RE: INFO FOR DIVORCE HEARING - MEG?

[Guest guest]

Amy -

I wish I had something useful to say... something that would be of true

benefit to your case, but I don't. What I want you to know... and I think you

likely already do... is that there are a TON of people in your court. I don't

post super often, but try to keep up, and I always give my husband little

updates

on everyone. I just told him what was going on, and to quote him (minus a

little more language!), " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

We are so sorry you are going through this... it's not as if you need

something else on your plate. Max is SO lucky to have you as his mommy! :-)

Sending you strength, fighting power and resilience ~

The Swanns

Kristi, and Gracie

[Guest guest]

Amy -

I wish I had something useful to say... something that would be of true

benefit to your case, but I don't. What I want you to know... and I think you

likely already do... is that there are a TON of people in your court. I don't

post super often, but try to keep up, and I always give my husband little

updates

on everyone. I just told him what was going on, and to quote him (minus a

little more language!), " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

We are so sorry you are going through this... it's not as if you need

something else on your plate. Max is SO lucky to have you as his mommy! :-)

Sending you strength, fighting power and resilience ~

The Swanns

Kristi, and Gracie

[Guest guest]

Amy -

I wish I had something useful to say... something that would be of true

benefit to your case, but I don't. What I want you to know... and I think you

likely already do... is that there are a TON of people in your court. I don't

post super often, but try to keep up, and I always give my husband little

updates

on everyone. I just told him what was going on, and to quote him (minus a

little more language!), " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

We are so sorry you are going through this... it's not as if you need

something else on your plate. Max is SO lucky to have you as his mommy! :-)

Sending you strength, fighting power and resilience ~

The Swanns

Kristi, and Gracie

[Guest guest]

Want me to tell him how much of an #$% he is and how he is failing his son.

Im not in a particularly bad mood infact im quite feeling good, i just

have some stuff i need to get out and seems like he is the kind of father my

dad used to be. My dad did finaly come around but yah he needs a good

yelling at.

sorry my advice is useless. That or get one of those big built army guys

who can intimidate anyone to talk some sence into him

He is really giving charge dads a bad name.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Want me to tell him how much of an #$% he is and how he is failing his son.

Im not in a particularly bad mood infact im quite feeling good, i just

have some stuff i need to get out and seems like he is the kind of father my

dad used to be. My dad did finaly come around but yah he needs a good

yelling at.

sorry my advice is useless. That or get one of those big built army guys

who can intimidate anyone to talk some sence into him

He is really giving charge dads a bad name.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Want me to tell him how much of an #$% he is and how he is failing his son.

Im not in a particularly bad mood infact im quite feeling good, i just

have some stuff i need to get out and seems like he is the kind of father my

dad used to be. My dad did finaly come around but yah he needs a good

yelling at.

sorry my advice is useless. That or get one of those big built army guys

who can intimidate anyone to talk some sence into him

He is really giving charge dads a bad name.

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Amy,

This stinks!!! I can say from experience that once they are confronted with

the cost of

full time nursing care that he will be at the very least responsible for half

along with carrying full insurance for their child they begin to sing a

different tune...My son's father hired an attorney to relinquish his rights

because he assumed he would no longer be financially responsible...well his

attorney harassed me until I gave an interview...Guess what once he found out

the real reason he dropped him as a client ...the lawyer even offered to help me

pro-bono...The court does not look upon the selfish father favorably...'s

father was a jerk and kept us in court for a year...but when found in our favor

he was ordered to cut a check and the judge chewed him a new one....However I

will say that 's father has made the choice not to be in his life...and

believe you me it is so much for the better...

Good luck....I would suggest the you get an estimate from a home nursing care

agency...you will need at least 2- 8 hour shifts or the very least a 12 hour

shift per day...because remember you work an 8 hour shift plus drive time

.......Here in CT they are 90 dollars per hour. It is about $1400/ a day nursing

care ...$7,200/ per week....Perhaps he would like to pay $ 3600 a week..Sure

insurance will help cover some but does he make 3600 a week?

