Re: Question About AV Therapist

January 21, 2004

In a message dated 1/21/2004 11:02:04 AM Eastern Standard Time,

design@... writes:

> Ian and his AV therapist really just don't click. For some reason Ian

> acts so different the minute we walk into the building.

________________________________

Having been to literally dozens of doctors and professionals over the years I

know exactly what you mean here. And my advice -- find another AV therapist.

If this has been going on for a while and there is nothing to be worked out,

then stop trying. Find someone your son is comfortable with. It is not just you

who is suffering from this. He is not feeling successful with her, he is

hearing you being told that you are not a good parent -- this cannot be working

well for him on many levels.

Our Ian would reacted like this with one of the SpecEd teachers ... she was

strict, unsympathetic, and had an attitude from the first time we met her.

Later I found out that she would yell at Ian (when I was not around) and tell

him

he was lazy and not working hard enough. She said (screamed) that his hearing

loss was just the excuse he used to get out of work. Her attitude ensured that

there could be no progress.

I had the usual meetings trying to work it out. She justified her attitude as

being " strict " and denied the screaming. We pointed out that it was NOT our

son who had told us about the yelling but the mother of a child in the next

classroom. At first they refused to make the change. So I offered to have that

parent write a letter so that I could make these meetings more formal and

perhaps pursue disciplinary action. I got my way ... and my son started,

amazingly,

to show progress with a different teacher.

-- Jill

January 21, 2004

,

Take it from me, the relationship between the child and therapist is just as

important if not more than how good the therapist is. If he is acting up around

her he is probably getting the same feeling of negativity that you are getting

from her and that just makes him want to try less rather than more. I would

highly suggest getting someone he does like but stop going to that therapist.

If he doesn't like her and there is a clear change in his behavior when he sees

her, he is not living up to his potential. This should be remadied asap.

Trust me I know what you mean about not having the time. I am a stay at home

mom of two children with special needs, Andy had 2 surgeries last year, and

actually one at the end of 2002, had surgery, and I had surgery. Between

therapy and school and doctors appointments and all this stuff, it really has

become so much to handle. I often say that I need a secretary, and honestly I

do. Not that we could afford one, but I could use one more than many people who

actually have one. You wouldn't believe the amount of appointments we have

every week and we have one car for the moment. We actually got our second car

which was very cheap and broke, about 6 months ago, before that my hubby had to

take off for every single appointment to take us to our appointments. We are

working on getting the other car fixed which is what we refer to as a

transportation car, strictly for transporting him to and from work. Trust me it

has no amenaties, it has no radio, it is actually missing a window when someone

broke in to try to steal the radio that wasn't fully installed because it

wouldn't work, and the kicker is that (excuse the yelling) THE DOOR WAS

UNLOCKED. Anyway that is beside the point.

My point is we all feel like we need to do more even though everyone in my life

says I am doing way too much and need to focus on my own health (yea

right...lol. I am trying though). That is the point though I always have to do

more, and I feel like I am a bad mother for not doing enough. You are not a bad

mother. You can't do more, you are working more than full time, and dealing

with a child with special needs and another child who you are perfectly right

not to ignore and focus on your other child all the time. You can't do it all.

you work in your own therapy when you can but all you can do is make sure the

people he is with during the day while you are at work are working with him and

he is getting what he needs through school and therapy. Apparently that is why

you are here, you know that he isn't getting what he needs through therapy and

it isn't your fault, it is the therapist, he doesn't like her and won't perform

for her, so get someone else. I've been there and it worked out great. She may

be a good therapist, but she doesn't get along with your son, and he doesn't

perform, so she thinks he is not doing well and blames you which just isn't

right. You know that isn't the case, you see the difference in him.

Go for it, take him out of there, put your mind at ease. Don't worry about what

everyone else says about her being a great therapist, if your son doesn't like

her he won't do his best and that is the bottom line.

Question About AV Therapist

January 21, 2004

Thanks for your advice & Jill. You guys are so nice for

helping & sharing. This group is an answered prayer for me.

Sincerely,

On Wednesday, January 21, 2004, at 10:18 AM, JOSEPH ENRIQUEZ wrote:

> ,

> Take it from me, the relationship between the child and therapist is

> just as important if not more than how good the therapist is. If he

> is acting up around her he is probably getting the same feeling of

> negativity that you are getting from her and that just makes him want

> to try less rather than more. I would highly suggest getting someone

> he does like but stop going to that therapist. If he doesn't like her

> and there is a clear change in his behavior when he sees her, he is

> not living up to his potential. This should be remadied asap.

