How to encourage my girlfriend on WW?

[Guest guest]

Mitch has given excellent advice. Ask her what she needs from you...she'll let

you know.

Lyn,

[Guest guest]

Mitch has given excellent advice. Ask her what she needs from you...she'll let

you know.

Lyn,

[Guest guest]

My dh and I have a sort of code when we are out......he's the Food Police

and if we are at a funtion when we are talking, eating etc. and I am eating

and talking (not paying attention to what I am eating and just eating and

talking) he will say something like " one adam twelve " (cop show from the

1970's) or look at me and quietly make a siren noise.....lol......we are

just goofy in general. It's pretty rare that he has to do it, but like at a

buffet or something that is a real trigger for me it comes in handy......and

it's funny too! It's also code for family get togethers since his family

does not know I am doing WW.

But let me say that these are things that I have agreed to let him help me

with. I have asked him also to remove mindless eating things from me. Like

a bowl of chips that I woud mindlessly pick at, I have asked him to pick

them up and move them away (he does this causually as not to draw attention)

and if I decide I want more I can ask him to put some on my plate. But he

does not every take the lead in the matter of deciding how to help me as

that could be helpful.

Moe

Re: How to encourage my girlfriend on WW?

> Interesting question Dan - I struggle with the same

> issues with my wife. is a lifetime member who

> introduced me to weight watchers about 11 years ago

> (when I had some good success, but then stopped going

> and put the weight back on). Anyhow, 2 kids later, she

> had a good 25-30 pounds she wanted to get rid of (she's

> done real well - now she only needs to shed 5-10 more).

>

> But, she's not as " religious " about following the program

> as I am .... she'll " fudge " the point counts on things a

> little bit ... she'll workout 2 or 3 days and then not again

> for a week ... she'll not journal for 2 days and then try

> to remember everything she's eaten. Now, she's had success so

> I guess its' all working for her (although I think she could

> be more successful, if she was more diligent with the program)...

>

> The other day, she said that she's been really struggling the

> last week or two and she's going to get serious again. I asked

> her how can I be of the best support for her. She said, " just

> ask me how I'm doing once and a while " , " help me figure out

> the points on something when I ask " , " help guide me when we're

> in a restaurant as to what good choices might be " .... I really

> try hard not to impose MY WAY of doing the program on her ...

> because I know it wouldn't work for her personality (she's not

> as anal-retentive as I am about these thoughts of things) and

> because everyone has to find there own way with this thing. So,

> I guess my bottom-line, is ask her what will be of most help

> to her and then follow her lead... she'll either have success

> or she won't, but she needs to find that out on her own... Bugging

> her about her points, her exercise, or such when such " bugging "

> isn't welcome is counter-productive. You can continue to model

> positive WW behavior which she might pick up on, but you can't

> make her do things she's not ready to do. So, ask her what will

> help her & do them; don't do the things that bug her; do for yourself

> what you need to do; and continue to love her no matter what her

> level of WW success.

>

> Best,

> Mitch

>

>

>

> > Since I know most of the members of this group are of the female

> > persuasion, let me ask you all a question.

> > My girlfriend and I are both doing ww.

> > She is a " lifetime " member of WW and really introduced me to the

> > current WW system. (The last time I did ww, it counted exchanges.)

> > A few nights ago, she told me that it was really bugging her that I

> > asked her about her points so much. Typically I would ask if she had

> > stayed within her range, exercised, etc.

> > We have both been doing the program for about 7 weeks now. I have

> > lost 13 pounds, but she has only lost about 3.

> > I know it is harder for her to lose weight than it is for me, but

> > honestly I think she cheats herself. For example, if she eats

> > something that is borderline 2 or 3 points...she rounds down

> > everytime. Or when we look at a plate of food in a restaurant, she

> > will say " 6 points, " where I say " 8 points. "

> >

> > Also, her job requires quite a bit of travel, which we all know is

> > hazardous to someone trying to take off a few pounds.

> >

> >

> > So....my question is this:

> > How can I encourage my girlfriend to stay motivated, not cheat, and

> > make her feel good about herself?

> >

> > One closing thought....

> > Last night she saw a picture of herself from a few weeks ago. I was

> > reluctant to even show it to her because I knew it wasn't

> > flattering. When she saw it, her reaction was " oh my gosh! Do I

> > really look this fat? I'm going to put this on my refrigerator and

> > look at it next time I want ben and jerry's. " So I think that

> > encouraged her....even though it was encouragement in the negative

> > sense.

