squishing a mega flea - my individualitry

[Guest guest]

Hey Guys,

There is another thread going about this same topic that is exciting and

interesting, but I wanted to start my own because I had SUCH a revelation. .

..

I'm reading a book by a woman who overcame addition by controlling her

thinking. When she has a thought that bothers her, the first thing she does

is to try to determine if the thought is totally TRUE.

So I tried this on a thought that causes me nothing but problems. Of course,

as a KO, I was raised to believe that I am nothing but a reflection and

extension of my parents. Anything good belongs to them. Any acheivement

belongs to them. Anything and everything about me that makes me good, fun,

interesting, effective or human is a direct result of them. In other words,

I can't take credit for my own accomplishments. That's my thought that is

played out over and over and over and over. If I want to do something they

aren't good at or arent' interested in, too bad, its never going to happen

because I'm not allowed a separate identity.

Wow, shitty thought, right? Especially when the standard is set by someone

you haven't spoken to in nearly 8 years.

So I started asking myself - what evidence do I have that a child is a

reflection of their parents in each and every way? I started by looking at

my boyfriend. He is an accomplished artist, ;he's gentle, compassionate,

loves animals and has the firm life long goal of being a painter. He will

sacrifice physical comfort, financial stability and fun in the sun to reach

that goal. I love that. So then I looked at his parents. His mom is sweet

but a bit of a ding bat. She loves art but paints maybe 2 times per year,

always flowers or very safe images. She is really just interested in her

religion and nothing much else. Then his dad - an ardent

capitolist, something is only as valuable as how much money it brings in, or

if its sanctioned by his church, and he hates animals. Does this sound like

my sweetie? No, so clearly the theorum isn't holdig up. Okay,

Next - I look at you guys. Are you like your nadas? Do you parent like she

did? Will you sacrifice your child at the alter of mental illness? No. Okay.

What about Mark Twain, Shakespeare, Picasso, Bill Clinton, Martha

Washington. . . or any American teenager on the planet. Nope, they all had

their own identities, drives, acheivements and lived within the culture of

their own generation too.

So I guess my belief that what I acheive belongs to nada, and that I am held

back by my parents interests, fears and goals is not true.

Haha so dumb that it took me so long to get there. May we heal, Girlscout