Even if you get into a day care I was told we needed our own nurse..still have

that cost of nursing care...then liability insurance for the day care

etc...Sadly you are the least expensive option... It is horrible that you have

to play this game....

Will be thinking about you!!!!!

Ellen mom to 8

[Guest guest]

Amy,

This stinks!!! I can say from experience that once they are confronted with

the cost of

full time nursing care that he will be at the very least responsible for half

along with carrying full insurance for their child they begin to sing a

different tune...My son's father hired an attorney to relinquish his rights

because he assumed he would no longer be financially responsible...well his

attorney harassed me until I gave an interview...Guess what once he found out

the real reason he dropped him as a client ...the lawyer even offered to help me

pro-bono...The court does not look upon the selfish father favorably...'s

father was a jerk and kept us in court for a year...but when found in our favor

he was ordered to cut a check and the judge chewed him a new one....However I

will say that 's father has made the choice not to be in his life...and

believe you me it is so much for the better...

Good luck....I would suggest the you get an estimate from a home nursing care

agency...you will need at least 2- 8 hour shifts or the very least a 12 hour

shift per day...because remember you work an 8 hour shift plus drive time

.......Here in CT they are 90 dollars per hour. It is about $1400/ a day nursing

care ...$7,200/ per week....Perhaps he would like to pay $ 3600 a week..Sure

insurance will help cover some but does he make 3600 a week?

Even if you get into a day care I was told we needed our own nurse..still have

that cost of nursing care...then liability insurance for the day care

etc...Sadly you are the least expensive option... It is horrible that you have

to play this game....

Will be thinking about you!!!!!

Ellen mom to 8

[Guest guest]

Amy,

This stinks!!! I can say from experience that once they are confronted with

the cost of

full time nursing care that he will be at the very least responsible for half

along with carrying full insurance for their child they begin to sing a

different tune...My son's father hired an attorney to relinquish his rights

because he assumed he would no longer be financially responsible...well his

attorney harassed me until I gave an interview...Guess what once he found out

the real reason he dropped him as a client ...the lawyer even offered to help me

pro-bono...The court does not look upon the selfish father favorably...'s

father was a jerk and kept us in court for a year...but when found in our favor

he was ordered to cut a check and the judge chewed him a new one....However I

will say that 's father has made the choice not to be in his life...and

believe you me it is so much for the better...

Good luck....I would suggest the you get an estimate from a home nursing care

agency...you will need at least 2- 8 hour shifts or the very least a 12 hour

shift per day...because remember you work an 8 hour shift plus drive time

.......Here in CT they are 90 dollars per hour. It is about $1400/ a day nursing

care ...$7,200/ per week....Perhaps he would like to pay $ 3600 a week..Sure

insurance will help cover some but does he make 3600 a week?

Even if you get into a day care I was told we needed our own nurse..still have

that cost of nursing care...then liability insurance for the day care

etc...Sadly you are the least expensive option... It is horrible that you have

to play this game....

Will be thinking about you!!!!!

Ellen mom to 8

[Guest guest]

Here are a few good responces to stupid comments that i could come up with.

Feel free to use them or not to use them.

- If you pay more now, he has a better chance on getting healthier

faster.

- why dont you spend 24 hours with your son and care for the medical

issues and see how hard it is.

- dosnt it make more sence for mom to take care of the son then to pay

for some stranger to take care of him.

- why is it so diffricult for you to accept he has this medical

problem.

i cant think of any others. He just makes me so irritated. i mean i could

think up stuff ive said to my dad but i can see what sorts of things your ex

will come up with. Stuff like your making up the condition. making it seem

worse then it really is. I think the only solution is as Kristi's husband

said... " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

I say the guy should be forced to spend 2 days in pnicu watching his son get

all the tests and stuff and then he needs some big guy to totaly ream him

out. Seriously he needs to grow up.

Kristi is right, Max is super lucky to have you I only wish the dad would

come to his sences cause a kid (including a special needs kid) needs 2

parents. Needs to know that both parents accept all aspects of him. That

includes the CHARGE syndrome

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Here are a few good responces to stupid comments that i could come up with.

