Re: Mom's MRI Results

August 20, 2004

Hi Sharon. I'm sure you've seen my posts before. I'm Monika,

caregiver to my husband Bert diagnosed July 2003 with stage III colon

cancer, which is what brought me to posting on this board. However,

a year before my husband's diagnosis, my mom was diagnosed with

inoperable stage IIIb lung cancer....a real tough, tough beast to try

and slay.

In reading your post, I saw myself all over again, so let me pass on

a few things to you. When my mom was first diagnosed, she was in

full attack mode with a strong spirit and deep faith. Aside from

loosing her hair, she really pretty much had smooth sailing through

her chemo and radiation treatments, or at least never really let on

how much they took their toll, but that's my mom, and actually

succeeded in going into clinical remission for almost 8 months...not

an easy thing to do with lung cancer. To make a long story short,

just when she thought she had licked this bastard, a scan in January

2004 showed that while the original tumor was " dead meat " , five new

little ones had appeared in the other lung...short story, it came

back. I was with my mom when the news broke but at this point, my

husband too had already been diagnosed with colon cancer and was

undergoing treatment. The floor dropped out from beneath my feet and

I really thought I was going to pass out right there in the doctors

office...I mean, how much more. I was able to look at my mom and

watched as all hope, fight, and spirit left her face and it was at

that point that I rallied and decided if I pass out, it's over. So I

held and squeezed her hand, listening all the time to what the

oncologist had to say about waiting to see how much it grows and then

resume treatment, etc., etc., etc., and we left.

On the walk to my car, my mom was very quiet and said very little as

well as on the ride home. I didn't prod and didn't talk a lot as I

realized this will take time to settle in. Once we got to her house,

I made us a cup of tea and we sat down, cried a lot, composed

ourselves and decided to talk. We talked about options, we talked

about long term survivors of this disease and yes, even in stage IIIb

lung cancer there are a few; I recommended a new oncologist because

although she liked and trusted her current oncologist, sitting around

and waiting to see what would happen just didn't make any sense in my

mind. My hubby was being treated at USC/Norris Comprehensive Cancer

Center, a great, great place to be, so I suggested to my mom let's go

there. On and on the discussions went, yet all the time I reassured

her that whatever she decides, hard as it might be for me, I would

respect her wishes and abide by them. I also consistently told her

that I desperated needed her and to please not give up the fight, but

again would understand if she chose to do so. As discussions

continued, I realized that what I initially had thought was defeat on

my mother's face (and it was) turned into a determination to " kick

ass " and for lack of any other words, anger (good emotion) against

this disease.

Today, I am happy to say, my mom is participating in a clinical trial

and the tumors have shrunk quite a bit. There continues to be no

evidence of disease elsewhere and again, for the most part, she is

tolerating treatment well as it has been customized for her (dosage

wise) to make it more tolerable. It has been two years now for her

since initial diagnosis and the odds of her being here and doing well

were stacked way against her right from the get go. While mom

realizes there is no cure for her, there is still some managability

with quality of life.

Each person makes their own choices and we, if we love and respect

them, must honor those choices. Your mom may feel totally defeated

right now but if there's a spark of fight left in her, nutur that

spark....not in a pushy type of way, and there's a strong possibility

that that spark can turn into a real flame.

I have shared this story with you as one daughter to another. Please

feel free to share it with your mom. I shared stories with my mom

all the time (she's not internet savy and doesn't even have a

computer....can you believe) and I found that relating other peoples

stories, fights, and messages of hope helped her a lot. I hope my

story will help you and your mom.

Hugs,

Monika

> The tumor has grown to 6 cm from 5 cm at the end of April; some

> additional small spots showed in the right lobe. There is a

> suspicious spot in the pancreas and the para-aortic lymph node (I

may

> have misunderstood this.)and one on the sacrum. Oh, it also showed

> gallstones. As soon as Mom heard this, she was ready to give up

and

> go home. I did not know what to do. That was the loneliest

> feeling. What I don't want is to impose my will on Mom, and, yet,

I

> don't believe she is ready to give up completely. She agreed to

talk

> to the radiation oncologist, and he told her that nothing on the

MRI

> changed his opinion about the IMRT, Xeloda and Celebrex treatment

he

> had proposed. He told her about the most likely side effects

> (nausea, diarrhea, and fatigue) and said she could simply quit if

she

> felt the treatment was too debilitating.

>

> I don't know if this is the right course of action or not. I read

the

> posts here and think I will remember how you all have coped with

> various things should I need to know to help Mom, but it seems to

fly

> out of my head at the very moment I need to remember.

>

> Mom has been having some feeling of a pulling in her right side,

> which I thought might be the hernia from her colon surgery, but I

got

> the impression from the docs that it might be from the tumor.

>

> Sorry to ramble on.

>

> Sharon

August 20, 2004