> >

> > In case you are wondering, I think my girlfriend looks great, and I

> > let her know that everytime I see her.

> >

> > Dan

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My dh and I have a sort of code when we are out......he's the Food Police

and if we are at a funtion when we are talking, eating etc. and I am eating

and talking (not paying attention to what I am eating and just eating and

talking) he will say something like " one adam twelve " (cop show from the

1970's) or look at me and quietly make a siren noise.....lol......we are

just goofy in general. It's pretty rare that he has to do it, but like at a

buffet or something that is a real trigger for me it comes in handy......and

it's funny too! It's also code for family get togethers since his family

does not know I am doing WW.

But let me say that these are things that I have agreed to let him help me

with. I have asked him also to remove mindless eating things from me. Like

a bowl of chips that I woud mindlessly pick at, I have asked him to pick

them up and move them away (he does this causually as not to draw attention)

and if I decide I want more I can ask him to put some on my plate. But he

does not every take the lead in the matter of deciding how to help me as

that could be helpful.

Moe

Re: How to encourage my girlfriend on WW?

> Interesting question Dan - I struggle with the same

> issues with my wife. is a lifetime member who

> introduced me to weight watchers about 11 years ago

> (when I had some good success, but then stopped going

> and put the weight back on). Anyhow, 2 kids later, she

> had a good 25-30 pounds she wanted to get rid of (she's

> done real well - now she only needs to shed 5-10 more).

>

> But, she's not as " religious " about following the program

> as I am .... she'll " fudge " the point counts on things a

> little bit ... she'll workout 2 or 3 days and then not again

> for a week ... she'll not journal for 2 days and then try

> to remember everything she's eaten. Now, she's had success so

> I guess its' all working for her (although I think she could

> be more successful, if she was more diligent with the program)...

>

> The other day, she said that she's been really struggling the

> last week or two and she's going to get serious again. I asked

> her how can I be of the best support for her. She said, " just

> ask me how I'm doing once and a while " , " help me figure out

> the points on something when I ask " , " help guide me when we're

> in a restaurant as to what good choices might be " .... I really

> try hard not to impose MY WAY of doing the program on her ...

> because I know it wouldn't work for her personality (she's not

> as anal-retentive as I am about these thoughts of things) and

> because everyone has to find there own way with this thing. So,

> I guess my bottom-line, is ask her what will be of most help

> to her and then follow her lead... she'll either have success

> or she won't, but she needs to find that out on her own... Bugging

> her about her points, her exercise, or such when such " bugging "

> isn't welcome is counter-productive. You can continue to model

> positive WW behavior which she might pick up on, but you can't

> make her do things she's not ready to do. So, ask her what will

> help her & do them; don't do the things that bug her; do for yourself

> what you need to do; and continue to love her no matter what her

> level of WW success.

>

> Best,

> Mitch

>

>

>

> > Since I know most of the members of this group are of the female

> > persuasion, let me ask you all a question.

> > My girlfriend and I are both doing ww.

> > She is a " lifetime " member of WW and really introduced me to the

> > current WW system. (The last time I did ww, it counted exchanges.)

> > A few nights ago, she told me that it was really bugging her that I

> > asked her about her points so much. Typically I would ask if she had

> > stayed within her range, exercised, etc.

> > We have both been doing the program for about 7 weeks now. I have

> > lost 13 pounds, but she has only lost about 3.

> > I know it is harder for her to lose weight than it is for me, but

> > honestly I think she cheats herself. For example, if she eats

> > something that is borderline 2 or 3 points...she rounds down

> > everytime. Or when we look at a plate of food in a restaurant, she

> > will say " 6 points, " where I say " 8 points. "

> >

> > Also, her job requires quite a bit of travel, which we all know is

> > hazardous to someone trying to take off a few pounds.

> >

> >

> > So....my question is this:

> > How can I encourage my girlfriend to stay motivated, not cheat, and

> > make her feel good about herself?

> >

> > One closing thought....

> > Last night she saw a picture of herself from a few weeks ago. I was

> > reluctant to even show it to her because I knew it wasn't

> > flattering. When she saw it, her reaction was " oh my gosh! Do I

> > really look this fat? I'm going to put this on my refrigerator and

> > look at it next time I want ben and jerry's. " So I think that

> > encouraged her....even though it was encouragement in the negative

> > sense.

> >

> > In case you are wondering, I think my girlfriend looks great, and I

> > let her know that everytime I see her.