Feel free to use them or not to use them.

- If you pay more now, he has a better chance on getting healthier

faster.

- why dont you spend 24 hours with your son and care for the medical

issues and see how hard it is.

- dosnt it make more sence for mom to take care of the son then to pay

for some stranger to take care of him.

- why is it so diffricult for you to accept he has this medical

problem.

i cant think of any others. He just makes me so irritated. i mean i could

think up stuff ive said to my dad but i can see what sorts of things your ex

will come up with. Stuff like your making up the condition. making it seem

worse then it really is. I think the only solution is as Kristi's husband

said... " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

I say the guy should be forced to spend 2 days in pnicu watching his son get

all the tests and stuff and then he needs some big guy to totaly ream him

out. Seriously he needs to grow up.

Kristi is right, Max is super lucky to have you I only wish the dad would

come to his sences cause a kid (including a special needs kid) needs 2

parents. Needs to know that both parents accept all aspects of him. That

includes the CHARGE syndrome

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

Here are a few good responces to stupid comments that i could come up with.

Feel free to use them or not to use them.

- If you pay more now, he has a better chance on getting healthier

faster.

- why dont you spend 24 hours with your son and care for the medical

issues and see how hard it is.

- dosnt it make more sence for mom to take care of the son then to pay

for some stranger to take care of him.

- why is it so diffricult for you to accept he has this medical

problem.

i cant think of any others. He just makes me so irritated. i mean i could

think up stuff ive said to my dad but i can see what sorts of things your ex

will come up with. Stuff like your making up the condition. making it seem

worse then it really is. I think the only solution is as Kristi's husband

said... " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

I say the guy should be forced to spend 2 days in pnicu watching his son get

all the tests and stuff and then he needs some big guy to totaly ream him

out. Seriously he needs to grow up.

Kristi is right, Max is super lucky to have you I only wish the dad would

come to his sences cause a kid (including a special needs kid) needs 2

parents. Needs to know that both parents accept all aspects of him. That

includes the CHARGE syndrome

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

I agree with Tim. Take the manual with you. Even if there isn't time to

read it the amount of information alone is amazing.

I too couldn't work out of the home due to Patty's health and needs.

Instead I started baby-sitting my sisters children. From there I started a

daycare

out of my home. That was difficult and one of the hardest jobs I have ever

had. Once Patty got to our home district I got a job outside my home. Boy

it was like taking a vacation!

If the guy is fighting so hard then there must be someone out there who sees

it and will help you. Trust that the right thing will happen. I can't

imagine what you are going through. My husband has been my rock. I could

never

do what I have done had I been a single mother. You must be a very strong

woman. Lean on that knowledge. Also lean on the knowledge that the early years

are the most formative and important years in anyone's life. They are ever

more important for our children.

I wish you all the best.

Bonnie, Mom to Kris 23, Patty CHARGE 21 and wife to

[Guest guest]

I agree with Tim. Take the manual with you. Even if there isn't time to

read it the amount of information alone is amazing.

I too couldn't work out of the home due to Patty's health and needs.

Instead I started baby-sitting my sisters children. From there I started a

daycare

out of my home. That was difficult and one of the hardest jobs I have ever

had. Once Patty got to our home district I got a job outside my home. Boy

it was like taking a vacation!

If the guy is fighting so hard then there must be someone out there who sees

it and will help you. Trust that the right thing will happen. I can't

imagine what you are going through. My husband has been my rock. I could

never

do what I have done had I been a single mother. You must be a very strong

woman. Lean on that knowledge. Also lean on the knowledge that the early years

are the most formative and important years in anyone's life. They are ever

more important for our children.

I wish you all the best.

Bonnie, Mom to Kris 23, Patty CHARGE 21 and wife to

[Guest guest]

I agree with Tim. Take the manual with you. Even if there isn't time to

read it the amount of information alone is amazing.

I too couldn't work out of the home due to Patty's health and needs.

