Guest guest Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 Hey Vickie That’s sounds like awesome, constructive planning! Yay! Its amazing how significant overstimulation can be! Now if we could just get the rest of the world to understand this concept! Lori From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Vickie Boehnlein Sent: Thursday, February 12, 2009 9:21 AM To: Subject: Re: ( ) Bad night Well, therepy went well. I tried to keep quiet for the most part in the beginning so the therapist could get both s and Kira's perspectives on things. After some discussion and some questions from the therapist s said that what was bothering him was that it was just to noisy (yup, duh mom!). Kira just wanted Maya to do what she said and didn't like s interfering which he was doing to get the noise to stop. We worked out an action plan that will have the computer moved to a quiet location (so s is less likely to be disturbed by his sisters as well as allow for more sharing of the computer time). s is going to try to go to his room and read if his sister get too loud. I am going to try to intervene quicker when they have arguements and Kira is going to ask Maya for help instead of bossing her around. We have another session scheduled for next week with the three of us. I am feeling much better about all of this. Thanks for all the imput. Vickie > > > > Sorry Vickie! <<HUG>> > > > > > > > > May I ask what the trigger was? > > > > > > > > My son is younger and I haven't hit this issue yet, but I do > anticipate it > > and worry tremendously. > > > > > > > > I used to work at a residential boys home and was trained how to > physically > > approach a situation like this with boys that were similar or > bigger in > > size. They taught us to " Baskethold. " You come behind him, grab > his arms, > > cross them, and pull them so they wrap around to his back (Like he > is > > hugging himself). You then have your arms wrapped around him- > similar to a > > hug, and pull back to the nearest available wall, and slide down so > that you > > are sitting with your legs open and he in front of you. This will > allow you > > to hold him until he can calm. > > > > > > > > I hope that helps. Its not at all foolproof but it did help me as > an 18 year > > old restraining angry 12 year old boys! > > > > > > > > I'm also curious how your daughters reach when your son gets this > extreme..? > > > > > > > > _____ > > > > From: @ <mailto: % 40> > > > [mailto: @ <mailto: % 40> > ] On Behalf Of Vickie > Boehnlein > > Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2009 9:06 AM > > @ <mailto: %40> > > > Subject: ( ) Bad night > > > > > > > > I had a bad night last night. My 10 AS son flipped out. We haven't > > had a night like this in a long time. He was so angry. He was > > throwing things at me trying to hurt me. I was trying to stay calm > > and protect my NT girls (7 & 4) and myself. Worried that he would > > destroy my house (of course money and things are the least > important > > but its hard not to think about it when he is on a tare). I didn't > > know what to do. I am physically able to hold him, just barely, but > > what do I do with him then? > > > > Eventually I threatened to call the police, had the phone in my > hand > > and started to dial, and he stopped throwing things and started to > > cry. I got him to go up to his room and went up a couple of minutes > > later. > > > > When he calmed down he was so sad it broke my heart. He knew he > hurt > > me and he is so sensitive about that but he just couldn't stop > > himself. > > > > I can't stop thinking about what happens the next time. When he is > > bigger. What if he decided to grab some knives and throw them > > instead of match box cars (which really hurt when thrown with all > the > > strengh in a 10 year old boys body; but can only bruise). Do I > > actually call the police on a 10, 11, or 12 year old boy. I want to > > protect ALL my children and I don't know how to do that when he is > > out of control. > > > > Vickie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 Vicky, I'm so sorry for what you went through. I have been in the same situation with my own 10 year old son (AS and bipolar). His impulse control seems to be improving but there have been a couple of times when he has gotten really angry and grabbed a knife (he happened to be in the kitchen) which he threatened me with. It is very scary to be looking into the eyes of a young child and you can see their internal struggle as one part of their brain tells them not to do it and another part is trying to take over and make them take action. That is a lot of pressure for a young kid to deal with. Luckily, my son has never seriously hurt anyone but, like yours, he's reaching a size where I fear for the future when I can't physically restrain him. And like your son, the aftermath and the effect on his self-esteem is devastating for everyone. I also have 2 younger children and worry about their safety, as well. I don't have any great advise for you, though the suggestions made here by others seem like a good place to start. Please just know that you are not alone and thank you for bringing this up. > > I had a bad night last night. My 10 AS son flipped out. We haven't > had a night like this in a long time. He was so angry. He was > throwing things at me trying to hurt me. I was trying to stay calm > and protect my NT girls (7 & 4) and myself. Worried that he would > destroy my house (of course money and things are the least important > but its hard not to think about it when he is on a tare). I didn't > know what to do. I am physically able to hold him, just barely, but > what do I do with him then? > > Eventually I threatened to call the police, had the phone in my hand > and started to dial, and he stopped throwing things and started to > cry. I got him to go up to his room and went up a couple of minutes > later. > > When he calmed down he was so sad it broke my heart. He knew he hurt > me and he is so sensitive about that but he just couldn't stop > himself. > > I can't stop thinking about what happens the next time. When he is > bigger. What if he decided to grab some knives and throw them > instead of match box cars (which really hurt when thrown with all the > strengh in a 10 year old boys body; but can only bruise). Do I > actually call the police on a 10, 11, or 12 year old boy. I want to > protect ALL my children and I don't know how to do that when he is > out of control. > > Vickie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 Yeah! Sounds like you had a great meeting!! I'm glad you worked out a plan. RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else... ( ) Bad night> > > > > > > > I had a bad night last night. My 10 AS son flipped out. We haven't > > had a night like this in a long time. He was so angry. He was > > throwing things at me trying to hurt me. I was trying to stay calm > > and protect my NT girls (7 & 4) and myself. Worried that he would > > destroy my house (of course money and things are the least > important > > but its hard not to think about it when he is on a tare). I didn't > > know what to do. I am physically able to hold him, just barely, but > > what do I do with him then?