Re: Alison just don't know

[Guest guest]

--- abbuttercup55 <abbuttercup55@...> a écrit :

hi~

i just don't know what to do anymore. i'm so sick of being sick and

there's nothing that anyone can do. i can't get in to see a

rheumatologist until March 6th, so until then i can't do anything. i

can barely even get out of my bed and i can't take it anymore. i feel

like i'm being lazy, and i know that i'm not. i'm trying to go to

college, but not being able to go to classes makes it so much harder.

i don't think that anyone understands where i'm coming from. it seems

like i can't do right by anyone. it also seems like these DD's will

never stop. CFS was the beginning, then the RA and now the FM. i know

that it could be worse, but is this ever going to end? i also hate

feeling bad about myself, but the more i stay in bed the worse i feel.

i know that i should just be happy to be alive, and i am, but i can't

do anything like all of my friends can.

i called my doctor again today and he says that there's nothing he can

do until i go to the specialists. so i guess i just have to sit around

on my butt until then. i try to get outside everyday, but it doesn't

seem to work so i sit by a window with the sun. well, i guess i just

needed to vent, i'm beginning to feel so helpless. thanks for listening

ali

==================

Dear Alison,

A few things are obvious to me:

1- Change your General Practitioner. Ask for a 1 month prescription of

Relafen for the pain and inflammation of arthritis. There is no reason

why you should stand in pain while waiting for a rheumatologist's

appointment.

Acetaminophen and Acetaminophen with codeine do a lot for pain. Go get

some in a drug store. Ask for a prescription when you see a doctor, but

get some right now.

2- Some Rheumatologists are a disappointment. Mention the O'Dell Study

and ask for a prescription of Minocin (every 12 hours, every day),

along with a good NSAID, such as Relafen, Voltaren or Indocid. Avoid

Celebrex and Vioxx, at least for now.

Prepare a list of things to discuss with the Rheumatologist.

3- You will have to take a break from college. Ask for a letter from

the Rheumatologist stating the nature of your diagnosis.

Annex a copy of the medical diagnosis to the written request to suspend

your registration until such time (6-12 months) that your disease can

be brought under control.

Although this is new to you, and overwhelming, college administrators

are long time professors who see a dozen such cases every year. Ask for

their guidance if you are unsure about what procedures to follow and

what forms to fill. They will be happy to help.

4- You will have to put some distance between you and your friends. You

have a different life to live. They don't understand you because it's

not their problem. Don't deny your illness -AND- the consequences that

it will have on you. Arthritis will change your life.

5- At best, you can stabilize your disease in the coming months.

Hopefully, you will be able to swim regularly, bike and take long

walks. Acknowledge that your relationship will come under a great deal

of stress. Few people, especially 20 year olds, want to act as a nurse.

A love relationship is for healthy people. At 20, most people want to

marry and have children with a healthy spouse. For the time being, you

don't qualify. Acknowledge that much. Maybe, in the coming months, if

you can bring your disease under control, you will be able to re-ignite

your relationship -or- start a new one.

6- Contrary to most people, I don't believe that venting is useful.

What you need to do is to read about your disease, the O'Dell Study,

the use of antibiotics, etc. Act now, and take charge of your disease.

Do all that you can to bring your disease under control.

Pierre

Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis, 21-24 Years

Antibiotics, 41 Months

==================

hi~ i am new to this group. my name is alison and i am 20 yrs old. i

was diagnosed with CFS last April and with RA in October. i am trying

to go to college part-time, but it's seeming to be really hard. i

don't think that i am dealing with this illness too well. i can't seem

to come to terms with the fact that i actually have it and am not able

to go out and do the things that i want to do. right now i think that

i am in a flare-up, i haven't been able to get out of bed for days.

does anyone have any advice? i am hoping that through talking with

others with this illness i will be able to cope with it better

i am engaged and am living in VT. i go to school in NH and have an

apartment through the university. my roomates treat me really well and

seem to understand what i have, but others don't. i feel as though

i've lost a lot of 'friends' since i've been sick. i hardly even talk

to anyone that i used to. i always had a lot of 'friends' in high

school and my first couple of years of college, but since i've been

sick people have seemed to abandoned me.

what do you guys do while you are in bed? i try to crochet and cross-

stitch, but i can't do it for long periods of time. i am getting sick

of tv, but it's the only thing that seems to keep me company when i'm

alone

well, this was longer than i thought

Alison

__________________________________________________________

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courriel..ca

[Guest guest]

Ali,

About the fiancé problems...

I don't know your religious beliefs, or if you have any, but marriage, with

or without faith, is a study in commitment; engagement is not. Engagement is

a study in learning about each other. Engagement evaluates each party's

character and ability to make and see commitment through to the end.

Our society has fiddled a lot with these things: people living together,

engaging in pre/extra-marital sex, etc. But the way it is " supposed " to work

is that when people " engage " they commit to learning about each other with

the intent to marry. Call it, " Dating with purpose. "

The responsibilities of marriage are wholly different than those of

engagement. Once you feel you know each other's character adequately to

determine if each of you is worthy of the sort of trust and dependency that

marriage entails, only then do you proceed to marriage and only with

marriage are the commitments you seek made.

The commitment to you from the human sector is due not from a fiancé, not

from a friend, not from paid help such as doctors and nurses; the commitment

you seek today is due to you, and you have a right to both expect and demand

it from... your parents.

That is their commitment stemming from their marriage and your birth.

Whether or not they are worthy to the task is another issue altogether.

Yes, marriage is a contract, an intimate contract, binding between two

people. It is totally inappropriate of either of you to ask, demand or

expect the other to act as if you are married in *any* way; that includes

sex, support, and the commitment of " in sickness and in health until death

do us part. "

You are able to take a measure of your fiancé through this: If he wishes to

handle this issue voluntarily, you have one measure, if not, another. But

before you determine what your measure is, you must know from him what his

intent is. Remember, he too is taking measure of you through this as well.

What you see and think from your perspective may or may not be accurate. A

failure to act does not necessarily mean a failure to love, it may be a

test, it may be the handling of a commitment elsewhere; there are as many

alternatives as there are people in the world so don't assume you know the

answer.

How he treats his parents and yours is yet another measure. There are many,

many more.

We all get fat, ugly, bald, droopy and somewhat less than attractive as we

age. What you marry, and what carries your marriage, is character, and that

is one of the many critical things you are measuring during engagement.

Regardless, your concentration at this time has been altered by

circumstances which may or may not have been beyond your control. Today you

have an opportunity to influence these circumstances; the decisions you make

today will effect your life for longer than you have been alive... thus the

decisions are extremely serious. While counsel is necessary, it would be

utter foolishness to give the " decision " to any other person, parent,

physician, or trusted friend. In the end, you must consider the information,

make the effort to trudge through the ideas, and make a decision which

ultimately may determine if you live to be 50 or more, if you walk, if you

marry, if you have children, etc.

Circumstance has forced you from childhood to adulthood. It is seldom an

easy journey, many remain children all their lives. You, probably, will not.

It's the old story of 18 year-old men and 48-year old boys, people mature

differently by circumstance and decision.

This decision looms large, yes, but believe it or not, it is less weighty

than the choice of a spouse... an example of how skewed things truly are in

our society today.

Geoff

soli Deo gloria

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