> Trust me I know what you mean about not having the time. I am a stay

> at home mom of two children with special needs, Andy had 2 surgeries

> last year, and actually one at the end of 2002, had surgery, and

> I had surgery. Between therapy and school and doctors appointments

> and all this stuff, it really has become so much to handle. I often

> say that I need a secretary, and honestly I do. Not that we could

> afford one, but I could use one more than many people who actually

> have one. You wouldn't believe the amount of appointments we have

> every week and we have one car for the moment. We actually got our

> second car which was very cheap and broke, about 6 months ago, before

> that my hubby had to take off for every single appointment to take us

> to our appointments. We are working on getting the other car fixed

> which is what we refer to as a transportation car, strictly for

> transporting him to and from work. Trust me it has no amenaties, it

> has no radio, it is actually missing a window when someone broke in to

> try to steal the radio that wasn't fully installed because it wouldn't

> work, and the kicker is that (excuse the yelling) THE DOOR WAS

> UNLOCKED. Anyway that is beside the point.

> My point is we all feel like we need to do more even though everyone

> in my life says I am doing way too much and need to focus on my own

> health (yea right...lol. I am trying though). That is the point

> though I always have to do more, and I feel like I am a bad mother for

> not doing enough. You are not a bad mother. You can't do more, you

> are working more than full time, and dealing with a child with special

> needs and another child who you are perfectly right not to ignore and

> focus on your other child all the time. You can't do it all. you

> work in your own therapy when you can but all you can do is make sure

> the people he is with during the day while you are at work are working

> with him and he is getting what he needs through school and therapy.

> Apparently that is why you are here, you know that he isn't getting

> what he needs through therapy and it isn't your fault, it is the

> therapist, he doesn't like her and won't perform for her, so get

> someone else. I've been there and it worked out great. She may be a

> good therapist, but she doesn't get along with your son, and he

> doesn't perform, so she thinks he is not doing well and blames you

> which just isn't right. You know that isn't the case, you see the

> difference in him.

> Go for it, take him out of there, put your mind at ease. Don't worry

> about what everyone else says about her being a great therapist, if

> your son doesn't like her he won't do his best and that is the bottom

> line.

>

> Question About AV Therapist

>

January 21, 2004

,

Have you had a private talk with the AVT (sorry, i may have missed this in an

earlier post?) Early on in the sessions with our AVT, we always had the option

to schedule some adult time with her, especially as a way for my husband to feel

more involved (since I was the one at the sessions). After all, it is a family

centered approach! I email our wonderful AVT all the time, but I know she would

be willing to meet privately or have a phone meeting if I ever wanted to. While

I agree with everyone that it is imperative to have a good working relationship

with any therapist, I think it's also important to discuss concerns with the

actual person. Even if you move on to someone else, it's professional to have

the discussion about why it's not working for you. I had to have that tough

conversation with a music therapist this summer; it wasn't something I looked

forward to doing, but we all did feel better in the end (and interesting enough,

I've stayed in touch with her even though we are no longer meeting with her!).

Kerry

> I am waking up at night over this.... that's why I am sharing with you

> guys. I know with all of the experience here in this group someone

> could share some advise that could possibly help us.

>

> Ian and his AV therapist really just don't click. For some reason Ian

> acts so different the minute we walk into the building. He clams up

> and/or he acts out around her (won't sit still, acts very silly) – &

> she does not have a very understanding way about her when it comes to

> this. He does not seem to like her, and rarely performs well for her.

> She tends to make me believe that I don't do enough with Ian... but

> believe me I do all I can. I work full-time, plus do freelance jobs to

> try to make ends meet. Also we have an 8 year old daughter who has

> homework every night. I really do what I can for Ian, and he is

> progressing, however is still lacking in speech skills I know. I leave

> the session every week feeling like Ian is not doing well and I am a

> bad parent. However the teacher at MDO says he's doing GREAT! She said

> he is talking in sentences and calling the children by name.

>

> Ian 3.8 yrs (Moderate/Severe HA)

> Emma 8 (Hearing)

>

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>

January 21, 2004