> > > > Eventually I threatened to call the police, had the phone in my > hand > > and started to dial, and he stopped throwing things and started to > > cry. I got him to go up to his room and went up a couple of minutes > > later. > > > > When he calmed down he was so sad it broke my heart. He knew he > hurt > > me and he is so sensitive about that but he just couldn't stop > > himself. > > > > I can't stop thinking about what happens the next time. When he is > > bigger. What if he decided to grab some knives and throw them > > instead of match box cars (which really hurt when thrown with all > the > > strengh in a 10 year old boys body; but can only bruise). Do I > > actually call the police on a 10, 11, or 12 year old boy. I want to > > protect ALL my children and I don't know how to do that when he is > > out of control. > > > > Vickie> >> No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.23/1948 - Release Date: 02/11/09 11:13:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 > > I had a bad night last night. My 10 AS son flipped out. We haven't > had a night like this in a long time. He was so angry. He was > throwing things at me trying to hurt me. I was trying to stay calm > and protect my NT girls (7 & 4) and myself. Worried that he would > destroy my house (of course money and things are the least important > but its hard not to think about it when he is on a tare). I didn't > know what to do. I am physically able to hold him, just barely, but > what do I do with him then? Thank you for posting your experience, and I'm glad your therapy went well. We have been dealing with several episodes like this with my 10 y.o. DD who was just dx with ADHD. She slaps, hits and throws things during these rages. I am grateful for all of the good advice that people posted and will be sharing it with my husband. Since DD's bedroom is connected to the neighbor's condo, we are fearful that the police will be called on us. My daughter is so unbelievably smart, but she has a hard time dealing with anger and frustration. Some of her triggers in the last month have been that her favorite jeans were not clean for her to wear to school, not being able to wear makeup to the father daughter dance, not being able to find a miniature stuffed dog in her toybox (she had previously told me to put it in the goodwill pile...so it's gone), and she has just been generally surly and grumpy with all of us. I suspect it has something to do with adjusting to her new Rx of concerta and needing a dose change. Time to schedule another therapy session. So I just wanted to thank the posters for the good advice and let you know I sympathize! mom to DD, age 10, ADHD, DS, age 7, PDD-NOS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 12, 2009 Report Share Posted February 12, 2009 a, What a lovely idea! I'll have to try that soon.. Thanks:-) From: a <paulahenderson@...>Subject: RE: ( ) Bad night Date: Thursday, 12 February, 2009, 9:06 AM Hi All, I don’t yet have a teen AS but one of the most impacting things I’ve done with my daughter is to take three circles, one for each person in our family, and pin them together so they overlap with each other and in the middle – a bit like the olympic symbol. I used the polystyrene circles from pizzas for the circles. I then labelled each one with different colours and put in each segment the things we each do as chores – for myself I put some of the house chores like laundry, making dinner etc, for DH I put things like chopping wood for the fire, mending things, for DD I put her chores like emptying the dishwasher. Then on the overlaps I put things that happen with each other – for DD and I it was homeschooling, washing the car, for DD and DH it was reading together, gardening etc, then in the middle I put things we all do together that are nice – picnics, play etc etc. Each segment used a different colour pen. I also then did a similar version with the circles coloured in for each person so that the overlaps gave different colours eg yellow for me and blue for DD gave a green overlap, red for DH gave orange overlap with me and purple overlap with DD with a combined brown colour for the middle segment. This helped DD understand that she fits into the family with her chores – that she hated doing because she saw herself as a “servantâ€!!! And then combined with the colour circles let me explain to her how her emotions effect the whole family. That if one person is stomping around upset it effects the other circles where they all overlap and that impacts others directly. Since then she has seemed to have some understanding of her behaviour on other people and I can remind her in a really visual way that she has her place in the family to think about. Sorry if this is long winded or confusing, it is hard to explain. Hope this helps someone… a Re: ( ) Bad night >> My response to the hitting with the gun (which I would have done > differently if I had thought about the sensory issue) was to take > away the guns. This is what sent him over the edge. I bet it was other things too. Think of it from his point of view. His sister was misbehaving; he was a good big brother and interceded.She destroyed his toy, and he was the one who got punished. Hissisters got comfort for their upset and he did not. Remember he can't"read" your emotions or motivation. He didn't understand that he wasscaring you. He probably didn't understand a lot of what was going onthat night. > I don't think that I was wrong to take away the guns. He has to > understand that if he uses toys as weapons he will lose the toy. Remember kids with AS don't learn from experience very well; theydon't make cause and effect connections very well. Is your son takingsocial skills training right now? That might help.Wish I could be more helpful--sorry you had such a scary experience!Ruth No virus found in this outgoing message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.comVersion: 8.0.234 / Virus Database: 270.10.20/1944 - Release Date: 02/10/09 17:44:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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