UPDATE ON MY FRIEND

[Guest guest]

First of all, let me express my apologies for not individually answering each of your responses to my call for help for my friend, Pat. I sent that post to the 3 different bc groups I belong to - and received well over 100 responses.Thus, I hope I'll be forgiven this group reply.

TO THE NEWBIES, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU FEEL IT WILL SCARE YOU. IT IS ABOUT A WOMAN WHO IS DYING FROM BC. HOWEVER, I WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO SKIP DOWN AND READ THE LAST PARAGRAPH BECAUSE I THINK YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS TRAGIC STORY.

The situation has deteriorated dramatically since I posted - which was, I think, on Monday night. I had talked to Pat Monday night and she informed me that the cancer was now in both lungs, in her liver, with skin mets, also a large tumor at her collarbone. She was lucid and

insisted that she was not ready to die and wanted me to research her options - thus my post to you.

Later Monday night - actually early Tuesday morning - Pat suffered another episode of heart failure. Her 23 year old son, , called to update me. It seems that he returned to South Carolina in the nick of time. He told me that Pat started suffering tremendous back pain on Tuesday morning which he or someone is attributing to the liver cancer????? I'm not sure this is factual - I mean, the pain is, but I'm not sure of the cause. She also has a wracking cough which causes her unbearable pain - in addition to the cancer in both lungs, she also has a staph infection and pneumonia, which has been very resistant to treatment.

That morning (Tuesday) she signed a DNR. Prior to that, though, her oncologist finally showed up and met with Pat and her son. He told Pat that she was far too sick to endure any further treatment. Privately he told that he would be shocked if Pat lasted another 4 weeks.

Due to the severity of the pain, Pat is now on a morphine drip and is no longer able to speak on the phone, etc. She is being moved from the hospital back to her nursing home, HOWEVER, she is now under the care of Hospice. I am feeling pretty secure that they will manage her pain effectively. I talked with them at length today and was assured that their main priority is to keep Pat comfortable.

A couple of her family members are coming in for a few days - but that's all she has. She worked for years and was greatly admired by her coworkers. I've called the manager and they are making a schedule of visits so that she will have someone with her on a regular basis.

It seems to me that this episode of heart failure pretty much guarantees that there is no chance of further treatment. Also, she really is no longer able to make decisions (due to being heavily sedated) for herself.

To all of you who wrote with suggestions, prayers, encouragement - I cannot thank you enough. Your immediate response to a call for help for a stranger is testimony to the caring souls each of you possess. You are all angels.

NOW, PERHAPS A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR THE NEWBIES. My 46 year old friend, Pat shouldn't be dying today - at least in my opinion. She was diagnosed just a little over a year ago with ductal carcinoma. Her onc put her on lo-dose taxol for 15 weeks. In that time, her tumor shrunk only slightly. It must have been pretty lo-dose because Pat never suffered a side effect. Her energy level was slightly down - but that was it. I encouraged her to get a 2nd opinion - as did many, many others. But Pat is a loyal Southern Belle who put complete faith in her doctor. When she expressed concerns to him, he would take hold of her hand and tell her that she shouldn't worry - as he was taking care of her. She literally has loved that doctor to death. I could go on and recite a litany of errors that I believe were made in her care. But there's little point.

One of the things that I had been trying to get Pat to do for over a year was to join one of our groups. I thought that if she read about the treatment plans of others, she might start getting a hint that her treatment was not "state of the art". But she was too frightened to join a group. She didn't want to hear about cancer - she was living cancer. So, I encourage the newbies to stay in a group. Stay connected to other women going through treatment. And question your doctor. And NEVER be afraid to get a 2nd opinion. I begged Pat to do that, but she didn't want to hurt her onc's feelings. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. The impact of that statement is chilling.

Again, my profound thanks to each and every one of you who wrote to me on behalf of Pat.

Warm regards,

Ann

Diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer (Stage IIIB) at age 52 - 8/16/99 Treatment began 8/17/99 - 5 days after noticing symptoms 4 rounds Adriamyacin & Taxotere Bilateral mastectomies Taxol every 3 weeks for 4 months 36 rounds radiation 6 months weekly herceptin NED - and praying that each of you will be, too.

Happily married for 29 years

Two beautiful daughters (now grown - sort of)

Also have 4 adorable catsNow designing/sewing and Selling (God willing) chemo hats, check me out at: http://www.cjhats.com

OR, If you prefer eBay:

http://stores.ebay.com/cjhats

I also sell (on my website only) Comfort Pockets - for post surgical drains

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