > I can totally relate. I'm not sure I even totally get it now, lol. I > understand it intellectually, but emotionally, I can fall into the trap of I will > be a better person--and more worthy of good things--if I'm thinner or more > attrative. > HI Marge, I'm with you, I'm sure you wont be surprised for me to tell you I am exactly the same, I understand it intellectually but behaviourally, nah, I need to be this buff guy to be even remotely acceptable. And yet you know the terms we measure ourselves by are totally subjective, terms like thinner and attractive. Yeah ok, so like thinner than who and attractive compared to who ? It's all relative when you look at it !!! >>I actually was a little confused reading this. What do you feel you have " a lack of guts " about? Not being thinner? I do think the experience of being larger is different on several levels for men and for women.<< I think it's the whole macho, fearless, I don't have any problems, I used to be a navy seal but it was wayyy too easy for me mentality that guys are *supposed* to subscribe to. I was referring to the fact that a lot of guys cringe at the very thought of discussing feelings and emotions and to admit weakness and vulnerability it just *not* done !! >>you might be surprised how many people struggle with these issues, heavy and thin people. Myself included. Large sized people (I don't know how big you are, ) often don't always even feel worthy to take up the space they do. So forget about asking for respect, attention or all those other good things in life. << Again, I hear you and I know I am certainly not the only person with these sorts of issues, however, it sure feels like you are the only person in the world with doubts and insecurities at times, it can be a lonely road to walk. I also see how the fact I expect to be rejected leads to rejection, hence the point of your example. I think the problem is that when you expect nothing but you get something, you feel grateful, at least I do, but you also settle far more cheaply than you actually deserve. I will have to try this out for myself and see if I expect more, I get more, I have nothing to lose !! Hope you have a great day Marge :-) Best wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2003 Report Share Posted June 19, 2003 >>>And yet you know the terms we measure ourselves by are totally subjective, terms like thinner and attractive. Yeah ok, so like thinner than who and attractive compared to who ? It's all relative when you look at it !!! my sister in law is very thin. she doesn't have an eating disorder, she's just naturally thin. a couple of her brothers are extra thin too. well, she suffers from people making comments about her body, and feels self conscious. ok I admit that I watch that reality tv that's a model competition (hee hee), I don't even know if that's national. Anyway, one of the girls is really thin and the other models dog on her all the time for having an eating disorder. I don't think it's a given that she does, and I think it's incredible intrusive for them to insist that she does because she's " underweight " >>>I think it's the whole macho, fearless, I don't have any problems, I used to be a navy seal but it was wayyy too easy for me mentality that guys are *supposed* to subscribe to. I was referring to the fact that a lot of guys cringe at the very thought of discussing feelings and emotions and to admit weakness and vulnerability it just *not* done !! I get ya. It seems to me that that's changing, but I can totally understand what you're saying. Men definitely have a lot of social pressures too. My brother has a weight problem, and a couple of years ago underwent stomach surgery. He always insists that weight loss is will power, which I don't believe at all. I think his reluctance to deal with his emotional issues really inhibits his efforts to get control of his eating problems. >>>it sure feels like you are the only person in the world with doubts and insecurities at times, it can be a lonely road to walk. I know. That's why I wanted to let you know that actually these feelings are pretty universal, in my experience and opinion. >>>I think the problem is that when you expect nothing but you get something, you feel grateful, at least I do, but you also settle far more cheaply than you actually deserve. I will have to try this out for myself and see if I expect more, I get more, I have nothing to lose !! boy have you hit the nail on the head with one of my issues, LOL. I'm working on it ;-) >>Hope you have a great day Marge :-)Best wishes you too, :-) XXXMarge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2003 Report Share Posted June 19, 2003 >>>And yet you know the terms we measure ourselves by are totally subjective, terms like thinner and attractive. Yeah ok, so like thinner than who and attractive compared to who ? It's all relative when you look at it !!! my sister in law is very thin. she doesn't have an eating disorder, she's just naturally thin. a couple of her brothers are extra thin too. well, she suffers from people making comments about her body, and feels self conscious. ok I admit that I watch that reality tv that's a model competition (hee hee), I don't even know if that's national. Anyway, one of the girls is really thin and the other models dog on her all the time for having an eating disorder. I don't think it's a given that she does, and I think it's incredible intrusive for them to insist that she does because she's " underweight " >>>I think it's the whole macho, fearless, I don't have any problems, I used to be a navy seal but it was wayyy too easy for me mentality that guys are *supposed* to subscribe to. I was referring to the fact that a lot of guys cringe at the very thought of discussing feelings and emotions and to admit weakness and vulnerability it just *not* done !! I get ya. It seems to me that that's changing, but I can totally understand what you're saying. Men definitely have a lot of social pressures too. My brother has a weight problem, and a couple of years ago underwent stomach surgery. He always insists that weight loss is will power, which I don't believe at all. I think his reluctance to deal with his emotional issues really inhibits his efforts to get control of his eating problems. >>>it sure feels like you are the only person in the world with doubts and insecurities at times, it can be a lonely road to walk. I know. That's why I wanted to let you know that actually these feelings are pretty universal, in my experience and opinion. >>>I think the problem is that when you expect nothing but you get something, you feel grateful, at least I do, but you also settle far more cheaply than you actually deserve. I will have to try this out for myself and see if I expect more, I get more, I have nothing to lose !! boy have you hit the nail on the head with one of my issues, LOL. I'm working on it ;-) >>Hope you have a great day Marge :-)Best wishes you too, :-) XXXMarge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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