> >

> > Dan

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My dh and I have a sort of code when we are out......he's the Food Police

and if we are at a funtion when we are talking, eating etc. and I am eating

and talking (not paying attention to what I am eating and just eating and

talking) he will say something like " one adam twelve " (cop show from the

1970's) or look at me and quietly make a siren noise.....lol......we are

just goofy in general. It's pretty rare that he has to do it, but like at a

buffet or something that is a real trigger for me it comes in handy......and

it's funny too! It's also code for family get togethers since his family

does not know I am doing WW.

But let me say that these are things that I have agreed to let him help me

with. I have asked him also to remove mindless eating things from me. Like

a bowl of chips that I woud mindlessly pick at, I have asked him to pick

them up and move them away (he does this causually as not to draw attention)

and if I decide I want more I can ask him to put some on my plate. But he

does not every take the lead in the matter of deciding how to help me as

that could be helpful.

Moe

Re: How to encourage my girlfriend on WW?

> Interesting question Dan - I struggle with the same

> issues with my wife. is a lifetime member who

> introduced me to weight watchers about 11 years ago

> (when I had some good success, but then stopped going

> and put the weight back on). Anyhow, 2 kids later, she

> had a good 25-30 pounds she wanted to get rid of (she's

> done real well - now she only needs to shed 5-10 more).

>

> But, she's not as " religious " about following the program

> as I am .... she'll " fudge " the point counts on things a

> little bit ... she'll workout 2 or 3 days and then not again

> for a week ... she'll not journal for 2 days and then try

> to remember everything she's eaten. Now, she's had success so

> I guess its' all working for her (although I think she could

> be more successful, if she was more diligent with the program)...

>

> The other day, she said that she's been really struggling the

> last week or two and she's going to get serious again. I asked

> her how can I be of the best support for her. She said, " just

> ask me how I'm doing once and a while " , " help me figure out

> the points on something when I ask " , " help guide me when we're

> in a restaurant as to what good choices might be " .... I really

> try hard not to impose MY WAY of doing the program on her ...

> because I know it wouldn't work for her personality (she's not

> as anal-retentive as I am about these thoughts of things) and

> because everyone has to find there own way with this thing. So,

> I guess my bottom-line, is ask her what will be of most help

> to her and then follow her lead... she'll either have success

> or she won't, but she needs to find that out on her own... Bugging

> her about her points, her exercise, or such when such " bugging "

> isn't welcome is counter-productive. You can continue to model

> positive WW behavior which she might pick up on, but you can't

> make her do things she's not ready to do. So, ask her what will

> help her & do them; don't do the things that bug her; do for yourself

> what you need to do; and continue to love her no matter what her

> level of WW success.

>

> Best,

> Mitch

>

>

>

> > Since I know most of the members of this group are of the female

> > persuasion, let me ask you all a question.

> > My girlfriend and I are both doing ww.

> > She is a " lifetime " member of WW and really introduced me to the

> > current WW system. (The last time I did ww, it counted exchanges.)

> > A few nights ago, she told me that it was really bugging her that I

> > asked her about her points so much. Typically I would ask if she had

> > stayed within her range, exercised, etc.

> > We have both been doing the program for about 7 weeks now. I have

> > lost 13 pounds, but she has only lost about 3.

> > I know it is harder for her to lose weight than it is for me, but

> > honestly I think she cheats herself. For example, if she eats

> > something that is borderline 2 or 3 points...she rounds down

> > everytime. Or when we look at a plate of food in a restaurant, she

> > will say " 6 points, " where I say " 8 points. "

> >

> > Also, her job requires quite a bit of travel, which we all know is

> > hazardous to someone trying to take off a few pounds.

> >

> >

> > So....my question is this:

> > How can I encourage my girlfriend to stay motivated, not cheat, and

> > make her feel good about herself?

> >

> > One closing thought....

> > Last night she saw a picture of herself from a few weeks ago. I was

> > reluctant to even show it to her because I knew it wasn't

> > flattering. When she saw it, her reaction was " oh my gosh! Do I

> > really look this fat? I'm going to put this on my refrigerator and

> > look at it next time I want ben and jerry's. " So I think that

> > encouraged her....even though it was encouragement in the negative

> > sense.

> >

> > In case you are wondering, I think my girlfriend looks great, and I

> > let her know that everytime I see her.

> >

> > Dan

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

[...]

>My girlfriend and I are both doing ww.

[...]

>A few nights ago, she told me that it was really bugging her that I

>asked her about her points so much.

[...]

>I know it is harder for her to lose weight than it is for me, but

>honestly I think she cheats herself.