Instead I started baby-sitting my sisters children. From there I started a

daycare

out of my home. That was difficult and one of the hardest jobs I have ever

had. Once Patty got to our home district I got a job outside my home. Boy

it was like taking a vacation!

If the guy is fighting so hard then there must be someone out there who sees

it and will help you. Trust that the right thing will happen. I can't

imagine what you are going through. My husband has been my rock. I could

never

do what I have done had I been a single mother. You must be a very strong

woman. Lean on that knowledge. Also lean on the knowledge that the early years

are the most formative and important years in anyone's life. They are ever

more important for our children.

I wish you all the best.

Bonnie, Mom to Kris 23, Patty CHARGE 21 and wife to

[Guest guest]

Tim,

Unfortunately the judge will not have time to read that entire manual (but I

am planning on bringing one just to illustrate the depth of this syndrome) so I

want to put together something " short and sweet " that emphasizes the importance

of intervention for the health and development. Thanks!

Tim Hartshorne wrote:

Amy,

I would provide a copy of the CHARGE Syndrome Manual that the Foundation

has.

Tim Hartshorne (father of , 17)

[Guest guest]

Tim,

Unfortunately the judge will not have time to read that entire manual (but I

am planning on bringing one just to illustrate the depth of this syndrome) so I

want to put together something " short and sweet " that emphasizes the importance

of intervention for the health and development. Thanks!

Tim Hartshorne wrote:

Amy,

I would provide a copy of the CHARGE Syndrome Manual that the Foundation

has.

Tim Hartshorne (father of , 17)

[Guest guest]

Tim,

Unfortunately the judge will not have time to read that entire manual (but I

am planning on bringing one just to illustrate the depth of this syndrome) so I

want to put together something " short and sweet " that emphasizes the importance

of intervention for the health and development. Thanks!

Tim Hartshorne wrote:

Amy,

I would provide a copy of the CHARGE Syndrome Manual that the Foundation

has.

Tim Hartshorne (father of , 17)

[Guest guest]

I just want to state that I truly and honestly believe that my staying home

for the first four years of Kennedy's life was a great part of the reason

that she is where she is today.

Good luck Amy and DON'T GIVE IN OR GIVE UP!

>

> Hello all...I need your help and I think Meg would probably be the best

> person but if someone has such a document, input or advice, that would be

> great too!

>

> My divorce hearing is coming up in a few weeks (June 7th) and my ex is

> planning to argue that he can only afford " limited " alimony (he can afford

> more than that) for me to stay at home with Maxwell. He basically belittles

> my care for Max and believes I should be able to work at least part time.

>

> As much as I would love to return to the workforce (my career was my life

> before Max!!!), I don't know how I could do that as a single mom with all of

> Max's current medical complications. There is not another parent or family

> member who is able to watch Max while I was at work. And I could hire a

> nurse, but that would basically equal out my pay at work. Additionally, I

> am already running ragged being up off and on all night with Maxwell and his

> needs...and then during the day living on caffeine keeping up with his

> therapy, insurance calls, doctor appointments, etc. I have no idea how I

> would fit a job into my life right now...I think I would have a breakdown!!!

>

> So we have hired a " forensic account " and " life care planner " to assist

> with the alimony argument. We are putting together MANY, MANY documents to

> prove how beneficial and necessary it is for me to take care of Maxwell full

> time - his medical records, information about CHARGE, etc.

>

> *** But what I was wondering MEG or anyone else interested, do you have

> any document summarizing CHARGE and the importance of full time intervention

> in the early years for development and long term success? I know in my

> heart and mind that a full time parent/caregiver is definitely what Maxwell

> needs for many years to come (who knows how long) but we need to prove

> that. Like all of us, I don't want money to interfere with the best

> possible outcome for my special lil' guy.

>

> Once he goes to school and hopefully is doing well, I would LOVE to return

> to work part time or even more! Before Max, my ex and I owned eight CURVES

> locations in WV and I absolutely loved, loved, loved it! I would soooo

> enjoy owning my own business again...I was incredibly passionate about

> helping the women and it brought me wonderful joy every day!

