Re: ACK!!! One step forward, two steps back......

[Guest guest]

Daiga,

It sounds like your " DH " might be too overwhelmed at this point to listen?

Having a fourth child is already a big change, let alone when you have to deal

with medical problems. He does have valid concerns... ie finances, child care

etc. Maybe you can come up with a definite feasible plan and then present it to

him at a time when he is most likely to listen, kids are in bed, he's fed etc.

Does your 6 year old have any school vacation coming up? Maybe it would be

easier to take all the kids? If so, is it too far to drive to your sister's

instead of flying (forgive my ignorance of Canadian geography)?

I've also heard from other people who think that the internet is not a good

place to get professional advice etc. Other parents in this group had their

doctors say that. I think Sanna went thru that with her Finnish doctors? The

fact is, our " opinions " are backed by research which can be found in books and

medical journals. I know that your husband would like to believe that your

present doctor knows best. But unfortunately, that is not always the case. We

too assumed that our pediatric orthopedic surgeon was providing the best chance

for our son to not have surgery. That wasn't the case, and I would have never

known any different had it not been for the internet. I can certainly

understand your feeling like pulling your hair out. Take some breaths, see if

there is a feasible way to do it and go from there. If you need to talk to

another mother of four, feel free to email me personally. There are times that

I wonder why I'm not bald...

Bethany

ACK!!! One step forward, two steps back......

Okay folks, I'm ready to pull my hair out!!!

I just had the most disheartening conversation with my DH!!! He is

being the proverbial 'brick wall' at this point. I explained my

conversation with Owen's doctor's office and also spoke to him about

the possibility of travelling to B.C. to seek treatment in the

Ponseti Method. As far as he is concerned, it is NOT a possibility.

His first argument was that we couldn't afford it - I KNOW that we

have enough CanadianPlus points for a return flight to B.C. (Owen's

airfare is free as long as he sits on my lap and doesn't take a

seat), also, having brought this up already when I spoke to my sister

yesterday, she offered to pay the airfare for my 4½yo which would

then give me another free seat for my 20month old (as long as they

share the seat). DH then went on to say that he was required to work

and that I had 'responsibilities' here. His main concern was that

our 6yo get's out of school at 2:45 and he couldn't take the time off

from work for that. I asked him what if I could make arrangements

for her...his comment was, " for what length of time? Asking

(another child's Mom) to pick her up and keep her until after 5

everyday is a HUGE imposition not to mention that we can't afford

it. " First off, I haven't yet made any arrangements BUT he seems to

be cutting me off at the pass even before I've tried!!!! He asked

about what happens if he has to work in the evening...what then?

Also, he was concerned about what would happen if one of the kids

were to get sick (while we were away), what would I do?! Ugh!!! I

am so frustrated, almost to the point of tears, but I think more than

that, I'm ticked off!!! He is flat against investing this

possibility further just because (as I see it), it may just disrupt

HIS life a little and he can't be bothered trying to be a little

flexible!

His other argument is that what I have learned over the 'internet'

isn't necessarily the best option. His comment was that the internet

is full of 'opinions' and that few if any of the people I have heard

from (you guys) had any qualifications and that I should keep that in

mind. He also said that the doctor who is treating Owen is

a 'specialist' that we were referred to and that he would put more

stock in his opinion and that I should just wait to speak to him. I

asked him what his thoughts were if this doctor should suggest that

surgery is the best way to go. He said that since this doctor is

a 'specialist', he would know better than I would (since what info I

have is just from the internet....implying that because I don't have

a medical degree, my opinion is meaningless, and that the 'doctor'

would know best).

All I can say is that I hope to God DH is never in a medical crisis

where there may be (successful) alternative treatment available

elsewhere and he needs MY support.

Has anyone here ever had to deal with opposition from their own

spouse? How did you deal with it? I'm really at my wits end and

could use some advice!

Daiga and Owen (youngest of 4),

born 02/04/03, Left Unilaterial CF