[...]

>So....my question is this:

>How can I encourage my girlfriend to stay motivated, not cheat, and

>make her feel good about herself?

>Dan

This is going to sound really odd... find a book called " Don't Shoot the

Dog " by Pryor. It's about how to apply Skinner's theories of

learning in a practical context and many (but not all) of the examples it

uses are related to dog training. Read it, and apply the principles to

your girlfriend.

In a nutshell: Any action that is rewarded is more likely to be repeated.

The reward doesn't have to be directly related to the action. A positive

reward is much stronger than a negative deterrent.

For your purposes, you need to find out what your girlfriend really likes

and arrange to deliver it to her whenever she displays good WW habits.

Let's say she's on a tight budget, likes going to movies, and has been

pestering you to paint the fence. One day when she makes a good food

choice, immediately offer to take her to a movie tonight. When she

accurately estimates the point value of a food, tell her you've been

planning to paint the fence this weekend. (And follow through by actually

painting the fence.) Sometimes you have to start really small and reward

just the slightest improvement.

The key is to concentrate on the improvements. You've been inadvertently

punishing ( " negative deterrent " ) her by asking her about her points, which

she finds unpleasant.

There is a LOT more to this; nuances and timing, rewards and delays. If

you're really interested in helping her (and not just imposing your sense

of what she " ought " to be doing), this could be your solution.

In the dog-training community it's called " clicker training " . But it works

equally well on humans. But don't tell my husband I said that, okay? ;-)

Donna in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

Donna.Hrynkiw@...

Sept. 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day, matey!

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

[Guest guest]

Donna....wish you lived next door to me. I could see us having great

discussions!!! Pryor's book is another of my favorites. I do clicker

train my dog, and it works, and I do apply this same theory with my son. I've

never really thought to do it with others...what a novel idea!

In agreement with Donna again,

Lyn

This is going to sound really odd... find a book called " Don't Shoot the

Dog " by Pryor. It's about how to apply Skinner's theories of

learning

[Guest guest]

Donna....wish you lived next door to me. I could see us having great

discussions!!! Pryor's book is another of my favorites. I do clicker

train my dog, and it works, and I do apply this same theory with my son. I've

never really thought to do it with others...what a novel idea!

In agreement with Donna again,

Lyn

This is going to sound really odd... find a book called " Don't Shoot the

Dog " by Pryor. It's about how to apply Skinner's theories of

learning

[Guest guest]

Donna....wish you lived next door to me. I could see us having great

discussions!!! Pryor's book is another of my favorites. I do clicker

train my dog, and it works, and I do apply this same theory with my son. I've

never really thought to do it with others...what a novel idea!

In agreement with Donna again,

Lyn

This is going to sound really odd... find a book called " Don't Shoot the

Dog " by Pryor. It's about how to apply Skinner's theories of

learning

[Guest guest]

>Donna....wish you lived next door to me. I could see us having great

>discussions!!! Pryor's book is another of my favorites. I do

clicker

>train my dog, and it works, and I do apply this same theory with my son.

I've

>never really thought to do it with others...what a novel idea!

>Lyn

Yes, you can definitely use it on others -- children, adults, dogs,

horses, even teenagers! I used it to turn off well-meaning but irritating

comments from my mother-in-law. Someone here might be able to use it to

deal with unsupportive (WW-wise) family members.

According to some, you're supposed to be able to use the technique on

*yourself*, but that's never quite made sense to me.

(We're talking about " Don't Shoot the Dog " by Pryor.

http://www.clickertraining.com/store/?item=clickerbooks )

Donna in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

Donna.Hrynkiw@...

Sept. 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day, matey!

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

[Guest guest]

>Donna....wish you lived next door to me. I could see us having great

>discussions!!! Pryor's book is another of my favorites. I do

clicker

>train my dog, and it works, and I do apply this same theory with my son.

I've

>never really thought to do it with others...what a novel idea!

>Lyn

Yes, you can definitely use it on others -- children, adults, dogs,

horses, even teenagers! I used it to turn off well-meaning but irritating

comments from my mother-in-law. Someone here might be able to use it to

deal with unsupportive (WW-wise) family members.

According to some, you're supposed to be able to use the technique on

*yourself*, but that's never quite made sense to me.

(We're talking about " Don't Shoot the Dog " by Pryor.

http://www.clickertraining.com/store/?item=clickerbooks )

Donna in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

Donna.Hrynkiw@...

Sept. 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day, matey!

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html