Re: Lost our baby/Kris

[Guest guest]

Kris,

What you wrote to ' was so accurate and sweet. What a kind person you are!

Re: Lost our baby

Oh, hon, it's the most desolate feeling in the world. I know it first-hand,

as do quite a number of others here. I am so sorry... and you're right, even

the absolute best husband in the world still can't quite reach this grief.

It's probably one of the most private pains a woman has to bear. And the

fear of it happening again is very great.

The first thing I would encourage you to understand is that you are not to

blame. I know that I thought of every reason why I was at fault when I lost

my baby at 10 weeks, but in the end I just had to understand that we live in

an imperfect and unfair world... a world full of error and flaws, in which

eggs and sperm come together and don't always get it right. It sucks, but

it's the way it is.

None of that need take away from your right to grieve, however... no matter

how early, no matter how small, this was YOUR baby and now you are empty.

That was the feeling that overwhelmed me more than anything else... the

feeling of being empty and alone. But you are NOT alone. We are here for

you... I am here... God is here... and we all love you.

Don't be surprised or upset when people give you uncaring advice like " Oh,

it happens all the time. You need to just get over it. " or things like that.

My own mother even told me that... she had had many miscarriages when I was

a little girl, and I think that was just how she was forced to deal with it

back then. Just remember that other people are often uncomfortable with our

pain and don't know how to help us.

I am truly, terribly sorry, dear one. Don't circle the wagons... talk about

it with someone if you need to... allow yourself to grieve and to take time.

When you're ready to try again, you'll know.

Kris