>

> Anyway, I welcome your input Meg or anyone else...your help would be

> GREATLY appreciated! Thank you in advance for anything and everything!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Amy McKinley

> Mom to MIGHTY MAX (CHARGE, 9 months old, 7 months corrected)

> maxupdate.blogspot.com

>

> ---------------------------------

> Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great

> rates starting at 1¢/min.

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're awesome Chantelle! Love your responses!!! And thanks for your

encouragement!!!

Chantelle McLaren wrote: Here are a few good

responces to stupid comments that i could come up with.

Feel free to use them or not to use them.

- If you pay more now, he has a better chance on getting healthier

faster.

- why dont you spend 24 hours with your son and care for the medical

issues and see how hard it is.

- dosnt it make more sence for mom to take care of the son then to pay

for some stranger to take care of him.

- why is it so diffricult for you to accept he has this medical

problem.

i cant think of any others. He just makes me so irritated. i mean i could

think up stuff ive said to my dad but i can see what sorts of things your ex

will come up with. Stuff like your making up the condition. making it seem

worse then it really is. I think the only solution is as Kristi's husband

said... " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

I say the guy should be forced to spend 2 days in pnicu watching his son get

all the tests and stuff and then he needs some big guy to totaly ream him

out. Seriously he needs to grow up.

Kristi is right, Max is super lucky to have you I only wish the dad would

come to his sences cause a kid (including a special needs kid) needs 2

parents. Needs to know that both parents accept all aspects of him. That

includes the CHARGE syndrome

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

You're awesome Chantelle! Love your responses!!! And thanks for your

encouragement!!!

Chantelle McLaren wrote: Here are a few good

responces to stupid comments that i could come up with.

Feel free to use them or not to use them.

- If you pay more now, he has a better chance on getting healthier

faster.

- why dont you spend 24 hours with your son and care for the medical

issues and see how hard it is.

- dosnt it make more sence for mom to take care of the son then to pay

for some stranger to take care of him.

- why is it so diffricult for you to accept he has this medical

problem.

i cant think of any others. He just makes me so irritated. i mean i could

think up stuff ive said to my dad but i can see what sorts of things your ex

will come up with. Stuff like your making up the condition. making it seem

worse then it really is. I think the only solution is as Kristi's husband

said... " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

I say the guy should be forced to spend 2 days in pnicu watching his son get

all the tests and stuff and then he needs some big guy to totaly ream him

out. Seriously he needs to grow up.

Kristi is right, Max is super lucky to have you I only wish the dad would

come to his sences cause a kid (including a special needs kid) needs 2

parents. Needs to know that both parents accept all aspects of him. That

includes the CHARGE syndrome

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

You're awesome Chantelle! Love your responses!!! And thanks for your

encouragement!!!

Chantelle McLaren wrote: Here are a few good

responces to stupid comments that i could come up with.

Feel free to use them or not to use them.

- If you pay more now, he has a better chance on getting healthier

faster.

- why dont you spend 24 hours with your son and care for the medical

issues and see how hard it is.

- dosnt it make more sence for mom to take care of the son then to pay

for some stranger to take care of him.

- why is it so diffricult for you to accept he has this medical

problem.

i cant think of any others. He just makes me so irritated. i mean i could

think up stuff ive said to my dad but i can see what sorts of things your ex

will come up with. Stuff like your making up the condition. making it seem

worse then it really is. I think the only solution is as Kristi's husband

said... " That guy needs his @$* kicked - he needs to 'man-up'

and take responsibility. "

I say the guy should be forced to spend 2 days in pnicu watching his son get

all the tests and stuff and then he needs some big guy to totaly ream him

out. Seriously he needs to grow up.

Kristi is right, Max is super lucky to have you I only wish the dad would

come to his sences cause a kid (including a special needs kid) needs 2

parents. Needs to know that both parents accept all aspects of him. That

includes the CHARGE syndrome

Chantelle

[Guest guest]

A close friend of mine went through this recently. I can give you her email

address so you can get info from her. She got almost everything. She

fought tooth and nail but once the attorneys on the other side got the

" real " information, it was a no brainer. They did mess with her and tried

to make her offers, but she stood her ground. If you e-mail me your private

e-mail I'll send her email address to you. I can't seem to get your address

from this message.

Debbie Matasker

INFO FOR DIVORCE HEARING - MEG?

Hello all...I need your help and I think Meg would probably be the best

person but if someone has such a document, input or advice, that would be

great too!

My divorce hearing is coming up in a few weeks (June 7th) and my ex is

planning to argue that he can only afford " limited " alimony (he can afford

more than that) for me to stay at home with Maxwell. He basically belittles

my care for Max and believes I should be able to work at least part time.

As much as I would love to return to the workforce (my career was my life

before Max!!!), I don't know how I could do that as a single mom with all of

Max's current medical complications. There is not another parent or family

member who is able to watch Max while I was at work. And I could hire a

nurse, but that would basically equal out my pay at work. Additionally, I

am already running ragged being up off and on all night with Maxwell and his

needs...and then during the day living on caffeine keeping up with his

therapy, insurance calls, doctor appointments, etc. I have no idea how I

would fit a job into my life right now...I think I would have a breakdown!!!

So we have hired a " forensic account " and " life care planner " to assist

with the alimony argument. We are putting together MANY, MANY documents to

prove how beneficial and necessary it is for me to take care of Maxwell full

time - his medical records, information about CHARGE, etc.

*** But what I was wondering MEG or anyone else interested, do you have

any document summarizing CHARGE and the importance of full time intervention

in the early years for development and long term success? I know in my

heart and mind that a full time parent/caregiver is definitely what Maxwell

needs for many years to come (who knows how long) but we need to prove that.

Like all of us, I don't want money to interfere with the best possible

outcome for my special lil' guy.

Once he goes to school and hopefully is doing well, I would LOVE to return

to work part time or even more! Before Max, my ex and I owned eight CURVES

locations in WV and I absolutely loved, loved, loved it! I would soooo

enjoy owning my own business again...I was incredibly passionate about

helping the women and it brought me wonderful joy every day!

Anyway, I welcome your input Meg or anyone else...your help would be

GREATLY appreciated! Thank you in advance for anything and everything!

Amy McKinley

Mom to MIGHTY MAX (CHARGE, 9 months old, 7 months corrected)

maxupdate.blogspot.com

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Yahoo! Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1 & cent;/min.

[Guest guest]

Amy-

If another parent's testimony would help, I'd be willing to share via

teleconference or something. I was not able to consider a job until Aubrie

was in school. Even then, part time is all that works. The number of days

I have to take off for appts, the therapy visits, phone calls and paperwork

to coordinate her care, then IEP preparation and keeping on top of the

educational stuff... We don't need to spell it out for each other... We

know.

Of course, I have no official documentation -- just an example of another

family's life. If I can help your case at all, let me know. Aubrie is 8

now and has always done well -- sort of " high-functioning " and " best case

scenario " as far as the CHARGE possibilities -- and still her care requires

so much time and energy. She wouldn't be where she is today if I hadn't

been able to devote my personal resources to it.

Gosh -- I'm in your court. It sounds like you have good professionals on

your case. I wonder if Tim Hartshorne has any way of supporting you with a

professional psychologist opinion?

Michele W

mom to Aubrie 8 yrs CHARGE, 14 yrs and wife to DJ

[Guest guest]

Chantelle-

So well said. I can see where your passion for child care comes from. That

little angry spark in you provokes you to provide the best possible care for

all kids. I have a friend who had a particularly difficult childhood and

she is one of the very best child care providers in town. She would never

let a child feel unloved or unappreciated and is always ready to step up to

the plate for every kid that comes her way -- even the difficult ones that

other child care providers would rather pass on to someone else.

Michele W

mom to Aubrie 8 yrs CHARGE, 14 yrs and wife to DJ